Wanting to Remove 11 Week Old Breast Implants

Unfortunately I was in a bad place and not feeling...

Unfortunately I was in a bad place and not feeling good about my body and made the impulsive decision to get breast implants. I literally scheduled the surgery for two weeks after my consultation just so that I would not have the chance to cancel the surgery. I thought somehow that by having breast implants I would fix my self esteem. I thought that men would be more attracted to me, I thought I would feel sexier and better about myself. If anything... I have become more self conscious than I was before. Now when I wear clothes, I am top heavy. It looks like I gained weight. They are bigger than what I asked for, and I try to hide them or not stand too straight because when I stand straight they appear more round and fake. It has been almost three months now and they still look and feel fake to me. They have not dropped very much... I think long term I could tolerate the look of them... but they just don't feel normal. They don't feel normal to the touch, they don't feel normal when I move around. I have flex distortion as well. It's already bad but if it gets any worse I'll really be grossed out. My boobs were tiny before yeah... and I had people tease me about them (part of the reason I got implants). Ironically the people who teased me about them were women and not men. Men never complained about my boobs. Now I realize that they fit my body a lot better before than they do now.

I'm super scared of the emotional roller coaster I'm going to go through getting them removed. I'm scared of having to wear compression garments during the summer and look flat chested. I'm scared I'm making the wrong decision removing them, but I'm scared to keep them too!

What if I'm not in a good place financially ten years down the road and can't afford to have them removed and replaced? What if they leak silicone and damage my body without me being aware of it? What if I want to have children and can't breastfeed?
I spent so much on breast implants when realistically I could have taken a vacation anywhere in the world practically for that amount of money! I didn't need big boobs... I don't even like lots of attention... I don't know why I did this too myself.

4 More Days Until my Consultation!

My consultation for explant is coming up on Monday! I'm nervous for it. I'm nervous because I don't know my dr well enough to know what he's going to say to me... I only spent about 15 minutes with him during the first consult. Wish I would have taken my time and shopped around and talked to different surgeons before proceeding with surgery. Maybe I somehow would have changed my mind instead of rushing into it!
I have to start reminding myself that even if I look okay in clothes... even though I might enjoy these things for a few years... down the road they are just going to become a hassle and I'm better to have them removed sooner than later so that the skin has a good chance of stretching back.
I think I'm going to give myself until some time in July to get the surgery.
A little part of me in the back of my mind is trying to keep them and justify all the money spent.. but I have to just get over that and accept my body for what it is.
I wonder if the implants had less projection and were a little flatter and closer together if I would have been happy with surgery. Maybe I would have... but I am not willing to undergo an entire surgery to correct something like that and risk the chance that it doesn't end up well. Scary!
I think the worst part of all of this is not being able to talk to family and friends about it. I know they will be judgemental and none of this will make sense to them. Oh well this is my decision. I made my bed and I get to lie in it!

On the fence.

Talked to a couple people today about boobs. I can't decide if I want revision surgery or explant :(

Confused?

Today has me really confused! I think I might be starting to accept them/like them. In my head I keep thinking if there's no serious complications.. then maybe I'm being crazy to want to remove them. I'm still going to ask about a revision surgery.. But to be quite honest I would be scared of putting myself through a second surgery :( And what if a second surgery complicated things more? I don't know how I'm going to feel by Monday... I hope I have everything decided on in my head before I talk to the Dr so that I don't seem confused!

I've made my decision :)

I've decided that I'm going to go ahead and have my implants removed as soon as possible. I do not want to give my boobs any more time to stretch out, I want the best chance of them going back to normal and I'm fairly comfortable and certain about my decision.
I'm so blessed to have been given the body that I have. After this whole ordeal, I am no longer going to see myself as a flawed person. We all have our imperfections and that's what makes us unique and beautiful..... Just my thoughts for the night. Will update tmrw :) Thank you ladies for your support on this forum.

Night before consult with Surgeon.

Tmrw afternoon is my appointment to see my surgeon. I know I should be making a list of what I'm going to say to him and what questions I'm going to ask, but I'm not looking forward to it...
I honestly feel exhausted thinking about my breasts and looking at things from every perspective. I almost want it to be straight forward going in there, scheduling explant and getting it done and over with so I can forget about it accept my decision and move on.
I just hope my surgeon can accept some responsibility for my results not being the look that I had originally asked for... I'm tired of thinking about all of this and I don't want to go in there and have to fight to explain things. It's kind of embarrassing too to sit there with your boobs hanging out and tell some guy you barely know and don't feel comfortable with that he did a bad job on them. I kind of wish I had someone to come with me... a part of me just wants the support of someone being there beside me even if they don't say anything.
I guess I'm just feeling a bit worn down.

On a positive note... I am realizing just how much I veered from my true nature.. and just how much I was losing sight of the things that are important in life. Yes... we all want to feel beautiful as women and that is our right... but it starts with inner beauty first....

I've been pretty stubborn so far about therapy.... It hasn't been something I've thought would benefit me... but who knows. I may look into it.

Leaving for consultation in 15 minutes...

I'm really nervous.... I keep looking in the mirror and thinking 'maybe my boobs look okay, maybe this is all in my head?'. I know I'm going to go in there feeling confused which is the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up this morning with this tight feeling in my chest. It was so uncomfortable. I have to stop second guessing myself. I want them out. I do not want repeat surgeries for something cosmetic. There is no such thing as 'perfect boobs'. There is no such thing as a 'perfect body'. This is just something that we construct in our minds so we have something to strive towards, something to obsess about. Everybody's version of 'perfect' is different... It's unhealthy to focus so much on appearances.
Anyways... off to the consult. I don't want to start crying when I'm in there so I took a mild anti-anxiety pill. May still cry.... god I pray I won't!! Sad I did this to myself. Can't wait to put it in the past.

Consultation

Finally done and over with! Teared up a bit but held back from full out crying! Cried a bit on the car ride home though. This is hard to deal with emotionally. It's really hard to not think about it but I know if I obsess over it my mind is just going to go in circles and that's not a healthy thing. Can't help but look at my boobs in clothes and wonder if I'm making the wrong decision... could I actually miss these new boobs? Then I put those thoughts right back in the back of my mind and remember why I wanted them out in the first place. The surgery is not going to cost anything, I think removal is covered by health care thank god for that.
I wanted to do the removal under local anaesthesia because I'm scared of going under general anaesthesia again so soon... but the surgeon said it would be best to do it under general anaesthesia so that he can close the pockets and do some internal stitching. He was nice about it and very straightforward. I'm glad he was kind about it and not judgemental, where I'm at right now I don't think I could have handled being judged. I just don't have it in me to fight back right now.
I called and left a message for a therapist. I hope she's a good fit and I can get in to see her soon. I've been really stressed out I need to do some healing emotionally first before this next surgery.
I'm booked for July 24th but they've put me on a cancellation list in case something comes up sooner. When I was in the consultation the Dr said I might have to wait until September to get them removed so thankfully that didn't end up being the case! The less I get attached to them the better.

Tonight's Thoughts

Sooo I was thinking today and kicking myself over what I could have done with $6700 if I just wanted to blow it.... I've always had this escapist dream where I move somewhere overseas and have a little adventure while I'm still young. I could have done that with $6700. Or maybe upgraded my car to something nicer! Oh well.
The thing I miss about my small boobs is being able to play them up in a padded bra if I want to look sexy, or downplay them in a regular bra for day to day stuff. Now with these big boobs there's only one option: a tight sports bra. Pretty boring. My butt looks even tinier if I wear anything slightly padded!
I'm a little on the chubbier side lately. I guess the plus side of my big boobs is that they make my waist look skinnier so I don't necessarily look as chubby as I would with the small boobs... but once again, my extra padded bras resolved that issue too!
I just want to do some frickin yoga or something. I could probably do it with implants but haven't attempted it yet.... it kind of irks me my boobs would feel super tight like they feel when I stretch my arm up. After I'm healed up from the removal I think I'm going to do a bunch of yoga and tone right up.

Am I going crazy??

I took some more pictures today... I'm wondering if I'm going crazy by spending this much money for something and then having them removed before I get a chance to see the final result. What if I learn to like them?? What if I'd be depressed either way with or without them? What if all this is just in my head and I'm not thinking logically or clearly? UGh. I took some more pictures today to see if there's been any changes.
Maybe I could get used to them? Are they that ugly after all? Are they still too big? Should I downsize? Would that solve a single thing or would I be worse off?
Fml. I can't stand being indecisive. This is my personality. Take me to a restaurant and I'll be the last one to order because everything looks so good that I just can't decide what I want. Story of my life.

Before them

Thought I'd post this quick pic about how they looked in clothes before implants... which was absolutely fine and proportional... not wearing a pushup bra just a regular padded bra.

Exercise

Went for a jog today and it was hard to keep up with the group! Back was feeling sore and I could feel fluid inside implants sloshing around. Very weird feeling. Did yoga afterwards. Neck and back pain as well as a radiating pain down my arm. All the girls were fit and athletic with regular, normal boobs. Most of them were flat! And some of them were really flat but their bodies looked great and fit. Not convinced just yet that keeping them is the best idea.

My thought for tonight....

Once these things are out f me and I'm recovered I'm gonna hit the gym hard and work on having the best ass and legs that I can! They will be so good that having little boobs isn't even gonna matter! Wish my explant was scheduled for tmrw so I could put it all behind me but one more month to go!

Update

So I've spent some time off the site but I thought I'd come back to do an update. I'm really scared to go through with the explant surgery.... I think I'm going to delay it. My breasts have stretched out a lot... I have stretch marks and I don't really think I have the best skin elasticity in the first place which worries me because I don't feel like I'll snap back to normal.
On a positive note... Fearing the explant surgery has gotten me to slowly accept my breast implants for what they are.
If I could go back I definitely would not have gotten them...
I can tell you that they have not changed my life for the better, nor have they opened up any new opportunities for me. They have not improved my self esteem or made me feel better about myself or my physical appearance.
They are just boobs. That's it. They are heavy boobs that get a few extra glances in tight clothing. Nothing special.
I think if I meet someone and decide to have kids down the road (hopefully!) then I will make the decision to have them ex planted prior to breast feeding.
I can only pray that until that time I do not get any complications from them... But I guess in my head as long as I feel like they're not in my body forever and I will be out in the future... Then I can live with them for now. Maybe things will change... I don't know at this point.
I do not love them by any means... But I do not hate them either. Just wish I hadn't done this.

Cancelled my surgery

Just thought I'd post a quick update! I cancelled my surgery and I have decided to keep the implants. I'm beginning to get more comfortable with them. As time has gone by they are starting to look better. One thing that bothered me was how tight they were when I pushed them together. It seems like now the chest muscles have stretched out a bit and allowed them to move a little more freely.
The gap is still there, but they look more natural and some natural big breasted women have gaps in their chests too. I still feel the implants there and I realize they're never gonna compare to real boobs but oh well I will take them as they are and be grateful!
Thank you to all the ladies who have been supportive on here!
I will keep posting progress maybe they will continue to look better in the months to follow.

Boobs are uneven not sure what to do

Well, now that I've decided to keep my boobs, I've taken another picture in better lighting and realized that they are really not even on both sides and the gap is still there. The right breast is fine, but the pocket of the left breast is more laterally dissected (as in the pocket was not made as wide as the pocket of the right breast). I noticed this difference right after surgery but I was going to wait in see what happened and wasn't focusing on the assymettry while I thought I was going to explant. I seriously would hate to go through another surgery... but I wonder what I should do. If he will do the surgery on just the left breast then opens up the pocket a bit and closes the gap a little bit maybe it will be worth it if I'm deciding to keep these things long term? Not sure at this point. I guess I will have to look into reviews for revision surgeries and see what other peoples experiences are. I made a line on picture to kind of show what I mean by how the left boob is positioned differently.
Was this review helpful? 1 other found this helpful

Comments (73)

Sort by

I think you look great babe. I think what's right for someone isn't going to be right for everyone. Go shopping, buy some dream angels demi bras or some pretty unlined bras. I think that will help you like them a bit more. They don't look uneven to me!
  • Reply
Just checking on you!
  • Reply
I think you look fabulous! YOU are beautiful. The implants don't change that. They do look fabulous though. They don't look too big for your body at all. Very in proportion. These implants don't change who you are at all. They only change what you look like and how you feel. If I felt bad with mine (I haven't gotten them yet, still researching) I'd certainly have them removed and realized I paid for the learning experience! But I would for sure wait a year to decide. I think they look amazing though. I don't think you look chubby at all. I think you were going thought what girls in here call the "boobie blues"! It's a change! It will take a little getting used too! Guys like any boobs big or small so don't change for them! My hubby loves mine small but says he'd love them big too if I choose I want them! I'm so dang nervous for all of these reasons! But sweetie, you look great!! Don't stress!
  • Reply
I think you look great! However, I can totally relate to you and understand why you feel the way you do. It's literally a rollercoaster of emotions...highs and lows and it's hard comparing yourself to everyone here on RS as well. But we have to realize that everyone's anatomy is different and that plays a HUGE role in our outcome. I am far apart as well. I keep pondering the fact that maybe if I would've went with Mod+ profile, rather than HP that I would've had less of a gap. Granted I would have less projection but it's one or the other. Are yours HP or Mod? I am a complete and total perfectionist. I probably drove my PS nuts, haha Hang in there. And ask your PS as many questions as needed. That's what he/she is there for! You truly do look fabulous! :)
  • Reply
None of us are even. No two sides are identical. It makes us beautiful individuals. When you wear a bra, shirt, or dress I'm sure that line isn't that obvious. I think your breasts are beautiful. ..in fact, they could definitely be on someone's wish list. Mine will never be exactly perfect. ....but that's what makes them mine and beautifully mine. Enjoy more....stress less. Hugs
  • Reply
Aww thank you Michele and Ali! I needed to hear that! I think I must get a little paranoid sometimes. They look fine. Do I seriously want to undergo surgery again with all the risks involved just to move the pocket slightly to the middle?? That might just be crazy. I neeed to work on stopping being such a perfectionist! Good enough is good enough!!
  • Reply
Thank God! Thought I was gonna have to come shake you or something !!!!!!! You're awesome as you are !
  • Reply
You look great. Too bad you can't see that.
  • Reply
In your most recent picture I can tell they are a little closer together. You have a great body with our without implants! I'm glad you were able to make a decision that you feel comfortable with. I had my explant this morning and have no regrets at all. It's all about being comfortable with your decisions! Good luck and happy healing!
  • Reply
I'm happy to hear your explant went well! Ya I realized that the picture I took just wasn't in very good lighting. I don't think the gap has really closed up that well. I may go back to my surgeon and see about having a revision to correct the gap and the pocket. I think if only he does the left breast, then maybe things can look a bit better. I don't know what I will do yet I am going to look into it at least.
  • Reply
Just as long as you're happy. Some women are super happy with implants. Some women aren't. I wasn't. I hope you find some inner peace whatever your decision is! Soft hugs!
  • Reply
Don't forget to do the "exercises", massages to keep the implants soft. Congrats, glad you decided to keep them, they really do look awesome!
  • Reply
Wow, they really changed compared to your earlier pics :) they look good! Glad to hear that you have decided to keep them. If you change your mind down the road, there is always time to explant. Glad you are feeling better!
  • Reply
Congratulations! I'm happy for you !
  • Reply
I had the same feeling as you and I got them removed 7 weeks after I did them. I passed through hell and back and major depression. Couldn't stop beating myself up why I did them at the first place. But knowing I am not alone and that so many people regret their desicions makes me feels better. I have return fully to my original boobs as I removed them quickly and I did not give my skin a chance to stretch however my scars still visible and it has been one year. So think properly and if you think its not for you remove them ASAP so you will not cause further damage but be aware of your emotions, as it is not easy
  • Reply
Oh girl! I could just hug you! I feel for you! Be patient with yourself and I think one day you will just know what is right for you. I have had my salines for 13 years (read my review I got when I was 19 and I am now 32 having revision on Friday) But I DID breast feed both of my boys successfully! I think the whole process is such an emotional roller coaster its just hard to keep up to what you are feeling. Be patient with yourself and let your mind catch up to your body xoxo
  • Reply
Thank you :)
  • Reply
Girl, I can't tell you what to do. But this surgery, especially so early on is something you can totally UNDO if you wish to. You are young, you haven't had them that long... your breasts WILL go back to what they were before after removal. AND bonus is your scars will heal way better, because you won't have the weight of the implant causing pressure etc. It's not an easy decision to keep them, or take them out, and the back and forth is totally normal. Only you can decide what is right for you. But don't let the fear of what you'll look like after removal hold you back, because your just going to like your old self, nothing less nothing more. xxx
  • Reply
I've had my new set for 3 weeks now and I can say hands down I love my decision. My first set I had for 13 years and then I had a left side deflation. I can tell you I successfully nursed my son with implants. I can't tell you what to do, but can suggest if you are dissatisfied now, you will be the same with scars left from explant. You are beautiful and I hope therapy offers you the boost you need and deserve.
  • Reply
I think they look beautiful
  • Reply
I just read your last post and OMG we could be twins lol! I'm saying the exact same thing! My butt and legs are gonna kill it! My explant is coming up...less than two weeks away. I know they are probably going to be not-so-cute, to put it nicely, but honestly, I don't care. I will feel freeeeeee!
  • Reply
I also wanted to add that I can see everyone posting is here to support and encourage you, not to peer pressure you! Ultimately you are making the best decision for yourself and that will make you happiest!
  • Reply
I was reading your story and in my head thinking that your boobs must be crazy big. Then I got to the pics you posted on the 18 and was surprised. They look so good on you. Curvy but definitely not overkill. Taking them out might be something you regret. After I had mine done there were a couple days where I thought "omg what have I done to myself" but it was just getting used to them actually on my body. You have a great figure and the new boobs look really good! We all have insecurities/self esteem issues on some level, and changing the outside doesn't always help us on the inside. If having bigger boobs was all it took to feel better about ourselves, every single woman would be going for it. Maybe give it more time before you make a final decision, you are more than the size of your boobs.
  • Reply
Since it sounds like you are still on the fence, why not wait until the six month mark to have them removed. It is a ton of money to spend and because you said you rushed into it maybe you shouldn't rush out of it too. Take the time to talk to your therapist about what you're going through and make sure whatever you decide is the best decision for you-long term. Like you said, the implants didn't help add any self esteem so taking them out wont add any either, you are still "you". You look really great and you might feel like your implants are big but they look totally proportional to your body and like they are on a fit and athletic person. Work on yourself from the inside out and then make your final decision!!!
  • Reply