I Wanted Small and Perky, but I Got Big and Saggy

I meant explant, not replant (above). Well, I went in to the PS and talked to him about options. He went over maybe doing a revision and going with lower profile implants to help give me some more upper pole. I found myself starting to be persuaded, because I still long for those "perky breasts" I've never known. I promised myself before the consult that I would go over all my options at the appointment, so I asked him about explanting and told him how I am so back and forth with what to do. He offered to "deflate the implants" that day in office, so that I could start at square one and get an idea if I could go back to my natural breasts or not. I agreed to do it, which actually surprises me still (I am normally a big researcher before I commit to things). I think I was just feeling so overwhelmed with making a decision and I really wanted to remember what it felt like to "just be me again." It was a pretty simple procedure. I laid down on the table and he put a needle in the side of each breast and aspirated the saline. It was a crazy thing to watch my breasts literally shrink before my eyes, and I can honestly say that I felt quite a bit relief as they got smaller and smaller. I still wish I could have had a video tape to capture my husbands face a few feet away....a mixture of shock and horror. (haha) When it was over, I got off the table, threw on my shirt, shoved my DDD bra in my purse and walked out of there braless and flat as a pancake. I didn't even want to assess the situation or look in the mirror. I agreed to give it a few days and then call the office with a decision.

The last 72 hours have been a whirl wind! I have been on a complete emotional rollercoaster since that first glance in the mirror. I love the feeling of my breasts. I agree with you ladies...they are soft, warm, and magnificent :0) BUT I have to say that I am quickly deflated (pardon the pun) when I take a gander at them. I feel like they are 80 year old breasts on a 29 year old girl.

I have made a decision to explant. I called the office and booked it for next friday (March 8th) I just don't want to take the risk of new implants and still not liking the results. The PS is also repairing an abdominal hernia (bump above belly button in photos) at the same time. I am really nervous about surgery.

I am also not sure what to think about the whole deflation thing. I am grateful to have been able to make a decision based on what I might look like after removal, but it is a weird feeling having these empty shells inside of me. I feel them every second. I think it might be folded up and poking me a little on my left side. I am also confused as to how much activity I should be doing at the moment. The PS just told me to continue everything unless it causes discomfort, but I am confused because my muscles seem to be contracting and are achy. Also, he told me I could wear any bra that was comfortable?? I have been wearing a tight sports bra based on what you ladies have said post explant.
I will post some pictures later. I would really appreciate any support. I am too embarrassed to talk to family or friends about this, so I feel quite lonely. thank you.

I just have to tell you ladies THANK YOU for all the positive words, love, and encouragement! I have clung to every word and I am being extra gentle with myself.
I do have a question that I am hoping some of you can clarify...I have been researching capsulectomy and reading very strong opinions about it. I asked my surgeon if he would do a capsulectomy and he told me No. Said it was way too invasive. I am really not even sure how experienced my surgeon is with implant removal. I am going to him because I also need a hernia fixed and my insurance will cover him and his facility. Is it harmful to leave capsules in? I will have had implants for only 8 months upon removal and no problems with hardness. Please let me know your thoughts or experience with this.