38 Yrs Old- 2 Children- Going for Mommy Makeover and Absolutely Terrified - Arkansas

Hi- Let me start by saying "I'm absolutely...

Hi- Let me start by saying "I'm absolutely petrified". I have been really physically fit my whole life (fitness trainer 15 years). I had 2 C-sections 1.5 years apart. I got back to working out as soon as my Dr. cleared me after my 2nd delivery. My belly was pretty flat around that time so I had no reason for concern. However, as I continued my belly seemed to be getting larger! I had no idea what was wrong. I saw my OBGYN about it as well as a gastro Dr. who performed a colonoscopy to see what the problem was. They found nothing. So over time I sort of self diagnosed it as diastasis recti since I could feel the split when I tested it. It wasn't a huge split, but it was there. I stopped ALL working out and began a new targeted workout plan solely with the intent of repairing the diastasis. I did this for 5 months and saw almost zero improvement. The final straw was when I threw my back out for the first time ever and spent a month seeing a chiropractor a massage therapist. It was my chiropractor who told me that the diastasis has probably healed all it was going to on its own and that I might think about having it repaired because my back is having to compensate for my abdominals. Having it repaired sounded GREAT! I immediately booked an appointment with the best PS in my state and have already been to that appointment. It was a week ago...and have I mentioned how absolutely freaking HORRIFIED I am now about this?!!! After looking online and realizing how major this is Im Not sleeping well at all, And I don't think of myself as a big weenie. I'm just struggling with whether or not this is the right thing to do? I love my family so much, I can't bare the thought of something happening. Can I just live with it and be careful and NEVER work out again and have no core strength for the rest of my life? Well when I put it THAT way...HELL NO!!! But I find myself trying to be convinced that I can just to avoid this surgery. I look at all the pix I see online and most of the women you can see that they visibly need it. But mine isn't so visible. I'm still a pretty small person, but I am not working properly anatomically. I guess I really fear waking up and looking like Frankenstein and regretting feeling like I just came from a butcher shop and looking like it too!!!
Well there is my introduction! I will have my husband take some pix of me tonight and post them asap.

Update

Just wanted to clarify what I meant by "most women look like they need the surgery"
That sounds AWFUL and it's not what I meant!!! I just am saying that I don't have much loose skin to remove. I think most of my issue is more internal so it's hard looking in the mirror and being pretty happy with myself and then CHOOSING to come out of surgery looking far worse...
Just wanted to clarify :)

It's a God thing...

I'm wondering if very many others out there are battling with this dilemma? I suppose I have to get the abdominoplasty to heal my diastasis. So that is not an issue in this regard, but the breast implants?...I'm having some trouble with this one. Although I am not totally happy with my breasts, I'm sure God is since He made me this way. I am very spiritual and my life IS my Christianity. Is there anyone out there who is having this fight within themselves about disappointing God with this decision?
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