"you look so skinny"

I am a 37 year old mom of 9 year old twins and a 6 year old (all girls and not trying for the boy---ever!). I love my kids dearly but three kids are no joke! My pregnancies were fine by really reeked havoc on my body. I gained 50 pounds with the twins and lost that weight (but not the stretched 'twin skin' and bazillion stretch marks). When I carried my third i carried her so far down I swear my belly was touching my knees and I have long legs. The twin pregnancy severed by ab muscles completely leaving room for the third baby to stretch my jelly belly into a whole new rhelm of grossness! Pictures will be posted at some point soon, but I figured I need to start my blog because time is running out. I am actually scheduled for my tt on November 8th--one month from Monday. I cannot believe it is happening so soon!

I have wrestled with doing this procedure for years, 6 years to be exact. I have gone back and forth in my mind, struggled with financial aspects, heath fears and the whole I am being totally selfish for wanting this so badly. I began saving 5 years ago, and have saved enough to pay cash for the surgery (yay me!). But I still have the other reservations.

First, with regard to health. Four years ago, I got really sick. Turned out it was UCTD (auto immune disease but not diagnosed with Lupus as I have many markers, but not all). I have struggled with my health since I was first diagnosed and convinced that due to my condition an elective surgery such as this on would be absolutely out of question. I go through times that I am moderately ill, to times that I am feeling pretty good. I see a Rheumolotigist on a regular basis and take a handful of medications and supplements daily. I started a diet/health/excersize plan in July and have really been stable and feeling well. Again,I have wanted this so bad and for so long that when I went for my consult at the end of September, and was told that with consent from my Rheumy I can move forward with having my tt I was elated to say the very least. It was my first consult but I felt very comfortable with the doctor and the staff and I decided to move forward with it right then and there and booked my date! So, November 8th it is :)

Now the selfish part. I can totally relate to all of the reviews that I have read on this sight (all of you are amazing and brave and very articulate with your stories--thank you all so much!). I have had very similar feelings of guilt and doubt. I have been up and down about committing to doing this for 5 years because of it! I am 5'6. I now weigh 162 pounds (down from 183 in July). I have gone through some weight gain and loss, but none significant. I was 150 before getting pregnant the first time and always looked good, so I never worried about the number on the scale. I have long thin legs and arms and always looked like the correct proportion. But after I had the twins, my body far from bounced back and although my legs and arms are still fine and I must say that when I am feeling well I excersize hard. So, i have not gotten out of shape so much. But, and the reason for my title, "NO!!! I am NOT pregnant but you sure are an IDIOT for asking!!!!!" I am asked at least on a monthly basis and have been ever since the twins were born if I am pregnant. Most of the time by strangers, but sometimes by people who I know and have known for some time. It feels like a knife in the back every time I am asked. And it NEVER stops. My abdomen protrudes out due to the severed abdominal muscles and there is not a thing that I can do. As a matter of fact, at one point I was down to 140, lifting and cardio and pilaties daily and the result? I ended up with a serious physical injury to my shoulder and my back because I have no core muscle or strength. Did my stomach get flat, no way! My back hurts often and I cannot wait until my TT to see if my back improves. I suspect it will.

So, I am beginning my preparations. I have learned so much from reading others posts. Thank you all for sharing such valuable information. And for the giggles as well. I have really 'lol'ed on multiple occasions. This site is way more entertaining to me than FB for sure!

My tt...T- 1 Month and 1 Day. It's all becoming so real now! Thanks for listening (((hugs))) and happy healing to all =}

Ok. one month today and I will have a flat belly, woo hoo! Pics are up. Ugh how humiliating! But, it's just for here, so, here goes.

Yeah, so this is great. One month - 1 day til my tt and I have my period. Which means, I will have my period for surgery. What are the chances that it will come like a week early like it did this month? My luck, slim to none :(

Hahaha...I turned a new page in this journey...instead of checking out facebook first, I came right to Realself curious to see how everyone is doing! This site is my new FB for now! lol.
I go for my pre-op on Monday. I have about 100 questions, anyone have advice of something that I should about? Also, how long do I realistically need someone to help me? I am very independent and it is hard for me to accept help. My tt is on a Thursday. My bff is taking me and will be staying with me throughout the day, driving me home, etc. My husband will be home with me that Friday, my mom on Saturday and then my husband from Sunday and then for the entire next week. Does anyone think that it is necessary to have him around for that long? I'm used to him being gone all of the time at work and don't know if I can handle him being around that much! lol. It will be nice to have someone else take care of my kiddos though!

I cannot believe I have only 3 more weeks! it does seem that the time is dragging though. I could really go tomorrow! I am ready! I had my pre-op on Monday, things have been so busy I've been unable to write about it. It went fine. I already met my PS during the consult, so I just met with the coordinator who answered my zillion questions and gave me my before and after instructions and a script for blood work. It's interesting how every doc does things differently. I do not need to wash with anti bacterial soap or prepare that way. The night before or the morning of I should shower. I cannot use ANY gel or spray in my hair which is an issue because my hair is just completely unruly with out 20 products in it to keep it under control! I think i might go to the salon the night before and get corn rows or something just to keep it decent for a couple of days. Its a real mess! So, yeah, what I am saying right now in this post is I am more concerned about my hair then anything else! So typical of me! lol.
In addition to my hair, I am also very worried because I take a lot of meds to keep my medical condition under control. I am waiting to hear from my ps to find out what meds I need to stop...I am scared about this because my meds really help me and it sounds like I will need to stop most of them 10 days prior. Please pray for me that I make it through the other side of this! Also, I am super worried because I have not gotten clearance from my doctor yet to go ahead with this surgery. I will be absolutely crushed if she says I can't. I can't worry about it, I just have to wait. I hope to hear by early next week.
So, I am just waiting and waiting and waiting...ugh. I wish I were more patient. I continue to prepare and follow others while I wait. I am ready for this! I am excited and I cannot wait to see how I look when it is all done. My husband was joking with me yesterday...telling me that he fears I will go "back out on the market" when this is all done because I will look smoking hot! I assured him my plan is just to get through it and not be asked if I am pregnant anymore. Strangely enough I was not asked this week yet if I am pregnant. Hmmmm. There's always tomorrow.
Good luck to everyone out there who is up soon and happy healing to those who have gone through their tt's already (((hugs))) to all.

One week to go!!! I have been without electric due to Sandy for 4 days now, so, getting nervous but totally distracted by my munchkis and myself being totally inturrupted by no power. So, instead of worrying about stuff, I am just thinking I need a generator for my lift chair IF power is not restored by next week. Not worrying so much about the not showering part...looking at this situation as 'practice' lol. And I've been out of work now for three full days (the weeks I was supposed to catch everthing up and have things in order for when I am out. So, I am really pre-occupied. Which is good. Missed everyone on here and hopeing that everyone on the East Coast effected by Sandy is safe!!!

I am totally going to the dark side with my eating. I have been so good for so long and now I am eating horriable and just want junk and sweets. (I am pmsing, but still!) I just keep shoving whatever in my mouth! I keep thinking, ahh, I'm not nervous, I am just fine, but then why am i shoving all this food in my mouth?!? ugh! Anyway, I need to get a grip. Oh well. Also, I am thinking I can't believe i am spending all of this $ on myself, and do I have everything that I need, and who is going to take care of my kids if I bite the big one? Yeah,,,all kind of nerves going on. I am drinking a glass of red wine, Hope this will help. I am so freaking nervous all of a sudden.
Oh, and btw. I am really getting my surgery near Philly. This site wont let me change the location! So,, that's all I have. I need to calm myself down before I stroke out! lol.

Today is my day! I have to be at the hospital at 12. I was able to sleep last night so well--like a baby. (it helped that I had only 3 hours of sleep the night before after watching the political returns and speeches). I had a never ending dream last night that I woke up from my surgery, did not look any different at all, but had lots and lots of pain. The doctor, not MY doctor came in and said, "well, you can leave anytime" I asked for my pain medication and he said no! He said that I don't need pain medication and that I will do fine without it. I started crying! My docs office does not give out scripts for medicine before the surgery anymore, they give you the scripts at discharge from the hospital. My drive home is an hour and a half, so I have been really afraid that by the time I get home and get to the pharmacy I will be in pain. So, I guess that's where the dream came from. I wish I had pushed that I want to have my scripts before I go for surgery. Anyway, I'm sure I will be ok. I hope! I need to get ready and do some last minute cleaning up around the house. My bff is picking me up at my house and then we're off. (((deep breath)))

It's my first day PO. I'm doing ok. My husband is taking excellent care of me! I am so lucky :) I am feeling pain, but it has been managable with pain meds. It's really important to stay on top of it though. This morning I was trying to push it to 5 hours rather than 4 and it was not a good choice.
So, a quick run down of yesterday. Got to the hospital at 11;45, was checked in right away and went back to prep. Nurses, doctor's etc met with me, asked questions, did a mini phyical exam, did the antibacterial wash and then got dressed in the sergical garb, hat and all. I waited some time for my PS to come in to mark me up. He got there, marked me up, I went to the bathroom to pee and then got on the stretcher. My bff took off my glasses (I'm blind as a bat without contacts/glasses). The nurses joked with me, said they slipped me a micky in my IV and then I was off to the OR. A mask was put on my face and that was it. OUT! When I woke up I was asked what my pain level was and I said "eight" automatically...rehersed in my head for days! They gave me lots of diluadid and neausa medicaitons and I was kind of ok. I really could feel nothing. No pain, burning, nothing. But all of a sudden my muscles began to spasm. I explained to the nurse that this was happening and my blood pressure was going wacky. They called the doc and he ordered an IV muscle relaxer. It stoped quickly, thank God! The recovery room was closing so they had to get me dressed and out of there quickly, it felt rushed. Standing up was really hard at first and I guess I stood streight up becuase I was feeling nothing at the time, which was not a good thing, but I don't think anything negative happened, other then the nurses telling me that I couldn't stand that way. My legs were really shaky and I thought I was going to fall down. They sent me to pee, which was successful (yay!), they got me dressed, whealed me out and shoved me in my pathfinder and that was it...headed home. The ride home last night was rough for sure. I vomited twice--felt like my insides were being torn out.

The worst part of the whole thing so far was getting up, getting dressed and getting in and out of car, the hospital and the house. My friend was able to fill my medicine while I was in recovery and they gave me a percocet before I left the hospital anyway. When I go home I got right into my comfy rented lift recliner. My friend explained to my husband how to empty my drains and measure my output. She left then (she is the best friend EVER!!! I am so luck to have her!) Then my hubby took over. (he's a good nurse! never knew he had it in him!). The kids wanted to be woken up when I got home to see that I was ok. They got up, came down stairs to look at me and then went back to bed. I ate some crackers, drank some gingerale and then faded off. I didn't really sleep well, but I am not real tired, so I guess that is why.

Today I am feeling the pain in my ab muscles. It feels very tight and sore. I don't feel my incision at all...Is that ok? I hear others say they feel burning on their incision. I have no idea how far down my incision is or how long it is. My drains are out the sides and not coming out of my pubic area. I have NO Idea what I look like or how it turned out. My doc said my follow up will be on the 17th (10 days out from surgery!) and that I will keep my binder on the whole time...no shower until my follow up! I don't know how I will handle this. It is going to be a challenge for me for sure. So, no pics, and no idea of my results for 10 days. That's like a kid having to wait for Christmas!!! Well time for a nap. Happy healing everyone out there! and good luck to those who are up next. :)

I have had a really rough last 24 hours. I have been in terrible pain with minimal relief, gas issues really bad, very uncomfortable and just feeling really bad. I have been having incredible back spasms that have nearly brought me to tears. I called the PS today to let them know that I cannot tolerate the pain any more. I cannot take more percocet because of the Tylenol in it, but he ordered a muscle relaxer, which I really hope does the trick. My belly just has a great deal of tightness (good thing) No specific pain at my incision, I still don't know where my incision is even. I have to wait it out until next Saturday! I'm starting to feel kind of scummy. My sis helped me change my clothes today. That was nice :) I am really hoping that tomorrow I will turn the corner with this and start feeling better. Fingers crossed. Happy healing to all those out there going through the same.

Day 3 PO. Today was much much better then yesterday! Gas is gone, I was able to get around much better today. Less pain. Back spasms are under control. I slept well last night, watched some TV today, and took a really nice nap. Hubby is still being a great nurse. I'm almost feeling good about this whole thing!

Day 4 PO. Today had it's ups and downs. Woke up feeling ok, only used the walker the first time to the bathroom and to take my am stroll around the kitchen/dining room. To my medicine. My hubby made my my isagenix shake for breakfast. Sat around in a daze and relaxed on my hot pad for a while. My MIL came with lunch and helped me get cleaned up. I feel better and smell clean :). Still cannot take off my CG so I can't shower. I started the whole bloating biz again half way through the day. Gas building, tummy rumbling and getting bigger. My drains at times are pulling (I'm getting a good idea where my incision is now!) Also my bb is getting itchy and is starting to annoy me--signs of healing right?. One of the twins was 'riding' my chair when I got up to use the bathroom. When I got out it was not working any more. I called the rental center, they sent someone out right away to fix it! yay! I think I need to rest more--tomorrow I will try to nap at least once (I took no naps today at all). I hope everyone is well and good luck to those who are going in for their tt's soon :)

Day 5 PO. I really wish I could just say YES! It has all been worth it, but I have not seen what is under this binder and cotten and suffing and drains. I wish I could just rip it all off and see what is there! I am getting impatient! Anyway, today has been ok so far. rested, finished a book and started another, took a nap, got off my power recliner for a while and walked around with NO walker! yay! Pain is managable today. I need to try to wash my hair tomorrow. I'm a grease ball. ugh! Good luck everyone and happy healing :)

I am getting worried about follow up...in the Q&A a person asked about follow up and stated their follow up would be in 9 days. All of the doctors on the Q&A said that 9 days is way too long, My Follow is 9 days from my TT. Now I am worried that this is not good at all. Any feed back from my RS friends would be wonderful...What do you think? Should I push follow up sooner?

My freak out from yesterday is over. Feeling pretty good today :)

I am really begining to feel more and more like me every day! I am able to move around much better. Sponge bathed myself and washed my hair today, walked around the house and looked for things to streighten up. It's amazing what the body can handle and how fast it can heal! Tomorrow my binder comes off and I get to see my results! I cannot wait! Perhaps I can finally say, yes! it was worth it! We shall see!

Just back from my first PO!!! I have a flat belly! I didn't believe until i saw it today! I have a flat belly! All is good. The scar is very low. There is some swelling, but over all it looks great. I was out since my apt this am, just got back and I'm a bit tired. Pics to come! My vag is like way big right now--totally swollen, kind of scary! lol

Ta da... lol. Here are my pics at day 10. I took a shower today. I feel amazing! Hair done, make up on, feeling like me! Only the new me with my new belly :) grrr. my camera is giving me issues.

I am 10 days PO. I have been up and around doing things around the house, running the kids around a bit, laundry, driving, and the like. Today I went on a shopping spree with my sister--not for me (Christmas shopping). We were out for about 5 hours walking, standing, stretching, bending...and now I have a vagina the size of an orange, WTH? It has been swelling for a couple of days now, but today is bad! Anyone else having this? Anyway to get the swelling down? I of course have to wear sweat pants/yoga pants--you can see the swelling right through them--it's like i have a man bulge. This is something I was not prepared for!

Today is Thanksgiving 2012 and it also marks the 2 week mark after my TT. I am so thankful for this site and for all you and your support over the past 4 weeks! It has been quite and experience. I am getting more and more pleased with my results by the day. Happy Healing everyone out there! Cheers to us all (I think it is time for me to break out the wine for celebration today!!!)

My bb is looking kind of grey. Especially when i get out of the shower. Anyone else had this? Wondering if i should make a call to my ps.

Well, my incision, which I thought was doing well opened up last night. :(. On my right hip. Its where the drain came out of so it was never stitched there nor did it have steri strips. But I'm kind of bummed. I've just been busy with holiday stuff and really not resting as i should be. In addition I've been needing to sleep much more. I go back to work on Wednesday so tomorrow is a must rest all day kind of day.

Well, today is 3 weeks since my tt. A quick reflection of this time is, that it has been a wonderful experience! Not only did I get my tummy back but I also had a great 3 week 'me' vacation which included all the free time and rest that I have been wanting so desperately for so long! So, I will miss my recovery time very much. (Ladies, ENJOY the down time!! Don't wish it away!) Anyway, today was my first day back at work. Up at 5 am and busy til this moment. Needless to say, I am swollen, tired, in pain, grumpy, PMSing and really just a mess today. I took pics tonight at 7pm and might post them. I feel a little disgusted with myself, really for no reason. It's just hard going back to work and getting back into the crazy routine of life. And did I mention I am PMSing?!? I am hoping over the next couple of days my mood improves and I get more positive again. I am going to take a percocet tonight and hope to feel better in the morning. Good night and good luck to all of those future tt'ers out there :)

Being back at work has interfered a great deal with my ability to be on Realself...ugh! Anyway, it has been 4 weeks since my surgery and I am doing pretty darn well! The pics I am uploading are from last week (week 3). I have new ones (week 4) on my phone but am having trouble getting them on here. But will try more over the weekend. Anyone have any tips? My 3 week pics are sheer swell hell pics that I would not post last week when I was 'in a mood', but I am over it now AND happy to say the swelling has been improving daily, so I am very happy :) Happy healing ladies,, and good luck to those who are ready to take the plunge! (((hugs))) to all.

ok. got em up! I can't believe that is me! I have never looked like this before (well maybe when I was 20!) hehe!

5 weeks po and doing really well! I can't seem to ween from my binder though. My scar turned a dark red this week for some reason, but today is lighter. My bb seems to be ok. I have 3 spots where I guess I have spitting stitches. I've been back to the gym walking, able to sleep on my side ( yay!!) And my energy level is pretty good. Its starting to feel like nothing ever happened, except i look in the mirror and love the way i look!!! Everything fits great! I look like i feel!

Yes ladies! For the first time in 6 years instead of someone asking me if I'm pregnant they said those wonderful words.. "you look so tiny". I am so happy i did this!!! Tomorrow i will be 6 weeks po. Pics to come hopefully!

I had my 6 week PO on the 17th. Doc said things look good (except my pubic mound is still large and I may need a revision there). He said ease back into regular excerise with the elliptical and weights. So, last Monday I did just that, Wednesday a little more and then BAM! ouch. My up ab muscles have been hurting so bad. I hope this will improve. Has anyone else had this happen?

Happy Healing ladies and I hope everyone had a great Christmas :)

I am awake at 2am...I am in so much pain :( I posted a question to the doctors on RS but will be calling my PS tomorrow. I think I really hurt myself. Its been 8 days now of pain and it is increasing rather than subsiding. Ladies, don't over do it at the gym like me. Please just take it easy. I wish that I had stuck to my plan of just walking for a couple of months. Now I am paying for it and really worried.

happy New Year to all my tt's out there! I'm feeling a bit better! Everyone be careful. Tt is major surgery! Good luck and happy healing!

Magic words to my ears! Finally people see me the way i am! Yay! This is the best thing i have ever done for myself!!!! I am so happy about how i look in my clothes. I am comfortable in my own skin !

Good luck and happy healing :)