FINALLY Going to Get NEW BREASTS!!!

I'm 33 years old 5'5", 165 lbs, current bra size 36 D. My husband and I have decided not to have anymore children so this is my green light to start the search for a Dr to do my breast lift. I developed breasts very early. I had to wear a bra in 4th grade and got teased by all the boys. Sometimes I wouldn't wear a bra so the boys wouldn't tease me and then the girls would tease me and tell me it was "gross" I didn't have a bra on... Kids are so mean! :). Anywho, I kept waiting for my breasts to look "normal" so the nipples were pointing up but they were ALWAYS saggy! When I was 19 I worked at a nursing home and I remember bathing some old ladies and they had nicer breasts than me!! I would be jealous of an 80 year old woman's boobs!!!! I feel like my breasts have held me back so much in my life. They have affected my love life, my marriage, my confidence. I feel like I've never been able to experience what it truly feels like to be a woman. The breasts are such a huge part of femininity. I know this is TMI but I've never been able to make love on top and feel proud and beautiful, I've always wore my bra or had the lights off. Maybe I'm being dramatic but I think a lot of the women on here can relate to me. Also..... My breasts are heavy and the way they droop down it is painful to walk around without my bra on. I just hate my breasts sooooooo much and I soooo hope that I find the right Dr that can help me. I worry my breast will still point down, my nipples won't be high enough or they will still be very differently shaped after surgery. I guess I have very high hopes and don't want to look even worse....Here are some pics of my breasts now. I would like to lose at least 20 lbs and weigh at least 140 when I get my breasts so I have to start dieting as well.

I wanted to take a pic of breasts with the camera facing me. It's weird how different angles and mirrors can show just how different they are. It makes me so sad to look at this pic cause I haven't seen women on here with breasts this different. I'm so scared I'll still have deformed breasts even after surgery :(

Since I took that pic last night I've been so upset. I really am deformed! I have two arms, two legs and from the outside (with clothes) I look healthy but really I was born with a breast deformity and I've lived with it and dealt with this for so long. My breasts have affected my quality of life sooooo much! Ok so some people may say it's because I let them affect me but those people don't have breasts like me. I have NEVER felt comfortable looking at myself in the mirror naked, NEVER felt comfortable without a bra on, NEVER felt comfortable making love....EVER!!! All because of these ugly breasts....especially my left breast....that one is the deformed one and of course the one my husband (and old b.f's) always gravitated to since they were all right handed...Guess I should have dated lefties... :). I am totally have a pity party right now!!!! I just want to get out all of my frustrations here, a lifetime of frustration has been culminating in me since my breasts starting growing... A friggin lifetime!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!! Why out of all of my friends do I have to be the one with this deformity? And it's not a deformity that is accepted by society. People prob think I am being vain by wanting cosmetic surgery but this has effected my psychosocial health. I wonder if I can get this covered (partially) by insurance? My left breast never developed correctly, it points straight down, I have odd pains in this breast, the nipple is at such a location that it gets pinched by things like my husband elbow when he rolls over in bed or by my clothes when I'm getting dressed it also has a growth that I have had looked at numerous times since I was a senior in highschool and nobody can figure out what it is. I've had like 5 ultrasounds and 1 (very painful) mammogram at the age of 23...and nada info on that damn growth. They just tell me it's not cancerous so just live with it.
Ok what else.....Oh yeah! I have to buy bras with padding since my nipples are always looking down or sideways or one up and one down and it's embarrassing! I just want to be able to wear a cute top and walk down the street with my gorgeous big bosoms, nipples pointing straight ahead demanding the attention of every (attractive) male!!! :) Ok I know that may sound crazy!! But I want so badly for my breasts to match the rest of me. Not saying I'm some super hot woman but I used to be think with long blonde hair and no stretch marks on my belly... I used to work out hard and eat organic and was a strict vegan because I was so conscious of my health. Even back then with my ugly breasts I still at least tried to look good. Now I have had a child (the best thing in my life) and of course my tummy had to get covered in stretch marks so now I have hideous boobs and a tummy that no matter what I do cannnot ever be bikini ready. I feel like "why try" anymore and I just eat now and drink too much wine and I really feel like I am unattractive...that no matter what I do I cannot be beautiful. I will never be able to amaze a man with my gorgeous feminine figure, I will never be able to wear a bikini again and sun bathe and feel comfortable.....
OK I am done I think.
I know much of that is very negative and crazy sounding but I had to get it out. Also I know it may not make sense and it probably has tons of errors but I was rambling.
Please don't say anything mean to me, I feel like this site is a safe place and that I can be vulnerable here. Heck I am already showing you all the thing that has bothered me so much in my life, the thing that even my husband doesn't see. The thing that I am so ashamed and embarrassed of.