Almost 52 Yr Old, 26 Yr Old Ruptured Silicone Implants Scheduled for Capsulectomy and Lift - Walnut Creek, CA

As far back as my early teens, I remember feeling that my breasts were not in proportion to my body. I was a full A, maybe I small B if I pushed it, but I think I only wore A bras. In high school I wore padded bras. I don't remember feeling uncomfortable in swim suits, etc, just started thinking it would be nice if I had more up top to feel proportionate.
When I was 26, with two young children, my husband agreed to let me get one. My sisters had both just gotten them. I had 300 or 325 textured silicone implants by dow corning. They were over the muscle. The Dr went through my armpit, and I have always been sorry for that as it is the most obvious possible place.The surgery went fine...I just remember it hurt to even barely walk and I woke up nauseous as anything. Couple of days like that and started to feel better. I would say my healing was pretty normal and I was happy with them. I was a 34D and I finially felt in proportion and didn't give them a lot more thought. I just finially felt like everything jived. I got a little nervous with all the dow corning and silicone implant scare which was just after I got them...what made it worse is when I called back to the Drs office for info, I was told her was no longer practicing. Ugh. But I had no problems and for many many years, Drs and nurses that did breast exams would comment on how natural they looked and felt.
However, several years later my left implant began to harden followed by the right but to a much lesser degree. I honestly had no idea prior to this point that these were not lifetime devices as the Dr who did my surgery never mentioned any of that to me. So I was a bit surprised to find out I would likely be facing a future surgery. Although I thought it would surely be nice to have them soft again, I really didn't want to have another surgery and even if I had wanted to, financially it wasn't really feasible. I had 6 kids by this point (4 of whom I nursed with the implants) and there were too many things that came way before that. They never hurt or bothered me, except that when I touched them, they were very firm
After being sick for four months starting in Aug of 2014, involving a dozen trips to ER, 3 overnight hospital stays, and an insane amount of testing including heart cath...with no answers of course...other than it seems I have asthma triggered by our move to the lake we live on...I promised my oldest daughter I would get an MRI as she was convinced my illness was due to the implants.
My illness had improved greatly and was tapering off by the time I had it done ( most likely it is bad asthma...although have read this too can be caused by the silicone) and I truly expected normal result. However, Ihadn't even gotten back home from the appointment when the Dr called to tell me the left was ruptured, but thank God, still contained in the capsule. Ugh
I dreaded having to go through a capsulectomy, but began to research and make appointments with Drs. My main concern was finding a Dr who was very experienced in this surgery. I still didn't know whether or not I would replace them, as having been sick for 4 months, my health was of primary importance, and yet after having them for half of my life, I wasn't sure if I would be ok and adjust to being small again. I chose my Dr based upon the confidence I felt when we talked, his reviews, and his general demeanor. We agreed that I would need a lift, as I never had been fond of the shape of my breasts in any case and felt if I had to have surgery anyway I wanted to get something good out of it. I had really wanted to consider fat grafting as an option and there was one Dr I wanted to consult with that does it in my area; however I wasn't able to get in for awhile, and I really wanted this junk out of my body asap. However I realized that I wouldn't want that much surgery all at once anyway so could always go for fat grafting later if I needed more. The Dr I chose, as well as the others I consulted with were not keen on fat grafting due to the impact on mammagrams etc. I still want to do more research on it and will go ahead to my consult with that Dr in order to determine if this is something I may do in the future. It has taken me weeks to decide whther to replace the implants or not. THe Dr gave me lots of confidence about replacing due to the way the new ones are made as well as explaining why he would want to use seri. But still I vacillated back and forth, sometimes several times per day. And yet just a couple of days ago have decided that deep in my heart I know I really don't want them. I don't want to have to put a foreign object in my body to feel good about myself. I want to be happy with the way God created me. I told my husband that I knew if I were single I wouldn't get them. I think I was just really concerned about how he would see me. (We weren't married until after I had implants and he had never seen me small). I knew he would still love me, but hey, he is a guy. he just said he knows me and he was really worried I wouldn't be happy and that I would then want to go get another surgery to put me out of my misery. ANd although I knew just what he was talking about and worried abot it myself, still there was this part of me, that just wanted to me ME again. I asked him if there was no consideration given to what I would feel, expense, or anything else wouldhe choose me to get them or not and he said he would probably have me get them. Not so surprising, but it really made it that much harder. Maybe I wanted him to say he would rather I wouldn't, just in concern for my health or something. SO, I kept going back and forth. Afraid to get them as I didn't want to ever have another surgery again or have health issues caused by them. Afraid to not get them for fear I would really have self image issues or that he wouldn't be as attracted to me. Ugh. The hardest decision to ever make. But after reading through many many review on here, and reading everything I could pull up, I finally said to myself. I am beautiful. I am ENOUGH. And if anyone is less attracted to me, then that's just too bad. Because its ME. Its who I am. THese are my boobs.
Ever since I made my decision, I have continued to find peace about it. I have even began to look at pics of small breasted women, looking forward to wearing the more revealing styles without concern, looking at sexy little bralettes, etc. Today I am actually feeling that maybe just perhaps I might just feel even sexier, knowing its me, that they are soft again, etc.
My pre-op appointment is this next Tuesday. Ihave been super super nervous about the surgery as I was told it will be 4-5 hours and the thought of being under that long really scares me to death. But I have to trust the Lord to take care of me, because this isn't elective, they have to come out.
I have tried to not give it much thought in order to not worry, so I am focusing on other things...like the two children we are adopting soon...and our visit this weekend with our oldest sons family, etc.
I will just be glad when it is all over and done with and I can heal and get on with living.
Knowing that I will feel better smaller with smaller boobies, Im hoping this will spur me on to ramp up the workouts so I can look like I did when I was teaching kickboxing.

Im sorry about the pics being upside down. Don't know why but my ipone pics are coming up on my computer that way and it wont let me turn them. Ugh

Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to share your stories and your pictures. This has been invaluable to me as I fought with trying to make this decision, and just knowing I have the support of you, makes a world of difference in my confidance level.
Ill touch base after Tuesdays pre-op visit.

Well, I spent two hours today at Dr Aycocks office for my pre-op. Questions, paperwork, etc. Surgery was moved up one day to the 29th. I must say that after talking with the Dr I once again felt very confused...he said I will fell very flat as I don't have a lot of breast tissue. Also, that if I don't come back and ask him to put them back in, I will be the first patient he has done who has kept them out. Ugh. He also said the chance that these new implants would need to be removed was so small; especially being wrapped in the seri. While its not that I feel pressured into having them replaced, its that my confidence that I would be ok with them plummeted. I asked him if I could still call and change my mind if I decide to replace them, and he said I could. I don't want to get them again. I want to know that I am healthy and content with what God gave me. I woundnt question it so much I suppose if Id had more to start with but going from a D to an A will Im sure be difficult. I know that I can always go back and add the later, but financially, it would be almost double to do later. I just hate that the decision that took me weeks to make was so easily brought to question in my mind. Can anyone tell me where to get the silicone tapes that help with the scars? They forgot to give me the website to order from today. Any other advice regarding postop and healing?

I am down to the 10 day mark, and let me tell you it can't come soon enough! I just want these things out. My breasts ache and burn down into the front of my ribcage. The weird numb tingly feeling Ive had the past five months in my back, which Im sure is a result of the silicone is driving me crazy. I have coughed up silicone a couple of times....it was so obvious it was something other than mucus...so thick and very sticky...looked just like the silicone in the youtube surgery videos. I have read where this has happened to others as well. Knowing there is silicone in my lungs is not a good feeling at all. no wonder I have had difficulty breathing and acquired adult onset asthma a few months ago. When they tested me for allergies, I was allergic to molds. Hoping that my breasts aren't hosting mold. Ugh. Woke up with a start last night, gasping for a breath...it was clear I had stopped breathing. It was so unbelievably frightening. Nothing at all could make me put this stuff back inside my body again. I went 26 years without regret. But now? Get them out!