58 Year Old to Remove Without Replacement, Silicone Breast Implants, After 35 Years of Multiple Revisions - West Hartford, CT

I first got silicone breast implants in 1980. I was 23 years old, & very thin, with an A cup, which only plumped up a little once a month, before my periods. I went to a surgeon, & arranged for McGhan silicone implants to bring me up to a B cup. To save money (infamous last words), I chose a surgeon (referred from another patient) who wasn't even board certified. The first damage occurred during surgery, when that doctor gave me excessively long scars, nearly in the middle of my breasts. In my naivete, I was blissfully unaware that this placement was abnormal, or would be a terrible problem. The second damage occurred while massaging them during after care. I pushed one too far, & the skin ripped up over the sternum on the left side, resulting in an excessively, loose pocket. Also, the far end of the incision (near armpit) did not fully close. So I returned to the same surgeon, who attempted a repair (way beyond his talent or skills). He wound up sticking the implant in the middle of my chest, practically on my sternum, which created enormous pain! When I complained of pain, he attempted to push the implant over, & ruptured it. I saw a lawyer shortly after that. My next surgeon was familiar with this man, & other women he'd damaged, & was willing to offer written testimony against him, enabling a lawsuit. But I was still unable to afford to get the rupture cleaned out, & a revision done for at least 9 months. I eventually received a settlement, but not nearly what the cost of future revisions would prove to be. This second doctor removed as much loose silicone & capsule as he could, & replaced the implants with Dow Corning, silicone, smoothies, enlarging my breasts to a C cup. Unfortunately, the left side (former ruptured area) still felt very tight & uncomfortable. But he did not understand any need for further surgery, & dismissed my complaints as "immaturity." So off I went in search of a doctor who would help ease my constant pain. All the while, I was determined to keep my implants. Eventually, I found one in New York City who suggested loosening the pocket all the way around, & underneath the front, broken area; & perhaps that would allow the lifted, torn skin a chance to lay down & heal. It seemed like a great plan. Unfortunately, he didn't follow through with his own idea, & lowered the pocket at the bottom during one surgery, & on the side, during another. It brought some relief, but missed the critical spot! Traveling to New York by train multiple times, for all the steps of each procedure became exhausting. So again I searched, until I was finally referred to a kindly doctor nearer my home, that I worked with for many years. After five tries, he succeeded in giving me a decent result which was soft, relatively comfortable, & one that I was basically happy with for about 15 years. But still, there was some residual pain from the upper left capsule, & it was always about twice the size of the right side. I also struggled with the far end of the left scar, which was hypertrophic, & required multiple steroid injections to flatten it. My good doctor was reluctant to use cortisone injections, so I sought the assistance of a friend's surgeon who fixed it for me. She had undergone breast augmentation, & a revision (capsulectomy for contracture) that came out beautifully with him. And in time, I turned to him for that extra improvement, I hadn't quite achieved. He also convinced me that I needed to update my implants, since around then, new ones were now approved, & less vulnerable to leaks & breakage. The thought of another rupture terrified me, so I agreed to a revision with him. I expected scar tissue removal, & that the implant difference would not amount to much more than a stronger envelope. However, minutes before surgery, his nurse asked me if I wanted to be a C, or a "full" C. Not understanding the implication of her question, I answered, a full C. To my horror, I awoke to discover that without any real explanation, he had tightened both the pockets I had worked so hard to achieve, up & around some high profile implants, that defied gravity like torpedoes. I didn't even know before, what high profiles were! My previous softies had been the flattest type, that fit nicely in my loosened pockets. He also opened up the right breast pocket in the cleavage area (on the top half only), presumably to match the damage on the left, but neglected the capsulectomy, which he had charged extra for! I was both shocked, & in extraordinary pain! When I complained of my pain, & repulsion over this manikin-like result, he spewed insulting, & sexist remarks, even slapping my hand, when I tried to shield him from pushing on my damaged cleavage. "You just want someone to do your bidding!" he accused. Well duh! After paying someone $10,000., I would think it reasonable for a client to expect to have some say about the result they will have to live with! It proved to be impossible to sue him, as he had an established practice, & it would require another doctor's testimony, which my former good surgeon did not wish to participate in. He encouraged me to forget the past, & he would get me straightened back out. So I agreed, & proceeded with what resulted in seven more revision surgeries. To his credit, most of them were free of charge. But hospitals & anesthesia are not free, & we were never able to get me back to my former satisfactory state. Needless to say, it became quite exasperating for both of us. I began to believe that perhaps I just needed another doctor, but it was hard to walk away from free surgery, & start all over with my complicated history. Then quite suddenly, he developed a serious heath problem which resulted in his immediate retirement, & I turned to his referrals. The first doctor refused to get involved with me at all. But the second one thankfully, turned out to be a very kind, & experienced surgeon who has given me my latest result. He cleaned out a lot of scar tissue on the left, as I needed, & changed the implants to the flattest, & matching size. In my previous surgery, I'd tried one size slightly smaller, with unsuitable results. He curved the right pocket over, underneath in the front, to balance Dr. Burn-job's right side, upper half opening, which had left me with a weird, lower angle. But he also placed a stitch in there, which left an odd dent. ? And the placement is still too high for my comfort. The right side now feels like a baseball, especially when I'm lying down. Perhaps from so many surgeries, my body just doesn't want to heal as well as in the past. I explored the possibility of another revision, loosening the pockets more into the armpit area. But he, along with the general consensus of most doctors, is they don't like to loosen into the armpit so much, for fear of arm nerve compression when sleeping. i did have an issue with that, but it was minor (compared to so many others I've wrestled with), & I used to wear a sports bra to cope with it. Anyway, even if he would agree to that level of loosening, the partial symastia issue in the left cleavage, still remains a difficult problem to resolve, with both the rupture-compromised capsule, & the implants in the way. Well, for years I've been petrified of removing these things, for fear I'd look a fright, & have nothing left but a mess. Having some volume seemed helpful to offset all the damage. And it certainly helps to balance my pear shaped figure. But recently I've discovered Online, that some women have had actual success with growing their natural breast tissue with herbal creams & supplements. And I've begun to wonder if that might be a better approach to the volume I craved than implants. The real thing is what I wanted all along anyway! I was simply convinced that there was no other way but surgery, if you didn't win the genetic lottery. Anyway, at this point in my life, I'm just exhausted of struggling with doctors & implants! I'm tired of repeated revisions, & trying to align unreal things, to make them feel like real. I don't have the will to fight for them anymore. They've eaten up so much of my life. So much blood, sweat, & tearful disappointments. So my explant, with no further replacement is scheduled for July 16. I'm a bundle of nerves, & mixed emotions. While I'm dying for physical relief, & can't wait reach up at night & feel something soft, I'm also fearful of the aesthetics, & the reactions from people who know me, only casually. I'm not exactly eager for my misadventures with implants to become obvious to the unsympathetic, but inquiring minds of the public at large. But there's really no other way. They didn't ask for the eye assault. This was all my ambition. Dr. Schreiber has been fine with accommodating my choice, either to explant or adjust, as I desired. He is waiving any fee, since I'd already paid him for the recent revision. He even gave me a reduced rate for that, since I'd had so many surgeries. But I'm still anxious about what I'm going to be left with, & the reduced size I'm used to. They do balance my figure, & look decent in clothes (as long as no one gets too close). My husband is thrilled though. He can't wait to end the expense of this surgical circus. I've warned him that I may need some further tweaking, since neither my doctor, nor I, can be certain of what I'm going to be left with. I've had a lot of complications, & distortions were added, trying to adapt to them. But at least I'll be on the road to recovering my natural self back. The human body does always try to heal itself. And it's been heartening to see how many people here are getting good recovery results. There's really nothing like the real thing.

I'm not sure why my photos didn't load the first time. Here
is another attempt. If this doesn't work, I'm sorry. I know a picture
is worth a thousand words. But I don't have any more time to figure
out photo loading problems. Lots of pre-op prep to do, & I'm nervous
as a cat.

Just a quick note. Aside from the expected soreness, incision pain, & anesthesia blah, I'm feeling a great deal of physical relief already! I don't think I've enjoyed sleeping so much (afterward) in recent memory!! I don't even mind looking at my new form (albeit through a bandage). I don't feel "diminished," at all. I feel whole again! What a wonderful sensation to shed those stupid knobs, close the crevices in my breasts, & come together again! And of course, Dr. Schreiber was wonderful, as always. He agreed to leave the back ends of my scars (so difficult to mend) untouched, which will make the healing process much easier! He also tweaked the dent in my cleavage on the right side, to give me a nicer curve. Any aesthetic assistance will certainly help.
Just for inspiration, I don't know if this link will connect: https://youtu.be/26ZZJLg5Nlw
But anyway, it's Meryl Streep's closing song, "I'm Checkin' Out," from the movie, "Postcards From the Edge." It's the long version (over 6 minutes) on YouTube, that get's uptempo at the end. It's had special meaning for me lately. I also really love the Alexis England song, "Had to Lose Myself (To Find Myself)" that closes the film, "The Gun in Betty Lou's Handbag." Unfortunately, her version of that song, never appears to have been recorded, outside of the film. Wonderful, empowering tunes both, that speak volumes about how I'm feeling about this transition. Thanks so much to all in this community! It's been so helpful to read about your experiences & have your support. While others in my life have been supportive, it's still been amazingly, helpful to have this kind of connection with people who've been through similar, etc.. And best wishes to all future ex-planters who may feel inspired by my experiences. It's quite a unique, emotional, roller coaster, but still worth it I feel, to be purged of this baggage.