44 Years Old and out of Control Weight Gain - 103kg with a BMI of 37

I'm having a gastric sleeve operation on 16/12. I chose gastric bypass out of the dropdown list as gastric sleeve wasn't in the list. My weight gain has been significant over the last few years, I'm eating my frustrations as I don't feel I can share them with my partner. Yesterday I started the shakes ahead of time as I want to be in the best possible shape for my surgery date.

Fortunately my health insurance covers me for this type of procedure, so my out of pocket costs are going to be $AUD5,950. This is the cost of the program, as it's more than just an operation, the clinic provides me with frequent follow ups, psychology appointments and time with a nutritionist/dietician.

I initially went to my first appointment with my surgeon thinking I needed a gastric band, he said he'd be happy to perform either but the sleeve had the best results overall. It's a little daunting sitting here writing this knowing that in less than a month things will be very different.

I'm over being depressed about my weight. I'm tired of fobbing off friends who want me to actually leave the house and socialise with them as I feel the social shame of weight gain very intensely. Other friends say nothing but say it all with their eyes and the way they talk to me about how they lost weight. They think they're being subtle but when you're as sensitive as I am subtlety doesn't really translate as such.

A few years ago when the weight gain was really starting to show a close girlfriend would always talk about how she was eating less as she got older. Every time I saw her she would find a way to bring the conversation round to diets and what had worked for her. I honestly believe she was trying to be helpful but having a friend point out your obvious flaw repeatedly was patronising and hurtful.

I used to be so slim! Life slowed down, I met a man and I took on his bad eating habits and introduced a few of my own. More than a few of my own and the weight went on. For the first time in four years the freezer does not resemble an ice cream parlour. In fact there is no ice cream in the house. I'm hoping it will stay that way from now on.

I comfort-eat when I'm frustrated. It's going to be a tough habit to break, but that's what the clinic's psychologists are there for, to help me to find other ways of managing that.

I plan to check in each day as it is quite the push leading up to this sort of surgery. Am hoping a bit of transparency and accountability will keep me true to my goal!