Major Regret After My Breast Reduction

RegretfullyYours27 on 11 Dec 2013 at 9:00am

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RealSelf member Regretfullyours is a 27 year-old mom and healthcare administrator from Arizona. After ending a dead-end relationship with a controlling man, she vowed to love herself again.

She lost 50 pounds and opted for breast reduction surgery for her "long, heavy, and saggy" size K breasts. But now, when she looks in mirror, her F cups don't feel "feminine". This is her story. In her own words.

I started thinking about surgery after hearing that NeNe Leakes from The Real Housewives of Atlanta and Queen Latifah had reductions. 

queen latifah before after breast reduction surgery photo

I basically had eight boobs. The "muffin tops" at the top of my bra made an extra two, and then I had them sticking out from my armpits and busting out the bottom of my bra. 

Huge long "granny" boobs that hung from my waist on my 27 year-old body ... I had a picture with my friend, and my breasts were literally larger than her head!

I started developing in 3rd grade, I probably had an A or B cup by the time I was in 4th. I started getting comments about my breasts from the age of 10 years old to now -- even though they are reduced! I guess that's never going to go away.

When I started researching breast reduction, I came across stories on RealSelf. I read about women going through their insurance, just like I did. I consulted two different board certified doctors, and bugged the hell out of people I knew that had a reduction -- and everything with my surgery went according to plan. 

And, I do believe they look great -- if they weren't on my body. I get so many compliments, but something in me psychologically won't accept them. I don't know why. I'm not even that small now, but I miss them sagging and looking womanly. I miss having cleavage and that "jiggle". I don't feel feminine and they look so strange to me.

before after breast reduction nene leakes

I'm sure this feeling will pass, and one day I will love them -- but [I'm afraid] there will always be a part of me that regrets this decision.

I talked to my surgeon about it - and he said a lot of women go through this but don't talk about it. You have to see yourself, know you're different and accept that difference, and with some people it takes time.

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So I think your message for other women PRE-op is.........know yourself? Which of course means being honest with yourself. What's really important to you, how invested you are in your breasts, your femininity etc. I can't relate to your story, mine is the opposite but we all have a legitimate point of view, the problem sometimes realizing what that is. I'm sorry you feel this loss. I do believe that this is probably healthier for your back and hope that as you grow older you will not regret this decision.
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I completely understand. I regret my decision because I am gaining weight in my tummy area and I am afraid to lose weight because I will lose what is left of my breasts. They have started out nice and round, I didn't even have to wear a bra, but after swelling went down and a necrotic mass was removed it left my right breast half deflated with a crease going down the middle. You would think my surgeon would have filled it in with some more breast tissue or fat. Nope. My 1st surgery was Feb 11th, 2014, then my nercosis debrievement in May or so. My skin around my nipples and my nipples are still dry, itchy and scaly today. I fully regret my decision. As I was a 42jcup and growing, my breasts were hideous and didn't fit my body type. I am an apple and whatever else I am...so ot much booty to even out my top heavyness. I was happy at a 38DDD, I would give anything to go back to that. Beautiful, jiggly breasts..now I have rubbery lumps of nothingness. I no longer feel special or extraordinary. This is the worse loss I have to deal with next to death because destroying your body IS a death. There is this pain that hurts so bad that I can't even cry.... I can only blame myself for thinking a reduction would make me feel even more beautiful, now I feel even more UGLY. I wish I never were in the position to need a reduction, I wish I were born with a nice body already like some are. I am struggling to appreciate myself this way. It's horrible.
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I am having breast reduction surgery on Feb 5th. Had gastic bypass 11yrs ago and abdominalplasty about 9yrs ago. I have some fat in the waist area which I thought liposuction could contour. My plastic surgeon said it is just loose skin and lipo wouldn't help. Was wondering if anybody else has this problem. Abdomin is flat put waist is kind of straight. Do you think surgeon could pull up some of that waist skin while he is doing reduction. Just cut some skin off before stitching.
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I'm so very sorry you feel this way... I feel the opposite though.. I was an F or G -- and now a D and I feel like I could be smaller. To each his own... I guess we all need to accept ourselves more for what we accomplish and remember that our ultimate beauty is on the inside of us. I wish you luck and hope you being to feel your femininity return.. I am SURE you are beautiful anyway:)
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Thank you. And yes we as women are sooo hard on ourselves! We just need to relax and love and new physiques... I'm sure you also look amazing and beautiful. Blessings to you.
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Give it time. Your breasts eventually soften, settle and drop into place and you get used to the new you looking back at you from the mirror. And as you get used to living without the back and neck pain, you might find that being able to enjoy things like athletics and wearing a normal bathing suit will help you to feel better about how you look. Look, this is just my opinion, but based on what you wrote, it seems to me that your problem isn't with your surgery...it's with how you feel about yourself. How we see ourselves is sometimes drastically different from the way in which others see us. You said yourself that you've been getting tons of compliments from people who think you look wonderful. But what good is that if you can't see it too? I have a very beautiful cousin who had a double mastectomy. Losing her breasts wasn't a choice. It was necessary for her survival. On top of having to deal with cancer, she had to contend with her feelings of being less of a woman now that her breasts were gone. But as her hair started to grow back, I saw something wonderful happen to her. She had the prosthetics and the wigs to help her feel womanly again, but one day she threw them away. When I asked her why, she said something I'll never forget: "I am NOT my tits, and I'm not my hair. I don't need this crap to feel like a woman. I know who I am. I'm Elizabeth, and I'm gorgeous just the way I am. What makes me a woman is the fact that I'm in possession of two X chromosomes. God gave me those when He made me and no surgery can change that. Do I wish I'd never lost my beautiful hair? Yes. Do I wish I never had cancer and had a mastectomy? Damned right. But I did, and because I did, I'm still here, able to decide whether or not to feel sorry for myself. And I'm not going to walk around wearing fake boobs and hair to make everybody feel better about me losing my breasts. I was a helluva woman before the cancer, and I'm an even greater woman after because I'M A SURVIVOR. And anyone who can't deal with my short hair and my flat chest can kiss my a$$. I look amazing, especially for someone who could've been a corpse." She went to the beauty parlor and got herself a Halle Berry cut, joined a gym, and now nobody can tell she was ever even sick. The point is, she chose to pass on the pity party. Instead of seeing herself as less of a woman because she could no longer jiggle when she walked, she chose to embrace the new her and love herself for what she is now, no prosthetics, no wigs...no crutches. If I'd been in her shoes, I don't know that I could've done that, but it gave me some much needed perspective on what truly makes a woman, and what makes a woman beautiful. It's not the size of her boobs or if she jiggles when she walks. It's her self esteem and how she sees herself. It doesn't matter how many people compliment the new you. It means nothing if you don't see yourself as beautiful. You've had the surgery and this is who you are now. You can live in regret or you can choose to believe that you're being complimented for a reason. You need to figure out why you're the only one who's not complimenting your beautiful new breasts. Is it that you miss the cat calls and wolf whistles from men who can guess your bra size but can't tell you the color of your eyes? Well, now they will be forced to see YOU, not just your boobs, and so will you. And maybe that's what bothers you most about your surgery. Somewhere along the way, you began to identify with your breasts more than the woman they were attached to. It happens. If that's true, then of course you would feel like less of a woman without them, and that's no good. Like my cousin said, you're not your tits. Now that you have no choice but to see the woman behind the giant boobs, get to know her. There's a reason everyone is paying her compliments. Learn to see yourself as more than a jiggle and cleavage. Notice the emphasis on "see" yourself. Your womanliness isn't about your boobs. It's about your eyes, and how you see you and love who you are. When you love you just the way you are, I promise you, your new ladies are going to look fantastic to you.
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Thank you Gmlaster. That was beautifully written and drove a point home to me that I need to be greatful that my surgery was a CHOICE and wasn't something like a forced mastectomy like some women. I'll look on the bright side and although i wouldn't do it again I will learn to live with what's left. I hope your cousin gets better.
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My cousin is doing great and will probably outlive us all. Thanks for the good wishes. As for you, in spite of how you're feeling about your surgery at the moment, I'll bet you look absolutely incredible. But I want YOU to feel how gorgeous you surely are now that your boobs aren't dangling around your knees. Honey, that's not womanly...that's not even motherly. It's grandmotherly, and it's not even remotely sexy. The National Geographic look has never been a turn on for any man I know. They may look all juicy and jiggly in a bra, but once the bra comes off, well...it's like a tramp stamp on a 90-year-old butt. It might've been sexy at one time, but not anymore. And as you get older, it's deeply demoralizing to watch your man drool over the perky rack of some 19-year-old and reminisce about the days when yours looked like that, like telling you how sexy you USED to be is some kind of compliment. You may not feel it now or ever, but seriously, you've been given an amazing gift with your new ladies because the truth is once your boobs sag like that, they will never, EVER come back, and the sagging only gets worse with time, not better. They'll just continue to drop. Past a certain point, the only way to fix them requires the use of a free nipple graft, where the doctor completely detaches your nipples and sews them back on so they're in the right position again. They'll look and work like nipples after that, but you'll never feel them again because the nerves are permanently severed. As nipples are so sensitive during sex, having no sensation would be basically losing your foreplay ability. I don't know about you, but that's a deal breaker for me. So be glad you got them done when you did. I just narrowly averted that procedure because the hypertrophic condition of my breasts was that severe. I was a triple E cup and my nipples had almost disappeared under my breasts. Like you, I'm still fairly large, but they're perky and voluptuous, and I have suffered no loss of sensation. Be thankful you didn't put this off. You may have buyers remorse now, but in my opinion, that's preferable to seeing them drop down to your navel and regretting that you didn't do it while you had some volume left and a chance to avoid the nipple graft. I'm only sorry I waited so long to do it. My new ladies are beautiful, tear-drop shaped masterpieces. I'm just awestruck every time I see them. It's like a supermodel died and willed me her boobs. They're so pretty that if I didn't have an 11-year-old son running around the house, I'd probably walk around topless. Seriously, they were NEVER this pretty in my 20's or really ever. Allow me to make a suggestion...I really want you to rediscover your "pretty". You know, that thing you feel when you look in the mirror and think "Damn, I look hot!" I tried this once when I was not showing myself the love I so richly deserve from me, and what I discovered was awesome. I devoted a weekend to what I like to call "being my own sugar daddy". See, a sugar daddy is somebody who is so completely into you that he'll spend ridiculous amounts of money just to make you happy. He wants you to look gorgeous for him so he spares no expense to get you dolled up and take you out. I did this after a particularly ugly but absolutely necessary break-up with the crappiest boyfriend I ever had. He made me swear off men for about a year. He belittled me and completely trampled my self esteem to the point where I bathed in the dark to avoid having to see my own body in the mirror. I had become frumpy. I'd lost my "pretty" to this jerk, but I refused to let him win by robbing me of it. So I joined a gym and got myself back into shape. But before I would venture out on the dating scene again, I decided to be my own boyfriend for a weekend. I set aside a couple dollars for a few paydays just for spoiling myself rotten. Now that my body was tight and curvy again, I decided to toss out all my frump clothes and buy myself a new look. I went to Victoria's Secret and La Perla and bought myself some sexy underwear. I didn't plan to wear it for anyone...it was just for MY pleasure. I bought some pretty, girly summer outfits to run around in, and I went to the salon for a good chop and a new summer "do". I bought some new lipstick and eye liner and started wearing it daily, even if I was only going around the corner to the 7-11. But to cap it off, I bought myself a single ticket to the Saturday night performance of the Ballet Foclorico de Cuba at the Chicago Theater (I live in Chitown) and made reservations for one at Joe's for some yummy stone crab claws after the show. I looked so hot in my makeup and my new dress I could've been happy just staying home admiring myself in the mirror. But I caught a cab downtown, had a blast at the theatre, and treated myself to a drink at a nice theatre district bar to kill time before heading on to dinner. Several guys tried to buy me a drink. I declined. But I admit, it felt nice. When I got to Joe's, the waiter looked at me all dressed up and all alone at the table and asked if anyone would be joining me. I said "Oh no, baby, tonight is all about ME." dispelling any ideas he may have had about a woman eating alone. I had him take the extra place setting away and relaxed over a delicious bottle of Zinfandel and I ate stone crab claws until I was stupid. Some guy tried repeatedly to buy me a drink, but I declined. It really was all about me that night, but again, it felt real nice. After dinner, I caught a jazz show at a nearby club, where again, men tried to buy me drinks. But I was my own date, and I didn't want to be rude, so again I declined. Point is, after all that time being put down, crapped on and let down by the loser I CHOSE to be my boyfriend, I realized that I needed to do a much better job of loving myself. How? By treating myself the way I should've expected to be treated by any man in my life. After so much time wasted being frumpy and bathing in the dark, at long last I felt gorgeous because I was. No more sweat pants and baggy shirts. I looked like a lady and after feeling invisible for so long, men were climbing over each other trying to buy me drinks. When I felt frumpy, I was frumpy. But when I felt beautiful, I was beautiful and everyone could see it. I would love to see you take the new girls out on the town and give them a chance to impress you. Buy yourself a new dress or outfit that shows off their perky new look. Get yourself some sexy new underwear or lingerie that accentuates their new shape. You want to jiggle again? Get yourself something pretty that just on borders slutty and requires you to go braless. I'll bet you haven't gone natural like that since you were a kid. Try it out. Believe me, you'll jiggle again, and you'll love it (your man or significant other probably will too). Ask any of the women here what it feels like to be able to wear braless stuff, some of us for the first time, and you'll see what I mean. But put on your war paint and get yourself a new hairdo to go out with those new titties and see how they feel to you all dressed up. Take them out on the town and test drive 'em. You might be surprised at how luscious you look and feel, especially when all those guys out there who worship girls with a perky rack stare at yours, ignoring the 19-year-old standing next to you. Please accept my apologies in advance for haranguing you with these long posts. But RealSelf has been my refuge through my breast reduction journey, and like so many of the women here, I LOVE MY NEW RACK!!! I guess that it's been such an amazing transformation for so many of us here that I want you to be as happy as we are with our surgeries. Like I said, you may never feel this way, but for me at least, it has been such a joy being freed from the weight of the two bowling balls hanging off my chest, coming out of my orthopedic granny bra and out into the sunlight of a world full of normal clothes, pretty lingerie and running around braless from time to time. It's like I'm finally awake after years of living a nightmare of embarrassment, hatred of my body, and constant physical pain. I guess I just really wish the best for you and hope you can join us in the new and healthy body image we now enjoy because we went through this journey. Please let me know if I can help or if you just need to talk or vent. RealSelf is a great place for that because everyone is sharing their experiences, good and bad. And thank you for sharing your experience. It's incredibly important to women who are considering the surgery to be able to see both the pros AND cons of surgery. It's not a haircut, and once you do it, you can't undo it...ever. They need to know that you have to live with the results for the rest of your life. Your experience will help some other woman who comes here make a considered and informed decision as to whether or not to go through with it. The opinions expressed here, both positive and negative, gave me what I needed to know to make my decision. I think that before you undertake something as risky and life altering as surgery, you need to take that trip down to the dark end of the street to see if it's really worth it to you. So thanks again for sharing your journey. I really hope you feel better about your results as time goes by. If you don't, there's always implants (kidding). Much luck and keep in touch!
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Gmlaster I LOVED your comment so much I read it twice and died laughing both times. Heck, I even called and told my friend that I WILL take your advice and be my own sugar daddy for a night or 2 a month. Just reading what you had to say let me know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I have so much to be grateful about and it is time to end the pity party!! Thank you so much for your kind words and support, and it's amazing to see how similar our stories are! (I had the jerk of an ex lost who always put me down, but I rose up and lost 50 lbs after kicking him to the curb and got into the best shape i had been in since before my daughter). It's awesome. I will actively start to loving these weird little perky breasts if it's the last thing I do! Blessings to you and again thank you so much. I love RealSelf and the community of positive ladies that are on here.
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Tremendous blessings to you too! Sounds like you're well on your way. So go clubbing and set those new headlights on high beams for everyone to see. Be sure to check back in when you can and tell us how the new titty test drive went. And by all means...let it go to your head. Remember, sugar daddies do what they do because they love making trophies out of women. So be your own trophy. Why? Because trophies only go to winners.
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Yes, post body image is something to deal with. You do look different and many of your clothes don't look the same, of course, you lost half your chest size. Many do have some regrets at first. But once they find out how much better they feel, no more aching back and shoulders, and that they are able to enjoy physical activities again they realize that they have a new more enjoyable life. It is also a lot more fun and cheaper to buy bras as well as the sale racks usually have a lot to pick from. Something to remember, most women as they get closer to menopause have their breasts enlarge, again. Yeah, NOT, haha! The other good side effect of breast reduction is that in many cases your risk of breast cancer as much lower as well. So even though she is having some body image doubts now, I bet in a year from now when fully healed and she has gotten on with her life, she will be pleased.
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Thank you Dodger. I'm sure I'll begin to love my new boobies very soon, but if I could go back?? Now that's a different story. I just could not do it again. (I'm so dramatic!). ;-)
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