Can't wait to be healthy and natural - Ireland, IE

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I wasn't sure if I should post in the forum or...

I wasn't sure if I should post in the forum or here, but as I will hopefully be updating this over the next few months I thought it was better here.

My name is Gill and I'm 28 years old, and I hate my breast implants.
I have been lurking on this site for quite a while and reading people'sstories has been really inspirational. I wanted to start my story somewhere, apologies if this is the wrong place to post as I haven't yet booked my implant removal surgery, and it may be a few months before I can afford it...I really just wanted to write down how I'm feeling about it all.

I'm so angry at myself for being in this situation, I have only had my implants for a few years (since April 2009), but I feel like such a different person than I was then. The most irritating thing is that I researched and waited for years before finally having them done. I had wanted bigger boobs for as long as I can remember, maybe since I was about 16, but I waited until I was 24 and still really wanted them. At the time I remember feeling that I was making a grown up decision, having waited so long, but now I look back and see it was just based on insecurity and hoping that bigger breasts would solve all my problems....oh dear.

I read countless stories online, and although I was aware of the risks of things going wrong but I kept telling myself that I was in good health, and that the chances of it happening were small. I remember the mantra I used to tell myself as the surgery date got closer, it was 'if I don't get them, I will always wonder'. That seems quite ridiculous now. Looking back, I actually had nice little perky breasts that suited my frame, that looked good in dresses, not the oversized ones that stick out of my chest and make me look so frumpy.

I'm quite lucky that I have actually not had huge problems with them, they look ok (if a little big and bulky for my frame), and they feel ok (most of the time), and for a year or two they didn't bother me. Then about a year ago I started to notice pain and discomfort but it never lasted that long so I just pretended it was fine. In the last six months the pain has gotten worse, I now get pains down both my arms. This is mostly at night when I'm lying on my back (the only way I can sleep...oh how I long to sleep on my stomach again, or even on my side). Obviously since the PIP scandal I have been more aware of the potential for things to go wrong (I emailed my surgeon and he reassured me that I don't have PIPs, so I felt a bit better), but basically I'm just sick of them - sick of the worry and anxiety of waiting for something to go wrong. I'm worried about the long term effect on my health, and i'm just embarrassed that I ever thought it was a good idea to do this to myself.

Anyway, my financial situation has changed quite a bit from 4 years ago, I am now back in University, living on a very small amount and wondering how am I ever gonna fund the removal surgery. It will most likely be the end of this year, or longer before I have the money together and in the mean time the stress and worry will be horrible.
It's sad because overall I feel that I am in a good place, studying something that I love, with a good future ahead of me, but with this cloud of fear and anxiety about my health hanging over me until I get this sorted.

Anyway, sorry that was so long, thanks to anyone who read it. This is mainly for myself, a place to be open about how this had affected me, I haven't really told anyone in real life about it. If you can believe it, most people didn't really know that I had gotten implants (they were only 250cc's) and I got them done while I was working abroad for a few years, and I used to wear padded bras religiously so most people thought I had just put on a bit of weight. Anyway, I'm so angry and embarrassed at being in this ridiculous situation.

Thanks for reading, if anyone in a similar situation has any words of advice that would be great.

I will try to update in the next few months, I just wanted to get the ball rolling.

Not much of an update in terms of the actual...

Not much of an update in terms of the actual surgery, but a few days ago I plucked up the courage and told my mother about everything. It is such a relief to be able to talk to someone in real life about this. She was worried about me for a while, she thought I was depressed and thinking of dropping out of University, so in some ways it was a relief that she knows what is wrong. She has been so supportive and non-judgmental, and promised to help as much as she can. I know my parents couldn't afford to pay for surgery (it will be about €4,000 because I want removal and a capsulectomy), but I am saving for some of it, and she said they will get a loan out for the rest of it.
I have two consultations lined up for when I fly home in a few months. At the moment I am counting down the time, and trying not to let it distract me too much from University work.
Even though I will still have to wait 3 or 4 months for surgery, I feel happier knowing my parents are supporting me. I still havent uploaded a photo yet, I havent got my camera with me but will do that when I fly home in April for a few days. This will be the summer of me getting me real self back, can't wait!

I have finally booked my initial consultation with...

I have finally booked my initial consultation with the PS, it's not until the 17th of May but that is sooner than I had originally thought it would be so I am happy. She is a board certified Plastic Surgeon with a good reputation and is a specialist in breast reconstruction for cancer patients so I have high hopes for her.
I am still not sure whether I will need a breast MRI, but we will decide that at my consultation. Very excited, counting down the days.

So, I have finally booked a date for the implant...

So, I have finally booked a date for the implant removal (yay!). I am actually going with a different surgeon than I originally planned. I had been back home for a week or two and went for a consultation with Dr Riordan, he seemed really great and answered all my questions, so I decided to book with him. He is also a board certified Plastic Surgeon who specialises in breast surgery. He said that from examination it doesn't seem that there is capsular contracture so there won't be a need for a capsulectomy. I will have it done as a day case and hopefully the recovery won't be too bad. He did warn me that my breasts would be very small, but that as long as I am prepared for that I should get used to them and be happy with the results.
I'm so relieved to have set a date. I have told my parents and they are helping me out with the money. I will have to pay it back over time but I'm glad to be getting the surgery sooner rather than waiting to save up. It wont let me put the cost in euros but it will be just under €3000 which is less than I initially thought so that's good.
Overall, I'm so happy to have a plan set in motion to get this sorted. I read back over my first post and I was so panicked and felt really trapped because I couldn't see a way to fix this, but I will be all sorted soon.

Anyway, I will upload before pictures in the next few days, I found my camera but don't have the usb cable to transfer photos to my laptop, so I'll get one soon. It will be a good way to chart the progress of my new boobs :-)

In the mean time I have exams and stuff to deal with, but I will have the summer to recover and get back in shape. It's 4 years this month since I have had my implants, I'm so glad that they won't get a fifth birthday!

Just uploading some photos (finally). As you can...

Just uploading some photos (finally). As you can see they don't look that bad, but the left one is about a size bigger than the right and it looks higher from the side view. Also my nipples stretched out really big - they are huge now, not sure if they will shrink a bit again when I get the implants removed.

I had really bad pains again the other night, so I'm counting down the days until I get these things out of me. Less than 6 weeks to go!

A bit nervous now..

So tomorrow is the day of explant surgery, I am just hanging around the house waiting for the last few days so I have probably been over thinking and worrying about having a general anaesthetic, and things that could possibly go wrong. I'm sure it will be fine, I just want it over and done with now after waiting for months.

To all those people who still have weeks or months to go before their surgery, the time goes so quickly, hang in there!

I am booked in for day surgery, so I will be collected after the procedure, hopefully I will recover nicely. I suppose whatever they look like, they will be better than the worry and stress of having implants.

I'm also looking forward to the next few months, getting back to being healthy. I have been looking into doing a yoga class over the summer, I think it will help with my mental healing, although I will probably have to wait a few weeks before doing lots of stretching.

Anyway, I will update again tomorrow after surgery, I can't wait to be free and natural again.

My little boobies are back :-)

Hi, thanks so much for your good wishes. I'm really glad to be on the other side now.

Well, my breasts look a bit sad and defeated at the moment, but despite the pain I am so relieved and happy. The operation went well, but I couldn't keep anything down, not even water for ages after waking up from the GA, so they kept me in until yesterday evening. Just went home and slept.
At the moment its quite painful in a few different places, mainly where the bandages are underneath, but manageable as long as I don't move too much. As far as I can tell he just used the same incisions as I had getting them in, so when it heals the scars will hopefully be small..
It's going to be sore for the next few days I think. I didn't get a compression bandage or anything - is that weird? Did anyone else not get a compression bandage after their surgery?
Anyway, I have an appointment with my PS in a few days I will ask him about it.

I will try and take a photo later on. I'm trying not to look at them too much because I know from reading on here that they take a few weeks to settle down and perk up, so I know this isn't the end result and I don't want to get too caught up with what they look like compared to before. Even if they are small and a little saggy I am so pleased with how soft they are, and feel so much better without implants.

Anyway, thanks again, will keep updating x

3 days post explant photos..

So I was a little nervous to post photos up until today. Although I'm incredibly happy to have them out, to be honest I'm a little disappointed with how my left breast looks, so flat and deflated. I know its only early days so I'm trying not to worry too much.

I can't fully remember, because I was quite out of it when the surgeon came to see me when I woke up, but I think he said that he had to do a partial capsulectomy or remove some tissue or something on that side. If you look at the before photos, the left side droops more, so maybe there were problems with that implant and it wasn't so straightforward to remove.There is definitely more soreness on that side also. I have an appointment with him on Monday so will ask about it.
You can see in the photos that there is bruising underneath the left breast, and its obviously smaller than the right one. Its a shame because the right one looks great, but I will just have to get used to them being a bit uneven.

Apologies for the residual fake tan around my armpits in the photos, I had scrubbed most of it off but you can still see some orange, haha.

Re the photos...

Just a quick note about the before photos (the first 3), they were taken through a mirror, so my left breast is actually my right breast and vice versa in those. You can tell my left because it has a freckle a few inches above my nipple. I remember before I ever got implants that freckle was right above my nipple - thats how much my skin has stretched with the implants.
My left breast was always bigger and never really settled when I had implants, the profile was higher and it seemed a size or two bigger than my right. Ironic now because its about a size or two smaller.

One month post op photos

Hi, so I just realised that yesterday was four weeks since the operation - how time flies!! I'm really happy to update the photos, I think my new little breasts are wonderful. My left one has fluffed a little which I'm happy about, overall I'm just relieved to get on with my life and not have the worry.

I am still wearing a sports bra everyday, still rubbing in coconut oil in most nights (got a tip from someone on here about coconut oil, its great). Anyway, to anybody who is waiting on their operation or considering it, please do this for your self, you won't regret it.
I can't believe how much I appreciate my new natural breasts. I guess its ironic that I'm more comfortable with my smaller, saggier, scarred natural breasts than I ever was with implants.
Dr Colin Riordan

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