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POSTED UNDER Tattoo Removal REVIEWS

HELP! - Need to Get Something off my Chest (Literally and Figuratively) - Toronto, ON

ORIGINAL POST

Hi there, I'm so grateful to have stumbled on...

MarblesGoneApril 8, 2013
$1,000

Hi there,

I'm so grateful to have stumbled on this site, as I am desperately seeking some guidance. I got 2 tattoos on my chest area on April 3rd, and am in a terrible world of regret. These are not my first tattoos and ones which I had thought about for some time, but the execution wasn't as expected and for some strange reason the outcome has been psychologically devastating to me. I'm not sure why I am reacting so strongly towards them, other than to say my inner voice is telling me that they don't belong on my body. I can barely look at myself in the mirror, I'm so disgusted with my decision and my appearance. I have been unable to sleep or eat since I've gotten them, and am just beside myself over the whole thing.

I'm not sure why I am reacting so strongly over them, as I didn't have any regrets with my other tattoos. Actually, I quite like them. These however, just feel like they are not me. Like I am in a nightmare. They are way outside of my comfort zone and I feel ashamed (maybe because my mother has had breast cancer, and I feel like it would somehow upset her to see these on my chest after all that she has gone through with chemo, radiation, and a double mastectomy). When I think about what she would give to have healthy, natural skin on her chest... well, it just makes me want to crumble. For some reason this thought didn't come to me until I stood up and looked in the mirror. All I could see was pain. Please don't get me wrong-- I'm not laying blame on anyone here except me. In the end, I made the appointment and gave this person permission to do this to me. It's ALL on me.

So, I need to formulate an action plan so that I can put this behind me and move on. I feel that I can live with the flower for some measure of time, but definitely not the bird. It feels menacing and way too edgy. The artist and I also had a strange and uncomfortable conversation when it was getting done, which makes me feel as though there is an unhappy memory or thought attached to it now. I can't explain it without sounding nuts, but I just instantly hated this bird for so many reasons.

Has anyone had good luck in Toronto with a FULL removal? It's on my chest area, so I am concerned about scarring. The bird is mainly black lines and shading, with a little bit of green and yellow. It's about 4X3 inches.

Any advice, guidance, or words of encouragement would be very welcomed!

Hoping to triumph over my stupidity and oversight.

Replies (37)

MarblesGone
April 8, 2013
PS: I realize that I should have posted this in the Q&A section. I was so desperate to get it out there, that I did so hastily. Sorry!
Megan P
April 8, 2013

You were perfectly fine to post this here. Its your full story, so its actually the best place for it. If/when you start the removal process you can update and let us know how its going for you.

I'm sorry to hear that the location is especially difficult for you. My mom also went through breast cancer, so I can understand your feelings and thoughts of what she would give just to have healthy skin in that area. Of course I don't know your mom, but my guess is she wouldn't want her breast cancer to be inducing anymore pain on you than it already has and of course there is no link between your tattoos and her suffering. Perhaps if you can remind yourself of that it will help to relieve that portion of the grief.

Sending you a hug & hoping to hear you find a great person for your removal if that is what you opt to do.

MarblesGone
April 8, 2013
Thanks Megan-- I really appreciate your kind words. I am definitely going to be starting the removal process soon, and will dilgently update and post photos. I know that it will be an emotional and physical rollarcoaster, and one which I am scared to go through alone. I've already contacted someone in Toronto for a consultation in May. He's told me that I shouldn't start the removal for at least 2 months as it's new. I'm hoping for a miracle. Mom is a 3 time breast cancer survivor and a 1 time ovarian cancer survivor, and is very self-conscious of all the scars which the surgeries and procedures have left her with. She doesn't know that I have done this yet (I did it on my 40th birthday, which is even more humiliating for some reason), and I fear that she will be so disappointed in me for violating my body like this and putting my health in jeopardy. I have to go for regular breast exams and mammos because the cancer is genetic, and the idea of having to expose this nightmare to technicians and doctors over and over is beyond what I can bare right now. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I am in total shock at my decision to even have them done at all, knowing that potentially toxic inks have been injected into my skin... which I asked for and paid for. I wonder if anyone can relate in that way. It's as if someone else takes over your mind and body and then you wake up and wonder what the heck happened. I feel like I am reliving all of the anxiety and stress I've gone through over the years watching Mom go through agony, and also losing a cousin to breast cancer. So so so surreal. Anyhow, thanks again for your hug. I will need a lot of them!!!
anchorformysoul
April 8, 2013
i just tried to reply on this post but not sure it went through?
anchorformysoul
April 8, 2013
hi MarblesGone- i'm so so sorry to hear about your situation with the tattoo and with your mom. my heart really goes out to you. i got a tattoo on Friday (april 5th) that i regret and i have been looking into getting it removed. i'm so angry at myself. my mom is going to be so sad/mad as well. i dont know when to tell her. i'm terrified. i like the tattoo but not the placement at all. it's way to big. it's an anchor on my forearm. i almost got it on my hip or really small on the side of my arm... i really should have gone with the other options. i hate that i've done this :( i'm so sad and i haven't been able to eat. i wake up in the morning with such a heavy weight of regret.
anchorformysoul
April 8, 2013
i can only imagine how you feel about your mom. it sounds like a very tough situation. sending you hugs too!
Megan P
April 8, 2013

Depending on the relationship you have with your mom, maybe it would be best to just tell her since it seems that is really weighing on you. If you have a sibling, or other close family member like an aunt you could discuss it with first maybe they could guide you as to whether or not telling her is a good option. If you tell her how much you regret it, perhaps she would be able to help you cope with it? Of course, if you don't think she would be supportive perhaps its best just to keep it to yourself...it just seems like carrying the weight of what she might think is really feeling heavy for you, so I would love to see you get freed up from that.

There are as many hugs as you need here, no shortage. :)

SinCosTan
April 10, 2013
exactly how i am feeling :(
MissyH
April 8, 2013
Hi there - wow felt like I was reading my own story here. Like you, I like my tattoo also, it's just where I got it and the thought of people judging me for it. I got my tattoo in January and have had a few long hard months to think about it after not being able to sleep or eat for weeks. I'm pleased to say that now (almost 3 months later), I have accepted my tattoo and my decision on where to place it on my body. However, I am still proceeding with laser removal (next month is my first appointment and I'm very nervous!). I live in AUS and have taken the last few months to do some extensive research before jumping on the removal wagon. I made sure I chose a reputable cosmetic centre who has been performing removal for years and that the laser they use treats all colours (which I'm thinking you will need if you go ahead). My husband keeps telling me that my tattoo hasn't changed who I am (and he's absolutely right!). Don't be too hard on yourself, your mum obviously loves you as you do her and one would hope that a tattoo would not jeopardise that love.
anchorformysoul
April 9, 2013
thank you so much Megan. it's made me realize how much i really seek the approval of others especially my parents. i just want to be enough!!! that's what's deep in my heart and soul. so part of me wonders if that's why i dont like the tattoo placement. i wish that tattoos could be erased more easily. my mom and i are very close- she is one of my best friends. she will not approve of this. we've had issues in the past with the smaller tattoos i have so i can only imagine how this will go down... you're right now. i think i need to tell her. i made more calls about the removal. that made me feel better. thank you for the hugs!
Graceeeee
April 9, 2013
I just saw this and actually ordered it...."Get Rid Tattoo" I think this, or any other natural remedy would be good for you especially since you are worried about scaring your breast tissue...which is completely understandable....I just went through the ebook I purchased 30 minutes ago and wrote down all the natural ingredients to purchase in order to go through the steps. They are ALL natural products such as oil, plants,.....thus no scarring and NO PAIN! Scarring and pain are two things I would like to avoid, but what pushed me to buy it was the fact that it was a cheap alternative to laser,.....lol. Laser sounds great even though it is painful but I cannot go into such an investment right now....Good luck to you! Don't lose your Marbles--pun intended.....did not find your name....so MarblesGone it is! Don't feel guilty about the whole situation with your mother,......it is ok, we all go through these difficult emotional times....stay positive. I hope some of this was a little helpful. Good luck MarblesGone!!! Grace
my2girls163
April 9, 2013
MarblesGone, I read your post and got tears in my eyes. It was like hearing someone write everything I feel. I got my first and only tattoo after I turned 40. I thought it through, thought I knew what I wanted, researched the place etc. The minute the tattoo was on the embarrassment and shame was instant. I got home and didn't even want to take the bandage off. I couldn't bare to see it. For the next few weeks all I could do was cry about it. It seriously messed me up psychologically. Here I am almost 3 years later and don't feel much different about it. I always hide my foot. Even if i am home alone. Just seeing the tattoo makes me so sad. Here I sit here with my foot bandaged again, this time from my 9th laser treatment. Even though it is expensive it is worth it to have hope that eventually it won't be on my body anymore. Hang in there and know you aren't alone.
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