54 Years Old, Silicone Implants Since I Was 22 - Its Time for a Big Change in my Life! - Winter Park, FL

My healing/growth journey continues and most recently I have been in a Mastery Program with Regena Thomashauer aka 'Mama Gena'. She invites us to write an 'Ode' (a poem of praise) to a different body part each week. I wrote one last week to my breasts and feel inspired to share it here.

Ode to my Breasts

With tears streaming down my face, I begin my ode to you
My most beautifully perfect breasts that are mine, all mine
We’ve journeyed together since birth and what a journey its been
It was only in my later teen years that I thought of you any differently
From the rest of my body
I thought you were not enough
I thought you were too small
I thought you would be what defined me
And I was afraid to end up alone, to suffer, to not have the support of a man
So I made a choice
You know this already and yet, I’m needing to write this and say it
I’m needing to let you know how truly sorry I am for not recognizing
Your beauty
Your perfection
How perfectly you fit me
How you were and are me
I made a choice
22 years old and I had breast implants
In my eyes, you were perfect now
I had confidence
I found a man to support me and be there for me
I had a baby and he suckled on you, my amazing breasts
Implants and breast-feeding
I made another choice
I had my implants redone because I thought you were a bit saggy now
You were perfect again.
My heart aches as I write this, I am sorry for all I put you through
Surgery, then surgery again
Scars under my nipples
Loss of sensation, thankfully not all
I felt my milk come in to you again and fill my breasts
This time, my baby girl was stillborn
I grieved not being able to nurse her
Over the years, my posture started rounding forward
Too much computer? Embarrassed about my breasts sticking out?
Protecting my heart?
Every mammogram squished you so hard, even harder with implants
My mom worried
I talked to my surgeon and he said I was fine
My shoulders rounded more
Till one day, in 2016…I had a mammogram
The nurse said my implants were hard
It was then I knew it was time to make a decision
Was it nothing? Get them replaced…or
Have them removed?
A time in my life of chosen deeper healing was happening already
And I knew in a moment
It was time…
To be one with you my Beloved Breasts
I knew it was not simply removing my implants
I knew I needed to heal the painful “why” of them before surgery
It took me 8 months of deep healing work in so many ways
Asking myself why me when I had 3 other sisters who had no interest -
Discovering the beliefs I had picked up as a young girl
And a teenager
Seeing the betrayal by my father of my mother
Recognizing how my mind decided that I didn’t want to suffer like my mom
Realizing how my mind decided that I wanted to be like the much younger
Gorgeous woman my dad left my mom for
Seeing how my trust in women was deeply affected by this
And mourning
For myself
For all women
Oh my precious breasts, I am so grateful to you and for you
I have learned so much through you
I began the journey of choosing to love you before my surgery
And it has continued to this day
I love you so much and think you are so perfect for me
I remember the day of slowly peeling the bandages off
Two days after my implant removal surgery
32 years since I had seen just you
and you were perfect
and you are perfect
You have always been perfect – with or without implants
I thank you from the bottom of my heart
I love looking at you naked in the mirror and telling you I love you
You have taught me so much and have become my favorite body part
I am taking my learning with you and continuing on
To the rest of my body
I love you, I honor you, I thank you and I love seeing you free!

Today is 5 weeks exactly since my explant surgery. I am probably 90% back to normal and absolutely loving my body, most especially my breasts right now.
I am 54 years old, have fair skin, spent lots of time in the sun, and have naturally occurring aging happening all over my body. How could I not love who I am - I am the only me I have! Boy has it taken me some time to get here. As I love and fully accept all of me more and more (the light and the dark sides) and as I strut my stuff - including looking in the mirror at my naked breasts and saying out loud how cute they are amd I am - my husband is even more attracted to me. I learn this long ago and its taken me some time to embody it - we are truly attractive to others when we are fully confident in who we are!
I had fun trying on some old bikini tops this morning. I love how I look, I love my cleavage!
I continue to do my inner work - finding ways to let go of so much crap I didn't even realize I was carrying about body images, being a woman, other women and more. I love my life and wouldn't trade it! Ive worked my butt off to get here and am so proud! Love and blessings to you all!

I tried on a dress today (and bought it) that I never would have fit in before! Loving my new look <3