I only have two weeks until my surgery date. It is...
I only have two weeks until my surgery date. It is becoming a lot more real and making me quite nervous. I've wanted implants ever since I was in my middle school years, as my breasts never quite developed to what I had become to know as normal. I has always figured that as I grew, they would get their shape and size, potentially developing until I was 21. I was extremely disappointed when I realized that this is what I had, and in the past couple of years of online browsing figured out that I have tubular breasts. Now this has been an extremely self conscious part of my body, and has given me a negative opinion of my entire body as well. Every thing looks out of proportion and if I'm carrying a little extra weight, the extreme constriction of my breasts just seems to make everything look worse. I barely let my boyfriend see me topless, I wear my bra all the time, and I let nobody see my breasts.
I decided to look into Dr. Pugash, not only because he has excellent reviews and is rated one of the best, but he also preformed my mothers BA, and she would also recommend him. I emailed an inquiry about December 2014, and received a very quick reply from his staff, letting me know when bookings were being taken for. I booked only my initial consultation as I wasn't 100% sure I was going to go through with it, as it is a large chunk of money. The first appointment I had was in July 2015, and there I met with Dr. Pugash. I didn't really know what to expect, but both him and Simone were professional, and easy to talk to. I have to say she is one of the sweetest ladies I've met. We went over incision site, potential size and choice and shape of implant. Before pictures were taken, and measurements were done. It seemed quick and painless, but Dr. Pugash has done this a lot, and has a lot of information. I wish I'd brought a notebook to just jot down some information as it was all verbally communicated. I did not feel as though I was just a sale or rushed at all, but I did not really have any other questions for him, I has just stressed the point that I was more concerned about the shape of my tuberous breasts and not the size primarily. I did email Simone a few weeks later with a couple of questions and she was quick to reply and informative as well. It was at this appointment I booked both my pre-op appointment and my surgery date for 2016 (the soonest they had available).
I had my last pre-op appointment in January 2016. I tried on sizers and we went over information for both before and after the surgery, what I'll need, prescriptions, and chose cc's. There was a lot more paperwork this appointment, reading a large package of precautions and what if's. I did not find Dr. Pugash to come off cold, I am not looking for a surgeon to hold my hand and tell me it's going to be okay, rather I'm looking for someone who is one of the best and has the experience to fix what I need. I feel confident going to Dr. Pugash and that he knows what is right for my body. In regards to my tuberous breasts, he felt I did not require a lift, and that areola revision leaves scars that could potentially ruin the look I want. In the end I decided under the crease, silicon round implants, under the muscle, at 375 cc. I'd chosen the 350cc sizer, and he recommended going up 25 cc to accommodate for going under the muscle. He'd told me to get sized after surgery at an actual lingerie store and not a Victoria's Secret or La Senza, which I understand why. (I've been sized from an A-C in those stores).
The next day I'd emailed back asking if I could come try sizers on again. I'm not wanting big breasts. I would want to fit a C cup max, and not be a D at all. I've come to realize that cup sizes are all mismatched anyways and none of us wear the right bra. But regardless I was second guessing myself on the 375. Simone said I could come in just to see her since I didn't need to see Dr. Pugash and she could help me with that, so I went in and tried everything from 250-400. She was patient and encouraging, yet I am still stuck on size. I've narrowed it down between 325 and 350 cc, and she said she'd order both in for the surgery date so I could choose then. I know a lot of ladies who have had BA's say they wish they went bigger, but I do like the look of smaller breasts.
All in all the experience so far has been professional, and I am excited and nervous for February 16!
Some pictures of what I'm hoping for, considering they are tuberous I have to be a bit more realistic in terms of after pictures. I realize I won't have tiny areolas, and that there will still be some difference in shape.
Putting together a list for items after the surgery. I know some women go all out, but I'm trying to keep costs low. So far I have:
-new sports bra
-water bottle with straw
What else did you find absolutely necessary or wish you had?
More pictures of wish boobies. And also wouldn't mind the lingerie as well, hopefully I'll feel confident enough after wards to want to wear this stuff! I just hope I don't think too negatively while they're still dropping and fluffing.. Different PS, but he's in Australia so it's not like he would've been an option for me anyways hah. 5 days away. I'm definitely scared and nervous more than excited, I'm always a worse case scenario thinker though, and I'm terrified that they'll end up the same but bigger or worse. Knowing I'm going to Pugash puts my mind at ease a little, but everything else is going wrong with my body at the same time right now unfortunately, so after this surgery I'll be focusing on some different areas that need treatments and medications. :(
I guess I should mention my stats for those who are looking for girls to compare to, it's hard to find other girls with tuberous breasts that look similar to really get an idea what "after" will look like, let alone with the same body type.
I'm 5'5, and am usually between 116-120 lbs. I'm a fairly athletic build, not much in curves. Very pale (hoping that will hide the scars easier). I'm 23 years old, have never had any children, don't even know if I could breastfeed with my breasts. Somewhere between an A and B cup depending on the bra, and level of push up. I've been working out and eating better the past month and a half to try to have an overall better feeling about my body going into this surgery, to hopefully be happier with the way I look after.
Day of Surgery
Should probably update this thing while I'm wide awake at 5 am thanks to all the anaesthesia lol. Also I have the worst pictures. Anyways, yesterday I was extremely nervous, went to start driving down at 10:15am to be there for 11:45am, surgery at 1:15pm. They called my house just after we left letting us know they were running early and if I could make it down earlier that'd be great. I'd fasted from about 10pm the night before, that I was hungry so the sooner the better. We arrived at False Creek surgical centre. Looked nice and modern, clean. Everyone was nice that helped me, all my nurses and the anesthesiologist was also pretty entertaining and light hearted, helping relieve me of my nerves. Dr. Pugash came in and went over some of the details he had mentioned to me in prior pre-op appointments and marked me up. We were going back and forth if one of my breasts were bigger than the other, we finally decided that yes, the right was bigger, while also being more tuberous. So we went with 325cc on right, and 350cc on left. No idea what type of profile they are, we actually never discussed that in any of our appointments. But he knew I wanted fairly natural looking breasts. So I went in to the OR, everything clean and white, all the nurses pleasant and laid down on the table, getting all hooked up. I am terrified with needles so I had my eyes tightly shut during placing the IV, and he laughed at me saying it was awkward talking to me with my eyes closed and I could open them again ahah. I don't even remember going out.
I woke up in the recovery room, my nurse Tannu was very nice. I awoke at 2 pm, kept drifting in and out of sleep until 3pm where I finally started to stay awake. Gave me some medicine after for nausea and plain so that when I came off the IV it wouldn't be took bad. Pain was about a 4, just the tightness they tell you, more sore on the sides and top. Dr. Pugash came in to tell me everything went well and that he was glad with our decision to go two different sizes. I refused to look at my boobs lol still haven't seen them without a bra. She was trying to show me the stitch cover on one side and I saw how swollen my nipple/areola was and after that I didn't want to scare myself further. I know that is not how they're gonna look so I don't want to put that in miming as the tuberous component freaks me out enough already. So after about an hour and a half in there I went to the day room to wait for a wheelchair to take me out as I was dizzy. Got myself in a Ram truck without my arms (proud of myself), and my mom got me a water with a straw and headed home to Langley. Went to sleep as soon as I got home and was in and out of consciousness all day. Took my first dose of meds at 6:30pm, usually every 4-6 hours, still have all my marking on me and took some horrible quality pictures. Judging by the pictures they're riding high. I'm still sore, back is getting sore from sitting up right sleeping. My set up isn't too bad though, trying hard to minimally use my arms.
Post Op Day 1
Today wasn't too bad. I slept in and out during a lot of the day. Couldn't open my medication bottles on my own with the child proof top. Also didn't have much of an appetite. Trying to drink lots of fluids and if I do eat making sure there's lot of fibre.
Was anyone else completely terrified to look at their boobs after? I haven't taken my bra off and I'm too scared to do so. I mean I'll have to once I shower, but otherwise I do not want to look at them. I'm scared they still have the tuberous shape for the time being and I don't want to psyche myself out yet, I'd rather wait a little so that they change shape a bit before I freak out. I'm being completely paranoid. They don't feel abnormal on my body though, which I thought they would.
Day 4 Post Op
So I feel like my recovery hasn't been that bad except for the trying to sleep. I'm extremely uncomfortable at night and wake up multiple times through out the night. I can't find a position to fall asleep and stay asleep in. I think that this has contributed to a headache I've had for the past 24 hours that won't go away, even with my pain killers. I don't really want to mix medicine, so I used a cold cloth on my head last night, but I've woken up with it still this morning. I was also nauseous yesterday, not too sure why. I'm been eating mostly smoothies and easy meals, and my boyfriend has brought salad rolls and sushi for dinner some nights. Trying to drink a lot of water, which isn't normal for me. Still isn't really helping the headache.
I showered for the first time yesterday, I had to get my boyfriend to wash my hair (hah!) and blow dry it, and it was the first time I looked in a mirror at them. I know they still have to drop but everything is so swollen that it's very misleading. My areolas are already puffy because of the tuberous deformity that now even more swollen it doesn't look very good, so I will just have to wait. I think the size is nice, if the swelling goes down and they're a little smaller I'll be happy. I am glad we did two different sizes though, I think that was a good choice. I was so nervous that when I was taking my bra off it felt as though they would just fall off! I'm not used to having weight on my chest ahah.
Day 6 Post Op
So went to my first post op appointment today. Dr said everything looks good. Was given some scar treatment cream and moisturizer to put on the scars at 4 weeks. Also went over massages (10X at 30 sec per day) and when I can start working out again. Can do cardio at 2 weeks, have to wait to any upper body at 6 weeks. Also said I can sleep anyway I wanted! Biggest relief, I have been sleeping flatter now but just desperately wanting to sleep on my side. At one month I can get sized for a new bra at Forever Yours Lingerie and be fitted properly. He is very adamant about not being sized at Victoria's Secret or La Senza. Said he wants underwire in the bra I get and also to ask about proper support for a sports bra.
I'm moving decently, not it a great amount of pain. Have a sharp pain every now and then in my left breast and it tingles, also riding higher. He said all of that was normal. Also got my implant card with all the information. High profile Round mentor gels, I only knew the round part going into the surgery honestly. It never came up what type of profile I'd be getting and just that they were silicone. I didn't realize you could choose projection before I even came on to sites like this, so I never asked. I just said I wanted a natural look and he chose for me. I'm not upset about it at all. It probably would've been just one more thing I was to worry about before surgery, like my cc size. I'm not going to be used to the size, I feel like wearing a sports bra and workout shorts is no longer appropriate because I will have a chest. And certain clothes will look a different and can't be worn the way I used to. Honestly I like small boobs and I like the styles that can be worn with small boobs, but I'm sure I'll love these too. It'll just take some getting used to.
9 Day Post Op
Alright, so I know we're all told that it is two different surgeries and one breast heals and looks and drops differently than the other but I really just wish that they would sync up. My left breast feels tighter and a lot higher, which I found odd considering I'd think it'd be the other way around because my right breast was the more constricted tuberous breast. However the left was smaller and a bigger implant was placed in it to even it out so maybe that's it. I'm terrified of my incisions lol and the idea that they can break open so I rarely look at them. I'm glad my mother is a nurse so any questions I have about them I can ask her. I did email Dr. Pugash's office about the itchiness the day they took off the bandages, asked if I could put any cream on them (I was thinking polysporin or vitamin E or something), but they said to put a pantyliner between the bra and the incisions, which was what was irritating them. I just had some gauze on hand I slipped in and that seemed to do the trick. I also still watch like a hunchback, trying to stand up straighter and have better posture but I'm still just not used to the weight on my chest.
I keep looking online at bras and lingerie and that stuff. I really like the Gooseberry's line and the For Love and Lemons Down to Your Skivvies, but it's just so pricey! Also I still have no idea what size I am, so I'm withholding spending money (also just spent a lot and not working so trying to be smart about that). So any of you that know some affordable cute lacy stuff let me know!
Little over 2 weeks post
Morning boob is a real bitch. They are so sore in the morning, massaging them definitely helps. Also my nipples are becoming very sensitive, probably from constantly rubbing against this bra, but it is not a pleasant feeling. Can't wait until I can get a new bra. I'm a server at a lounge/grill restaurant so trying to find work clothes that cover all parts of this bra is a struggle. I usually wear tank tops or tops with lace around the neck or back so those all don't work with this wide strap full back bra, hah. One concern I have is my incisions constantly rubbing against my bra, one side seems fine but the other has scabbing that is a lot wider than the incision itself, which makes me nervous that it'll scar very wide. I got my mom to look at it (a nurse) and she said it just looks dry and irritated, but not that my incision itself is wide. So we'll see how that goes, still have 2 weeks before I can put any kind of cream on them.
1 month post
So I went and got sized today at Forever Yours Lingerie in Langley. Ended up a 30 E, which was a surprise but knowing the results of other girls on here I'm not shocked? I'm not sure how I feel about it. But I fit a 32 D at Victoria's secret and La senza, etc. It was nice to try on something that didn't look ugly haha, but my body is definitely back to my pre-working out shape which is a little saddening. Wish that I had been able to continue working out through this entire thing! I'm going to get back into the gym when I can do full workouts, I should be doing more cardio outside though in the time being. Hopefully these boobs are enough motivation for me to put down the easter chocolate. I can also start scar cream tomorrow and moisturizer. Will be loading these guys up with cream and vitamin E. I see Pugash again on April 4th. So far I'm happy, just want them to drop more. Feels so weird that it's been a month!
So I'm happy with the size of my implants, I think they suit my body. They definitely look a lot larger naked compared to clothed. I'm still rather nervous about the shape. I realize they still have more time to drop but it makes me anxious that from the side it still looks that they are high and my nipples point downwards. I've read with tuberous breasts it takes longer for them to settle and stretch. I just really want that cup underneath and lower pole fullness. He released the constricted tissue, but maybe not enough? I'm just having doubts in my mind, but when I see other girls with previous tuberous breasts have better post op pictures sooner than me it makes me nervous. I'm not expecting perfection, but I just really want it better than it was before. It's every girl that has tuberous breasts nightmare to have the same thing only bigger.
28 Apr 2016
2 months post
I'm still pretty bummed about my areolas. I wish I'd gone ahead and got them redone as well, to remove the herniated tissue and reshape my right areola. I'm not happy with the puffiness of them still, and because they are puffy it makes my breasts look like they still point lower than they should be (and my right is bigger than my left). Does anyone know how much it would cost for areola reduction in tuberous breasts and if they would just use local anesthesia? Other than that, healing has been going fine. I don't massage nearly as much as I should. My scars are still rather dark. I'm just bummed, I don't care about size or boob greed at all, I just regret not having surgery on my nipples. Especially if I do decide to go back and get them done separately I'd have another set of scars since I went in through the crease the first time. Ugh