Finally, a Rack for Me :) - Tulsa, OK

Okay, so I have just begun this process and decided I would go ahead and journal about it because I'm so thankful to those before me who have done the same. Here is my story...

I am a 42-year-old mom of 2; a daughter, aged 21, and a son, aged 19. To say I wasn't blessed by God in the bosom area would be the understatement of the century, and I've always been self-conscious about them. Even with both pregnancies, they didn't improve much. I breast fed for just a couple of months with both babies, so it wasn't all that long. I have also struggled with my weight my entire life, and by 2010, I was up to 287 pounds (GASP!). Even then, my boobs just weren't proportionate to my body at all. Try finding a plus-size bra with small (B) cups. It will drive you nuts. Apparently all really heavy ladies have big boobs and I am the only exception to this rule. Anyway. I had begged and begged my husband to agree to something like gastric bypass because I hated everything about myself and no matter what I tried, I could not keep any weight off. Oh, I've lost and found the same 60 pounds many, many times. When I would find it again, it would bring reinforcements, of course. So finally, a very good friend (who also happens to be a very fine doctor) told my husband that if he was ever going to give in, he had to do it before I was 45 because the incidence of diabetes triples at that age for morbidly-obese adults. So he caved and I had the surgery. That was about 18 months ago and I lost 125 pounds, going from a size 22 to a 12. I am happier with myself now than I've ever been and I have nothing to complain about, except...well, the massive weight loss on top of not having much in the first place pretty much left me with sad, tired, sagging little bags of nothing. I have to have VS bras with massive push-up pads just to look like an adult female. Seriously. So last week, my new VS bra arrived and I had finally given up and just purchased a flat one with no padding. While we were at dinner, I was joking about my new training bra (I am always making comments like this) and he says "well, if you are going to have your procedure done, you don't want to buy anymore like that do you?" I nearly peed myself. You have to understand, I have hated my (lack of) breasts since puberty and have wanted to do this for 20 years, but I could never talk him into it. He's a leg man and can't get enough of mine, which is great, but...yeah. He also has a thing about unnecessary surgery (see: my gastric bypass) and I get that. Anyway, later that night, I actually asked him if that conversation had really taken place or if I had just dreamed it. It was real!! So began the massive information overload on the internet last weekend...and here I am.

One of things I struggled with is the decision between a plastic surgeon and a cosmetic surgeon. We have some really fabulous cosmetic surgeons here in Tulsa (no, seriously), but I kept reading that it was really important to get a board-certified plastic surgeon, yada yada yada. After reading review after review after review, I was so confused and anxious and information-overloaded that I had a mini meltdown. I had to take a break from it because I was having near palpitations. Late Sunday night, I finally landed on a doctor's site that just kind of calmed me and made me feel like "this is it." I can't even explain it, it was weird. So I submitted the form on their site and she called me the next morning to set up the initial consultation. That was 3 days ago. (As an aside...part of my anxiety is due to the fact that I married my high school sweetheart nearly 22 years ago and no one else has seen or touched my business but him...the thought of another male even looking at me freaked me out more than I can possibly express here...took 2 days, and a sedative, just to get to the point where I could seriously consider even going into the office.) On an interesting note, this was kinda serendipity. His first opening was in 4 weeks, and I was disappointed because I wanted to get going (waited 20 years already!!), but I knew I would live until then. So then they call Tuesday morning and tell me that they've had a cancelation for Wednesday morning (the next day!) and would I like to have it? I nearly cried because I could not take that appointment due to a prior commitment. About an hour later, I get a message saying that our prior commitment has been canceled!! I called the doctor's office back and asked if I could still have that appointment and I got it. It was so unreal how that worked out. That also made me feel like he was meant to be. So...on to the consultation.

Yes, taking off my top for another man was not the most pleasant thing ever. I mean, maybe if I had a rack like every other woman alive, it wouldn't be so bad. I won't even let my husband see me naked, and there I am sitting on an examining table while some dude I've just met 3 minutes ago is touching my business. But, I did live through it and he was quick and very professional, so it was at least over quickly. But yikes. So then his RN (also his wife of 20 years) comes back in and we try sizes and I get to see myself with an actual rack. It was amazing. So hubby and I decided on 425 cc saline unders. Oh, and doc also told me I would need a lift, which I totally expected because, after all, I'm pretty sure my boobs shouldn't be sagging down to my navel as they are now. I guess the good news is that with all the weight loss, my skin won't have to do much stretching at all and should accommodate a larger implant really easily. I do NOT want [RS bleep] star boobs (as I told the doctor), but I don't want to be so small that I cannot tell anything has been done, either. As hubby says, if you're going to get them, at least get something you can be happy with and don't go too small. (I should also mention here that my husband researches like no one else on earth. When he finally agreed to the gastric bypass, he knew more about every procedure, doctor, and possible complication than anyone. He has done the same thing with the boob thing. I guess he's read a thousand reviews where women are upset they didn't go bigger and he doesn't want me to be one of them). So I think the 425 cc saline unders with the lift will make us both happy. He was already happy with my no-rack situation, so he'll be thrilled with anything, I'm sure. But the thing with him is that, if I'm happy, he's happy. I really did marry the best man on earth and I do NOT take it for granted. I am so very spoiled, it's ridiculous.

ANYWAY! So I've had the consult and surgery is now scheduled for July 3rd. In the meantime, hubby found these things (during his massive research, of course) called Purlz and said I should check them out. When I found the site, I was like, hooray!! A way to test drive the sizes on a daily basis and get used to the feeling. And, even better...a way to wear them until the surgery so that after I get the rack, it won't be like "OHMIGAWD! YOU HAVE BOOBS!" So I am happily ensconced in my new bra with my 425 cc Purlz inserts and I look fabulous. I know they are fake, but still. It's amazing the confidence I have while wearing these things. So happy to have found them and they were well worth the money (for me). I only look somewhat fuller than I did before with the hugely-padded VS push-up bras, so it won't be all that obvious anyway. I'll just finally have something in my bra instead of all that padding!!

So that's the prelude to my bosoms. And if you've read this far, congratulations. I'm kinda known for talking. A lot. And people tend to tune out after an hour or so, and it's okay. I am so thrilled to be doing this for myself, but also very nervous, scared, freaked out, you name it.

Until next time...