Here I am at 1 year post op!! So happy! - Arlington Heights, IL

In the past year I have lost over 50lbs and actually hit my 100lb weight loss mark. I am ready to have a flat tummy. Haven't had one since high school. I've wanted this for so long and have worked so hard to get to this point.

I'm looking forward to being a smaller size, seeing past my belly when I look down(though I'm getting breast implants too, so that probably won't happen!), and being more self confident!

I'm scared and nervous but extremely excited. I've had three C-sections, so I think I'm somewhat prepared for recovery and how to move and how not to move. Reading other people experiences is really helpful, so I thought I would share my experience too.

I'm so excited and nervous. I keep thinking about this. I'm much more nervous about the healing process from the TT then from the BA. I'm doing both at once so that I will have one healing time, rather then two. I'm pretty healthy and usually heal pretty well, so I'm not worried about getting through the healing, but more the pain and the drains. I'm not the hardiest person and even just reading about the drains makes me woozy! LOL! I think I'm thinking more into it then it will be.

I've started making lists of what I will need and what I will need to do before surgery. I have some phone calls to make today to set up more doctor appointments and to make my pre-op appt. Probably some time next week. (I just typed year, which would have been correct too! LOL). My husband brought the recliner upstairs to the living room and I'm making sure I get it for at least a week after surgery. I'm worried about my cats jumping up on me, they like to sit on me. I will make sure I have a pillow on me at all times when I'm laying or sitting down. I remember using a pillow to press into my c-section if I needed to cough or sneeze and that helped a lot, so I will make sure I do the same with this.

I'm trying to keep up with my workout's and trying to eat healthy. Doesn't help that I just quit smoking for this procedure. (Excellent motivation!). I've been doing okay, not having too many cravings, but still having the anxiety of quitting. I'm five days in for that. Totally worth it.

Okay, made my appointments for Mammogram and EKG and gave my prescription sheet to Walgreens. I will make my pre-op appt for all the blood work after the first. Everything is getting going!

Picked up all my prescriptions today. Can't believe I'm three weeks out! Getting more and more excited. Writing down questions to ask the nurses and/or doctor, making lists, getting everything together that I will need before and after surgery. Got my dry shampoo, Dial soap, OTC medications, though still have to get Tylenol. Getting together towels for on my recliner, in case of any mishaps! (My daughter does hair, so many of my towels have dye stains on them!). Got my big cups with straws in them for my water. Have a big ice pack in the freezer and my smaller ice bag ready to go. Checking what kind of jello I have so that I can make a bunch a couple of days before surgery.

I keep asking my son if he has any questions. He is 16 and really doesn't want to know, but he is supportive and I know whatever I need, he will be there for me. My sister is spending the day after with me to kind of give my husband a break. The only thing I really want to get is a couple of books to read to have something to pass the time. Though I'm thinking in the beginning, I will be very tired and sleep a lot.

I keep wondering what size I will be when this is all said and done. I would love to go get some post surgery panties but I really don't know what size I will be. I will ask when I go for my sizing for the BA. It's weird, I try to visualize what I'm going to look like and I just have no idea. Everyone's after pictures look so great, I'm just hoping for the best. I'm ready for the swelling and the draining and the pain. I've dealt with most of this before with my c-sections. I can do this! I'm also trying to think of what to do when I start to feel better. I tend to push myself and I don't want to do that. I'm going to get some crossword puzzle books and other things to do to keep the boredom at bay so that maybe I won't push myself into doing things too quickly.

I went out and bought a robe that zips up the front and a house dress that zips up the front. I figure they will be easiest for going to the bathroom and taking off to do a sponge bath or take care of the drains and what not. They aren't pretty, but they will do. I don't plan on going out in them! LOL! I can give them to my great grandmother when I'm done with them.

I think I keep saying how nervous I am that something will go wrong with any of my pre-op stuff and my surgery will be postponed. I'm so ready for everything to be over so that I'm just waiting for the surgery, though it may be a good thing that I'm stressing about other things and not thinking about what is going to happen to me! Though I do look at the end result and I'm keeping my head clear about all the swelling, possible bouts of depression, not being able to do too much for a time. I'm not worried about pain, I've been through 3 c-sections, so I'm prepared mentally for this. I've read that people are getting or renting walkers and I'm thinking that isn't such a bad idea. I could have used one for getting up after my c-sections! So, I might put a call out to my friends to see who has one.

My PS said they wanted pre-op done not less then 2 weeks before the surgery and all my stuff is scheduled for about a week and a half before. I'm praying this isn't an issue and that my mammo goes off without a hitch. I'm not worried that anything will be found, but what if the radiologist "finds" something? And then I have to reschedule! I guess I just have to wait and see. I won't know until it happens. I am going to call my regular doctors and see if I can come in early for my blood work to be done. I have an appointment on Friday, but I'm going to see if I can just come in and get the blood work done, then I will feel so much better. My doctors office is notorious for being VERY slow and not the best, but it's what is covered under my insurance. Oh well, I'm going to try to let it go and just relax. I think I need to go work out!

Had my sizing appointment today, but the interesting thing was that my stomach muscles are extremely separated, at least 6! I was told that my stomach will be very sore and very tight after surgery, which I will deal with! It's going to be awesome having a tight flat stomach. I go tomorrow for EKG and Mammo and blood work. Just need to get through those and then I'm on for 2 weeks, the 21st! I'm so excited!

Okay, got through the EKG and I know that went well. Did the mammogram, which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Now I just have to wait for the results and hopefully they will be good so then we're on! I was so anxious last night I barely slept. What the heck am I going to be like the night before the surgery?? I have to laugh at myself. I will sleep good tonight. I've done everything I was supposed to do, so it is out of my hands. I will just be very relieved when I hear I have the green light.

Trying to get good work out's in before I go in. It's going to be so hard to not do anything for so long, but completely worth it!

So,as I've looked back over my review, I realized that I really didn't say much about myself. I wasn't sure what to write when I first started this, after reading others reviews, I have a better idea. I'm 44 and have 2 kids. My daughter is 20, my son is 16. I gained quite a bit of weight with each pregnancy, though more with my son, who weighted a whopping 12 pounds at birth! And then I didn't lose any of the weight until years later and actually gained. I wound up with Type II diabetes, which was a huge shock considering I worked summers at an ice cream trailer and ate ice cream nearly every day! Really shocked that my weight was up to244! DUH! Being diagnosed with diabetes was the best thing to ever happen to me! It saved my life. I lost 30lbs immediately,(this is back in 2008), and then over the next three years, I lost an additional 10lbs. (I never put the other weight back on). Well, 2012 was the year that things clicked for me. I was tired of being the "fat one", the biggest sister(and I'm the youngest!). So, I started counting calories and working out and lost 50lbs! And I'm still going. I feel great! Though now I see the tummy I can't lose, which is from my abs being so stretched out. I've also always been small chested, even at my heaviest! So, I'm getting bigger breasts too! I figure I might as well get everything done at once. One healing time and right now I'm not working and my husband is available to take care of me for as long as it takes and my sister lives two houses away and can come visit and take care of me after work if I need it, it's the best time.

I'm just worried right now about my mammo coming back clean and getting the green light! Once that is done, I'm on my way. I'm hoping the results come in tomorrow. Today would be great but I'm not holding my breath. I'm actually thinking the worst and thinking that my surgery will be postponed. Trying to prepare myself. My stomach is in knots waiting! BLAH!

Thanks for reading!

Got my results for the mammo and my fears were confirmed, though surgery isn't postponed and it shouldn't be. The radiologist found focal asymmetry, which is probably just dense tissue since there is no prior mammo to compare it too. I'm honestly not worried that something will be found, I'm just frustrated that I have to get further testing. I go next Tuesday and my ps office told me that they can get the results the same day. And that they aren't going to change the date of my surgery. They are just as confident as I am that there is nothing to be found. So, now I have just as much anxiety but I have thought that the good part of this is that I'm stressing over a mammogram and not major surgery. I will only have six days to stress about that. I'm going to go out tomorrow night and celebrate what my niece is calling my "B"day. I'm just going to proceed as if the surgery is a definite since I really do think it will happen.

Thanks for the comments and support!

Well, go for my last test tomorrow, for the spot compression for my right breast and then I am on my way. I'm starting to get nervous. I want this and am going to love it, but I'm getting the cold feet everyone has talked about. Been feeling sick to my stomach last couple of days. Don't think I'm fighting anything, don't feel sick otherwise, I think it's just getting real. I can't believe that in a week I will be "on the flat side" and have boobs! My whole life is going to change. I keep visualizing what I'm going to wear. I'm excited to shop, but have no idea what size I will actually be when all is said and done, so I'm going to wait about two and a half months. Thankfully I have some jeans from my sister who is very petite. I can fit in them, but they are snug, so I figure they should fit well in awhile and they should hold me over until I can do some real shopping. I'm also excited because I have a wedding to go to in April and I will be able to get a knock out dress for that! I'm so happy I won't look like a potato with arms and legs anymore!

Okay, so I've started cooking and freezing some meals for the hubby. Thankfully he and my son can fend for themselves pretty well. I'm planning on making a bunch of jello over the weekend and I've already talked to my son about making me smoothies once in awhile. I have my whey protein powder, so I figure that will be a good thing. I bought an "old lady" nightgown with a zipper up the front and pockets and I'm wondering if I should bring that with to surgery so they can put it on me afterwards. I don't know if I'm going to fell like changing once I get home. I will also be wearing a pair of yoga pants. Another thing I'm worried about is that after my c-sections, I got what the doctor called "Barney Rubble" feet! LOL! I swell! I wonder if my shoes will fit afterward. I can't remember how long it took for them to swell. I will ask my husband to bring an old pair of his slippers. That should work. We have an hour ride home after surgery, so I'm making a list of things to bring in the truck! So many things to think about!

Got the absolute go ahead today! I can't wait! I went and bought stool softener and Smooth Move tea today. I want to make sure all my bases are covered! I"m trying to make sure I have everything ready that I will need for before, during and after! I'm so ready for this, now I just need to keep myself busy. Tomorrow will be a cleaning day, actually every day until surgery will be cleaning days! Just to keep myself busy! I'm so excited!!!!

Another new thing! Now my PS wants me on oxygen for a week after surgery. It's because I've only been not smoking for a month. I was skeptical, especially since I have to pay for anything extra out of my pocket. But the cost is really rather minimal, so I agreed. I suppose that it should make my healing that much better. Can't be too bad getting pure oxygen after major surgery. At least I hope not. I'm gong to have to research this. Five more days! I'm very excited!

Okay, getting more and more excited! Though I watched some YouTube video's, (nothing gross, couldn't handle that!), but I did watch one where the woman got her bandage off and was seeing her tummy and scar for the first time and I got woozy! LOL! I don't think I will be looking at my incision for awhile once it's done. But that's okay, my hubby will be doing the drain and cleaning it. The only thing I worry about with him is that he thinks the recovery is going to be a piece of cake, which it might be, but I'm anticipating the worst and preparing for it. I will continue to talk to him about it so he knows what could possibly happen. He will be great, he has taken care of me before. I had an ectopic years ago and it was bad and he took care of me completely. I know if he could do that, he can handle this!

I'm taking baths every night since I won't be able to for quite some time! I made jello today and I'm cleaning and trying to get everything ready. Though I have to quit eating so much! I'm stress eating, but trying to at least eat good things.

Good grief! I have been eating like crazy! I swear I'm thinking that my PS is going to say, "Sorry,you gained too much weight, we have to postpone"! I really haven't gained that much, only about six pounds since quitting smoking and I'm not really worried about that. I just keep stress eating. I'm going to TRY to be better for the weekend so I will feel lighter on Monday. And actually when I look at what I've eaten throughout the day, yeah, it's a bit more then usual, but really no more then I started eating when I quit smoking and I'm still working out every day. I think I'm just getting nervous, so I'm feeling incredibly fat! UGH!

Anyway, I have written letters to my kids and husband "just in case" and I'm continuing getting things together and ready for when I come home. My oxygen will be delivered the day of surgery, thankfully my son will be home to take delivery. I got the call today from my PS office going over everything I need to do the morning of surgery. I'm ready. I've gotten my meds, my "outfit" to wear to surgery,(yoga pants and a zip up hoodie, socks and my slippers and cute undies so the PS knows where I would like my incision to be). Going to go to the store tomorrow and get a couple more magazines and some fake nails so that I can do my nails while I'm sitting in the recliner! I'm going crazy not have my nails on! LOL! Hey,new tummy, fake boobs and fake nails. Maybe I'll be putting one of my fun wigs on too! HA!

I am still so excited! I just can't wait. I do keep having moments of "What the hell am I going to do??", but then I think of the out come and know it's going to be all worth it! And knowing I have this forum to share with is just awesome!

One more preparing day until surgery. I can't wait. Of course it's supposed to be the coldest day of the winter on Monday, but oh well. We have a good furnace and plenty of blankets, so I will be fine. I"m getting everything ready, tables around my recliner, garbage can near by, chair positioned for best viewing of tv and anyone who might visit me. Making sure I have plenty of pillows for under my legs and lower back and to put on my tummy to ward off cats, or if they do jump up, it won't hurt me.

Have to take my antibiotic and dramamine after dinner and then shortly after that I will try to go to sleep. Tomorrow is a day of cleaning,(my teenage son has blessed me with his laundry, but I'm glad, it will give me something to do), bathing(in the bath tub!), shaving legs and pits and generally having a day of beauty. Then the shower before bed with the antibacterial soap and to bed I will go. I'm nervous, but still mostly excited. I can't wait for the day when I will finally know what my actual size is! I think I will be very thankful for my jeggings for while after this. Oh, and when I say my actual size, I mean of jeans and for my boobs! I'm going for a D, but they might turn out bigger, I just don't know!

I'm sure I'll write more tomorrow when all this is hitting me more. Is it weird that I'm feeling very calm right now?

Okay, even though I'm still relatively calm, my emotions are getting away from me today. I visited with my sister and started crying when I left. I'm crying right now while writing this. Almost started crying on the treadmill this morning when I started thinking that it would be the last time at the gym for a while. I almost feel like I'm pregnant, waiting for some stupid commercial to come on and me starting to cry! HAHAHAHA! I'm sure my hormones aren't helping. Period is due the week after surgery. A part of my is just scared I won't wake up. I'm sure everyone has had the same fear. Any time I've been put under, I've been scared. I'm not afraid of pain or anything else, just so long as I wake up I'll be good. Then I'll worry about the rest of it! Okay, I've said it, now I'm putting those fears on the back burner. I'm going to think about how great I'm going to look. The funniest thing is that I'm not as worried about the swelling since I'm getting boobs at the same time, so I won't be able to see my tummy! That might be a good thing! LOL!

If I'm too out of it to get on here tomorrow, I'll have the hubby get on and just say that I'm okay and loopy or something. Thanks for all the support everyone!

I'm calmer then I thought I would be but the butterflies are starting to wake up. Wish my computer would sign into this site but it won't for some reason.

Took my shower and washed for five minutes in all the places where stuff will be done. I feel very dry. Can't wait to put on lotion later. I think I have everything I need. So.....

See you all On the flat side!

I'm PO day 3,I went in on Monday morning. All in all, it was a great experience. I almost passed out while my ps was marking up my chest. Blood pressure dropped, went a little hypoglycemic. Called in the anethesiologist, (I know that isn't spelled right, sorry, I will call her AN from now on), she started an IV to get some fluids in me. Everyone was wonderful, ps waited patiently until I was better, then finished marking my tummy. I made it through and was ready to go. PS held my hand until AN put me under, then I was waking up in the recovery room. The thing that hurt the worst was the inside of my elbows! Weird, huh? They were killing me and it took until today for all the aching to go away from my elbows. I got home, no nausea! I was so happy to wake up and then to have no nausea, still haven't had any. Eating crackers or something every time I take a pain pill.

First day I took one pain pill for the first three, pain wasn't too bad. Incision felt like a bad sunburn or a tattoo right after getting one, kind of still does. Sternum hurt the worst from the boob job. Tried to do the exercises when I could, slept a lot and moved my feet all the time. The fourth time I took pain medicine, I took two and that was wonderful.

Second day I took two pain pills every time I could and before bed. Getting some muscle spasms, but they just feel weird, don't hurt. Haven't taken any valium yet. Haven't felt the need. My husband has been wonderful and I'm so happy that he is so strong, because I couldn't get in and out of the recliner without him. Still can't. Have sat in our armchair and can get in and out of that.

Day three, today, getting around a lot better. Haven't pooped yet, but plenty of gas which I think is good. Peeing is no problem. Every time I took a pain pill, I would make the trip to the bathroom, so every four hours. Taking stool softener and antibiotic and pain pills, plus my vitamin and vitamin C. My ps put me on oxygen and they delivered the tank on Monday and it is huge! It sort of looks like R2D2! Cracks me up! Is helping though.

The only other things I will say right now is that I've had a few emotional moments, it makes me crazy not being able to do things for myself, but I'm taking all the help given me. I'm not going to push myself too hard. I think I'm going to be very happy with this, it's worth it. The pain isn't horrible, it's not fun, but it's bearable. I have a high tolerance for pain and to me it hasn't been above a 7. Just hard getting up since it pulls at my incision and that really sucks, but I had three c-sections and it is very similar as far as that's concerned. Now that I'm feeling better I will try to update daily. I have my first PO tomorrow. Oh and I've been draining about 100 ML per day. Not too bad. Oh, another good thing is that I don't have much of an appetite! But I am eating. Very important!

Had my first PO yesterday. They removed the pain pump but I still have the drain. My PS said I could shower though, so that is on the agenda for today. Finally had a BM yesterday. It was hours in coming. I would sit and sit and just lumps would come and my stomach would go into contractions trying to get it out. That wasn't fun! Finally around 10:15 it came and it was a doozy! Of course about a few hours later, even though I thought there was nothing else in there, more came. Anyone who hasn't gone yet, be careful, it hits you, be prepared to get to the bathroom ASAP! But I actually feel like I can stand straighter now.

Other things that happened at the po visit were that I had several staples removed. Little pinches, compression socks are gone, Tape is not on incision and I"m in a very interesting bra for the BA. It's like an underwire with the cups cut out and I'm wearing a basic bra over it. Keep the girls warmer. They look good and so does my tummy. My hubby will take some pics today after shower and I will post some. Go back for my next PO next Wednesday!

First shower. Was a little scared but didn't get woozy, though it's hard to wash your hair since usually I lean back to rinse and whatnot and couldn't do that, but made it through. Feel much better. Going to nap once I upload a photo.

Surgery was on Monday and here I am, sitting at my computer on Saturday morning, all by myself, coffee next to me. Who would have thunk it? Anyway, I had been going off the pain meds, hadn't needed them, but took two at bedtime last night since my tummy was killing me from the whole bm/contraction trauma(which didn't hurt at the time, and this was like I had done too much ab work), and then had a small coughing spell, (which was my first since surgery, which was odd, I thought!), so I took them and slept like a baby. Haven't taken any pain meds since and don't feel like I need them. I'm getting some burning/stinging at the incision site above my right thigh, but I'm not overly worried about it. I am standing crooked and I know it's because I"m favoring that area. I'm going to take it easy today. I was up a lot yesterday, actually made my son breakfast, then making coffee, getting the dish washer going, finding things for my husband and son to do that I just can't. And I can feel that I"m more swollen today. I will just take it easy and quit pushing myself too hard. Even though too hard is nothing really. But we all feel that way, especially this early in the healing process, we all are used to doing everything ourselves. Though I will admit, I miss the first two days where my husband did everything for me, it was rather nice! Hee hee!

So, not draining too much, though have to wait until Wednesday for my next dr appt. So, if that keeps up, the drain will come out. So, that's something to look forward to. I also can't wait to put on something that isn't a zip up or button up. I'm used to wearing hoodies, but the over the head ones, but with the BA I'm not allowed yet to lift my arms. At least I don't think I can. I won't push it. I have a ton of very fitted zip up jackets, but it's cold in the house and my husbands are much warmer. I will have to see if I have a button up shirt I can wear under one of my zip ups. Since they are fitted they would make the tata's look even better! Hmm, something to think about!

Feeling pretty good though. My cat has learned that he can't lay up on my chest but snuggles between my legs at night to sleep with me, which is nice an toasty. He doesn't like it when I get up to go to the bathroom, but he follows me and tries, (and has succeeded!), getting on my shoulders while I'm sitting there! He cracks me up. Then he follows me back to my recliner and snuggles back down when I'm settled. My dog just stays where he can see me. He has always been my protector. The first four days, whenever I got up to go to the bathroom, he would follow me slowly and wait outside the door. Amazing!

So, not much more to report as of today. Healing is going well. Pain is very tolerable. More stinging then actual pain. Well, the back pain is another story, but I know it's not because of surgery, per se, and it doesn't hurt when I'm sitting and I try to sit very straight up. At least as long as I can.

Tonight has been hard. I'm getting more swollen but still putting out very little in my drain. Can't get it throughy hubby's head that I can't eat like I used to. I'm not exercising and I'm trying not to swell. But to him, if I'm eating, I'm better. I had a all break down today cause I can't do what I'm used to and he's frustrated because there's nothing he can do about that. Well, there isn't, just listen and quit feeding me! Lol!

I had a couple more coughing fits today. Ouch!!! Pillow and or pressure to the tummy does nothing, so I suffer and try to make it stop. I think a big part of it is being on oxygen. Even though it's hydrated, it's still drying.

Haven't taken any pain meds today and am going to wait on the valium to see iftaruscles get jumpy. They haven't been so why medicate? So, just needed to get that off my chest. Not worried about depression, swelling or the coughing, they are all part of the healing process.

These coughing fits can stop anytime now! They hurt pretty bad, but thankfully once they are over, the pain subsides. I have been off all pain meds since yesterday, not even Tylenol. Haven't needed it. Didn't take any Valium either. My muscles haven't been spasming, so until they do, I will stay off of it. Was feeling pretty good today until I just had a small coughing fit. Took another shower and other then the back pain and a little stinging at my incision, felt pretty darned good. Not pushing myself too hard today. Going to have some lunch and then maybe a nap, might even try the bed! Not sure yet. Hope everyone is doing great!

Took a few Tylenol and they are doing the trick for whatever is ailing me. My back is hurting, though not as bad. Hubby took me out today, we did a few errands where I stayed in the car and then hit the Walmart and I walked all around, using the cart for balance, not that I was going to fall over or anything but walking hunched isn't the easiest thing in the world as we all are finding out! But it felt great to get out and be amongst people! Got some couch drops to help with the dryness that is making me cough.

Go back for my 2nd post op on Wednesday and am hoping to get my drain pulled. I haven't been putting out hardly anything. About 20 ml in a 24 hour period. If that keeps up, they will certainly pull it. I"m swollen but not horribly. But then it's hard to tell with the CG on.

2nd post op tomorrow. Cannot wait! Hoping to get my drain pulled and since I'm putting out about 20 ml of fluid every 24 hours, I think it will be. It doesn't really bother me if it was actually pulling a lot of fluid, but since it isn't, I'm ready for it to be gone. Still dry and coughing every now and then, but I'm just dealing with it. I have cough drops at arms reach at all times, they help a lot and a big glass of water. My husband has been cooking and of course, making things that are really good and deep fried and I"m trying not to eat too much since I'm not exercising to counter balance, but it isn't really working. Boredom doesn't help! And of course it's driving me crazy to see my house getting messier and messier and not really being able to do much about it. I'm trying to be patient with it, just really hard. Haven't been in the basement since the night before surgery and I know no one has cleaned the cat box! Have to send my son down there tomorrow., they all love the animals but don't like to do everything that goes along with having them!

Otherwise, things are good. Been sleeping okay, though I do tend to wake up and be up for awhile, so I get on the internet and play around until I feel tired again. Usually only happens every few days. I'm more of a night owl anyway, but with sleeping during the day, it's screwing with my sleep pattern. This too shall pass. Not going to worry about it.

My abs are starting to reawaken. Getting a lot of jumpiness at the top on my abs. Doesn't hurt and doesn't keep me awake, so haven't had to take anything for it. I kind of like the feeling, means things are going as planned. The itchiness of my breasts from the BA and the stitches around my nipples and where I had the lipo is a different story. Not much I can do about it and of course, it's completely normal and means healing but that doesn't make it less annoying! LOL!

Went for my 2nd post op visit and it went great! I'm healing up just great, drain is out!!! YIPPEE!!!! I'm adding a pic of my incision and I think it looks great. Another week and I get my sutures out of my belly button. Looks like a spider is crawling out of there, but otherwise I like it! They also gave me a narrower CG and it feels wonderful! The top was of it was digging into the bottom of my breasts and causing more bruising, which I don't need! I also had to go out today and buy a bigger around bra since I'm swollen and it was causing bruising too. I was also told I can start sleeping in bed and taking off the CG during the day if I'm sitting. I was also cleared to get on the treadmill when I'm ready. One mile per hour per week I'm post op. I don't think I'll be back in the gym until maybe next week or at least walking in the neighborhood as long as the weather holds.

Feeling better and better, though I'm ready mentally to start exercising again, physically it's just not there. I'm thinking next week I will get back to the gym and walk SLOWLY on the treadmill for 1/2 hour or so. Not quite straight but finding that sleeping in bed and letting my legs down a little bit more each night to help stretch the abs out is really helping. Of course, the new weight on my chest isn't helping as much, but I'm stretching that out little by little too.

My tummy is itchy, though it's bearable. I'm not having to take anything for any pain or muscle spasms lately. I'm kind of hoping muscle spasms will happen soon. I've had some, just hoping that healing is happening like it should, I'm sure it is though.

Did a lot this morning, vacuumed and cleaned the bathroom and working on laundry. Hubby will bring laundry upstairs for me, I'm not lifting, but am moving. It's super cold here, otherwise I would go out for a walk today. I'm just feeling really good. Probably will push too hard, but going to try to keep myself in check! LOL!

Slept without a pillow under my legs last night and found myself much straighter this morning. My abs are getting stretched to where they are supposed to be. I actually slept on my side for awhile too. I'm able to use my abs more and more and use my arms even though I had the BA. I'm able to get around better and better, though I can't wait to be able to wear my jeans again. I'm very tired of my sweats and yoga pants. It's even worse since I only have one pair of sweats and two pairs of yoga pants. Very boring! I don't really want to buy more since I'm hoping I won't fit in them when the swelling is gone. I might have to do it anyway. Just to have some variety.

I'm also getting very bored sitting around the house. I do have a baby shower tomorrow, though I'm not looking forward to going, but it will get me out of the house. I will probably go to bed early since I'm tired from doing nothing and if I stay up, I'm going to keep eating. I'm really scared about eating all the time because I'm bored. Last thing I need to do is gain weight after going through all of this! BLAH! Here come the emotions! Maybe a good cry will do me good, get it out of my system. Hormones are getting crazy. Oh well, more later!

Went for my 3rd post op today and got my stitches out of my belly button. Everything is healing up great, almost ahead of schedule in fact. Left the tape off the middle of my incision since it was "wet" which is completely normal. Letting it dry out and then will cover it with tape again. Was also cleared to wear shape wear. My PS doesn't want me in Spanx since they tend to be too tight, (his words, I loved them when I was trying to hold in my Buddha belly!!!), so I will go and get some today or tomorrow. Don't have to go back in for a month. I'm very happy. No seroma's or anything found, just swelling. I think a big part of it is that I'm very positive and know that things aren't going to change over night, (as much as I want them too!!!). I've always been a good healer and now it's been proven to me! I'm just loving my results and loving my plastic surgeon and his staff, they are just the best! They have been nothing but friendly and supportive and really just fantastic!

Though it's only been two and a half weeks, it feels like it's been a month! And I cannot wait until it's been a month!!! I think I might do a little bikini shopping online this evening!

Went back to the gym today. Only did 20 minutes on the treadmill at 2.0. My legs felt like jello, (it's not like I haven't been walking around the house and such!), and there was some pulling where the sutures are inside for the muscle repair, but I think that was more from stretching this morning when I woke up! I feel good that I went. I will let you know how I feel later. So far I'm doing okay. I will go again tomorrow. 20 minutes is 20 minutes. I'm going to work my way back up. Some members were surprised to see me since I said it would be 6 weeks before I was back and I'm at 3 weeks today. I am doing some bicep exercises with my resistance band. I'm trying to figure out how to do some tricep exercises without pulling anything. My legs are getting plenty of exercise just getting up and down all the time to go to the bathroom! LOL! I'm going to post some new pics today hopefully!

I have to get my hubby to take some pics. I've taken some with my phone, but got some bikini tops in the mail yesterday, so perhaps I will model them! Had a tough day yesterday. Very depressed and not feeling the best. I have gained a little bit of weight, which doesn't surprise me since I've been eating everything in sight! And sweets have been my downfall. I know I have to get my food under control, it's just very hard for me. I used to work out to make up for any extras I ate and now I can't. I'm a compulsive eater and never feel full, so it is extremely hard for me. Just have to put my will power hat on and just get through this! I was asked by the owner of my gym to do an interview, on camera!!!, expelling how wonderful I think my gym is. I said of course I would do it! I love my gym and everyone there! Anyway, went there the past two days, did the 20 minutes on the treadmill, going to take today off since the area where I had the muscle repair is very achy today. Sore to the touch. I think I need to take it easy today. Other then that, things are going well. My breasts are healing just fine. Getting the zingers, which is good. Means healing! Hope everyone else is doing well.

I think I might have tried to do too much with heading back into the gym, though I wasn't doing all the much, so it's really frustrating! Anyway, I think I might have a couple of spitting stitches, sent a pic to the nurse and she said to not worry about it, so I'm not. Just not covering the area with tape. I have been swollen and that hasn't changed. But I have had a lot of discomfort where I had my MR, so I've been taking it easy. Last night I took a pain killer before bed and slept like a baby and then woke up the four hours later and took another and slept for another six hours! I feel much better today. I think I really needed a good nights sleep. I'm not going to push it too much, though I did get some cleaning done and am going shopping with my sister and then more relaxing! I'm getting some Benedryl since I'm starting to itch! But I know that's good since it means healing.

So all in all, just trying to listen to my body and not push too hard. Which is hard for me!

Better today. Had a great nights sleep the night before last, last night wasn't too bad, and that helped. I feel more able to do things and get around. I had been very hunched over for several days. I don't feel so neanderthal anymore! LOL! Wish the weather was nicer here, I would try to walk around the block. Oh well, such is life. Don't think I'm swollen as much as bloated, my period is due. Which could explain why I've been so over down the past week! Duh!

Another great nights sleep. I will admit though that I took some pain pills last night. My tummy has just been so achy and man, it made a difference! I figure that's what they are there for! I feel so much better today and am so much straighter! It's been an interesting ride so far and yet, well worth it! Still a long way to go. Man, a good nights sleep can really put everything in perspective! I'm so happy for this site and everyone's support. It has been a huge help too!

Feeling okay. Counting the days until my next dr appt. I'm hoping that I can get out of my "bondage" bra. I can't wait to wear a regular real bra. I bought one today since I had something important to do and needed to look nice and wanted to be more comfortable. It was wonderful. Soon enough, two more weeks. Otherwise, I'm doing well. Can't complain much, doesn't so much good. My tummy is swollen but less "hard" swollen then it used to be. My skin is very sensitive, but that's expected. I've also been working on stretching out this week. Just tiny bits at a time and I'm much more upright. I feel like I'm getting better at just little bits. It's good!

Okay, ate Mexican food,(YUM!), on Thursday and swelled up on Friday! My bad! And since I swelled up and felt bad about it, I have been eating everything in sight! I'm just now getting my food back on track this evening(Saturday). But better now then never. I've hopefully put my mind to losing the bit of weight I have put on from sitting around eating before my six week check up. It's only 3 lbs. I can do this by eating healthier. No more sweets! My blood sugar is up and I had my diabetes in remission before surgery. But I'm not moving to burn the blood sugar. So, I'm going to try very hard to get more movement in and get back in the gym. I just have to do it. Not over do it, but get moving! I'm a little scared. If my blood sugar is rising, it means slower healing. I want to heal better, so I need to do this. I'm so glad I wrote this, thanks for listening!

So, I've been to the gym and got on the treadmill for 45 minutes at 2.9 mph and actually worked up a sweat! Did over 5 miles of walking the day before too, so my exercise is coming back and I feel better. I'm taking today off to recover. I don't want to push too hard, so doing cleaning around the house and putzing around on the computer.

Been stretching a lot in the morning, when I wake up. Isn't hurting, so I will keep it up. Still swollen, but my food is getting better, more under control. Could be that my period is over, I can't have sweets in the house in the week leading up to it! LOL! I still get tight where the muscle repair was done, but weirdly, it seems to loosen up after I use the bathroom, whether it's #1 or #2. Of course, more loose after #2. Too funny, TMI huh?!

Started using Palmer's lotion for stretch marks on my boobs and tummy and top of my thighs. Not sure if it's making a difference, but I've only been using it for a few days. Not using anything on my incisions. My ps said I will have the tape over them for three months, so okay. Fine with me. Just wanted to update since I'm at 5 weeks po. Just not a whole lot to report, though last week was tough and I was very depressed and this week I'm feeling so much better. Hormones! UGH!

I feel that 6 weeks is something of a milestone. At least in my head it is! So, I thought I would do an overview of what has happened. I haven't had many spasms, though I have had some. I didn't have that sore "after a very hard ab workout" soreness until now. I do have very sensitive skin and achiness on the muscle repair line. But all in all, it hasn't been bad. I do stretch every morning and it scares me every time, but I think it has actually helped me stand upright again. I find when I'm not in my cg or binder, I can stand up straighter, so I'm actually looking forward to not having to wear either anymore. But I will do what I'm supposed to. I spent too much money and it has been too long of a road to recovery to throw it all away because of some minor discomfort. My back no longer hurts, though with having back problems in the past, what I experienced was no big deal in the grand scheme of things. I can also thank this surgery for quitting smoking. I had to quit 4 weeks before and I haven't gone back. There are days it's a struggle, but hanging tough. I still have soreness where I had some minor lipo done under my arms, but again, it's tolerable. I had my breasts done at the same time so that I could only have one healing period and they are doing good also. Lots of zingers as the nerves reattach, but it's a sign of healing.

I know I'm kind of rambling, I'm not a writer, but I thought today would be a good day to put everything down that I've said previously. I am back to the gym, not doing strength training yet, but am up to an hour on the elliptical and loving it. Now I have to get my eating back under control, but I know it will happen because I'm not as bored as I used to be. I can do more and get out of the house and am getting back into a routine. Now if only the weather would cooperate! But I have no control over that! I've been very lucky to have a great support system and this site and all of you ladies! It's all so helpful! I'm trying to think if I'm missing anything and I'm sure I am. If I think of more things to add, I will do so later and I will add a 6 week pic!

I'm just over 6 1/2 weeks and am feeling pretty good. My tummy is very sore and achy and sensitive, but since my ps told me that I was pretty much released to do everything except crunches and I don't have to wear my cg's anymore and I can take baths, I'm not so scared of doing the wrong thing anymore. So I'm doing more! Though one thing is that I was told to not wear anything snug or tight above my incision line, since that will cause more swelling at the incision. My ps told me to wear jeans that hit under the incision, which is hard since he put the incision so low! But it's a good problem to have. I did find some super low jeans and am thrilled to be able to wear jeans rather then sweats or yoga pants! So, all in all, I'm feeling pretty good.

So, 7 weeks and I'm feeling pretty good. The tummy isn't as sensitive and the aches aren't as bad. Even with the working out. Which I'm back to full time. An hour cardio every other day and the on the other days, strength training and 40 minutes cardio. Mostly elliptical, but doing treadmill too. Not so fast yet, but getting there. It's really weird doing some of the strength exercises I do. Lat pull downs are strange because I didn't realize how much you use your abs, actually you use your core for a lot of things, but I was cleared to use my core, just NO CRUNCHES. There are some ab exercises I can do, though I haven't tried them yet, I'm a little scared. Going to start using my core more first. I'm swollen as you can tell from my pics, they are taken later in the day. I should try to get a few first thing in the morning. To show the difference.

I haven't gotten a really good pic of my incision, but it looks great. Very thin, very low and healing up very nicely. If I could change anything about this process it would be to eat better while healing. But I will get back to where I was, I've never been so focused and positive about anything. I know this summer is going to be the best one ever! Well, this one and every one forward!

Here I am at 8 weeks po and feeling pretty good, though I have noticed some changes. First off, I'm a lot more flexible! I find it's much easier to gargle after brushing my teeth now that I can lean back some! Back to working out and working on getting back to the weights I was lifting, taking it slow, but getting there. Though I am seeing that by the end of day, pretty much after dinner, I am swollen and my tummy hurts, mostly where I had the muscle repair done. It is pulling and feels like there is poking, though I know there isn't. Didn't wreck anything, just things stretching and getting back to normal. I'm posting some pictures, looking back at earlier pics seems like I'm about the same. I thought I was huge, it helped looking back and seeing that I'm about the same, I'm just feeling the swell more. I'm okay with that. I know an end is coming. It will happen.

Otherwise, feeling pretty good. Another thing I've noticed that my period seems different. It used to last 4 days and now it is lasting 6 at least days. Don't know if it's causing additional swelling, doesn't seem to be or doesn't seem to be making me crabby or anything. So, oh well. Can't really think of anything else. Hope everyone else is healing well!

Missed my 9 week check in, just really nothing to report. I'm still swelling, which you will see by my pics, but I'm okay with it. I'm feeling pretty good though I still have achiness and pain at my muscle repair line. I'm thinking I will have that for awhile. I'm just about back to my original weights with my strength training, taking it slow. Going to have some sessions with my trainer to teach me core work. My PS told me no more crunches, but core work is good and will do the trick. I'm already able to balance better now that I've had this surgery. My balance was so off before since there was no muscle and the belly just hung there! Blah! Good to be out of that scenario! Of course, now I have boobs, but I'm loving those!
I had pulling at my incision line sometimes, but haven't had that in awhile. Sleeping on my side very comfortably and am able to stretch all the way out. My cat even sleeps on my tummy and I'm okay. Still numb above my vajay. I do have deep itching still, though it isn't constant. I'm not doing any scar treatment, PS didn't recommend, so I'm not doing anything. Still using the tape though, maybe that will do the trick. I go back on the 17th and I think he will take the after pics. And I'm hoping that he will say I don't have to tape anymore. It's annoying to have to put it on and tends to come undone on the ends. Okay, enough about that. That's all I have for now, until next week!

So, I'm feeling pretty good. My tummy is still really sensitive, but I put up with it and the soreness is still there along my MR line. It isn't debilitating or anything and is usually worse at the end of the day. Which makes sense to me. I have found that since this surgery that my period has been weird. Seems it's either late or lasts a lot longer then before surgery or both. I think it's just hormones trying to get back on track. I also could be in perimenopause, so who knows. Just thought it was worth mentioning. It's not a horrible thing, just is.

Upped my weights again in my strength training, am about 5 lbs away from being back at original weights. I've even started doing some different exercises. I haven't started back with my trainer yet, probably next week. I think I will be ready by then for the new core stuff. The weather is nicer here now, so I'm walking an extra 1 1/4 miles with my sister in the evening. Every little bit helps, especially with the way I've been eating! Going to do my shakes 2x's per day for a few days and then go back to one a day. I think I need to jump start myself.

I'm still biting at the bit to buy new jeans and shorts, but still am not there. Too swollen, though I will give you one bit of advice, buy some overalls! They are so comfy and so non-binding! I wish I had brought mine out in the earlier stages of recovery. Would have been perfect, though the ones I have are capri or shorts, so they wouldn't have worked in the winter. But they would be great for anyone going soon!

So, all in all, feeling great, not one moment of regret and really loving myself! Oh, and I posted two pics of my incision, which is healing up great and I haven't used anything on it! Just the tape the PS gave me! I have to get a pic of the right side of my incision, it was all blurry. Couldn't tell on my phone.

Feeling pretty good. Still having pain at the MR line, but I'm able to bear it. I'm having lots of itching at the edges of my incision, both sides. Though it is healing up very well. I go for my 3 months post op on Wednesday and I'm hoping that I won't have to wear tape any more, but my PS had said something about having it on for 4 months. At this point, I can stand anything. Still swelling, but not worrying about that either. I know it can last for up to a year. As I said before, I'm more bothered by the sensitivity in my skin on my tummy. That bothers me more. I still love the way I look.

I start with my trainer at the end of this week, he's going to train me in the proper techniques for core work. I want to make sure I do everything right so that I don't hurt myself or pull anything I'm not supposed to. I am downloading a pic of me not sucking my tummy in. I almost always do, but to show how much swelling I have, I'm adding this pic. I figure I want to be completely honest on here. I feel great that I'm able to suck my abs in as much as I do! Happy healing everyone!

No more wearing the tape! Pictures were taken today and my PS wants to use mine as examples! Whoot! I'm feeling great and it was fun looking at the pics he took before and comparing them to the afters. Everyone should take tons of befores because they will be worth looking at after when you are swollen and feeling like before, because I guarantee that you aren't! He also gave me Scar Zone to use on my scars, not that I need it, they are doing great!

I have no new photo's to upload as of yet, having a very hard time with my food the past couple of weeks. But the good news is that I'm feeling pretty normal physically. Still numb where I had the MR, but I can handle it. I can do everything I was doing at the gym before the surgery except crunches, which my PS told me not to do. So, I do planks, leg lifts and core work. My endurance is back to where it was, though the past couple of weeks it's been the emotional part of it that is keeping me down.

Seems I'm getting the emotional part of this surgery now. I was good up until now and being a compulsive eater, I've been eating like I used to and I don't like it and am trying to not start hating myself, as I've done in the past. I'm talking to as many people as possible and trying to get straight in my head, but it hasn't happened yet, though I know it will. So, beware the self doubt. I have no regrets for the surgery at all, though I guess I'm starting to feel unworthy of it. Not getting tons of support from the hubby, since he is just getting bigger and bigger. I think he's not feeling the best either, big change in my and my body in the past year and a half and I don't think he knows how to deal with it. I'll keep you updated and post some pictures hopefully by the end of the week, when I'm feeling better about myself.

Okay, I haven't updated in a bit, but there hasn't been too much to report. I think I'm getting more swelling now then I have, but I'm also working out differently now, so I don't know if that's it. I've started taking Turmeric, which is supposed to help with swelling, I think it is making a difference. Though I'm sure if I quit eating l like a teenager, I would probably be smaller then I am now, but not going to beat myself up about it! I'm about 6 lbs heavier by the scale then I was pre-op, but I've also built a lot of muscle and had breast implants, so I know that accounts for part of it. In one of my pictures you can see that I have a non-existant butt now, lost it with the weight, working on building it back up! LOL! Oh well! Not brave enough to do the BBL, so it is what it is!

Started running again, starting out very slowly, did about a mile and a quarter, well, jogged and walked. I have Plantar Fasciitis in my left foot and it is acting up. Went out and bought some new shoes, 2 pairs in fact, one for running, one for working out. My heels and calves are killing me today, but I will make it through! Anyway, since the weather is getting nicer, the gym just doesn't appeal to me as much. I want to be outside, so it's been walking, hiking, bike riding and now running. Hoping the pool warms up so I can include swimming in that! I have to say I like the hiking, running and walking best since I get my steps on my new Flex, which is a great pedometer. Not that I don't get steps with the other stuff, but it's become a bit of an obsession with me! Got to get those 100000 steps in every day! I have also tried Zumba, but the instructor wasn't the best and if you aren't in the class from the first couple days, it's hard to keep up. If the instructor had come by me to help me get the steps, I would have picked up on it, but she didn't, so now I won't go back. I'm going to try Pilates, but my gym only has it two days a week, so I have to fit it in my schedule.

I've been doing ab work that I learned on the internet. Pilates abs for beginners. I also do planks and work my obliques on the chair. I"m not flat as a board, but I think I have a very nice tummy. I'm not ashamed of it at all. In fact, even with the stretch marks, I'm still thrilled that the tummy shirts are back in style. Not afraid to show it off a little! And I'm now the owner of 4 bikini's! Never thought I would wear one!!!! YIPEE!!! I'm loving this, best thing I've ever done for myself.

So, I love tattoo's, as you can see from my pics, but I'm very hesitant to put one around my belly button, which is weird for me! I think it's because I actually love my bb and am actually going to be showing it. Still debating the piercing, I'm not a piercer, but I love the look of them! Anyway, I decided I would try the temporary tattoo, see how it holds up. I use Palmers tummy butter on my tummy and the Mederma in my bb, so I will let you all know how long this lasts. I'm looking for something I can do for my Vegas trip in September. If this doesn't work, I may try Henna and then will seriously consider the piercing!

Well, I tried it and I was able to peel it off after a couple of hours. Not going to hold up against sunscreen and water. It was worth a try though! There is going to be a renaissance fair in my area in a couple of weeks and they always do henna tattoo's, (not the black kind that can burn your skin!), and I will try that. Then if that doesn't work, then after my next PO appt in July, I will consider getting a piercing.

Another RealSelf member had the idea of posting pictures of her swelling in the morning and then at night. To see the side by side. I was surprised even though I'm the one living with it! We are all still healing!

I've made it to the 6 month mark and I'm still very happy! Though as you may see from my pics, I would love to say I'm swollen, but I think it's some weight gain! I tend to eat when I'm stressed and I've had some stressful days/weeks, but I'm getting back on track now. One thing that directly relates to my surgery that has been stressful is dealing with the added attention and dealing with a hubby who was completely on board with the surgery, but who subconsciously sabotages me at just about every turn. It's very hard for me to say no to eating out, I love not having to cook, clean or worry about dinner! And he knows it. Plus I was making "shakes" for myself or eating lighter and I know it was driving him crazy that I wasn't making dinner for him too. (On a side note, neither of us work, so he can do for himself!). Anyway, so I've been dealing with this and other life events and I've been eating more and not exercising to my usual degree. (I'm also developing rotator cuff issues, so that's not helping), but I'm trying to get back on track, like I said.

Another thing to keep in mind when getting this surgery is that big changes are happening to your body. And your confidence level goes WAY up! And just because of that, you are more attractive! Though I'm still struggling with the "fat girl" image, I still realize I look a heck of a lot better then I did 6 months ago! It takes awhile to accept and to deal with the added attention you will get. (Mind you, I had BA also, so that is a huge difference! Barely a B cup to D's!, with a flatter tummy!). My mind tends to wander at times, though I would never act on it, but it's rather intimidating and empowering to know the power my body wields now! Slowly, I'm getting used to it.

A huge pro that I've noticed is the strength in my abs! I love that I can do things now that I couldn't do before. I've been doing Pilates type moves for my core and hopefully I will be released to do a bit more ab work after my appointment next Tuesday. I'm finding that my body is pretty amazing, though I have to quit abusing it quite so much. Bad food, alcohol and I've been smoking again, which I have to give up! It's a very love/hate relationship!

Have some vacations planned in the very near future. Going up to Wisconsin Dells this month and Las Vegas in September! I'm very excited! If I can think of anything else to add to this, I will do so. I just wanted to say something and download some pics. Not much change, though I feel bigger then in previous pics. Oh well!

Okay, I haven't been the greatest with my eating or with my updating, but both are getting better! This has been my summer of getting out there and doing stuff! Now I'm back in the gym more and doing ab work, (and actually seeing results! Holey Moley!), and my food is falling into place. I have found that my weight has leveled out and I'm okay with where I'm at. I'm not disciplined or inclined enough to cut out all the bad stuff and have no body fat. Just not me, though I love the look of the fitness competitors! Want to be just about there, but not fully.

Anyway, my scars are fading nicely. I still have numbness at the bottom of my tummy, but it doesn't bother me, just feels a bit strange sometimes. Otherwise, I still have a tiny bit of tightness, but it stretches out and I'm a bit swollen, but it doesn't bother me.

I find that I walk around with my head up and with this air of confidence now. It's strange loving yourself when there was so much self hatred for so long! Sure, there are other parts of my body that bother me, but I just ignore them now. The major things have been changed and I'm almost through my second year of keeping my weight off, so I'm proud of myself and proud that I have gone through with these surgeries and that the outside matches the inside. I've accepted my happiness! I deserve it as do all of you who are doing what you need to do to love yourselves! We rock!

I will post pics soon, going to have the hubby take some so I can get them on here!

So many changes over the past year. My confidence is through the roof! That is huge! I started working part time, my work outs suffered and I put on some weight, but am back to my work outs and will post pics in about six months to show any changes! But as far as my recovery goes, I'm 95% done swelling. Dr. Placik told me I still have some swelling below my belly button, but everything is healing wonderfully! My scar is awesome, the sides are almost invisible! My belly button looks awesome. I'm so happy! I will tighten up my abs and drop the weight that I gained, (less than 10 lbs), and get some definition. I started getting some before working, but it is hidden again. Though the muscle is still tight underneath the thin layer of fat. The difference between now and before surgery is that I would have just kept going with the eating and bad habits. But I'm not going back! The worst thing I have to deal with now is itching from doing my "landscaping". I never did it before losing weight since I couldn't see it anyway! I am so happy I've done this and wish I would have lost the weight and had this done years ago, but I didn't and I'm happy that I did it now.

The biggest thing to keep in mind is that this is a huge change. You will feel awesome about yourself but things could change in your relationships. I have lost some friends over this and there are thoughts going through my head that I have to sort through! Because I feel awesome. I have no more pain or pins and needles. My tummy is numb around my belly button and probably will be for life, but it is a small price to pay.

My belly button looks awesome. There are a couple of small scars, but nothing compared to the long slot it used to be! As I massage the scars, they get smoother and smoother. You don't really notice them. I wore a bikini last year, but I plan on looking even better in one this year!