July 20th Surgery Date! It's finally here!

So I had my pre-op appointment this morning with my surgeon. I was so nervous just going in for this appointment. After waiting so long for a BR, all of this is so surreal.

My doctor is so nice. I feel very comfortable with him. He told me all about how the day would go... come in 2 hours before surgery, surgery is about 4 hours, in recovery for about another 2 hours, then head home. That's a hell of a day!!

He told me he'll be using drains on me and showed me how they work. I'm so glad he showed me because having never seen these drains, I was picturing those huge ribbed straws like you have in your water bottle. Instead it was the thickness of a spaghetti noodle. I've had giant staples in my torso. I can handle a spaghetti noodle! (I hope!) He also showed me another thing they use for pain. It's called a pain-pump. It's about the size of a small peach with very thin Y-shaped tubing coming off of it. Each side of the tubing is inserted into each breast through a teeny hole on the cleavage side of the breasts. It's full of a lidocaine type of pain med and it naturally gets pulled into your system (as in an I.V. drip system). It deflates as the medicine enters your body. He said it is a very effective way to manage pain. I've had a catheter for 4 days. I can handle a couple teeny tubes! (I hope!) Ahhhhh!!

He told me to bring with me the day of surgery a very cheap front closing sports bra that is very, very, very tight. I should be able to just get it around my ribs, but the cups should not even be close to closing. I'll have to keep this on, day and night, for 6 weeks. He mentioned that he has found the way that people heal best is if they don't lay around every day. He said to get up, go outside and walk around. Keep the range of motion of my arms extremely limited (no lifting, pushing, pulling, etc.), but move!

Now the exciting part. He said he can take my breasts down by half. He says most women want to be a C or D. I said I wanted to be a small C. He said he would do that. I'm so happy.

I got cleansing wipes and instructions from the nurse and I filled the scrips for my antibiotics and pain meds today too. One more blood test early next week and I'm all set until the big (small!) day! Awesome!!

Well, today I went and bought a front closure sports bra for my surgery as my doctor requested. He said to get one that was really tight in the cup. I bought a 34B bra!!! I haven't been that size since middle school. I got teary-eyed in the store. This is all so incredible.

I'm so excited for Friday. I put a coundown timer widget on my phone so I can watch the day get closer and closer...

I'm getting really nervous and anxious. Last night I broke down and cried for an hour. Before my daughter was born I didn't get the the "nesting" feeling. I have it now like crazy! But I just don't have the time to finish everything I need to. My husband says he'll do it all, but that's just making me feel un-needed. I'm a mess. Back and forth, up and down, I am all over the place. It seems like every possible emotion is surfacing now. It's exhausting and confusing. How long will it be before I can hold my litlle girl? Or give her a hug without being scared she's going to acidentally hit me in the chest? Will I finish everything up at work? What do I tell everyone at work why I'll be gone for 2 weeks? Is that enough time off? All I have are questions... and no answers. Ugh. I feel like a lunatic. Is this at all normal? With my surgery in 2 days (2 DAYS!) I hope I can get it together...

I'm off to the hospital! Can't wait to be on the other side of this surgery.

So thankful for all of you amazing women...your stories, your photos, your lives... thanks for sharing yourselves.

I'm pretty beat, but I made it to the other side! I will write my surgery experience really soon, but in the mean time, I have posted a couple of "after" shots with my tiny(!) bra and dressings. I can't believe how huge I was, and more importantly, how much smaller I am now. I am so happy!!!!!

I am also very excited to be checking the "Worth It" box...

Hope my fellow surgery ladies are all doing well.

Hi! My surgery was July 20, 2012. And I made it to the other side! So exciting!

Like most ladies, I hardly slept the night before my surgery. How could you? It's like the night before Christmas, except you're gonna get cut open! I maybe got an hour and a half of sleep, but it didn't matter.

I had to be at the hospital at 6:15 to be admitted. They asked me the same questions they had before and sent me down to pre-op where I was weighed and asked to strip down and put on the hospital gown. This hospital gown was no ordinary fabric gown. It was a "warming gown". It had a vacuum hose that hooked up to it and blew warm air into it. Genius! For the next hour, I had a parade of staff come through... my very nice nurse, Mina (she was a peach!), the surgery tech (she just wanted me to know that she's be in the OR helping, so nice!), and my anesthesiologist (so sweet and she explained everything perfectly to me).

After the nurse gave me my IV (not too painful, and she put it in my forearm, not my hand, which I think is way more comfortable), my husband was brought in to hang out with me until I went for surgery. It was nice having him there, but that's when I started to get really nervous. My PS came in, talked to me a while about how things were going to go and then spent about 15 minutes marking me up. I reminded him that I wanted to be a small C. He said he knew and would make it happen. He was fantastic. He made me feel so comfortable (well, as comfortable as one can feel 10 minutes before they're going to get cut up by him). I really have a great doctor! The anesthesiologist came back in and gave me something to relax me. It worked.

I kissed my hubby goodbye and was wheeled into the OR. I moved over to the operating table and the last thing I remember is seeing my PS's face. The next thing I remember is saying that my throat hurt, and then, bam! SO MUCH PAIN! I was immediately given some pain meds (fentanyl, from what I remember) in my IV and I felt better instantly. Then I would try to sleep, but since the fentanyl can make you breathe shallow, my oxygen level would get too low and the alarm on the monitor would go off. The crazy beeping from this was sooooo annoying! I'd have to wait for the nurse to come over and remind me take deep breaths to get my levels back up. I couldn't get any good rest. This cycle seemed to go on for.ev.er. Hours! I finally told the nurse that I wanted to stop the hard core IV pain meds and try something a little less powerful so I could not be so out of it. Best decision ever! She gave me some Vicoden pills and I started to feel more like myself. The pain was certainly manageable with just the Vicoden and I didn't feel like a zombie anymore. Fantastic! I told the nurse I wanted to go home, she said ok, I stood up and immediately felt like I was going to pass out. Oh well! Guess I gotta hang out a little bit longer! This was great because I got to see my doctor again and he told me about my surgery (without me being wasted on anesthesia). Turns out he took 600+ from the left and 700+ from the right (I don't remember exactly). He said it was 4 POUNDS of tissue!! It is so insane that I was carrying around that much weight in my boobs. I'm only 5'2"! So wrong. He told me that he was the only man in the OR and that all the women in there were amazed and very enthusiastic about my results. I'm so glad I got to hear that from him. Hurray!!

About an hour later, I tried again and was able to get dressed. I was put in a wheel chair and brought out to the car. I went home and went to bed. All in all, I was in surgery for about 4 hours and then in recovery for about 6 hours.

I have 2 drains and a pain pump. I've been taking my meds every 4 hours and will continue to do so through my post-op appointment tomorrow afternoon. Depending on how that goes, I may decrease the pain meds. I believe that your body heals better if it's not in any pain, so I'm all for pain management while needed. And I don't think a person should wait until they are completely in pain before taking medicine. I think you should take it in regular doses, even through the night! I set my alarm to take my dosages. This is what works best for me.

Well, as you can see from my before and after photos, there is a HUGE change!! Check it out! It's really quite amazing. I am so pleased with how I look. I seriously look like I've lost 15 pounds!! I'm in no hurry to see what's under these bandages. I'm a little freaked out by it. But like almost all of you have experienced, I think it's so worth the discomfort I'm feeling right now.

THIS IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE FOR MYSELF. Period.

I'd like to thank you all for your support and encouragement. This site has been the most amazing resource for me through this journey and I know it will continue to be. You ladies all ROCK!!!!!

Post-Op, Day 3:

I had my first post-op appointment yesterday. I have a pain-pump that I had to have removed (it was empty). I haven’t heard of anyone else having one of these pain-pumps, but I am definitely more sore today without it than I was yesterday with it, so I do believe it works well!

On a side note, I have no interest in looking at my Frankenboobs yet. I was very happy when my PS said I just leave everything under my tight (34B!) sports bra alone. Don’t wanna know. Ignorance is bliss!

I took 2 pain pills about 30 minutes before my appointment. I brought my mom with me in case they showed my boobs. I wanted a witness, but I didn’t want to see them myself. The (kind of rough) nurses took off my dressings and the tape around my nipples and other incisions. I averted my eyes. I did not want to see anything bloody, stitched, sliced or bruised. It didn’t really hurt, it just felt like taking off a super sticky band-aid. They sprayed this liquid on as they took the tape off which seemed to help a bit. I looked over at my mom and she looked at my boobs and then smiled at me. Oh what the hell! I’M LOOKING!!

All I can say is, “WOW!” Are those mine? Those can’t be mine! Those perfectly, perky, round and small boobies are mine to keep?! WHAT?!!! I couldn’t see the nipples or any stitching at all. I saw the tiniest amount of yellowish bruising around the top of my left nipple. There were little mounds with perfect cleavage. I know with time, healing and gravity they will change shape, but I’m super happy they are mine. I don’t want to/need to look at them for a long time. It was shocking and weird. Definitely satisfied any curiosity I had.

So they had to remove this pain pump from the cleavage side of my boobs. Without a “count to 3” or “we’re starting now” or even a “take a deep breath”, the nurse started pulling this tube out. HOLY SH*T!!! It hurt so f*cking bad! It burned deep in my chest and I could feel it coming out. It was a little overwhelming. Afterwards, I was more sore than usual (and a bit nauseous, too! Hurray!).

This adventure makes me scared to get my drain tubes out (this Thursday or Friday). I’ve found that my meds are at their peak effectiveness about an hour after I take them, so I’m going to take them a little earlier before my drain removal appointment. Wish me little pain…

I just wanted to add how encouraging you all have been and how thankful I am for this. I also want to say that each of us has our own story. It is amazing to have other people so close to you in your journey, but it’s important to blaze your own trail. If someone is off their meds in 2 days, great for them! If someone else is going to the mall and wearing pull-over tops 4 days post-op, hurray for them! Another woman may be doing housework 5 days out. Super! You are still amazing if you are nowhere near this in your healing. Comparison is the thief of joy. There are no awards for being off meds or doing a load of laundry. Honestly, I am still on pain meds and I’m going to continue to take them at least through my 2nd post-op appointment. I feel like my body heals best when not in any pain. In my normal, everyday life, I never get to rest! I am not planning on cooking dinner, or washing any dishes, or doing laundry for a long time! I want my body to be rested and healed so that I can start my new small boobed life a fully refreshed and rejuvenated person.

We are all amazing for going on this journey, always do what is best for you. Cheer each other on and celebrate each and every one of your own small victories, whenever they may happen. I wish you all the best!! xo