Ready to Stop Sitting on the Sidelines of My Life - 38F - Tucson, AZ. Surgery Date August 18th 2016
This is where my journey begins. I have made the...
I knew I was big, I just couldn't see it for as bad as it is. I didn't realize I was so far gone. Over half my weight is just...FAT. Seeing a recent pic of myself, seeing what others probably see - not gonna lie - it's rough. It's depressing. I dont recognize that person. I decided I have to do something to get healthy and be there for my kids for as long as possible.
I'm also engaged to an amazing guy, who sees me as beautiful no matter my size. He is supportive of my decision for weight loss, and since I've told him that I won't be a fat bride this time around, I need to get myself to a place where I can look back at the photos of the day and be happy with what I see. One thing from my prior marriage was that I didn't like how I looked on my wedding day and my wedding pics were disappointing to me because I wasn't happy with ME.
I've made the decision to do gastric sleeve surgery and will start my first of 6 monthly weight loss appointments on January 5th. Then in Feb, I'll have my 2nd appointment and my first nutritionist visit. I have to have a stress test of my heart, a sleep study, a scope of my esophagus and stomach, and I need to quit smoking before surgery, which hopefully will take place in July.
I'm taking it one step at a time, one day at a time. I could really use some encouragement. I find when something seems too hard, I just give up. I'm not giving up this time. I'm getting myself back, and becoming the person I see inside.
I think I just need to be more prepared for my meals and plan ahead so I'm not eating what I can grab on the fly. I need to pay more attention to myself emotionally too and ask myself, when I eat, am I actually hungry? Or is it something else - like boredom, stress, etc?
I think if I observe myself and my emotional state as well as what I eat and when, maybe I can figure out how to change my dependency on food. I also need to start doing some exercise.
I'm anxious to be thinner and in better health, so why am I waiting to get started? I mean, really, I can lose 60 pounds and still qualify for surgery.
I keep watching youtube videos of othrr peoples' post op updates. It's hard to believe that hopefully by this time next year, I'll be like those other women, confident and wearing normal sizes!
The loose skin doesn't seem to be something I'm too worried about now - I just want to be a normal size, shop in any store, and not cry in the dressing room out of frustration because nothing fits me right or at all. Something simple like that is going to make me SO happy. I feel frumpy right now - there's not a lot of cute choices in my budget, so I'm looking forward to being able to wear things that I can only look at on the rack for the time being.
I have so much to look forward to! That's pretty exciting. I can deal with how things are for know, knowing that it's going to get better. Before I considered having surgery as a tool to help me lose weight and get healthy, I felt overwhelmed and depressed about losing weight, because I didn't think I could ever have a chance to be "normal" again. This gives me so much hope for myself and my future. I'm going to make it. :)
Time CAN fly!
Stuck waiting and waiting - Long Rant!
So, tomorrow, I camp out there until I get my referral and lab work in hand. I'm bringing water and snacks - I expect that reception girl will make me wait a while. The sad part is that it probably wasn't even her fault, but her lack of courtesy and crappy attitude pointed my anger at her instead of who was probably responsible for screwing up.
I have been APPROVED!!!
I don't know how I feel. Nervous, excited, I'm not able to settle on a feeling right now.
Surgery date AUGUST 18th!
Testing done!!! And I was bad...
I saw the surgeon's office on the 4th and found out I had gained back the 10 pounds lost during my 6 month weight loss visits. Can you say FOOD FUNERALS? So now I am on a diet. Protein shake for breakfast and dinner and a high protein, low carb lunch. High protein, sensible snacks if any. Boo. I wanted to go crazy a little longer! Lol! Honestly, it's been no big deal. I'll be eating sensibly as my lifestyle and I am enjoying my choices so far in protein shakes. One week and one day to go until surgery!
I did it! Surgery 8/18/16
I had massive cold feet the night before surgery and was thinking about backing out. I just was very scared to change. But that's what addicts DO, right? Try to justify not changing and make excuses. Luckily I have a great support in my fiancé, who helped me push forward. So here I am on the other side of it. Sore, like I've done a million sit ups and afraid to move my core too much for fear I may open an incision. I haven't been hungry, but have sipped quite a bit of fluids. Probably not as much as I needed though. I'm really not feeling full like others say they feel. No nausea either. No hiccups to say I'm full, or other hints yet. I was walking the halls like a champ though. I was on my feet again right away and I think that helped a lot. Sleepy and drained feeling hits fast and out of nowhere too. Time for some rest.
I have met Dr. Lovato twice so far. She seems sweet, has a very compassionate demeanor and I feel she will be incredibly competent to perform my gastric sleeve surgery when the time comes. She has experience with the DaVinci, which means she is up to date with the technology and surgery options. I had to bring my toddler to my initial consultation and she was completely fine with it; she even gave him some attention too. Binda, who coordinates the insurance, is a rock star! I felt totally at ease knowing she was handling everything and I know that I'm in great hands with the entire staff. It's nice to know they also have the nutritionist, the psychologist, as well as a Nurse Practitioner, Scott Lopez, who will do the monthly supervised weight loss visits all in one place.