Failed Rhinoplasty & My Continued Journey to Revision Rhinoplasty - Santa Rosa, CA

Hi all,

Excuse this if it sounds cliche, but my journey to fix my nose started with some Google searches and ending up on RealSelf, which started a nearly one-year stalk-fest, in which I clicked on hundreds of different noses in my RealSelf emails. Unfortunately, I only went on two consults before booking my surgery--a $55 one, and then a free one. With my first consult, I was not sold on Dr. William McClure in Napa, because he didn't use any technology to morph my nose or establish expectations, and he didn't even follow-up after the consult or answer my email to him, post-consult!!! You would think it's in their best interest to respond to prospective patients, because, you know, we may spend thousands of dollars in their office?????!!!! Never mind that. So I decided to consult with a Santa Rosa PS, naively feeling that his exceptional bedside manner, and calming nature, paired with his actually using photo-morphing software was enough to establish clear expectations and a good outcome. In retrospect, the fact that he had only two rhinoplasty results on his website should have been a red flag right away. I don't know how I managed to overlook this; I suspect it was my overly-frenzied rush to get a nose job ASAP that precluded me from making a rational decision on the matter and actually RESEARCHING more and found an actual rhinoplasty SPECIALIST. Ugh. 

As a logical, rational person, it's very difficult to forgive yourself after making such a huge discrepancy in your apparent logic and paying dearly with the $7500 in savings you worked hard to save up. Oh well. Bear with me here. Anyway, I sent my Dr. some homemade photo-morphs I did using Umang Mehta's online PS-simulator tool, and sent him several emails after the preoperative to try and establish very clear expectations about what I wanted: hump REMOVED, nose STRAIGHTENED, and tip REFINED; it's not rocket science. ;_______; Anyway, the day I came in for surgery, he asked me what bothered me about my nose--emphasizing that he would give me a "natural looking nose"--and I repeated what I told him before: all the aforementioned and that I wanted my droopy tip to not be droopy any more. An overall small nose. Etc. Etc. When I went into surgery, the anesthesiologist could not find a vein to put the IV in, and ended up poking and bruising both arms and hands a lot in search of a vein begin enough to hold a steady IV. When I was out during the surgery, I ended up waking up at one point, and dazed, I felt like he was hammering my nose. The pain was immense. I blacked out instantly. When I woke up, he kept telling my mom that the surgery went well, went "very well." I was so sick feeling--extremely nauseous and weak and hurting--they wheeled me out to my car right away because I kept begging them in a feeble voice to "go home," and that it "hurt." I ended up passing out again in the car. Luckily my mom got me back safe and sound, without any troubles (her directions are terrible, bless her soul!) When I was already at home, I started walking back to my living room couch from the kitchen, and I started fainting mid-air, feeling like the literal epitome of death. Luckily my mom was feet away and caught me! Who knows what would have happened had I fainted there and actually landed on my nose. My misery would probably have been 10x worse. 

Well, unlike what most peeps said in their reviews, this surgery hurt A LOT and I didn't even have anything complex done; no turbinate reduction, grafts, tip work (!!!!!!!), or anything else really. It hurt a lot though, was very tender to the touch and swollen (had no under-eye bruises), and I was in-and-out of a trance for the first couple days, drifting in-and-out of sleep day and night. Note the fact that my Dr. never even followed up once to ask how I was doing, even though I spent a lot of time sick and puking the first couple days. Anywho, I went to get my cast taken off, feeling very hopeful. Well, that was a [RS bleep]. Taking off the cast HURT A LOT, and then I had the wonderful of staring in the mirror and seeing my $7500 go down the drain: there, in front of me, stared back a girl with the VERY SAME nose she started with, only with sallow, discolored skin, and a slightly rasped nasal hump. Zero tip work had been done. He hadn't even touched the tip. To try and disguise my immense disappointment, I pointed out the vestigial nasal hump that was hard as a rock. He assured me this was "swelling." Well, I will assure you that is not. It's been about a month, and sure enough, that bumpy hump is exactly what I thought it was: the vestigial hump leftover from a lack of adequate nasal rasping.

Regardless, I will move away from the story of my physical struggle, and enlighten you a bit about the emotional turmoil surrounding this rhinoplasty and its failure to do its job. Most people on this website go on about how they've hated their noses for years, or were bullied for it. I was never bullied for mine, but I was bullied for other reasons. Anywho, I started to figure out there was something funky about my nose several years ago, when I realized I didn't look anything like the women I found beautiful, and this bothered me. I started zeroing in on my nose, and began hated it with a nenavist (????????--the Russian word for hatred with a passion) and kept making up elaborate schemes for how I could cut that unsightly proboscis off my face. Not to mention, three different people--including two college-aged guys and a female coworker--mentioned the fact that my "nose was crooked, did you ever break it? Did someone break it?" This crushed me inside. I felt small and defeated inside. 

Despite my unsightly Roman nose that prevented me from ever taking a side profile shot in my life, I was always told I was naturally good looking, pretty, and even beautiful/gorgeous by an ex. Even though I never wore makeup on a daily basis--too much work in the morning for an over-stressed, over-fatigued honors student--I never felt beautiful or even remotely attractive unless I was wearing makeup. About a year or two ago, I started voicing my "insecurities" about my nose--my dislike of a perceived facial flaw--to my aunt, and she passionately rallied against any effort to seek costly surgical intervention to fix it. Like most who have heard me rant about my ugly nose, she said it gave "me character," and that if I fixed it, "I would be like everyone else and have no personality." Since when has a person's personality been dictated by their nasal shape??????!!?!?!?! So all of a sudden, I get a nose job, and--BAAM!--I lose all character and personality altogether and become a dead fish that has nothing to say??? Boy, the logic is truly sound there. This made me resentful, because I've never liked big noses, nor found them to have "character". I just find them to be big, and thus, aesthetically unattractive, especially on women! They're masculine, overly strong looking, and not feminine at all. As a feminine person, it seemed strange to me to keep something that I could never reconcile my own dislike and ideas with--I would never see a flaw as something lending character. It was just a flaw, through which I had trouble breathing and tarnished my confidence. 

My mom originally strongly rallied against this as well, claiming that only insecure people with complexes and no self confidence got nose jobs. Then she started to really pay attention to it, and quickly jumped on my bandwagon and urged me completely to get it done. Of course, she often flip-flopped in the coming year, sometimes berating me for my "insecurities and low self confidence in my features" and then other times, completely supporting me by admitting that my nose was unattractive and sort of masculine. Of course, after my first failed rhinoplasty, she took that as a superstitious sign that a beautiful nose and me were not meant to be. Bleh. I strongly contest this. Don't I deserve to be happy with my features and look in the mirror and actually LIKE what I see? After getting my primary done, no one could tell I had my nose done--despite the minor swelling--not even my judgey aunt who was a self-proclaimed character-saver. The change was so subtle (not in a good way) that no one even noticed anything, although my ex-coworkers made an effort to comfort me by saying that "the change was slight, but it a world of difference," through a grimace. Anywho, here I am, one month post-op. I am dead-set on getting a revision, even though $7500 in my personal savings have gone down the drain and a revision will be expensive, likely in the $9500-$12000 range. I don't want to pay more than 10K though.

Okay, even though my mom doesn't support me, and claims it "makes her sick to hear about it" when I mention how unattractive my nose is to this day, and doesn't support me spending so much money to feel and look beautiful, I have decided to save up again and go get it done by a better, more experienced surgeon in rhinoplasty. A specialist. As a student, the entire cost of going to UC Berkeley is also on me. So far, I've managed to almost completely cover this upcoming year with scholarships, and am waiting to hear back on some more. I intend to do my revision this upcoming winter break from college (it will give my nose as well as my savings 6 months to heal and recuperate). By then, I anticipate having found the scholarship funding to completely cover the last 2 years there, and thus will be able to responsibly use my savings to get my nose done without going a cent into debt. I'm very a strategic person, haha. Well, here I am. I am considering UMANG MEHTA from Mehta Plastic Surgery, and Ronald Gruber, of East Bay Aesthetic Plastic Surgery Center. I am trying to figure out who is best and who will give me the nose I want within a financially reasonable range (preferably no more than 10k). Luckily, even though my concerns were not addressed with the primary rhinoplasty, at least no damage was done to my tip since it wasn't even operated on, so it will be like going in for the original rhinoplasty when it comes time to work on it. Even though the hump is not gone, at least there's no damage there either, no painful, messed up grafts or botched efforts. I have thin skin as well, and healed remarkably quickly after the nose job, despite being a puke-show for the first couple days. Perhaps anesthesia makes me sick? Who knows. 

Anyway, I am awaiting my surgeon's operative notes so that I can send them to Dr. Mehta to help his office give me a more accurate quote for a revision. Before I consult with him and spend $95 and gas, I want to be sure I can even plausibly afford his rhino cost to begin with. After I get those notes, I will post the name of my mediocre first surgeon, not now. For any patients of Dr. Mehta or Dr. Gruber, could any of you give me any insights? Were your revisions successful???? How was he in terms of listening?? Bedside manner?? Follow-up?? I would love to hear any and all insights from prior patients from either doctor, preferably Umang Mehta, since I have a strong feeling I will be going to him for this revision (and besides, I have a funny story about his site, for anyone who wants to hear it). All right, cheers! To all you ladies who don't listen to the hogwash hate from your family members and friends pushing you to keep a body part you don't like. Do what makes YOU happy! For any Bay Area gals out there, hit me up. I'd love to have some camaraderie from fellow rhinoplasty and revision peeps who lived to tell the tale. I'm here!