I've had a few moments before the face was added where I actually liked the tattoo, but mostly just the feeling that I had made a horrible mistake. In the past week I've cried every single day and had near panic attacks even more frequently. I think a lot of this drop off has come with my decision to stop drinking alcohol for a while. I drink regularly and feel that my drinking problem definitely influenced my decision to get and continue to get tattooed. My artist, who is a wonderful artist and a wonderful person, is a full-blown alcoholic. I gave him a lot of trust with my arm and feel that my suggestions did not quite come through in reality. It somehow has seemed ok for me to bear with the tattoo until now when I finally feel woken up.
Everyone around me tells me the tattoo is great and suits me. I feel that I need this reassurance to stay barely afloat, but I can't convince myself to like it. My boyfriend likes it and is super supportive of it. The only problem is that he freaks out whenever I have a moment where I'm feeling down on myself about it. I feel stuck and with no one to speak to. I signed up for a therapy appointment, which I hope will help sort things out. I'm nearly certain that I need to get this thing removed, but feel that I should go into it with a level head and create fair expectations of my journey out of this ink.
It feels like such an embarrassment to have everyone in my life know about this tattoo and to then explain that you are about to pay thousands of dollars to get the damn thing off of you. I hope I can continue to tell myself that there is some important lesson learned from all of this. It may be to suck it up and deal with your choices and come to piece with that. Or it might be the patience of the removal process that feels like it will suck years from my life. Either way, I hope I can find some good in this. I've always been self-conscious and this might have been my cry for help. Getting a tattoo seemed like it would hide the arms I've always thought were too big for my body, but it has only made them more unbearable. I hope that I can come out loving my body for whatever it is at any point in time.
I'm now looking for a practice that performs Picosure in the Bay Area. I haven't decided anything yet, but wanted to get my story out. I love reading everyone else's story to feel like I'm not alone out there. You all are so supportive and brave and I'm so happy I found this community.