49yr Old, 2 Grown Kids, 5'3" 126lbs, ILC Cancer - Really??? - St. Louis, MO

So, to start with, I was diagnosed with ILC breast cancer in my left breast on November 2nd. I had my annual mammogram performed a few weeks prior and the radiologist saw something a bit different from my last exam. We did an ultrasound which showed nothing conclusive so an aspiration or biopsy was next. We (husband and I) had been through some similar situation and had always found that these were just cysts and were drained via the aspiration. We expected nothing less since we had no history of breast cancer in my family. Well, the cyst I could feel was drained and the fluid was clear! Yeah! Or so I thought. There was another behind it that I did not feel and that did not drain so they did a biopsy.
We got the call on a Monday night at 6:00. Yes, it was cancer! Complete and utter disbelief. Shock? Yes. The phone call did not making sense. We were sure there was a mistake made. I didn't feel sick, had no history of cancer, couldn't feel anything and heck, I was getting on a plane in 3 days to celebrate our 25th anniversary in St. Martin. The nurse who called knew we were leaving so she lied to me earlier in the day when I called to see if she had the results back yet.
This nurse became my "breast navigator" at Mercy Health in St. Louis. And she was/is a remarkable person. She told me the lie because she was busy setting up an immediate appointment with a breast surgeon as well as getting me an MRI scheduled. She did all of these things prior to telling me about the cancer because she wanted to get me some information prior to our trip. She explained what ILC breast cancer is, told me it was 1.3 centimeters and was stage 1. She then told me I had an appointment the next morning with Dr. Lindy Hruska. Whoa! Good thing she had her head on straight because I/we didn't.
So, met with Lindy and she was fantastic. Never felt rushed by her and immediately felt her compassion. She told us many things but most importantly she recommended a plastic surgeon through my husbands diligent questioning. She had a handful of recommendations that she gave to my husband. He then asked her "okay, so this is happening to you Doctor. Which ones do you kick off the island". She blushed a little and laughingly said to not put her on the spot like that. My husband countered with the fact that we were on the spot. She gave us a name! Then, she told us that if we cared to sit around St. Louis and feel anxious, scared, and depressed but that it would probably be better if we did that in St. Martin. Anniversary trip is still a go. She said it would be at least 3-4 weeks until a surgery, either a lumpectomy or mastectomy (our choice) would be performed. On our way out of the hospital, we stopped at the remote office of the plastic surgeon she suggested and made an appointment for after we returned form our trip just in case we elected to do the mastectomy. She gave us lots of information to take with us on our trip. Next day we did the MRI. The following day, we got on the plane.
We had lots of emotional times on our trip but we also had a lot of information to discuss thanks to the immediate action of our breast navigator. Ultimately we decided these boobs needed to go away. They served their purpose well. Breastfed both of my boys when they were babies but now they are only here to look good. And, although I still think they looked okay, I didn't need them trying to kill me. So, we decided to go with a double mastectomy with 2-step reconstruction using tissue expanders.
Whew! That's how it all began. I'll be back with the surgery info later.

We came back from St. Martin on a Sunday night and met with Dr. Curtis first thing Monday morning. Since we decided to take the double mastectomy route, he gave us the run through as to what the process was on the day of surgery, the subsequent fills afterwards, the final replacement of a permanent implant, and an overall time frame. We decided to discuss what to do about nipples later. I'm not a candidate for any type of flap surgery so no need to discuss that here.

Again, this doctor sat with us the whole time, never seemed to be in a hurry to see someone else and we felt and immediate sense that this guy cares for people. He answered whatever questions we had. I told him I wanted to look like I do in my Victoria's Secret miracle bra. He said "we can do that". I asked him to make me pretty. With a smile followed by a hug, he ensured me he would do his very best to make that happen. We visited our breast surgeon one more time for clarification on a few things we discussed earlier plus asked a few new questions we had since we began a crash course in researching breast cancers. Dr. Lindy Hruska is a champ. She answered them all. She also said she would begin working with Dr. Curtis and get us a firm surgery date. Then she gave me a hug.

Ok, so here is what I had going into all of this. Not bad for 49 years old. They got plenty of sun on vacation also. Back later with the surgery info.

December 21st rolled up pretty quickly. We celebrated Christmas the day before and my husband and I, now both ex-smokers for over 3 weeks, headed to the hospital. We had to be there 4 hours prior in order to have nuclear medicine inject me with the die that would detect the Sentinel lymph node during surgery. Remarkable science really. Got to see the real time images of the radioactive die coarse get through my chest. Then, back to waiting room with family and friend. Dr. Curtis came in to mark up where he wants the breast surgeon to make the cuts he has predetermined. Yes, I will be losing all of my breast tissue but can now actually see the football shapes of the incisions that will remove my nipples and areola. Lord, keep me strong! It's real but I am at peace. I came in more spiritually fit than any other point in my life and put all of this into His hands.

Breast surgeon enters and puts family at ease. She is so quietly confident without an ounce of cockiness. She says "Let's get this gone!". Anesthesia arrives, we pray, the IV is loaded with sleepy solution, I get groggy and saw so long to family as they head to the waiting room. My husband kisses me twice - once for him and once for all of our friends wishing me the best. That is the last thing I remember.

I wake to a very fuzzy head. Not really in pain as the morphine and other meds successfully mask that. I am very unsteady as I get up, with assistance, to use the bathroom. I look down and the floor spins. A nurse then tells me - "don't look down again!". This I remember through the fog of the next 24 hours. I do not remember getting sick after having a small amount of soup that evening.

Early the next morning, Dr. Curtis comes in to check on me. Head is a bit clearer and he removes the surgical bra and gauze. I see my chest for the first time. I wasn't aghast at all and I suggest anyone anticipating this surgery to ask to see photos of other patients that your PS should have. DON'T Search the web. Seems only the worst results are shown there. I am tired already by the time he finishes putting the bra back together. He says I can stay another day if I feel the need to. Hey, free rent and food? We decide to stay right then and there.

I'm pretty loopy from all the pain meds and other drugs. I'm transition from IV morphine to oral hydrocodone. Valium helps with muscle relaxation and together with the pain meds makes me silly. I repeat things over and over is what my husband says. Maybe he is just teasing me. I wouldn't know. Eat, sleep, eat, sleep. Family and friends for a few minutes and then more sleep. Breast surgeon. Dr. Lindy Hruska, stops by. I am not under her care anymore but she stops in anyway. Who does that kind of thing? Many people at Mercy do as I come to find out. Great people and great compassion. Day passes to night and then day again. I am cleared to go home now. Yes!!!