Removing a black outline tattoo

Hello. I'm 19 years old and I've done what I always wanted - I got a tattoo. I was thinking about it for two years and I really THOUGHT I wanted it. But ever since I got it I've been depressed. Things I haven't considered previously are coming to my mind and I feel like I'll fall apart. I feel like my life is over, even though it's just a stupid tattoo. I constantly think: who will hire me? who will love me and want to introduce me to the family? how will I look in a dress, who will take me seriously?
I can't stop coming back to the day I got it. I was so SURE and happy and couldn't wait to get it done. It was in a rush, now I can tell. I've just come back from Barcelona and felt really inspired by the people there - it seemed like everyone had a tattoo and looked so cool! So I got mine when I got back. Liked it for two weeks. Now I feel like dying. Everyone keeps telling me that it looks good on me and I shouldn't be worried, the times are different now etc but I can't stand myself for doing this to me. I think that's the worse part that makes me even more sad - I am the one to blame.
Although on one hand I feel like I wouldn't have done that if somebody told me: Wait, think about it etc. I talked about it with my friends, my boyfriend, my parents even. They were all like: Go for it! And at the time I didn't think clearly, obviously. So not having anyone telling me to rethink my decision was one of the factors I got it.
I like tattoos, I find them beautiful if they are well done (and mine is as well) but I just don't feel myself anymore. I was always the quiet one, wearing dresses and blazers and being elegant and stuff, the best one in class, happy, positive. And now? I'm not myself.
I can't even study anymore and in a month I'm having my finals as I'm graduating from high school. I'm so scared that I won't be able to concentrate and I'll fail. I know it's all in my head and I'm the one who makes the matter worse but I can't help it. I constantly think that I would be the happiest person on Earth right now if I didn't have this tattoo.
Even my mum is fed up with me being so depressed and wants me to go to the psychologist. Actually, I'm going today. But I will feel so silly talking to the woman about such a stupid thing!
My tattoo is almost two months old and in a week I'm travelling all the way to the south to see a doctor. I talked to her previously and she said that the removal would cost 100$ per session and that I will need at least 7. I don't even care about the money, I just want it gone.
But I'm so scared that it won't help. I mean, tattoos are supposed to be forever, right? I know I need to feel positive, think positive. But I just don't know what to do.
I like it and the next moment I hate it. I am even scared that my boyfriend will leave me because of that. That he will find a pretty girl WITHOUT a tattoo that he will be able to introduce to his family. He keeps telling me that he loved me without the tattoo and he loves me now and I shouldn't be worried about such a stupid thing that can be always removed but I can't help it. Aren't boys into natural beauty? I feel like I've ruined myself and am not attractive anymore :(
I think that writing it all down makes me feel a little bit better. So maybe it will be like a therapy for me? I had no idea that there were so many people in the same position. If only I had made my research better before getting this thing on my body :( I should have done a henna one before but no, I had to be so stubborn. Oh how I hate myself :(
Do you think that removing a black outline completely is possible?
Thank you for taking your time to read it if you did.

Hello.
I decided to write here whenever I feel like I need to share my thoughts.
The last three days were fine, I felt fine. Like I've actually made peace with my mind regarding the tattoo. I decided to wait with the removal as my tattoo is still really fresh and I don't want to rush into another big decision as I previously did. So I'll cancel my consultation and wait a bit.

I started going to school, feels like I can finally concentrate again. I mean, I have my finals in a month, it's high time I motivated myself to do something.

I feel weird. Like I don't belong anymore. When I'm at school I look at my peers and can't stop myself from thinking that I'd do anything to turn back the time so I could worry about stuff that teenagers normally worry about. School, relationships etc. I have all of that on my plate and a big regret that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. And I'm only 19. Sometimes I try to laugh this situation out but it's hard. I guess I still live in denial in a way.

Yesterday I found pictures of myself from three months ago. And I didn't know what to think, I looked at them and felt like I wasn't myself anymore. But I AM MYSELF, I need to keep it in mind. I haven't changed as a person, I still have my dreams, hobbies, friends.

When I'm at home I feel fine. When I search for other inked people I feel better. I mean, there's a lot of people out there that have tattoos, so why do I feel like it's the end of this world?

Also I see a picture of a girl with a tattoo I think she looks pretty but when it comes to me - I'm not so sure. Maybe when other people look at me they think the same, maybe it's just in my head. The thing is - I'm not the type of person that would rock a tattoo, I still have no idea what my motivation was to get this thing done.

I miss the time when I didn't have this tattoo on my body. I felt really good about myself, I thought I looked girly and pretty. I always wore dresses and elegant clothes and now? Still, I think it's all in my head, I mean - the fact that I have a tattoo doesn't mean that I cannot wear dresses etc. I'm just not so confident anymore. And the fact that it's in a pretty visible place makes me even sadder. I'm sure I wouldn't regret this tattoo that much if it was on my ribs for example. But at the time I thought it was the best placement.

I constantly have remorse. I'm scared of the summer because I feel like I won't be psychically able to wear t-shirts and such. I live in a small city and yeah, I'm scared of what others will think even though I shouldn't be concerned about that at all. Well, I am :(

When I look in the mirror I cannot stop but think that I've ruined myself. One time I like the tattoo and I think I look nice with it but then I think that I would look even nicer without it. And my bad mood comes again. It's like a vicious circle.

I wish I lived in the States or in other country where tattoos are more popular/acceptable. On the other hand, I guess they are loved and hated the same everywhere in the world.

Is it weird that I feel like I'm a different person? Like the old me has died. Or maybe I'm just exaggerating, I don't know :(

Anyway, I don't want to start removing this tattoo right now as I mentioned previously but maybe in the future I will. Maybe until then they will come up with other efficient ways of removing unwanted ink. I mean, the technology has improved so much since for example 2005 so maybe in a few years time there will be a better solution.

Oh, another thought. I've seen so many beautiful tattoos on this site, I believe mine is nice as well so I started thinking why people actually dislike tattoos on them even if they are well done. And except the feeling of disconnection etc, I think it has something to do with the fear that we've changed our bodies forever, there's no way back, we cannot easily erease them. Well, that is something that bugs me, anyway.

For now, I have to keep on searching for badass and beautiful tattood women on instagram and tumblr to make myself feel better and to find a motivation to rock my tattoo as well. Because what's left for me to do?

I came to a conclusion that I cannot let this thing take over my whole life, I cannot stay all day in bed and think and worry and cry. Even my psychologist told me: You've done this. It's a fact that it's on your body so why would you spend your days obsessively thinking why this happend? You wanted it and it's on your body.

So yeah, I guess the next step for me is to forgive myself because this tattoo is something that I WANTED. Or I thought I wanted, haha.

Wish you all the best and until next time.
Martyna :)

So pretty much after I wrote that I feel better I had a major break down. It was so sunny and warm that day and I saw all those people wearing t-shirts and I couldn't stop but think that I will be too shy and scared to do so as well. Went back home from my bike ride and spent the whole evening crying.

It's so emotionally drawning - one day I almost like it and the other I absolutely hate it. Wish it wasn't so visible so I could forget about even having it.

I know that I shouldn't be worried about what other people will think but still. I guess if I was in a different city where nobody knows me I'd feel better and more confident.

I'm still in a process of accepting the fact that I look different now but I need to remember that I'm still the same person. I guess everybody around me sees me like my old self and that's just me exaggerating the whole situation. Pretty sure most of my friends know by this point that I got a tattoo and it somehow cheeres me up. On the other hand it doesn't make me feel good enough to wear shortsleeved blouses so it can be seen.

What could I do to make myself feel a bit better? I went on a shopping spree and got some new clothes (not t-shirts though). Actually, I think I like how the tattoo peeks through the sleeves.

Oh, and I've found a couple of German fashion bloggers with tattoos! And they rock them and don't seem to care about others or have a feeling of regret. That cheered me up as well. Maybe if I move to a bigger city or even a different country I will change my whole outlook on this situation.

I've always wanted to do something creative, I want to study public relations or visual communication and work in those fields or as a freelancer photographer, I want to travel etc so I guess the tattoo won't be a big issue.

About today - I feel indifferent. Pretty good feeling I must say, comparing to the mental breakdown I had recently, haha.

How are you guys doing?