18 Years and Much Needed

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew something...

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew something was a little "different" down there. From school locker rooms, pool parties, and just having girl best friends, things weren't adding up to me. Why don't I look like them? That question always haunted me. Then freshman year rolls around. Aside from school locker rooms, sports (soccer and rodeo), and such, I had my first boyfriend who happened to take my virginity. We were together for a little less than a year, and as soon as we broke up, he told everybody that I had I penis. A PENIS. Talk about a shot through the heart. I got made fun of for a while before some other innocent person became their new victim, but the words always haunted me and still did until my procedure yesterday.

Also, with rodeo and soccer, there was constant chaffing, pulling, rubbing, etc and through spandex, you could see every detail. So while we were in the weight room, other girls were in spandex and such while I chose the baggy shorts.. Even though I had a body that could pull off clothes like that, there was always the one setback. And especially with bathing suits. There was a lump where no other visible girl had one. I covered up every single time I could because I was so horrified with the way I looked. I was horrified of horrifying others.

Last year, I finally had a boost of courage and decided to tell my step mom about my issue, as she worked for the OBGYN at one of the local hospitals. She didn't fully understand what was going on, but we decided to wait until I was 18 to take any further action.

About a month ago, I met with my doctor/surgeon for the first time. I explained to her all of the pain and discomfort and issues I've had since I could remember, she prodded and pulled around with her FREEZING fingers, and told her that is be the perfect candidate for surgery and that she could schedule me sometime in December. Thinking that was the soonest, I eagerly agreed and went on my way. I received a call a few days later saying that she could fit me in within a couple weeks as she had a cancellation. Of course I agreed! I was tremendously excited to expedite the whole process.

Finally, the day had come. I washed up with antibacterial soap, shampoo, and conditioner, dried off, and was on my way.

I got there around noon, waited in the waiting room, filled out all my papers, and it was time to go up. They prepped me by taking my blood pressure, monitoring my pulse, and putting in the IV. At this point, my parents were right there with me and it made me feel a little better, considering that I was extremely anxious. The different doctors came in one by one and I got to meet everyone who was contributing to the procedure. Everyone was so sweet and confident. Talking to them helped assure me that I was in good hands.

Finally, the time had come. They injected something that would help with my anxiety, and they started to wheel me away. I gave my parents one last hug, and I was on my way down the hall. As we were rolling, I could feel the medicine kicking in and I had calmed down tremendously.. To the point where I could hear the nurses laughing to each other and saying that I was a lightweight. But I didn't care. I felt good and confident about everything.

I barely recall arriving to the operating room, and the last thing I remember is getting helped onto the table and looking over as they inject one last liquid into my IV. I was out.

I woke up back in recovery. I felt like I was in a cloud. But after a minute or so, I could feel the pain of my labia. It wasn't a full 10/10 but it was enough for me to tell the nurses that I was in pain, but they took care of that right away. I remembered the nurses laughing and saying that I was a lightweight as I couldn't keep my head up straight, and my breathing was so slowed that they had to keep me on oxygen.. Which I ripped off continuously because I thought it itched. But they put a mask on me which was a little more comfortable. I was drifting in and out of sleep when I remembered about my parents. I told the nurse that I wanted to see my dad, and she told me that I wasn't ready yet. Being in that state of mind and hearing something I didn't want to hear, I remember giving her a bit of attitude, and my parents came right in. I remember holding his hand and asking if we were all set to go home.

The nurse said we could start packing up to leave, but she needed me to go to the restroom first. THE RESTROOM? I begged them not to make me, but they told me that I was either going to go pee, or stay overnight. Promptly, I had the nurses take out my IV and help me over to the restroom, as there was no way the drugs would let me walk on my own. The nurses gave me a bottle of water to spray onto myself as I was peeing to help the stinging. They eased me onto the toilet and shut the door. I started to spray and then pee, but all I saw going into the toilet was blood.. Even after I stopped peeing. I continued to lightly spray myself with the water, but that didn't help either. There was a steady drip of blood into the toilet, so under the influence of drugs, I was panicked. Pant less, I opened the door and exclaimed to the nurses that I couldn't stop bleeding. Last thing I remember was looking down at all the blood I had released onto myself and the floor, and looking over to the dark red of the toilet, and I had passed out.

I woke back up in my bed in the recovery room with the nurse holding some tissue to my stitches and explaining to me that if I start bleeding like that, lay down, apply pressure, and the bleeding will stop.. Which it did. They stuffed ice into a diaper, put me in it, got me dressed, and I was in the wheelchair headed home. I experienced no nausea whatsoever on my way through the hospital, but I don't remember much. Then I remember how good it felt to be outside where there was fresh air, and then I was helped into the car.

I barely remember the car ride or arriving home, but it was around 10pm and I had not eaten all day. So I ate, took my medicine, and went to bed.

I woke up several hours later needing to go to the restroom, so I got up, hobbled over, sat down with the water bottle, and peed. Again, there was so much blood. I sprayed myself off one last time and got a handful of tissues, applied pressure, nauseously and frantically hobbled back to my bed, layed down, and waited. I was surprised I even made it back to my bed without passing out. I called to my parents who were upstairs for about ten minutes before they woke up.. Which felt like forever. I was in tears thinking that maybe something was very wrong. My step mom finally came down and I took the tissue away from the bleeding area, and even though there was a lot of blood in the tissue, it had stopped. I dabbed a baby wipe over the area and my step mom helped me into a fresh, ice packed diaper. I've never appreciated ice so much. I fell back asleep.

The next two times I went to the restroom, the bleeding had gone down tremendously. Where all I had to do was apply some pressure with tissue, dab myself with a baby wipe, and get helped into a fresh icy diaper.

Then the last time I went to the restroom, I peed AND (number 2) with minimal blood. So minimal that I dabbed with a tissue, dabbed with a baby wipe, got helped into an ice packed diaper, and here I am writing this. The pain is still tremendous and every time I stand up, look at my stitches, or feel my stitches, I feel like I might throw up, pass out, or both. So I decided that my bed is probably the place to stay.

Since I've had ice on the area since right after my surgery, the swelling is minimal, and looking into the mirror makes me so happy. Finally, I don't see a long, saggy piece of meat hanging down like before, and that makes it all worth it. I'm out of work for two weeks, and I'll continue to lay in bed praying for a speedy recovery! I hope this has helped anyone who has shared the same experience as me, or anyone who is considering the treatment! Throughout my experience, I was surrounded by kind, loving, helping people and I know I'm in good hands. Even though my road to recovery is still long, I am already happy with the results and I pray to heal up nicely! Thank you for reading!
Dr. V

5 out of 5 stars Overall rating
5 out of 5 stars Doctor's bedside manner
5 out of 5 stars Answered my questions
4 out of 5 stars Time spent with me
5 out of 5 stars Staff professionalism & courtesy
5 out of 5 stars Payment process
3 out of 5 stars Wait times
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