I can't stop coming back to the day I got it. I was so SURE and happy and couldn't wait to get it done. It was in a rush, now I can tell. I've just come back from Barcelona and felt really inspired by the people there - it seemed like everyone had a tattoo and looked so cool! So I got mine when I got back. Liked it for two weeks. Now I feel like dying. Everyone keeps telling me that it looks good on me and I shouldn't be worried, the times are different now etc but I can't stand myself for doing this to me. I think that's the worse part that makes me even more sad - I am the one to blame.
Although on one hand I feel like I wouldn't have done that if somebody told me: Wait, think about it etc. I talked about it with my friends, my boyfriend, my parents even. They were all like: Go for it! And at the time I didn't think clearly, obviously. So not having anyone telling me to rethink my decision was one of the factors I got it.
I like tattoos, I find them beautiful if they are well done (and mine is as well) but I just don't feel myself anymore. I was always the quiet one, wearing dresses and blazers and being elegant and stuff, the best one in class, happy, positive. And now? I'm not myself.
I can't even study anymore and in a month I'm having my finals as I'm graduating from high school. I'm so scared that I won't be able to concentrate and I'll fail. I know it's all in my head and I'm the one who makes the matter worse but I can't help it. I constantly think that I would be the happiest person on Earth right now if I didn't have this tattoo.
Even my mum is fed up with me being so depressed and wants me to go to the psychologist. Actually, I'm going today. But I will feel so silly talking to the woman about such a stupid thing!
My tattoo is almost two months old and in a week I'm travelling all the way to the south to see a doctor. I talked to her previously and she said that the removal would cost 100$ per session and that I will need at least 7. I don't even care about the money, I just want it gone.
But I'm so scared that it won't help. I mean, tattoos are supposed to be forever, right? I know I need to feel positive, think positive. But I just don't know what to do.
I like it and the next moment I hate it. I am even scared that my boyfriend will leave me because of that. That he will find a pretty girl WITHOUT a tattoo that he will be able to introduce to his family. He keeps telling me that he loved me without the tattoo and he loves me now and I shouldn't be worried about such a stupid thing that can be always removed but I can't help it. Aren't boys into natural beauty? I feel like I've ruined myself and am not attractive anymore :(
I think that writing it all down makes me feel a little bit better. So maybe it will be like a therapy for me? I had no idea that there were so many people in the same position. If only I had made my research better before getting this thing on my body :( I should have done a henna one before but no, I had to be so stubborn. Oh how I hate myself :(
Do you think that removing a black outline completely is possible?
Thank you for taking your time to read it if you did.