3 botch surgeries! Spire. Norwich, GB

I had a large hook nose and at times I felt embarrassed about it, I'm a little female and I didn't feel it suited the rest of me. I was also teased and had cruel comments from people including friends and family.
I was scared of surgery to my face, I was very sceptical of how it could be possible to turn my big honk into a cute button. I took pics of my profile and scrutinised them and edited them..easy to do with photoshop but it looked impossible to do in reality with flesh and bone.
I kept on reading on the web and looking at before and after pics and I found a few that I felt had the same nose as me and had got a beautiful result.
I didn't really trust plastic surgeons much having come across horror stories on the web. I thought I would be safer with a private health care insurance hospital local to me. Bupa (now Spire). The surgeons there also do work for the local NHS hospital so I believed that I would be safe in their hands, if anything went wrong they would help me I assured myself. .
I consulted with Mr Logan first it was a very short consultation not much detail given. He said he would straighten and shorten my profile.I asked if he would be making my nostrils smaller and he said no it wont be necessary. It didn't make sense to me how would I have a small pretty nose with huge nostrils. I didn't feel happy that he would give me what I wanted maybe just a big straighter nose but that wasn't worth the pain and effort to me, I wanted a small cute perfect nose or I would just leave it alone. I decided to make another consultation with another surgeon at the same practice, this time i printed out the googled before and afters i thought were similar to mine and asked Mr Clibbon was it possible for ME to get a result like that.
He was enthusiastic and very confident that he could achieve a similar result for me. I was thrilled and excited and booked surgery for the next month. I couldn't wait to have my new pretty nose!
My nose was very sore after the op very black eyes and swollen face. I immediately saw my nose was very piggy even under the cast. I remember worrying that the cast itself attached with tape across my cheeks and forehead didn't even look straight.
At home my nose kept weeping at one end of the stitches a tiny raw area on my columella, first watery pink then after a couple of days thicker yellowish and it was stinging. I rang the hospital and I was told nobody was there to help and my surgeon had left on holiday. They told me to go to my A+E hospital, I felt so scared and embarrassed waiting there. It was becoming infected where a stitch had been missed I was given antibiotics and the weeping began to stop in another 2 days.
When I went back for my cast off appt I was disappointed to see my surgeon still wasn't there. Two nurses removed the cast which was almost falling off by now day 10..the glue from the tape had irritated my skin it had been itching like crazy it was red and rashy. My nose was just a swollen piggy mess barely looked like a nose more squashed tomato. My heart sank but I told myself it would be ok, the nurses began removing the stitches they remarked that Mr Clibbon had missed one and that's why that area had kept weeping like it did. At the other end of my columnella the last stitch had its knot stuck on the inside and despite some painfull tugging she was unable to remove it instead she just tugged and cut the protruding part as close as she could to the skin. She made a note to the surgeon to inform him and ask if he knew of a stitch being left in.
A few days later the thick blue whisker stitch was back poking through my columnella I finally got to see My surgeon around week 3 post op. He tugged at the stitch and it was still stuck so again cut it short. He looked embarrassed by my nose he agreed it wasn't right and said I would need a revision, the earliest I could do that was 6 months later.
So I told myself despite the fact I looked like I had a serious RTA , I would cope just stay indoors keep my head down this miserable time would fly by, Id get a revision and it would be fixed.
My nose was overshortened hence its piggy appearance, I have inverted V deformity, polly beak, hanging columella, prominent alar feet bulges, colapse/dent to the left side, Uneven nostrils, 1 cm thick columella with bad scaring..
I went back to see him at approx 4 months post op to get the blue whisker snipped yet again and to tell him that I was struggling to breathe through my nose and tell him that I had a really bad smell in my nose. He prescribed a nasal spray for inflammation and allergy but when I asked about the smell he shrugged and said he had no idea what would cause that.
I had my revision in feb 08 I got my hopes up again thinking this time all would be great but there was no improvement or change to my nose. Despite massive bruising to my eyes and face again it looked exactly the same just horribly swollen. Still breathing problems , still a smell in my nose..
The disappointment, the embarrassment,the despair..I dont even have words for how I felt and it almost pushed me to suicide many times I feel like such a total freak, a loser, an idiot for letting no paying somebody to do this to me.
My marriage broke up for good, I lost my job, my car I felt so depressed I couldn't face going out of the house because I felt that people were staring and laughing. I shut myself away and didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. I had and still have PTSD and severe anxiety from my botched ops. I had bi polar disorder to begin with (which my surgeon knew about!), this whole saga has been so bad for my mental health that its taken a real toll on my physical health too,my anxiety causes high blood pressure which damages my kidneys. I constantly get sick chest infections and painful sinus infections that Im sure is all to do with my nose.
For a couple of years I just kept breathing (through my mouth mostly) for my kids sake and just couldn't see a way to put this right with no money. I approached my surgeon again I was polite as ever but emailed him pics of my nose and explained how sad I was. He agreed to see me, he said he was unable to fix my nose but would ask Mr Logan his senior partner to assist him in a 3rd OP..
I then had a consultation with them both Mr Logan was shocked by my nose he inspected my columella and almost gasped he said "what have you done here!" and gave my surgeon mr Clibbon a concerned look. He recognised me from my consultation with him and asked why i didn't come to him it was an awkward moment for all..my surgeon coughed well thats all history now and quickly changed the subject.
They said that they would fix the collapse/dent side with a rib graft and see if they could improve my columella. I was unsure and worried that my nose would then just appear very big again and look worse Mr Logan chuckled and told me not to be silly, they wouldn't build the hook back and it definitely wouldn't look worse.
I felt reassured again by Mr Logan's concern and kindness despite my fears I agreed to a 2nd revision.
Bupa had now changed name to Spire hospital but op 3 took place there again. When I woke this time I didn't have a cast just some white tape across my nose. When I looked in the mirror I saw that they had changed my profile it looked to be very high at the bridge and straight, the dent in the left side was still evident though even with the swelling and there was no change to my columella area. I was so frustrated I wanted to scream, I just wanted to go home and be out of that hospital. I didnt see Mr Logan after or ever again sadly so he wasnt that concerned by his own work. I saw Mr Clibbon a week later and he agreed the areas were still not addressed and he mentioned possible fillers to correct the caved in side.
I knew then that was it- this was as good as he could do for me..A million thoughts went through my head does he realise he ruined my life? wtf did he do this for if he wasnt capable? how can this even be legal? how would he feel if i was his nose or his wife :( ? but no words came out I was just speechless and numb and so I just went home and fell apart.
That 3rd botch was in July 2011 The huge rib graft warped and moved after just a month or two making it even worse and moreso over time. Its a big hump again but way lower down and bent it looks totally unnatural and so ugly. My nose looks different each side you view it its twisted like an S shape. Everything about it is gross. The huge graft is almost through the skin on the tip of my nose but not even in the centre.
Ive lost 7 years of my life because of rhinoplasty so far. My family and children suffer too. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I don't even look in mirrors these days if I catch sight of myself in a window while washing up etc I get a sick feeling in my stomach and a pain in my heart. I would like to tell people that it gets easier to cope with in time but it doesn't. These days I'm a shadow of the woman I was if it wasn't for my children I would already have given up living..I'm not even living..I exist that is all.

I took my surgeon to court and we agreed on an out of court settlement. I'm gratefull that he admitted his mistakes. It wont make up for the trauma Ive suffered and it wont give me back what Ive lost over the past 7 years..but I can at last think about putting things right.

Sorry but to be honest I cant even handle looking at them myself yet. Once I get it fixed maybe it wont be so hard to deal with it. Possibly i will edit out my eyes or face or something.