I grew up with large breasts. When I was 16, I decided to take birth control which made my boobs massive. I really enjoyed having bigger boobs. They were great! Sure, they got in the way and were a distraction to everyone, but being young; I didn't mind. After I stopped the BC, my boobs started going down in size and became much smaller than the initial breast size I had prior.
Many would question what happened to my bust. That really upset me since I was used to being hailed for my boobs. It was rather shallow now I think about it..point is, I started to become anorexic around 18 and my boobs went to an a cup. No one made fun of me except ONE time. I was at a store and that very day I felt rather ashamed of my a cup. I put my shirt on without wearing a bra because I didn't need it. The woman at the store asked me what size I needed for a raver bra top and I responded with, "the smallest size you have." She mocked me and said my breasts were so small, I'd need padding, socks and etc to even fill it out. She was nagging me very loud in the store. I began to cry and ripped it out of her hands. The man next to me then told me, "screw her." It was very embarrassing. I never forgot that day.
My sex life was lagging too. It made me feel absolutely terrible no one would touch my boobs since all I was used to was being bombarded with, "your boobs are amazing" and hearing nothing really stripped me of my pride. I grew into a deep depression to the point I was an alcoholic pill popper. Not only were these two things my vices, they were my life. With the hazy mindset filled with toxins, I was obsessed with wanting bigger boobs. I thought they were the answers. After two years of begging, harassing and abusing my family with threats to receive a very selfish boob job - they gave in. I went to three surgeons. First one was Dr. George Commons (Palo Alto) who was quite money hungry. I never went to him for the surgery. In fact, I backed out and felt redeemed with a better confidence assuming I didn't need the surgery. Three dates were skipped. I then when to Dr. Lauren Greenberg (Palo Alto) who refused to work on me. Why I never listened to her? I have no idea...drugs, alcohol, bad self-esteem. Out of depression and not giving a darn what anyone said to me, I went to Dr. Beck of San Mateo. He was my last straw. I believed that he could fix my life with a surgery. He agreed to what I wanted and desired.
I went into surgery 9/19/12, went from an A cup to DD in under an hour which seemed to be a miracle until the complications arose. Quickly, I bottomed out and went to him numerous times complaining of pain. He dismissed anything appeared wrong. Though, if you look at my images I posted, can't you see how bad it looked? It's been many months later and multiple visits to him where he has told me that a revision would cost money though our contract stated it would be free. Blah blah blah depression, attempted suicide, cutting, drugs, more booze later, I stopped all of it. I stopped filling my mind with junk. I even stopped watching television and reading magazines. My friends (thank God!) began helping me with meditation, Buddhism and much more. For that, I am so thankful for all they offered. I found a doctor who would perform the removal and believed my ailments. I am scheduled to have these suckers taken out on 9/4/13. Reason for removal? Bottoming out, not being able to exercise, run, walk on stairs, drive, lift my arms to shoulder level, being hunched over constantly AND realizing breasts aren't everything. Mind you, I am being quite honest with my substance issue. It tainted my mind, body and soul.
I know that my beauty is in my acts of kindness and never the case my soul is housed in. I am much more than boobs. My mind is beautiful and enticing. I do not believe surgery could make me more attractive. I love me for me. All I need is these water bags gone! I apologize if this was rather TMI, but I had to be honest ladies (and gents).