Santa is bringing me boobs???

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I feel like I've spent most my life obsessed by...

I feel like I've spent most my life obsessed by boobs and unlike most girls who do this procedure, I actually had a generous pair from a VERY early age. I got my boobs at 9 years old and I was disgusted in them, I hated them, kids were mean and I did anything I could to hide them. By 13 I was an E cup, can you imagine?

My problem is that I was quite chunky teen. I'm 5ft 3.5 and at my heaviest I was probably about 145 lbs. I yoyo dieted for awhile and at my lightest was 105lbs. Im 22 now and have been around 120lbs for the past few years but the fluctuations have ruined my boobs. They feel like empty sacks. Ideally i'd like to be slimmer but I always stop myself from exercising or dieting too hard because the smaller I get the worse my boobs look and I hate them already as it is. My mom in 58 and has perkier boobs than i do!

What puts me off:
I'm really worried the Dr will tell me I need a lift. I so don't want that. I'm 22 and my boobs already look like this, the last thing I want is big scars.
I'm really worried that if i say no to the lift the Dr will say ok, but you have so much skin to fill you'll need a big implant, which I also don't want. I hate the huge round fake look and I'm worried I could end up like that, I plan on telling very few people and I want it to look as natural as possible.
I doubt I will get much support at home, both my parents think this kind of thing is ridiculously vain and idiotic but oddly, this is my least worrisome worry!
Capsular Contracture- i read in to this and saw that it occurs in 5% of boobs jobs, that seems quite high?!

I currently wear a 34C but I feel empty and flat and saggy. I want to feel full and perky.
NO ONE sees me naked, ever, not even boyfriends I am that self conscious. I want to feel happy with myself. I want to feel good naked and good in a bikini and confident. I don't feel that way now.

Due to University I can't actually have the surgery until June so I know having any consultations now is too early but I'm just desperate to chat to someone about it or have some advice. No one in my life has done this before. I need someone who has done it and knows what they are chatting about!

PS i'm decorating at the min, my house is never as messy as it is in these pics!

So! First consultation has been booked for March...

So! First consultation has been booked for March 11th with a Dr who specialises in reconstructive surgery for breast cancer patients. I am v excited because i've seen his 'work' and it is really good.
I also told my Mom, up until know she has thought (or maybe prayed) that i was joking. I explained to her exactly what i don't like and how it makes me feel and she asked me 'Does this actually really bother you and upset you?' and I said 'yes! I wouldn't be going to see a surgeon to discuss doing something about it if it was just a mild annoyance'. Thankfully she said she will come with me.

Now I just need to find another surgeon or 2 but some of their sales techniques really put me off. I've spoke to a few companies and felt like they were selling me a phone or a car. I want to deal with people who will be straight with me and not people who will tell me what i want to hear. The search continues....

My main worry still is that my boobs are quite low, which I imagine means i have a lot of space and skin to fill, which I imagine means I will end up with quite a big implant. I dont want boobs bigger than a D. Guess I have to wait until March 11th to find out!

So my first consultation is next week and I am SO...

So my first consultation is next week and I am SO nervous. Is it weird to be nervous for the consultation?

I REALLY want to explain myself well but in conversation I'm not so good with words. I've been really trying to think hard about how best to describe what it is I don't like about my boobs and what it is I actually want from this but I'm not finding it that easy.

I have hated my boobs since day 1. I was teased so badly. Other kids were still wearing vests and there I was in my underwired bra, aged 10. I'm starting to worry that maybe I do just have some weird boob hang up, and boob job or not I'm never going to feel good about them? Does that make sense? I do still feel towards them like i did then, ashamed, thinking they're ugly etc etc. Do i just sound weird now?

It doesn't help that the few people I've talked to about this have all *insisted* I don't need to do it. Maybe my boobs aren't as heinous as I'm thinking but they haven't seen them and it's how I feel about myself that's important, right?

Anyway i'm hoping for A LOT of clarity after next week. Fingers crossed.

For various reasons, I had to cancel my...

For various reasons, I had to cancel my consultations in March but I have finally found time in my hectic school schedule to see a surgeon tomorrow. The Dr my appointment is with specialises in reconstruction for breast cancer patients and it makes me feel a bit more confident that he'll aim for something natural as that is my main hang up.
I think a lot of my boob hate is psychological, I got them when I was 8/9 and i was so embarrassed and got bullied. I didn't grow in to a feminine form and love it, i grew into it way too early and ended up feeling ashamed of my body. I think its something I've carried into adulthood, as crazy as that sounds and its been difficult to assess whether or not a BA will actually help me. I have been worried that regardless of how amazing my post op boobs are, the hang up in my head wont go away and i'll still feel the same. Im hoping tomorrow will make my mind up for me.
I want to be really clear with what I tell him tomorrow. I think I've settled with 'I dislike how low they sit on my chest and how empty they feel. I want something perkier and fuller but I'm not aiming to have large breasts and I'd be over the moon with happiness if I ended up a small D'.
I'm feeling a little nervous but not as much as I did back in March. Im that self conscious of my boobs even the thought of getting them out in front of a dr, a medical professional, makes me feel really uneasy. Pathetic huh??? I am excited though to hear what he has to say. Let's see what tomorrow brings...

Just wrote a long post then accidentally closed...

Just wrote a long post then accidentally closed the window, gahh!!
I had my first consultation this morning and i LOVE the dr, what a great bedside manner! He has 16 years experience doing this kind of surgery but specialises in reconstructive surgery for breast cancer patients.
He started off by talking to me for quite a long time just about me and my life, what i study, what i like to do etc.
Then he went into the measurements, this bit was likely just a few minutes but felt a hell of a lot longer! He took so many. Also- i never realised how gross it was when someone picks your boob up and lets go and it just sort of FLOPS!
Then he asked how much research I'd do and said 'I apologise if I come across patronising but I need to understand you know all your options and all the risks so you can fully understand why Im giving you the advice I give you, you can ask the questions you need to and come to a decision that you are happy with'.
He was writing and drawing the full time we were chatting and he split it into 3 areas- Implant, incision and placement and with everyone he spoke about each option you have and the benefits and risks associated.
My summary of what i wanted was 'I dont want HUGE boobs, I dont even particularly want big boobs but I do want them firmer and fuller and I understand that will likely take me to a D' so he kind of kept that in mind all along.
He suggested a silicone submammary textured implant of 260-280cc's.
I cant remember what he called it but he suggested a kind of implant that doesn't leak, is it a co-gel implant?
He basically said I had more than enough tissue to cover an implant and if i want a really natural look it would pay off in the future because if i dont have great skin elasticity and my natural boob starts to droop, the implant would remain high. To be honest, im glad he said that because Im quite queasy and the thought of going under the muscle makes me want to be sick!
He told me he generally advises to go 2 cup sizes bigger because no one in 16 years has said 'i went too big' but a lot of people say 'i went too small'. I was super cautious and he gave me the different sizers ranging from 360 to 260 and 275 was what i felt most comfortable with but its still SO hard to tell!
I just feel so happy, there is an end to this self loathing!! Ha!!
He basically told me even if i now think I want to do it to leave it a couple of weeks, and if im still sure, call and make the appointment. If by that point i'm not sure but havent completely changed my mind he said he's happy for me to go back and go through it all again, which is nice since all of this is free.

So here is a question for you all- I love this dr, I've seen his work in real life, it's GREAT (I knew the girl 3 years before I found out she had a boob job, i didnt even guess at that stage, she told me). Should i still go see other dr's??

Question for you all

So I have decided I definitely want to go ahead with the surgery but figuring out when to do it is just SO difficult.
I have a few holidays planned for this summer and don't want to take the risk because should anything go wrong I'd probably need more time than I have between breaks away.
My other option is have the surgery done before Christmas and use the time between Christmas and New Year to recover and then go back to work as usual.
The only thing is I'm worried about people noticing. I am going to work in a very male dominated industry where it's hard enough to progress as a woman anyway. I don't want them to know that I've done this but i'm wondering if its really possible to keep it quiet. Is there anything you can do to make it less noticable?
If you have had a BA and chosen to keep it to yourself, have you had people notice anyway?

Is a festive pair of implants the best idea?

You girls are all so good at advice that I'm back again.
Basically, I'm still trying to work out when to do this op. I had thought around christmas but the issue is since I am not starting this new job until the latter part of this year, my holiday allowance is quite small. The lady at the Dr's office suggested 17th December but I dont think I will have enough annual leave to cover between then and new year.
Another option is Christmas Eve.
Now that sounds quite nutty, I know. But realistically, I NEED to be at home for this surgery, I cannot do it without the help of my family and I want to do it soon. Waiting to accrue enough annual leave in 2014 would take me til the month of June and that feels like so long away, 11 whole months. Christmas comes every year, is it that big of a deal if I'm a bit wiped out for this one?? It also gives me over a week to recover before I have to go back to work.
To the ladies who have had their BA, if christmas eve was your only real option other than waiting for another 11 months, would you go for it? How did you feel the day after? If it were just up to me, I'd definitely go for it but I'm worried it might be selfish, because should my recovery be horrendous, that would definitely ruin christmas for the people who have to take care of me too.

I feel like everything is so set against me and this surgery!! I'm ignoring that it may be a sign.

Letter from my PS

So I started this review in February and must say you girls have been fantastic with all the help. It looks like my new set will either be with me Xmas eve or NY eve. I know they both seem strange dates but I'm determined to get this done at home with my parents around and not by myself when I'm 300 miles away from them. I may be 23 but obviously still a baby at heart!
I got a letter yesterday from my PS which I'm guessing is a copy of what has been sent to my usual doctor. I understand all of it bar this bit
'With respect to her breasts she has no palpable lumps, she does have grade 1 ptosis, a sternal notch to nipple distance of 22.5 cm on the right and left and a base diameter of 12cm. She has an upper pole pinch of 2cm'
Obviously they're measurements but does anyone know what an upper pole pinch is or what difference the diameter makes?
Just curious!
Also thought i'd add some wish boob pictures.

And some of me since I'm feeling brave enough...

I accidentally hit post update instead of add another photograph so here are some of me along with what I definitely dont want.

My worry is that because there's space to fill, if the implant is too small it will still look saggy or that it has to be made so big to fill the skin that I look out of proportion. Im starting to wish I'd discussed lifts with my PS.

I dont know if you can tell from these pictures but I'm quite petite, I wear petite clothing, a huge rack would not suit me!
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