Age 50 - So Happy To Explant! TX

I had my first implant surgery at age 16 (Back in...

I had my first implant surgery at age 16 (Back in 1984) (Mom gave permission for the surgery). Had very small AA cup breast to begin with then upgraded to a small B with my first set of under the muscle silicone implants. (175cc? I think.) Had those for about 8 years and decided I wanted to go a tad bigger. Got full C cup silicone under the muscle. (300cc) Had those for 20 years and upgraded again because the pockets had gotten loose and my implants sat too far towards my armpits and pulled on the muscle and caused pain.

So, I had a 3rd upgrade in 2007 with mid profile silicone 550cc under the muscle implants. The thing is, I actually went in to get my implants removed completely back in 2007, but somehow let myself get convinced that a fresh set of implants would be a better idea. My surgeon fixed my pockets and added 550CC mid-profile silicone implants under the muscle. They are quite pretty in terms of shape and hang, but they are very large DD's on a tiny frame (I am 5'1" 120 pounds.) They are so heavy, hurt my neck every single day and I have so many health problems that it is impossible at this stage of my life to believe that my implants aren't causing them. While aesthetically they look lovely but way too big on me, I am so over having implants and want them gone for good. I wish I could go back to 2007 and have just ex-planted then when I wanted to!

I have Fibromyalgia, IBS, horrible bone and joint pain, and fatigue that is debilitating at times. Constant sore breasts, trouble breathing when I lay certain ways. Inability to lay on tummy. Constant asthma, bronchitis and breathing issues. Brain fog, feeling of low grade fever, chills or flu like illness. The list goes on... and after reading hundreds of other explant stories I now know either it's a coincidence that so many of us have the exact same symptoms OR It has to be the implants! They are making me sick. I need them out. I need them gone from my body. I am so sick of being sick and sore. Sick and sore and tired.

I've known about the possible health issues with implants for many years but tried to convince myself that my health problems and constant body pain had nothing to do with my implants. I can't do that now. I want these implants removed and want my health back. I am so inspired by the posts here by women who found the courage to explant and find their way back to good heath and I am now in the process of starting my journey to become a healthier happier implant free gal!

I would like to just have my implants removed and then let nature take it's course for at least 6-8 months before I decide if I wish to or need to get a lift. I'd like to hope I could have a B cup with no lift after explant. ... and get my health back again!! I will find out more when I see my surgeon to discuss my options. Thanks for being part of my journey back to good health.

I will share my pics and stories soon. Looking forward to talking with y'all here and sharing in your support and knowledge!


Scheduled my Explant consultation...

I go in Sept 8th for my consult to discuss my explant options.

I have so many concerns that I get these waves of anxiety flooding through me. A lot of the issues stem from my worries about how I will look post explant. I have had 3 sets of implants over the course of my entire adult life. How do I get my head around me without them? How do I know if I will still like the way I look when they are gone? I would like not to have to get a lift. Ideally, I would like it if nature took its course and my boobs firmed and fluffed into a pretty set of B's.

Funny thing is, I don't like the way I look now with them because they are too big and make me feel uncomfortable and awkward. They look pretty, but They cause me so many problems. I also have so many health issues I can't help but think at least some of them are because of these implants. My neck always hurts, ALWAYS! I can't breathe when I lay on my back, it hurts to lay on my stomach and sleeping on my side all the time makes my lower back hurt and the sides of my breasts sore. I can't remember a day when I haven't thought about my breasts, the weight, the pain, the size and how 'in the way' they are.

It's also very hard to overlook the more serious health concerns I have. The bone pain, the joint pain, the IBS, the Fibromyalgia, the fatigue..etc etc etc... so many years of terrible health. Is it connected to my implants? I don't know for sure, but I feel like it is more then just a coincidence that so many other women with implants also have the same health issues as I do.

So here I am, middle aged, with health problems and implants I have to surgically remove from my body. What a drag. It's also frustrating to even have any vanity over the whole thing, considering the amount of discomfort they cause me. Yet, here I am feeling overwhelmed at how I may look post explant and if I will still feel sexy and desirable without the implants and if I will be able to love my body without them. I'd like to believe that over the years I have grown less concerned about the outer shell and more concerned about the internal stuff...and where that is mostly true, I still feel like a vibrant, young woman who wants to look and feel sexy and confident about her body.

Can I have both? Will that happen? Has anyone else worried about how they would see themselves after explant? Did you worry about looking sexy or desirable? Did you worry you wouldn't like what you saw post explant? How did you overcome the fear of the unknown? What about healing time? I dread the surgery because I remember all my implant surgeries healing to be painful and long. Will the explant surgery healing be quicker? Will my neck problems go away? Will I get more energy? Will I feel better? Will I feel that I look better?

So many questions! This is hard. I wish I never got implants in the first place.

My Second and Third set of Implants

Here are pics of my second and third set of implants. My second set I think were 325cc, silicone under the muscle. I was about a C cup with those. The Third set is 550cc in left breast, 500cc in right, silicone mid profile implants. I am a DD now. I have very thick, tight skin. I am very very hopeful I can just have them removed and have them shrink up to something decent, though I don't remember what my original boobies looked like or how much actual tissue I have now. Not sure what to expect post explant but I want to be healthy and free! I can't find any pics of my first set of implants or my original boobs. But I was an A cup.

Tiny Boob Inspiration

I wonder if anyone who has really small breasts and is considering getting breast implants will ever read my profile. I wonder if she will know I wish I had her natural breasts and wish I could have been happy in my own skin. I wonder if she will understand that having breast augmentation is not a "forever" surgery and she may end up, like me, having to have them replaced or removed. We all have to have them replaced and/or removed at some point. How many times do you want to have to do that?

I have done it 3 times. Age 16, Age 27, and Age 41
Now I am looking to have them removed at age 50. I want my natural healthy body back. I forget what it feels like to be comfortable. I am tired of getting surgeries on my breasts. How much money have I spent and how much of my health have I given away? All because I didn't love myself right out of the box, with really small breasts, which I wish so deeply I still had right now.

Vanity and social pressure pushed me to look a certain way to feel "like a woman". Yet tiny breasts are what I am praying for now. If you are reading this and have small breasts and think you need to be bigger to be beautiful, please know you are beautiful and feminine and perfect just the way you are and I envy you and wish I had your boobs. Love yourself!
#natural #healthy

Surgery is booked! Freedom is close!

I went for my consultation for explant surgery today. I will be removing my implants and having my capsules removed as well. I will not be getting a lift. He said I will have drains for about a week. He said I can expect a B cup, which is way more then I even allowed myself to expect, so that part is gravy. I go in for my pre-op tomorrow to just go over everything again with my husband present, and then Sept 12th is my surgery date!

Everything has been paid for and I am good to go. I am scared but excited and feel very hopeful. I am ready to let this next chapter of my life unfold and embrace the new me. I look forward to not being enslaved by my implants anymore and getting my energy and health back.

Freedom is just around the corner! I can see it! I can feel it! Freedom and good health! YAY!

Best Post Op Bras and Healing Supplements?

Ladies, I would love some help picking compression bras and post op supplements. I have looked at the Carefix "Sophia" Front Close Post-Op Compression Surgical Vest #3342 and a few others. What are your favorites? Also, how do I decide on a size? I am 120 pounds, five foot one and I am told I will be around a B cup post explant. The one I posted seems to be best for my size in a medium from what I read. But there are a sea of compression bras and I don't know where to start! Suggestions for bras would be very welcomed!

As well, what supplements should I buy and why?
And lastly, foods that promote healing?

Would love all your suggestions! TYSM! <3

No Negativity Needed!

Do I have expectations of having perky full fluffy breasts after my explant surgery? NO. I expect I will have loose skin, sagging, laxity and no upper pole and very little tissue. Does that mean I don't hope they do firm up a bit and settle into a happy medium? Of course I hope that happens! Of course I wish to have the best possible results I could get based on my skin thickness, nipple position and other factors.

Will I ever get implants again even if my breast are very saggy, small, lacking tissue or volume? NO!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!

*read that again*

Just in case you came here to tell me about how unhappy I will be without my implants, how disappointed I will be without my implants, how saggy I will be without my implants, how small I will be without my implants, let me save you a step. I don't care what YOU think. I care about how I feel. I care about my health. I care about my family and our future having me healthy and well and comfortable and free of chemicals. Please don't take it upon yourself to post about how disappointed you think I will be based on your experience or opinion. How do you even know what my expectations are?

I know this for sure; women who have to face the prospect of removing their implants have enough on their plate then to have negative people posting their negative responses. Sometimes I wonder if some folks are only happy trying to make others feel crappy or somehow want to drag others into their negative mental space. This surgery is not for the weak, the faint of heart or those who are still madly in love with their implants. If you can't stand the thought of living without your implants, then explant surgery might not be a good choice for you. But please keep in mind that for those of us who must remove them for health reasons, our choice is made soundly and with much consideration and the very last thing any of us need is negative input. We want to remain hopeful for the best possible results, and we need to have a good strong foundation of support around us while we heal both physically and emotionally.

I respect there will always be those who just can't accept how they look post explant and that is something you must research and decide on for yourself on what to do about it. But please respect those of us who have gone into this surgery knowing full well the possible outcomes and physical deviations we may have to live with and keep your negative personal opinions about it to yourself. We are not having our nails done, we are making very difficult life decisions that require sound and sensitive support.

Sorry if this is a tad harsh, but it is how I feel.

Thank you kindly to the Explant Warriors on this forum who keep the wind in our sails and hope in our heart!
<3 <3 <3 <3

#health #support #love

Post Op Health Goals

Things I hope change after my explant surgery:

I can breathe better, have less issues with shortness of breath and asthma flare ups.
I can sleep on my stomach.
I can sleep on my back and not feel like I am being choked.
I can lay on my side and it not make my boobs sore.
I can start exercising and not get so fatigued that I can't gain any momentum.
I can go to the lake and be active.
My joint pain goes away. (fibromyalgia?)
My sore bones go away. (fibromyalgia?)
My thin hair gets fuller.
My dry skin and rashes go away.
I don't feel like I always have the flu/fever.
My energy levels increase.
I can lose some weight and firm up.
My neck pain and shoulder pain goes away.
My boob pain goes away, they are always sore.
The only time I need to be in bed is at night to sleep.
My insomnia goes away.
My dry eyes get better.
My food intolerance changes.
My allergies get better.

#healthgoals #small #light #fit

Pre Op Complete!

I went for my pre-OP appointment yesterday. I got all my prescriptions and have already filled them and set them up, ready to go. My surgeon and nurse were wonderful, went over all the drain instructions with my hubby and I and we discussed all the healing expectations over a 6 month period.

Along with my explant I am having my capsules removed as well. The incisions will be in the same place, under my breasts. My implants are under the muscle. My surgery will be preformed at the surgery center and l will be put under a general and the surgery will take about 1.5 hours. He will also clean up any scar tissue if required. My Surgeon expects I will be a B cup post op.

If all goes well I will have my explant surgery on the Monday and have my drains out on the Thursday. However, I was told that some women have to use the drains for up to 2 weeks though they don't see that happen often. Did any of your ladies have to use drains? Either way, I have reasonable expectations and feel comfortable with the process. Were were told about any contraindications to be aware of in the first few days after surgery as well. All in all, I feel like I was given a very comprehensive pre-OP appointment and feel very comfortable about what to expect.

Today I will be going out to look at some front zip sport bras and compression vests, picking up some other essentials such as some comfy easy open tops and some new PJ's so I can lounge in style! :D I have also been in nesting mode, doing a sterilization and clean of my whole house! I want things clean and tidy so I don't have to focus on anything while I heal.

I have been removing all of my 32DD and 32E bras and boob tops from my wardrobe as well, hubby and I discussed burning them in the backyard when I am healed. :D I have a wonderful husband who is fully behind my decision to explant, he is not worried at all how I will look and thinks I will be even sexier because I will also be way more healthy and happy. He said my breast size has always been something that was important to me, not to him. He said he would love me just as much as a double A cup and that breast size means nothing to him. Makes me wish I met him when I was an A cup! He said that he loves me and finds me sexy for who I am as a woman. I could not ask for more, I do feel very loved and supported by him.

We joke about what I will be able to do after my surgery. I told him I will be able to bungee jump and sky dive and play the piano! LOL (no I don't do any of those things now!) He said he is excited about seeing me to a double gainer off the 10 meter platform and that my diving will improve so much without the big boobs in the way. LOL! (no, I don't dive ...we are still in Olympics mode though! hehe)

Since I am blessed to have a hubby who cooks like a Chef, I don't have to worry about cooking while I heal and have looked at a few different food detox ideas. Have any of you followed a detox food menu post surgery?

I think one of the hardest things right now is the wait. I go from feeling excited to feeling nervous back to excited. 10 more days! 10 more days!

Cute Sporty Tops and Life...

9 days to go until my explant surgery! It has me looking around at cute sporty tops and pretty bras and clothes I can't wear and all the things I will be able to do when I am on the other side.

When I went out the other day I was looking at post surgical bras and the gal who works there came over and she asked if I needed help. I told her what I was looking for and she looked at me and said "You look great, why would you want to downsize, I wish my boobs were that big!" I smiled at her and said that I think we always want what we don't have. Natural blondes want a different color, curly haired gals want straight hair, straight hair girls want curly hair...and on and on. I told her I want to have her size and that having really big boobs is really hard on my neck and back and make me sore and unhappy all the time. She said she never considered the weight of having big boobs. I told her neither had I until I got them, then I understood how hard it is to carry the extra weight around all the time. I told her post Op I will be coming back to buy all the cute bras and sport tops she had. She told me she was excited about seeing the "new lighter me" and we had a great laugh together. :D

I want to be able to wear fluffy frilly tops and all those cute boho tops that are so in style with the flowy fabrics. If i wear them now I look like I am wearing a frilly tent because it sticks out so far, NOT the look I am going for. I feel most things I wear make me look heavier then I am, top heavy, and eliminates me from a lot of fashions that I would like to wear. I've been looking at all the lovely cute tops I will be able to wear post op. Thinking about looking sporty and having the ability to actually tone up and get strong.

I feel as if my whole active lifestyle has slowed down to a crawl. There has been such a radical shift in my ability to do things and it's felt like I have not been able to gain any momentum at all. I am tired all the time, and in pain. Pain really saps your energy, it never lets you just enjoy life. I really look forward to what my future holds. Less weight pulling on my neck and shoulders and the cute clothes I will be able to wear that just don't fit me now. Getting back into sports and horse back riding and all the things I have had to give up. I miss so many things.

I read the journals of the gals here who have gone through explant surgery and how they have been able to regain their lifestyles and health again and it gives me so much hope and determination. I feel very blessed to be surrounded by such lovely brave women who have reached out to me and offered assurance and comfort. I want to be on the other side with them, healthy and active and well!


Removing my Armor

I've had implants since I was 16, I have spent my whole adult life with implants of different sizes. And I can't say I spent a lot of time looking at other gals breasts, but over the last few months I have spent a great deal of time looking at breasts, mostly natural ones.

It's very interesting to look at how different natural breasts look, they are like snowflakes, all unique and pretty in their own way. Some are full and have hang, some are tiny and sit tight. Some have one smaller then the other, some have big nipples, some small. But one thing I really noticed is how unique and beautiful they are.

Funny, in a sea of "balloon round" implants I really never took notice of implants, but natural breasts each have their own unique look. Perhaps it is designed that way on purpose, like it's our internal selves that is shown in a physical way, unique, special, with life and lessons and pain and happiness. Like words spoken of a life lived, every story different then the next.

I feel as if I missed that part of my life. The one where my breasts were included and part of my story. I don't know them like I want to. I seem to have only shown them my insecurities and never gave them a chance to become part of the woman I am. I look at my implants like tools and I notice how disconnected they seem to my real self. They are like mirrors I attached to the front of me to reflect a view of myself that I thought would show others I am feminine and confident. Yet, they really never have been "part of me". They have always just been a shield.

And now I have come to see that I can remove my armor and let me be me. I don't have to protect myself from myself anymore. I have come to see that the armor only kept me away from loving myself. And the reflection I want to see now is just one of the real me, with my unique story, imperfections and my life's battle scars, my tales and tears, the things that have brought me here to be able to be naked and exposed and free to be me. It's been such a long journey to bring me to me.

Health and happiness and acceptance; I long to embrace those feelings. To think of how I have given away my health to fulfill some insecure feeling that actually had to be healed from within. What I would give to have loved myself right out of the box. To have seen my breasts as part of my life story, to have embraced myself as unique and beautiful for everything that makes me who I am.

I am ready to really be me now, to be well, to be strong, to be imperfect , flawed, insecure and sometimes, even a mighty warrior. But now, I feel that I don't need this armor to hide behind anymore.


There once was a girl..

There was a girl, not long ago, who didn't love her soul,
she looked around for answers, to help herself feel whole.

She let herself be swayed, that her breasts were far too small,
to fill herself with plastic, to become some barbie doll.

But over time she realized, her soul was not relieved,
she felt she let her soul down, by what she had believed.

She watched her health diminish, her body felt so weak,
and understood the answers, to her soul, she must now seek.

Inside herself she climbed, up the stairs, right to her heart,
and suddenly she saw herself, like she should have, from the start.

Her soul was there and smiling, it said "you finally came",
It convinced her to be free, of this unhealthy plastic game.

Remove the things that weigh you down, by discovering your soul,
It's truly what's inside your heart, that can fully make you whole.

The measure of your beauty, the song inside your heart,
no matter what your size is, it's there right from the start.

If only we could see, inside ourselves with pride,
and love ourselves as whole, and love whats deep inside.

A journey to the soul, that took the long way round,
a spirit that's awakened, for true self has been found.


Tomorrow I am Free!

OK, so my anxiety is at maximum level. I am nervous and worried and hopeful. I do know this is the right thing to do, the best thing for my health and I will actually be able to start living again when this is over. Even still, going into surgery is nerve racking!

I feel blessed by the support I have been given here, you gals have been amazing and I could not have done it without all of you. Thank you so much for the support, the private messages of comfort, for checking in on me to make sure I am doing OK before surgery, for sharing your journeys and fears with me and for making me sure this will all be worth it!

Such generous, lovely women who are brave enough to pave the way to freedom. Freedom, I can see it! I am almost on the other side now! I think the only thing I wish is that I could turn off my head and the million thoughts that are going through it right now. Yes, I am worried and nervous about how I will look but on the other end of that I am excited and hopeful to be healthy and well again. Mixed feelings, many of them!

Onward I go! Brave but scared, nervous but sure. Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my healthy life and I can't wait to embrace it!


I am Officially on the other side!

Woo hoooooooo!! :)
I made it to the other side!! I feel lighter and can take a full breath!!
Sore and tired so I am going rest. Thank you all so much for the lovely support replies y'all left for me, I read them before I went in and it made me smile and feel so good. You gals are the best of the best! <3
Ill update more as I can!
I am now an Official Explant Warrior!
Victory!!!! YES!!!
<3 <3 <3

Day 2 Post Op

I got home from my surgery yesterday around 4pm and was sore and tired. I ate some pineapple chunks and had some ginger ale and some saltine crackers. I ate a decent sized dinner later as well. I did not have any nausea at all. I took a pain med at around 8pm and emptied my drains 3 times yesterday. The first draining didn't yield much, but the one at 8pm was quite full. I drained again at 3am and it did not yield much again. This morning there isn't very much drainage at all. I took one pain med at breakfast time as I woke feeling quite stiff and my pectorals were sore.

I will see my surgeon on Thursday to remove my drains and take off the compression top and change over to the sport bra. I am keeping everything tight and secure and will wait to see my girls on Thursday. So far, I feel so much lighter, I can take deep breaths for the first time in years and there is no pulling on my neck and shoulders. My sleep was pretty crappy as I have to lay at a 45 degree angle which isn't very comfortable but I did doze off for about 4 hours. I am quietly resting today and drinking a ton of water to flush my system. I am also taking Arnica Montana and eating pineapple for bruising and swelling. I had more pineapple and an omelette for breakfast. I am using covered ice bags mostly on my right breast. My pectoral muscles are sore.

I am mostly just resting today and will continue to do so until my surgeon gives me the OK to resume more activities. I have to wear my compression top until Thursday so I don't have any boob pics to show yet so I I posted a pic of me in my compression top. I can honestly say I feel like I already look better! No bowling balls to carry around anymore! Freedom!

Yay for small boobies! :)

Day 3 Quick Peek :)

I couldn't wait until tomorrow, I had to take a quick peek. I am very pleased so far! I imagine once they fluff up they will be quite pretty. My nipples look pushed in a bit, I know that will poof up over time. My pectoral muscles are quite sore and it hurts to use my chest muscles in any way to move or get myself up off the bed or out of a chair. I took one pain med this morning when I woke up, had my pineapple and eggs and juice and water.

I go in tomorrow to hopefully have the drains removed. There was almost no drainage last night or this morning. Less then a ml. Aside from soreness and stiffness in my chest, my lungs feel better, I can breathe like I haven't been able to in years and my neck doesn't hurt! So far it's been all good stuff. I feel as if I might be a full A cup or a small B at most. Either way, I am pleased at how they look so far and I am excited to see how they fill and fluff over time. I am still resting a lot and not moving around too much. I want to heal as quietly and comfortably as possible.

I will start taking my supplements next week if my surgeon thinks it's OK to start them then. Right now I am trying to just keep my intake as clean as possible to detox. Ill update again tomorrow after i see the surgeon.


Quick Update: First follow-up visit

I went in for my first follow-up visit post op. I had my drains removed which did not hurt at all. My surgeon cut away the compression top, removed some tape and then clipped one stitch and pulled out the drain. I did not feel it on either side. A small piece of gauze was placed over the tiny hole where the tube went in and tape and that was that. I am able to have a full shower tomorrow, which I am dreaming about! It feels very freeing to be without the drains!

I then was put into my compression sport top, hooked up and that was that. He wants me to wear the sport top 24/7 (except for showers) and see him next Thursday. I only took a pic of me in my sport top today. I have a red mark of irritation on my ribs where one of the silicone tubes was sitting on my skin from my drains.

I will start taking my supplements tomorrow. I am restricted from activities of any kind right now and am just resting and taking things slowly. I have had a bit of pinching in my pecs ( a good sign of healing) and some soreness and tingling itchy feeling in my incisions. My nipples do have sensation when I touch them but they are still concave looking and hurt if I manipulate them too much. My surgeon said that will fill out in the coming weeks so I will just let nature take it's course. I am excited to start trying on clothes to see how I will look, but avoiding doing anything that causes me to put my arms over my head or stretch too much. I want to let the muscles adhere to my rib cage again so I am being very careful with my chest muscles until I have been given an all clear from my surgeon. I know the process of healing, poofing and fluffing takes time, so I patiently wait.

I am still very fatigued and sore. First thing in the morning I am stiff and using my core muscles to get up is a jolt of pain in my chest. I am still eating really clean (I am a vegetarian) and drinking a ton of water and green tea to flush my body of toxins. I am taking a nap every day and sleeping about 6 hours a night. If I lay back too far on my back it pulls on my muscles and is tight and uncomfortable, so I know that when I am able to roll over and sleep in a different position it will be another milestone to clock how far I have healed.

My Husband has been absolutely wonderful and so supportive. He has gushed about how much prettier he finds me with my new sporty profile and thinks it suits me way more and that I look fit and thinner. He has been so loving and sweet, it's really made me feel super sexy and younger then I have felt in years. I just have this overall lighter, younger, fresher, happier aura all over me. It's quite lovely really, to just feel so comfortable in my own skin.


First Shower Post Op! YES!

Oooooooooh yes!
The first post op shower is heaven! It felt soooooo good! I noticed the warm water made my nipples plump up too! Sweet! :D
Here are today's pics. My right breast has a bit of dimpling and ripples, it was my bigger breast. My nipples are not quite as inverted today but they are still smushed-in looking. It felt lovely to walk around without my compression bra for a minute, light, wiggly, freeing! My husband helped me turn the shower on and was there for my viewing, the first words out of his mouth were "WOW, look at how gorgeous you are!"
I said wow too! :)
I am very pleased at how my breasts look, my little tiny boobies are mine, all mine! Woo hoooo!!!
I wonder how much poof and fluff I will end up with? I have very small breasts so I am not expecting much, but I am already delighted. I feel so good, so free, so me!

I am so happy I did this!!!!

:D :D :D :D :D :D

One Week Post Op

So over the weekend I noticed I have less fullness in my breasts (less swelling) especially under my armpits where my implants used to push and slide into that area. I love that that spot is becoming a thing of the past! It feels weird to be able to put my arms down and not have boobs in the way!

Other things;
Since I had 3 sets of implants over the years that were all under the muscle I am going through a bit more muscle pain then some ladies. I know it is a good sign. I also had my capsules removed so I did expect I would have a longer recovery. I get muscle spasms that start in my pecs and work their way around to the back between my shoulder blades. It's quite weird and very uncomfortable. Then my breasts pinch and everything feels like it is pulling. I get a burning feeling, then some weird pulling on my rib cage under my breasts. I apply a thin light ice bag to the top of my breasts between me and a thin t-shirt and an ice bag between my shoulder blades and lay at a 45 degree angle until it subsides. Not taking any pain meds now but have used Advil a few times as per my surgeons instructions. The pulling and pinching goes away and then I feel very little pain at all. This goes on several times a day. I find my shower to be very helpful. I let the warm stream of water massage my breasts and neck and shoulders and it is very helpful to relieve the pressure and pulling.

My incisions have that healing itch going on. Sometimes it's distracting because it's an itch you can't rub so you have to let it subside. I have another follow up this Thursday when a single horizontal stich that is attached to the tape will be removed from my incisions with the tape and then the remaining stitches will dissolve on their own over time. My nipples don't look so inverted, they are starting to plump a bit but since they are mushed inside my compression sports top all the time they don't really get a chance to pop up until I get into the shower. I can manipulate them more now too as they don't hurt to touch them. I have no upper pole fluffing at all yet, but I don't expect I will see anything for weeks. My breasts are less full especially on the sides under the armpit.

I changed my sport bra over to my Carefix sports bra. The other one was sitting too close to my incisions and it was uncomfortable. I am not fond of wearing these compression sports tops but I am diligent about wearing them. But I do love my shower time when I can be naked as a jay bird and free to fly with my tiny wings! :D

I find myself wanting to push my shoulders back, something I couldn't do before with my huge heavy implants. I used to slouch so much before but now my body wants me to sit up straight and adjust my posture. My hips and back click and pop and make noises like I am making popcorn, which I know is because my center of balance has changed and my body is making adjustments. It's amazing how many things I have noticed changing just in one single week. I look forward to being able to exercise again and really get my body moving to clear out all those cobwebs!

I have started taking some of my supplements now;
BioCell collagen (collagen rejuvenation)
Vitamin C (skin elasticity and immune health)
Vitamin D3 (Bone and muscle health)
Magnesium (Bone and muscle health)
Fortify Probiotic 30 Billion (to get my tummy flora normal again after antibiotics)

So week one has gotten me to a place where I have really begun to see a lot of changes happening in my body. I feel an overall sense of well-being despite the pinching and pulling and cramping. I am still fatigued and still wish I could roll over when I sleep, but I have found I am able to lay a bit flatter when I sleep (on my back). I look forward to the coming weeks, healing and being able to start adding some brisk walking to my days. So far this has been a very positive experience for me, much more so then I allowed myself to consider. I have held my tiny girls in my hands and felt a real beautiful feeling of connection within myself, it is an emotional healing that I truly cherish.

I remain positive and grateful and optimistic for a healthy future!


Post Op Day 8 Pics

Just a few pics. One shows off my smooshed-in nipples when I take my compression bra off. They do plump up when I touch them or have a shower. I have less swelling under my armpits. No upper pole fluff yet. I wonder if I will get any? I am really not even expecting any fluffing because my boobies are small, but if I get some, that will be boob gravy. :)

Loving the shape and size, really enjoying my lighter sporty profile. I will be extra happy when all the muscle cramping and pulling and pinching stops. Sorry for the crappy photo quality, I am using my phone which is a potato.

<3 xoxo

Healing and Bras and Things

My second post op appointment on Sept 22 went well. My tape was removed and the incision scars look fantastic. Super thin and right in the crease. I couldn't be happier! My surgeon said I had some fluid in my left breast and said he could aspirate it or we could wait until my next follow up (next week). I opted to wait until my next follow up appointment. He suggested I take Advil two times a day to aid in cutting the inflammation. In just a week I have already seen a significant improvement so I am hopeful when I see him in another week it will have completely resolved. My nipples go from smushed-in looking to perky during the day. My compression bra (which I wear at most of the day and at bedtime) flattens my nipples but when I change over to a sport top, they plump back out. They certainly don't look as inverted as they did directly after explant so I can say noticing my post op changes has been great. I really don't expect to see any fluffing or changes in my breasts for months so any little new thing is nice to see.

I am still wearing my compression bras. I really hate them. It feels so constricting and tight. I know it is a good thing and it helping my tiny girls firm up and look pretty, but I hate wearing them. I was given the OK to wear a normal wire free bra or sport top for short periods of time so I have done that. I went out and bought a Warners No Side Effects wireless bra in 32B. It's a lovely little bra that has higher sides for the still loose underarm skin. It's quite nice. Though I find my incisions get sore if i wear anything that sits right under the breast so my bra wearing time is still short. I do have some great high impact sports crop tops that I have been wearing as well, as they sit well below my incisions and don't rub on them and are more comfortable. I am using Bio Oil on my incisions every day and if I wear my bra I cover my incisions with silicone strips to avoid rubbing.

My post op bloat in my tummy is finally starting to go down. I swear it looked like I swallowed a sofa pillow. But since starting my probiotics and not taking pain medication, my body is feels like it is getting back to normal. I still get pain in my pectoral muscles and soreness if I use my arms too much. I have to limit my arm movements and not push myself to do too much. I am listening to my body and letting it rest when it tells me enough! I figure I have a whole lifetime to do things so I am not over-doing things or rushing right now. I had a few short outings in the last few days to shop for a few bras and tops. I found the "arms over head" thing to pull on tops starts to bother me after a while so trying on things is a short lived event.

I must admit, I am loving my new profile! I look so sporty and thinner and I feel so feminine and right in my skin. It is a really lovely feeling, to just be happy in my own skin, I never knew it could feel this good! Other good things I have noticed is my skin feels softer, less dry. I have a way better color in my face too, my Hubby said I look like I am glowing, fresh. It does look like the sallow grey color I had is gone. My hair isn't falling out like an old shedding dog anymore either. I am getting more stamina which is everything to me...I spent so much time not having energy that it is absolutely exhilarating to find myself having actual energy. My joint pain is gone, my knees don't hurt and my lungs are so happy to take in deep breaths again. It's a fantastic healthy healing thing going on in my body and it feels amazing. I didn't know if I could hope for better health, but I can honestly say I am feeling better and better every day.

So, this is where I am so far. I am appreciating the changes and respecting my healing process and not pushing myself too hard. I don't spend time inspecting my breasts for tiny changes, I am just appreciating any signs of good health and energy I am receiving. I honestly don't care if I gain or lose any size, I really feel good and whole and well and that has given me my life back. I don't regret explanting at all, in fact, I wish I did it sooner!


Dear Self..

I sent off a letter,
addressed it to me,
to look for the things,
that would then set me free.

So long was the journey,
to just love my soul,
I needed reminding,
to make myself whole.

Dear Self, said the letter,
the way you should feel,
is to love yourself whole,
and love yourself real.

The things that you thought,
would make you feel whole,
has stolen your health,
and stolen your soul.

This long road you took,
to think yourself fine,
all of the stitches,
and such wasted time.

That what you should see,
was there, from the start,
you were sexy and caring,
and smart and with heart.

And those who will love you,
and those who will care,
won't love you for wrappings,
but what's already there.

It was just you alone,
who made yourself cry,
by judging your beauty,
based on your size.

Dear self, welcome home,
I am glad you've arrived,
I'm glad you are healthy,
And feel so alive.

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