Wanting to Remove 11 Week Old Breast Implants

Unfortunately I was in a bad place and not feeling...

Unfortunately I was in a bad place and not feeling good about my body and made the impulsive decision to get breast implants. I literally scheduled the surgery for two weeks after my consultation just so that I would not have the chance to cancel the surgery. I thought somehow that by having breast implants I would fix my self esteem. I thought that men would be more attracted to me, I thought I would feel sexier and better about myself. If anything... I have become more self conscious than I was before. Now when I wear clothes, I am top heavy. It looks like I gained weight. They are bigger than what I asked for, and I try to hide them or not stand too straight because when I stand straight they appear more round and fake. It has been almost three months now and they still look and feel fake to me. They have not dropped very much... I think long term I could tolerate the look of them... but they just don't feel normal. They don't feel normal to the touch, they don't feel normal when I move around. I have flex distortion as well. It's already bad but if it gets any worse I'll really be grossed out. My boobs were tiny before yeah... and I had people tease me about them (part of the reason I got implants). Ironically the people who teased me about them were women and not men. Men never complained about my boobs. Now I realize that they fit my body a lot better before than they do now.

I'm super scared of the emotional roller coaster I'm going to go through getting them removed. I'm scared of having to wear compression garments during the summer and look flat chested. I'm scared I'm making the wrong decision removing them, but I'm scared to keep them too!

What if I'm not in a good place financially ten years down the road and can't afford to have them removed and replaced? What if they leak silicone and damage my body without me being aware of it? What if I want to have children and can't breastfeed?
I spent so much on breast implants when realistically I could have taken a vacation anywhere in the world practically for that amount of money! I didn't need big boobs... I don't even like lots of attention... I don't know why I did this too myself.

4 More Days Until my Consultation!

My consultation for explant is coming up on Monday! I'm nervous for it. I'm nervous because I don't know my dr well enough to know what he's going to say to me... I only spent about 15 minutes with him during the first consult. Wish I would have taken my time and shopped around and talked to different surgeons before proceeding with surgery. Maybe I somehow would have changed my mind instead of rushing into it!
I have to start reminding myself that even if I look okay in clothes... even though I might enjoy these things for a few years... down the road they are just going to become a hassle and I'm better to have them removed sooner than later so that the skin has a good chance of stretching back.
I think I'm going to give myself until some time in July to get the surgery.
A little part of me in the back of my mind is trying to keep them and justify all the money spent.. but I have to just get over that and accept my body for what it is.
I wonder if the implants had less projection and were a little flatter and closer together if I would have been happy with surgery. Maybe I would have... but I am not willing to undergo an entire surgery to correct something like that and risk the chance that it doesn't end up well. Scary!
I think the worst part of all of this is not being able to talk to family and friends about it. I know they will be judgemental and none of this will make sense to them. Oh well this is my decision. I made my bed and I get to lie in it!

On the fence.

Talked to a couple people today about boobs. I can't decide if I want revision surgery or explant :(

Confused?

Today has me really confused! I think I might be starting to accept them/like them. In my head I keep thinking if there's no serious complications.. then maybe I'm being crazy to want to remove them. I'm still going to ask about a revision surgery.. But to be quite honest I would be scared of putting myself through a second surgery :( And what if a second surgery complicated things more? I don't know how I'm going to feel by Monday... I hope I have everything decided on in my head before I talk to the Dr so that I don't seem confused!

I've made my decision :)

I've decided that I'm going to go ahead and have my implants removed as soon as possible. I do not want to give my boobs any more time to stretch out, I want the best chance of them going back to normal and I'm fairly comfortable and certain about my decision.
I'm so blessed to have been given the body that I have. After this whole ordeal, I am no longer going to see myself as a flawed person. We all have our imperfections and that's what makes us unique and beautiful..... Just my thoughts for the night. Will update tmrw :) Thank you ladies for your support on this forum.

Night before consult with Surgeon.

Tmrw afternoon is my appointment to see my surgeon. I know I should be making a list of what I'm going to say to him and what questions I'm going to ask, but I'm not looking forward to it...
I honestly feel exhausted thinking about my breasts and looking at things from every perspective. I almost want it to be straight forward going in there, scheduling explant and getting it done and over with so I can forget about it accept my decision and move on.
I just hope my surgeon can accept some responsibility for my results not being the look that I had originally asked for... I'm tired of thinking about all of this and I don't want to go in there and have to fight to explain things. It's kind of embarrassing too to sit there with your boobs hanging out and tell some guy you barely know and don't feel comfortable with that he did a bad job on them. I kind of wish I had someone to come with me... a part of me just wants the support of someone being there beside me even if they don't say anything.
I guess I'm just feeling a bit worn down.

On a positive note... I am realizing just how much I veered from my true nature.. and just how much I was losing sight of the things that are important in life. Yes... we all want to feel beautiful as women and that is our right... but it starts with inner beauty first....

I've been pretty stubborn so far about therapy.... It hasn't been something I've thought would benefit me... but who knows. I may look into it.

Leaving for consultation in 15 minutes...

I'm really nervous.... I keep looking in the mirror and thinking 'maybe my boobs look okay, maybe this is all in my head?'. I know I'm going to go in there feeling confused which is the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up this morning with this tight feeling in my chest. It was so uncomfortable. I have to stop second guessing myself. I want them out. I do not want repeat surgeries for something cosmetic. There is no such thing as 'perfect boobs'. There is no such thing as a 'perfect body'. This is just something that we construct in our minds so we have something to strive towards, something to obsess about. Everybody's version of 'perfect' is different... It's unhealthy to focus so much on appearances.
Anyways... off to the consult. I don't want to start crying when I'm in there so I took a mild anti-anxiety pill. May still cry.... god I pray I won't!! Sad I did this to myself. Can't wait to put it in the past.

Consultation

Finally done and over with! Teared up a bit but held back from full out crying! Cried a bit on the car ride home though. This is hard to deal with emotionally. It's really hard to not think about it but I know if I obsess over it my mind is just going to go in circles and that's not a healthy thing. Can't help but look at my boobs in clothes and wonder if I'm making the wrong decision... could I actually miss these new boobs? Then I put those thoughts right back in the back of my mind and remember why I wanted them out in the first place. The surgery is not going to cost anything, I think removal is covered by health care thank god for that.
I wanted to do the removal under local anaesthesia because I'm scared of going under general anaesthesia again so soon... but the surgeon said it would be best to do it under general anaesthesia so that he can close the pockets and do some internal stitching. He was nice about it and very straightforward. I'm glad he was kind about it and not judgemental, where I'm at right now I don't think I could have handled being judged. I just don't have it in me to fight back right now.
I called and left a message for a therapist. I hope she's a good fit and I can get in to see her soon. I've been really stressed out I need to do some healing emotionally first before this next surgery.
I'm booked for July 24th but they've put me on a cancellation list in case something comes up sooner. When I was in the consultation the Dr said I might have to wait until September to get them removed so thankfully that didn't end up being the case! The less I get attached to them the better.

Tonight's Thoughts

Sooo I was thinking today and kicking myself over what I could have done with $6700 if I just wanted to blow it.... I've always had this escapist dream where I move somewhere overseas and have a little adventure while I'm still young. I could have done that with $6700. Or maybe upgraded my car to something nicer! Oh well.
The thing I miss about my small boobs is being able to play them up in a padded bra if I want to look sexy, or downplay them in a regular bra for day to day stuff. Now with these big boobs there's only one option: a tight sports bra. Pretty boring. My butt looks even tinier if I wear anything slightly padded!
I'm a little on the chubbier side lately. I guess the plus side of my big boobs is that they make my waist look skinnier so I don't necessarily look as chubby as I would with the small boobs... but once again, my extra padded bras resolved that issue too!
I just want to do some frickin yoga or something. I could probably do it with implants but haven't attempted it yet.... it kind of irks me my boobs would feel super tight like they feel when I stretch my arm up. After I'm healed up from the removal I think I'm going to do a bunch of yoga and tone right up.

Am I going crazy??

I took some more pictures today... I'm wondering if I'm going crazy by spending this much money for something and then having them removed before I get a chance to see the final result. What if I learn to like them?? What if I'd be depressed either way with or without them? What if all this is just in my head and I'm not thinking logically or clearly? UGh. I took some more pictures today to see if there's been any changes.
Maybe I could get used to them? Are they that ugly after all? Are they still too big? Should I downsize? Would that solve a single thing or would I be worse off?
Fml. I can't stand being indecisive. This is my personality. Take me to a restaurant and I'll be the last one to order because everything looks so good that I just can't decide what I want. Story of my life.

Before them

Thought I'd post this quick pic about how they looked in clothes before implants... which was absolutely fine and proportional... not wearing a pushup bra just a regular padded bra.

Exercise

Went for a jog today and it was hard to keep up with the group! Back was feeling sore and I could feel fluid inside implants sloshing around. Very weird feeling. Did yoga afterwards. Neck and back pain as well as a radiating pain down my arm. All the girls were fit and athletic with regular, normal boobs. Most of them were flat! And some of them were really flat but their bodies looked great and fit. Not convinced just yet that keeping them is the best idea.

My thought for tonight....

Once these things are out f me and I'm recovered I'm gonna hit the gym hard and work on having the best ass and legs that I can! They will be so good that having little boobs isn't even gonna matter! Wish my explant was scheduled for tmrw so I could put it all behind me but one more month to go!

Update

So I've spent some time off the site but I thought I'd come back to do an update. I'm really scared to go through with the explant surgery.... I think I'm going to delay it. My breasts have stretched out a lot... I have stretch marks and I don't really think I have the best skin elasticity in the first place which worries me because I don't feel like I'll snap back to normal.
On a positive note... Fearing the explant surgery has gotten me to slowly accept my breast implants for what they are.
If I could go back I definitely would not have gotten them...
I can tell you that they have not changed my life for the better, nor have they opened up any new opportunities for me. They have not improved my self esteem or made me feel better about myself or my physical appearance.
They are just boobs. That's it. They are heavy boobs that get a few extra glances in tight clothing. Nothing special.
I think if I meet someone and decide to have kids down the road (hopefully!) then I will make the decision to have them ex planted prior to breast feeding.
I can only pray that until that time I do not get any complications from them... But I guess in my head as long as I feel like they're not in my body forever and I will be out in the future... Then I can live with them for now. Maybe things will change... I don't know at this point.
I do not love them by any means... But I do not hate them either. Just wish I hadn't done this.

Cancelled my surgery

Just thought I'd post a quick update! I cancelled my surgery and I have decided to keep the implants. I'm beginning to get more comfortable with them. As time has gone by they are starting to look better. One thing that bothered me was how tight they were when I pushed them together. It seems like now the chest muscles have stretched out a bit and allowed them to move a little more freely.
The gap is still there, but they look more natural and some natural big breasted women have gaps in their chests too. I still feel the implants there and I realize they're never gonna compare to real boobs but oh well I will take them as they are and be grateful!
Thank you to all the ladies who have been supportive on here!
I will keep posting progress maybe they will continue to look better in the months to follow.

Boobs are uneven not sure what to do

Well, now that I've decided to keep my boobs, I've taken another picture in better lighting and realized that they are really not even on both sides and the gap is still there. The right breast is fine, but the pocket of the left breast is more laterally dissected (as in the pocket was not made as wide as the pocket of the right breast). I noticed this difference right after surgery but I was going to wait in see what happened and wasn't focusing on the assymettry while I thought I was going to explant. I seriously would hate to go through another surgery... but I wonder what I should do. If he will do the surgery on just the left breast then opens up the pocket a bit and closes the gap a little bit maybe it will be worth it if I'm deciding to keep these things long term? Not sure at this point. I guess I will have to look into reviews for revision surgeries and see what other peoples experiences are. I made a line on picture to kind of show what I mean by how the left boob is positioned differently.

Update

Well I haven't been on here for awhile... Haven't really had much to say. Been missing my old boobs all day today!
I really get annoyed sleeping with breast implants. If I wear a sports bra to bed it's okay, but if I don't wear a bra then I wake up and they feel weird and 'stiff' I really don't know how to describe it properly but I don't like the way they don't flatten out like real boobs I guess that's what I mean. I wake up and they're just there two mounds that don't flatten out and jiggle around like normal boobs. They don't really feel 'real' at all to me. I've been having body image problems lately... Not just the boobs but the whole body...So I guess it's not the best time to start wondering if I want to remove my breast implants or not, I think it will just drive me crazy. In my mind it's not a matter of whether or not I'll remove them, it's just a matter of when I'll remove them. Maybe if I remove them five years down the road then at least I'll have got some of my money's worth! I know it's only a little over four months since I've had them but my old boobs are definitely not the same and never will be. I have stretch marks, I don't have good skin elasticity, the scars are still super noticeable not fading a lot.
I know if I get them removed they're not going back to the way they were what's done is done. I hope I'll have met a great guy within my five year time frame and he can be there to support me through explant. It's hard to go through surgery without a proper support system. Can't do it again so soon. I know some are strong enough to but not this girl! On the plus side, I think I'll know instinctively when the right time to remove them will be. Frick though just thinking about the process of going through it makes me feel anxious. So I'm going to push those thoughts to the back of my mind and go on with life and save it for another time. I have to change around my thinking lately. I don't know why but lately I've been preoccupied thinking about things I can't change about myself and my body... It's really not healthy it makes sad! I feel like I need some attention. I really shouldn't need it to feel better about myself, I just feel like I need it. A guy who's known me for a long time who I was intimate with said 'you didn't even need breast implants I don't know why you got them'. That stung a bit. Oh well I did get them and that is that. I remember a couple years ago I saw this same guy and mentioned breast implants casually and he certainly didn't say back then 'you don't need them' . Oh well. Lesson learnt. Who knows maybe I'll remove them sooner then five years.
On a side note, in more 'secure' times, when I was 23 a girl I worked with said she was getting breast implants. I thought she was crazy for getting a boob job... And I let other people know that. I guess this is what karma feels like.
God why couldn't I have just had slightly bigger natural boobs in the first place?? There I go again with the 'wishful' thinking. Ugh. Enough for today I'm gonna make some tea and go to bed!
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Comments (84)

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I suppose beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder because your breasts are now on my wish list. I hope to get implants within the next 3 years and your result is definitely something I'd love to have! Thanks for your review and i hope you start to see how beautiful you and the rest of the world is. Enjoy your life, with or without implants.
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Thanks so much for the nice message! To be honest, I think I'm adjusting to them but I still have days where I have my doubts for sure. I would caution you to really do your research before getting implants though. Make sure that they're something you really, really, really want and don't make an impulsive decision like I did! Some things I wish I would have considered beforehand: the scars don't go away very quick, I'm fair skinned and they are very noticeable even with coverup. I guess my boobs dropped lower than they shouldve so the scars aren't actually in the crease but above it which sucks. If I could redo I probably wouldn't but if I could redo it and i wanted to I would go through the armpit. Number 2! They're never going to be even! This ticked me off. Even if they were totally symmetrical before your surgery then somehow because they're two separate surgeries, they're never going to be placed exactly the same. Third, research all of the things that could go wrong. They can and do go wrong and I have a feeling that they are much more common than is reported by plastic surgery websites. Fourth, be prepared for weird twitchy, jumpy boobs. Under the muscle is the way to go but you can literally make your boobs go all weird just by moving your arm a certain way that would cause you to use your pectoralis muscles. Fifth, they might change the way your nipples look. My nipples are more pointy and large, its weird like when they're not hard they're more conical and stick out more. Hard to describe it but they were cuter before. No idea why this has happened. Also my boobs are way more veiny now. Sixth, I get faint sort of radiating aches down my arms every now and again(nothing painful). I suspect this is from the stretching of the nerves somehow because it's the same thing I felt right after surgery (except after surgery was way more intense). And lastly... they'll never feel real no matter what people tell you. They can feel nice yes, and they can feel okay to a guy and what not, it's just a different feeling from actual real breasts so I think it would be hard to mistake them for real breasts unless you had a tonne of breast tissue covering them. They can be enjoyable if you make them out to be yes but Idk if I could do it again I would just realize that my own boobs could be enjoyable just as well! Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck! I'm not trying to scare you off of getting them or anything just want to give you a heads up on things to think about before you do as I wish I had considered these things! All considered, who knows I may still have went ahead and got them but damn that $6700 could have gone to a luxurious vacation anywhere in the world!! So I kick myself over that lol.
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I actually think your breasts look amazing. To me just by reading your posts it seems you are generally unhappy with most of yourself. Maybe seek therapy to get to the bottom of why you feel negative about yourself. I honestly don't think any kind of surgery 'implant or explant' is going to suddenly change the way you feel. Definitely give it longer to consider how you feel. Remember that you didn't give yourself much time to decide on the implants so I would hang fire with the explant. You look fabulous. Get confident with you and maybe things will just fall into place. Good luck.
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Sry haven't been on here for ages to reply! But thank you for the advice. Everything changes so fast I definately do not think I'm going to make the same impulsive decision taking them out as I did getting them put it! Yep reading back on my posts I generally have been unhappy with myself but time, healing, and a change of perspective has changed that.
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Try not to over think this for now. Give it time to adjust (1 year) and if you still hate them at that time, make your decision to explant and book the experience under "lessons learned"...chances are good that your boobs will not look hugely different afterwards. When I was pregnant, my boobs were huge for 9 months and some weeks after and then they went small again. Had a couple of minor stretchmarks but otherwise they went back to perky after 4-5 months...you are still so young, I am sure it won't bee an issue for you. But do your research before (the explant forum might be a good place to start in a year)...
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I meant boobies. Sorry.
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I think you look beautiful. Dont listen to anyone else. But i would give yourself a year to let everything settle. Mind, bobbies and heart. Try not to think about what it used to be like or if i didnt have them i could do......... start thinkung about going forward. Whether its with or without them. Good luck honey;)
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I think you should remove them, honey. I have read many, many stories on explanting on here and I've seen women with implants for 15 years remove them and their breasts look fabulous. Your breasts will go back to how they were. They'll have some extra stretchmarks.. no big deal. Many women have them from puberty, breastfeeding, pregnancy. And they fade even more with time. I think you should go to the explant section an get support from those women. They will help you and be there for you. xo
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I think you look great babe. I think what's right for someone isn't going to be right for everyone. Go shopping, buy some dream angels demi bras or some pretty unlined bras. I think that will help you like them a bit more. They don't look uneven to me!
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Thanks :) I haven't really done much shopping lately... Haven't been in the mood surprisingly! Maybe I need to buy a cute unlined bra to feel better.
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Just checking on you!
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I think you look fabulous! YOU are beautiful. The implants don't change that. They do look fabulous though. They don't look too big for your body at all. Very in proportion. These implants don't change who you are at all. They only change what you look like and how you feel. If I felt bad with mine (I haven't gotten them yet, still researching) I'd certainly have them removed and realized I paid for the learning experience! But I would for sure wait a year to decide. I think they look amazing though. I don't think you look chubby at all. I think you were going thought what girls in here call the "boobie blues"! It's a change! It will take a little getting used too! Guys like any boobs big or small so don't change for them! My hubby loves mine small but says he'd love them big too if I choose I want them! I'm so dang nervous for all of these reasons! But sweetie, you look great!! Don't stress!
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Thank you so much :) that's very sweet of you to say :) I'm just feeling uncomfortable with them lately. They feel too firm. They don't feel like real boobs. They may look pretty good but I just wish they felt better! They're not firm from cc or anything... Just the nature of them and their shape... I can feel them in my body and it's weird sometimes.
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I think you look great! However, I can totally relate to you and understand why you feel the way you do. It's literally a rollercoaster of emotions...highs and lows and it's hard comparing yourself to everyone here on RS as well. But we have to realize that everyone's anatomy is different and that plays a HUGE role in our outcome. I am far apart as well. I keep pondering the fact that maybe if I would've went with Mod+ profile, rather than HP that I would've had less of a gap. Granted I would have less projection but it's one or the other. Are yours HP or Mod? I am a complete and total perfectionist. I probably drove my PS nuts, haha Hang in there. And ask your PS as many questions as needed. That's what he/she is there for! You truly do look fabulous! :)
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Thank you :) mine are mod + but I honestly do not like the projection of them. They project unnaturally. I 'think' I could have been happier with just moderate profile but maybe I'd still be feeling the same way. Either way too much roundness and too much side boob for me with these ones. Too much boob in general I think!
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None of us are even. No two sides are identical. It makes us beautiful individuals. When you wear a bra, shirt, or dress I'm sure that line isn't that obvious. I think your breasts are beautiful. ..in fact, they could definitely be on someone's wish list. Mine will never be exactly perfect. ....but that's what makes them mine and beautifully mine. Enjoy more....stress less. Hugs
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Aww thank you Michele and Ali! I needed to hear that! I think I must get a little paranoid sometimes. They look fine. Do I seriously want to undergo surgery again with all the risks involved just to move the pocket slightly to the middle?? That might just be crazy. I neeed to work on stopping being such a perfectionist! Good enough is good enough!!
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Thank God! Thought I was gonna have to come shake you or something !!!!!!! You're awesome as you are !
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You look great. Too bad you can't see that.
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In your most recent picture I can tell they are a little closer together. You have a great body with our without implants! I'm glad you were able to make a decision that you feel comfortable with. I had my explant this morning and have no regrets at all. It's all about being comfortable with your decisions! Good luck and happy healing!
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I'm happy to hear your explant went well! Ya I realized that the picture I took just wasn't in very good lighting. I don't think the gap has really closed up that well. I may go back to my surgeon and see about having a revision to correct the gap and the pocket. I think if only he does the left breast, then maybe things can look a bit better. I don't know what I will do yet I am going to look into it at least.
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Just as long as you're happy. Some women are super happy with implants. Some women aren't. I wasn't. I hope you find some inner peace whatever your decision is! Soft hugs!
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Don't forget to do the "exercises", massages to keep the implants soft. Congrats, glad you decided to keep them, they really do look awesome!
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Wow, they really changed compared to your earlier pics :) they look good! Glad to hear that you have decided to keep them. If you change your mind down the road, there is always time to explant. Glad you are feeling better!
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