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I am 38 years old and the mother of three perfect...
I am 38 years old and the mother of three perfect children ages 8, 5, and 3 (my oldest is a girl.) My husband and I have been married almost 12 years. He is completely supportive of this procedure, because as he puts it, "I am sad every time we have to get dressed up and you feel so bad about yourself." Other than that, he has never said anything. This procedure is completely self-initiated.
Like so many of you that I have seen on here, I am really strong and fit. I run a marathon or a half marathon at least once a year, and I work outside, competitively jump horses, and am constantly moving. I am 5'9" tall and am about 160 right now which is heavy for me. I would look like a crack ho at 140 lbs, so I am actually only about 10 lbs, max 15 lbs, overweight (because I have so much muscle mass.)
I have never really considered a Tummy Tuck because I have always worried that I am sending the wrong message to my daughter. Plus, it just feels so vain. Finally.... there is always the remote possibility that I could DIE. How about everyone saying at my funeral "She died because she wanted to look good in a bikini again" ??? and my babies losing their mommy for that ridiculous reason? And as a final note, I have a very deep and true faith in God, and I have talked about this a LOT with God and again questioning my own vanity etc. I mean, spending $9000 on my belly when millions of kids are dying for lack of clean water???? This is a fierce moral dilemma for me.
So I have never considered it until this year. But this year, I am realizing that I will NEVER EVER get back to who I was. I can starve, I can run 100 miles, I can beat myself literally and figuratively.... but my body has just given up on me. Three kids later, and my belly is saying "Oh HELL no."
And what is hard, is I have not given up. I still think that I am hot :) I pull clothes off the rack, and think "This will look SMOKIN' on me!!!" and am genuinely astounded when I can't squeeze my belly into it. This happens to me over and over -- I feel like I am trapped in someone else's body. And it's a fat ugly body. So every single time I have to go to a wedding or a party or an event, I have clothes strewn across the room because they all look like crap on me. I choose a cute outfit, but it clings around my waist so horrifically that I am ashamed and do not want to go at all :(
So here are a few things that have pushed me over the edge to actually do this thing.
1) I had a consult appointment with a couple of doctors. Yes, I "wasted" the fee at a few, because I wanted to be SURE. I only went to ones recommended by people that I knew that had used them.
2) The one that I have chosen (am I allowed to say his name? I am not sure so I will hold back) made me feel... beautiful.... for the first time in years. It was astounding. There he was, grabbing fistfulls of my belly fat and skin in a way that I would not even let my HUSBAND do, and he was the whole time talking about how beautiful the definition of my collar bone is, and now lovely the muscle of my shoulder, and how we just need to make the front of my abdomen match the trimness of my back. Instead of feeling like a fat deformed freak, I felt like a strong gorgeous woman who just has this little thing that is not her fault and that can be easily helped. He also confirmed that my stomach muscles are totally split apart, and will need to be sewn back together, but again -- it's not a matter of sit ups or crunches, but it's something that I cannot fix on my own. This was such an unbelievable relief for me.
Finally, the more I have thought about it.... think of all the things that we do. I thread my eyebrows. I cut my hair. I get pedicures. Of course I had braces -- I almost consider it child abuse if a kid had bad teeth and their parents do not pay for orthodontics! How is getting a Tummy Tuck vastly different than braces??? For one thing, they cost about the same! Both directly affect your appearance, and thus not only how people view you, but how you view yourself. So my question to God "Lord, am I somehow not accepting the way you made me (post baby) if I get a Tummy Tuck?" -- is that any different than "Lord, you allowed me (or my child) crooked snaggly teeth and I do not want them to go through life like that, and so thank you Jesus for awesome dentists because we are going to fix that!" So you see, the more I have dwelled on this, the more that I draw a comparison in my mind between a post-baby (or three) Tummy Tuck and braces on your teeth.
So here is the plan:
Unfortunately I am committed to do Tough Mudder for the second time in Northern California on Sept 21. I really don't want to do it again, and if you know what it is you know why (a half-marathon with about 22 Special Forces obstacles along the way.) However, I am committed with a whole team so I just can't get out of this thing. SO... that has set me back. I am scheduled for Friday Sept 29th. I am anxious because I really need to be healed up for Halloween, because as a family we always all dress up together, and I want to be ok and healthy for my kids for all of that. That is why I wish that I could do BEFORE Tough Mudder (Sept 19th was open) but obviously that is an impossibility, unless I fake an illness to get out of Tough Mudder -- but I do not want to lie. It's not my style. So, Sept 29th it is.
Which brings me to the final thing. I have read about so many of you who tell everyone what you are doing, but I am not like that with this thing. My husband knows, and my coach. NO ONE ELSE. Not even my kids, not my mom, not my friends. I don't know -- yes, I guess I am still ashamed at some level that I couldn't just fix my fat gut on my own. But also, I want people to see ME as smokin' hot again, not be whispering that I got a Tummy Tuck. So for me.... I don't want anyone to know except husband, coach, and you who are going to read this blog on RealSelf and help me through it :)
Like so many of you that I have seen on here, I am really strong and fit. I run a marathon or a half marathon at least once a year, and I work outside, competitively jump horses, and am constantly moving. I am 5'9" tall and am about 160 right now which is heavy for me. I would look like a crack ho at 140 lbs, so I am actually only about 10 lbs, max 15 lbs, overweight (because I have so much muscle mass.)
I have never really considered a Tummy Tuck because I have always worried that I am sending the wrong message to my daughter. Plus, it just feels so vain. Finally.... there is always the remote possibility that I could DIE. How about everyone saying at my funeral "She died because she wanted to look good in a bikini again" ??? and my babies losing their mommy for that ridiculous reason? And as a final note, I have a very deep and true faith in God, and I have talked about this a LOT with God and again questioning my own vanity etc. I mean, spending $9000 on my belly when millions of kids are dying for lack of clean water???? This is a fierce moral dilemma for me.
So I have never considered it until this year. But this year, I am realizing that I will NEVER EVER get back to who I was. I can starve, I can run 100 miles, I can beat myself literally and figuratively.... but my body has just given up on me. Three kids later, and my belly is saying "Oh HELL no."
And what is hard, is I have not given up. I still think that I am hot :) I pull clothes off the rack, and think "This will look SMOKIN' on me!!!" and am genuinely astounded when I can't squeeze my belly into it. This happens to me over and over -- I feel like I am trapped in someone else's body. And it's a fat ugly body. So every single time I have to go to a wedding or a party or an event, I have clothes strewn across the room because they all look like crap on me. I choose a cute outfit, but it clings around my waist so horrifically that I am ashamed and do not want to go at all :(
So here are a few things that have pushed me over the edge to actually do this thing.
1) I had a consult appointment with a couple of doctors. Yes, I "wasted" the fee at a few, because I wanted to be SURE. I only went to ones recommended by people that I knew that had used them.
2) The one that I have chosen (am I allowed to say his name? I am not sure so I will hold back) made me feel... beautiful.... for the first time in years. It was astounding. There he was, grabbing fistfulls of my belly fat and skin in a way that I would not even let my HUSBAND do, and he was the whole time talking about how beautiful the definition of my collar bone is, and now lovely the muscle of my shoulder, and how we just need to make the front of my abdomen match the trimness of my back. Instead of feeling like a fat deformed freak, I felt like a strong gorgeous woman who just has this little thing that is not her fault and that can be easily helped. He also confirmed that my stomach muscles are totally split apart, and will need to be sewn back together, but again -- it's not a matter of sit ups or crunches, but it's something that I cannot fix on my own. This was such an unbelievable relief for me.
Finally, the more I have thought about it.... think of all the things that we do. I thread my eyebrows. I cut my hair. I get pedicures. Of course I had braces -- I almost consider it child abuse if a kid had bad teeth and their parents do not pay for orthodontics! How is getting a Tummy Tuck vastly different than braces??? For one thing, they cost about the same! Both directly affect your appearance, and thus not only how people view you, but how you view yourself. So my question to God "Lord, am I somehow not accepting the way you made me (post baby) if I get a Tummy Tuck?" -- is that any different than "Lord, you allowed me (or my child) crooked snaggly teeth and I do not want them to go through life like that, and so thank you Jesus for awesome dentists because we are going to fix that!" So you see, the more I have dwelled on this, the more that I draw a comparison in my mind between a post-baby (or three) Tummy Tuck and braces on your teeth.
So here is the plan:
Unfortunately I am committed to do Tough Mudder for the second time in Northern California on Sept 21. I really don't want to do it again, and if you know what it is you know why (a half-marathon with about 22 Special Forces obstacles along the way.) However, I am committed with a whole team so I just can't get out of this thing. SO... that has set me back. I am scheduled for Friday Sept 29th. I am anxious because I really need to be healed up for Halloween, because as a family we always all dress up together, and I want to be ok and healthy for my kids for all of that. That is why I wish that I could do BEFORE Tough Mudder (Sept 19th was open) but obviously that is an impossibility, unless I fake an illness to get out of Tough Mudder -- but I do not want to lie. It's not my style. So, Sept 29th it is.
Which brings me to the final thing. I have read about so many of you who tell everyone what you are doing, but I am not like that with this thing. My husband knows, and my coach. NO ONE ELSE. Not even my kids, not my mom, not my friends. I don't know -- yes, I guess I am still ashamed at some level that I couldn't just fix my fat gut on my own. But also, I want people to see ME as smokin' hot again, not be whispering that I got a Tummy Tuck. So for me.... I don't want anyone to know except husband, coach, and you who are going to read this blog on RealSelf and help me through it :)
Date change -- moved the procedure a few days...
Date change -- moved the procedure a few days earlier to Sept 26. Now that I am committed to do it I can't wait -- I wish that I could do it tomorrow. I have been walking around all afternoon in shorty shorts and a workout bra and every time I pass by the mirror I look at my belly and think "I CAN'T WAIT!!!!"
CAN SOME GENIUS PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO ROTATE THESE...
CAN SOME GENIUS PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO ROTATE THESE STINKING PICTURES SO THAT THEY ARE NOT ALL SIDEWAYS!!!!????
I am so frustrated I CANNOT figure it out!
I am so frustrated I CANNOT figure it out!
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