"you look so skinny"

I am a 37 year old mom of 9 year old twins and a 6 year old (all girls and not trying for the boy---ever!). I love my kids dearly but three kids are no joke! My pregnancies were fine by really reeked havoc on my body. I gained 50 pounds with the twins and lost that weight (but not the stretched 'twin skin' and bazillion stretch marks). When I carried my third i carried her so far down I swear my belly was touching my knees and I have long legs. The twin pregnancy severed by ab muscles completely leaving room for the third baby to stretch my jelly belly into a whole new rhelm of grossness! Pictures will be posted at some point soon, but I figured I need to start my blog because time is running out. I am actually scheduled for my tt on November 8th--one month from Monday. I cannot believe it is happening so soon!

I have wrestled with doing this procedure for years, 6 years to be exact. I have gone back and forth in my mind, struggled with financial aspects, heath fears and the whole I am being totally selfish for wanting this so badly. I began saving 5 years ago, and have saved enough to pay cash for the surgery (yay me!). But I still have the other reservations.

First, with regard to health. Four years ago, I got really sick. Turned out it was UCTD (auto immune disease but not diagnosed with Lupus as I have many markers, but not all). I have struggled with my health since I was first diagnosed and convinced that due to my condition an elective surgery such as this on would be absolutely out of question. I go through times that I am moderately ill, to times that I am feeling pretty good. I see a Rheumolotigist on a regular basis and take a handful of medications and supplements daily. I started a diet/health/excersize plan in July and have really been stable and feeling well. Again,I have wanted this so bad and for so long that when I went for my consult at the end of September, and was told that with consent from my Rheumy I can move forward with having my tt I was elated to say the very least. It was my first consult but I felt very comfortable with the doctor and the staff and I decided to move forward with it right then and there and booked my date! So, November 8th it is :)

Now the selfish part. I can totally relate to all of the reviews that I have read on this sight (all of you are amazing and brave and very articulate with your stories--thank you all so much!). I have had very similar feelings of guilt and doubt. I have been up and down about committing to doing this for 5 years because of it! I am 5'6. I now weigh 162 pounds (down from 183 in July). I have gone through some weight gain and loss, but none significant. I was 150 before getting pregnant the first time and always looked good, so I never worried about the number on the scale. I have long thin legs and arms and always looked like the correct proportion. But after I had the twins, my body far from bounced back and although my legs and arms are still fine and I must say that when I am feeling well I excersize hard. So, i have not gotten out of shape so much. But, and the reason for my title, "NO!!! I am NOT pregnant but you sure are an IDIOT for asking!!!!!" I am asked at least on a monthly basis and have been ever since the twins were born if I am pregnant. Most of the time by strangers, but sometimes by people who I know and have known for some time. It feels like a knife in the back every time I am asked. And it NEVER stops. My abdomen protrudes out due to the severed abdominal muscles and there is not a thing that I can do. As a matter of fact, at one point I was down to 140, lifting and cardio and pilaties daily and the result? I ended up with a serious physical injury to my shoulder and my back because I have no core muscle or strength. Did my stomach get flat, no way! My back hurts often and I cannot wait until my TT to see if my back improves. I suspect it will.

So, I am beginning my preparations. I have learned so much from reading others posts. Thank you all for sharing such valuable information. And for the giggles as well. I have really 'lol'ed on multiple occasions. This site is way more entertaining to me than FB for sure!

My tt...T- 1 Month and 1 Day. It's all becoming so real now! Thanks for listening (((hugs))) and happy healing to all =}