Explant- Removal of Breast Implants 235cc Silicone Cohesive Gel, Sub Muscular

My Explant Journey. $6,000+ removal My breast...

My Explant Journey. $6,000+ removal

My breast story begins in my teen years with having been so underweight I was unable to grow any breasts. My mother had me in padded bras from age 13, on hormone treatments at 16 to try to grow breasts. Nothing worked. I would sew padding into my swimsuits. Nobody saw me naked. Nobody except family knew I had no boobs. Then in my mid twenties I bravely and with great vulnerability, showed my mother what I looked like. I had finally put on enough weight to look like I had a little something.

Her response to my form sent shock- waves through my soul. She gasped and with a look of horror she said "oh, you are deformed. You look hideous! You need breast implants!"

I was totally devastated. I thought if my own mother who is is supposed to love my unconditionally thinks that, what will my future husband think of me? I wept.

So that same year I had 235cc cohesive gel implants put in below the muscle via the armpits. My surgeon wanted me to go bigger but I insisted I wanted to be no more than a B. I can't tell you how traumatic it all was. I had drains in for 5+ days, was so nauseated from the drugs..... lots of pain in the weeks following.

Years latter when I had to tell my fiance that I had implants he was not happy about it. He felt I owed him an apology for not leaving myself the way God had made me.

After being married for several years I decided to show him my before surgery photos- let me tell you they were not pretty. His response? "There is nothing wrong with that. It is a very feminine look." I was really expecting a different reaction. I felt so loved and accepted. I cried happy tears.

Here is where my story gets spiritual for a little. It was during a church service six months ago when the preacher was talking about Jesus walking through the walls after his resurrection and showing up uninvited, in the room with his shamed disciples who were all in hiding. The preacher said "And Jesus will do that. He will turn up uninvited in the rooms of our greatest shame......" I was completely undone. I had the room of greatest shame come before my mind and my mother saying those lies to me. Me standing there in my nakedness, there was Jesus standing in front of me and he looked me in the face, light was streaming from him he said to me " You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are beautiful." His words completely overruled what my mother had said. It was like what she said did not matter anymore for my creator had spoken truth over me. I sobbed uncontrollably for about half and hour. I was free.

12 years since implants my right side had such a painful capsular contracture that I really did look deformed. I was in constant pain with a fire/burning sensation. I was having trouble sleeping. I was aware of them at all times. I could not lift anything it would hurt too much. My left breast with was not showing signs of contracture was also hurting with a burning sensation. I was very emotional and had to forgive my mother again. I just wanted them out of me. Psychologically it was very had to handle. Finally after months of waiting I had them removed via my areolas. The Dr. chose that method as I may not have had a crease to hide a scar in. I also had an areola reduction on my right side to try and even up my nipples which were not level even before having implants.

The surgery went really well. The Dr said that my implants were intact and they got everything out- all the scar tissue with no complications.

I had no nausea as I was not given morphine this time (what a difference that made to recovery to not spend two days vomiting).

When I saw myself covered in bandages in the mirror and saw my profile I loved what I saw. It looked so elegant (even with the drains and bandages). I really look like I have just lost a lot of weight. In the weeks prior to surgery I looked up images on pinterest "small chested beauty" and in magazines. I re-programed what feminine was in my thinking to prepare myself for my new look. I could see the small bust as very beautiful and sophisticated. I really loved my "new' shape. To have a level chest again was wonderful. My son saw me in the bath trying to soak of my bandages and he said "Mummy, you look so so so so beautiful" I could see in his young eyes that me meant it.

It is not quite two weeks since explant as I am writing this and I love that I can stand up straight again. I can hug my husband without anything between us. It just feels right.

I Sleep more comfortably....I am looking forward to all the other things I will soon be able to do without pain!

Three weeks since explant my right breast is...

Three weeks since explant my right breast is starting to 'fluff' just a little. My nipples are a little less droopy. There are still hard lumps near my incisions on both sides but they are getting smaller.
When I lean forward it is not pretty. My nipples disappear and all I see is wrinkled skin leading up to a void (where my nipples are hiding). I have been told my my PS that all the lumps even themselves out over a few months. I am not worried about it.

I have started going without a bra at all around...

I have started going without a bra at all around the house. I really kind of like it. It is an adjustment to see myself look so lean but my husband thinks I look younger. I certainly feel younger now that my immune system is not attacking foreign objects in my body.

At the two week mark after surgery I did some light zumba excersise for half an hour and it was amazing. Nothing hurt! I felt great. I could breath deeply. I can stand up tall again. I had not excersised in a long time. I feel like I am back to my old self.
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I can't tell you how much easier it is to breathe. I can sing really loudly now as I can really fill my lungs. I went to emergency about a year ago as I had difficulty breathing and they could not find anything wrong with me. I think that is when my capsular contracture really began putting more pressure on my ribs. I no longer feel a pressure on my chest. Sleeping is wonderful.

Well I saw my PS this week and he was very happy...

Well I saw my PS this week and he was very happy with how things are progressing. He told me some interesting facts. Apparently fresh scar tissue under a microscope looks like muscle. It takes about three months for the contracted scars to relax and look like other tissue. So he said " Try not to think about what they look like for three months." He said I will be amazed at how the wrinkles will disappear.
That was good news.
Also I have had very sensitive nipples. I have been trying to protect them from touch as it hurts. His advice was to do what I don't want to do and demonstrated on himself- looked like a nipple cripple to me. He said I had to feel the pain the make them less sensitive. I have been doing that for two days and what a difference. I even let my husband at them and it did not hurt!
They are still sensitive but not as much. I have to keep at it.

Hubby really likes how the real breasts feel. He commented that he likes that they move and do not feel like rocks. :)

One side is still looking weird- the scar tissue...

One side is still looking weird- the scar tissue has not released but I am hopeful it soon will. The side I had the areola reduction is looking much better.

I have to say intimacy with my husband has never...

I have to say intimacy with my husband has never been better. I don't think this is by chance. To be loved for just being me is liberating my sexual response. I don't really like the look of my little wrinkled breasts but that does not matter. We have so much fun together.
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