I Wanted Small and Perky, but I Got Big and Saggy

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I grew up with size D breasts from the time I was...

I grew up with size D breasts from the time I was 13. I hated them (grass is always greener) and spent my early days wearing two sports bras and smashing them against my chest. As you can imagine, I was ecstatic when after my first baby (22) my breasts shrunk to a small c. I was in heaven wearing shirts I couldn't wear before and feeling so much lighter. I went onto have 2 more babies and have breast fed all 3. After my 3rd, I noticed that my breasts were quite saggy and had lost a lot of tissue. I stopped "feeling sexy" in front of my hubby (though he said he still loved them). After a lot of thought I decided to go in for a consult with a plastic surgeon to see if I could get some perkiness. I met with him and brought in all my photos of what I wanted the outcome to be. I really wanted to be as small as possible but with good upper pole and a "youthful, perky" appearance. Think Leanne Rimes. He told me that I absolutely didn't need a lift and that breast implants would do the trick. I was so excited and with his help chose saline high profile implants 320cc. I went for surgery 8 months ago in June of 2012. At first I really liked my results but after about 4 months my implants dropped and settled into place. I lost all upper pole:( I don't feel youthful and perky at all...more like big and heavy. I am back to my old ways of 2 sports bras and suffocating. I am 29 109 lbs and 5'4. I am measuring at a 30DDD. I wanted to be a perky C. I have met with other PS's and they have advised me to go bigger!! All 4 have told me I don't need a lift which I really don't understand. I do not want to go any bigger. I am so depressed about all of this. I just wish I would have never gotten this done. I am going to meet with a PS tomorrow about maybe just replanting. I am so nervous about what my breasts will look like. I am new to this site and I would do appreciate your support. Thank you.

I meant explant, not replant (above). Well, I went...

I meant explant, not replant (above). Well, I went in to the PS and talked to him about options. He went over maybe doing a revision and going with lower profile implants to help give me some more upper pole. I found myself starting to be persuaded, because I still long for those "perky breasts" I've never known. I promised myself before the consult that I would go over all my options at the appointment, so I asked him about explanting and told him how I am so back and forth with what to do. He offered to "deflate the implants" that day in office, so that I could start at square one and get an idea if I could go back to my natural breasts or not. I agreed to do it, which actually surprises me still (I am normally a big researcher before I commit to things). I think I was just feeling so overwhelmed with making a decision and I really wanted to remember what it felt like to "just be me again." It was a pretty simple procedure. I laid down on the table and he put a needle in the side of each breast and aspirated the saline. It was a crazy thing to watch my breasts literally shrink before my eyes, and I can honestly say that I felt quite a bit relief as they got smaller and smaller. I still wish I could have had a video tape to capture my husbands face a few feet away....a mixture of shock and horror. (haha) When it was over, I got off the table, threw on my shirt, shoved my DDD bra in my purse and walked out of there braless and flat as a pancake. I didn't even want to assess the situation or look in the mirror. I agreed to give it a few days and then call the office with a decision.

The last 72 hours have been a whirl wind! I have been on a complete emotional rollercoaster since that first glance in the mirror. I love the feeling of my breasts. I agree with you ladies...they are soft, warm, and magnificent :0) BUT I have to say that I am quickly deflated (pardon the pun) when I take a gander at them. I feel like they are 80 year old breasts on a 29 year old girl.

I have made a decision to explant. I called the office and booked it for next friday (March 8th) I just don't want to take the risk of new implants and still not liking the results. The PS is also repairing an abdominal hernia (bump above belly button in photos) at the same time. I am really nervous about surgery.

I am also not sure what to think about the whole deflation thing. I am grateful to have been able to make a decision based on what I might look like after removal, but it is a weird feeling having these empty shells inside of me. I feel them every second. I think it might be folded up and poking me a little on my left side. I am also confused as to how much activity I should be doing at the moment. The PS just told me to continue everything unless it causes discomfort, but I am confused because my muscles seem to be contracting and are achy. Also, he told me I could wear any bra that was comfortable?? I have been wearing a tight sports bra based on what you ladies have said post explant.
I will post some pictures later. I would really appreciate any support. I am too embarrassed to talk to family or friends about this, so I feel quite lonely. thank you.

I just have to tell you ladies THANK YOU for all...

I just have to tell you ladies THANK YOU for all the positive words, love, and encouragement! I have clung to every word and I am being extra gentle with myself.
I do have a question that I am hoping some of you can clarify...I have been researching capsulectomy and reading very strong opinions about it. I asked my surgeon if he would do a capsulectomy and he told me No. Said it was way too invasive. I am really not even sure how experienced my surgeon is with implant removal. I am going to him because I also need a hernia fixed and my insurance will cover him and his facility. Is it harmful to leave capsules in? I will have had implants for only 8 months upon removal and no problems with hardness. Please let me know your thoughts or experience with this.

Well I am getting these shells removed in 3...

Well I am getting these shells removed in 3 days!!! I am so ready to get these out! I am having some weird symptoms since deflation that has me a little worried. My arms feel weak and heavy all the time. I can still workout, clean house, take care of kiddos, etc, but I am constantly aware of this weird feeling....like I have to concentrate to lift my arms. My right arm is a little worse than my left...That side hurt more when the PS deflated that implant as well. I am getting really nervous about it, and I am hoping that it will go away once I am healed from explant. I never had any complications with the implants, no weird symptoms at all, and my breasts always stayed soft. Of course, I turn to the internet and am scared stiff with all the horror "implants cause illness" stories out there. I just hope I haven't damaged my body. I will see the PS tomorrow and talk to him about it.
As far as how I feel in appearance....fantastic!! I have embraced these little itty bittys :) Thank you ladies for the sweet compliments!! I feel so light and young...no more heavy feeling. I am just so very grateful that they have shrunk up decently.
I will keep you all posted on what happens tomorrow....

Well today is the day to get these empty bags out...

Well today is the day to get these empty bags out of me! It is 6:30 AM and surgery is scheduled for 11:15 AM. I didn't sleep a wink last night. Dang nerves! I am not even sure why I am so restless...I pretty much already know what I will look like afterwards because of the deflation. I guess I am feeling nervous about actual surgery. I was able to meet with my plastic surgeon for preop and he calmed a lot of my fears. He really doesn't think I need a capsulectomy, but he will take a careful look during surgery to make sure. He talked to me one last time about trying a new implant (smaller and lower profile), but of course I told him my decision is final. He was very respectful, and I am really happy with his approach. I asked if I could have conscious sedation instead of general, and he said that would be fine, so my total price will be about $1,700. Not bad.
My arm pain/weakness has subsided thankfully! That was really making me nervous. I stopped working out completely and really rested for 2 days and it helped immensely. I am sure I was just overdoing it while my muscles were trying to contract down.
I felt really emotional last night. I still feel really frustrated with the money spent, the results I wanted vs the results I got. I can't help, but still long for that "perky round look" I know that I should just be grateful for these natural boobs, and I am most the time (really!) but there are some tough angles that are hard to see (bending over). I do like the feeling of my natural breasts though, and I think even if I had gotten the exact results I wanted, I am sure that I still would have had the same feelings of heaviness and discomfort. I am again so grateful for all of you gals and your updates. I am confident that time is on my side and it will just get better and better. Thankfully, my husband has been very supportive...probably a little annoyed with my constant need for approval, but very supportive and caring. I am lucky.

Hi ladies! Sorry it has taken me so long to...

Hi ladies! Sorry it has taken me so long to update! I got my surgery 13 days ago, and I am feeling so good about everything! My hernia repair hurt a little more than I prepared for and because of that I really haven't even felt any chest pain. I was on pain meds for the first 3 days and really took it easy the first week because my core was so tender from the hernia. I have worn a compression bra day and night and when I take it off from time to time and take a look...I am really happy with what I see! Heck, they even look a little perky! Ha! Wish I could have seen them thru these eyes 8 months ago and saved myself a few thousand. Oh well. I have to say it was all worth it and I am glad that I took them out after such a short time instead of waiting it out for a few years. I am feeling so light again. I love how clothes fit on me now and even my husband told me he liked them better a few nights ago! I have to once again say thank you to you ladies for sharing your stories. You have me courage and permission to accept that I had made a mistake, get my implants removed, and move on.
Thank you!
Also, I had IV sedation instead of general (I just asked for it) which saved me about $600. The surgeon did a great job and made incisions that are only about 1/2 inch under crease. Very happy with him! I had no capsule removed. He said they were tissue thin.
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