Instant Regret of my Tattoo (Four Days Old As of Now) - Vienna, VA

Hi, firstly, this community is amazing and so supportive. I've immensely grateful to have found it.

Also, as a heads up, the majority of this post is me venting a bit so if TL;DR skip the next 5 paragraphs to get to my plans for tattoo removal.

I have a total of three tattoos. Two that I absolutely love and adore and a third one that I can't seem to accept. The third tattoo is of a nice chrysanthemum done professionally and incredibly well by an amazing tattoo artist. It's also the most recent tattoo. Four days ago, I drove 3 hours to his studio to get my tattoo a day after recovering from an odd illness that had me throwing up everything I was eating and drinking. There is no point in looking back but I can't help but think that I should have canceled the appointment. The reason why I didn't cancel was because the artist seemed to have a lot of cancellations and I didn't want to disappoint and be another cancellation.

When I got there I saw the design, beautiful was what I was thinking. But it was huge. And I voiced that opinion. He had shrank it 10% and told me he had done so and stenciled it on to have me see what I looked like. Even thought I was feeling a bit hesitant with the placement (I feel like the flower is facing the wrong direction and it was also a little off center IMO), I didn't say anything. He also mentioned how he'd go about shading it and using gray, something I didn't like. I mentioned that I'm not a fan of gray but he assured me that it wouldn't look like the gray tattoos that I was envisioning. I just said "yeah let's do it". At that point I was feeling decent and good about it. My stupid self, always wanting to please everyone and not disappoint just went along with it.

About two thirds into working on the tattoo I went on a bathroom break and saw my tattoo in the mirror for the first time and I knew from that moment (at least subconsciously) that I didn't like it. That it wasn't me. That it didn't really work with my other tattoos and that they clashed. That it was way too big and dark. That it looked spidery and slightly grotesque. But I think mainly I just hate the pure size of it (I really just think the size of it is just throwing me off)

I'm still feeling the same exact way right now, which really has only been 4 days since I got the tattoo...
It's actually a beautifully done and beautiful tattoo that I just doesn't suits me and my other tattoo style. four the past four days I've been crying on and off. Feeling okay with the tattoo then feeling like I'm completely ruined. Now though I feel like I'm feeling more like I'm ruined then anything else.
I've completely lost my appetite and just sulk around all day. I've confessed this regret with a very close friend of mine who has been so incredibly supportive and understanding of my breakdowns.
I don't know how I'm still functioning as I haven't really had a decent meal in a long time. I also don't know how I managed to get through work yesterday (something that I'm having a difficult time doing right now). Don't know how I'll manage the rest of this week. This entire thing has put me off to tattoos. And I had always dreamed of having a sleeve of lovely tattoos. But now I'm even starting to doubt the other two tattoos that I have always loved. This entire tattoo business now seems so ridiculous and silly to me.

I remember on my drive up to the studio I was pumped and sang along to the music for all three hours but on my drive down I was completely silent. When I got home from getting the tattoo, I was in denial but somehow was frantically searching tattoo removals and then I found you all!

I've my heart set on removing it once the tattoo is healed and I've seen some truly great progress photos here which gives me so much hope. I just need to wait the appropriate amount of time for healing to occur. And hey maybe I'll have accept the tattoo by then, who knows! But for now I'm looking into a few laser removal places. Two with just a Quanta Q-Plus C, another with just a Picosure laser, and another with the R20 removal method. I'm thinking about saving some money and starting off with just the conventional Q switched lasers until I plateau with the fading then switch on over to picosure. But I do want a relatively faster approach to removing it so am considering the R20 method then move over to picosure. I just hope when it comes time to it I'm prepared to the long and arduous journey of removing a tattoo of my size.

Please if anyone has any insight on the R20 method or in general, the pros and cons of picosure and a regular Q-switched laser let me know. Any advice or thoughts on the removal process would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much you guys!