44 Year Old with MASSIVE Regret on my Arm. - San Antonio, TX

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*Treatment results may vary

I am at the dermatologist office right now...

I am at the dermatologist office right now awaiting a consult for a tattoo to be removed that I just received on Saturday. I cannot say enough about how disgusted, depressed, humiliated I feel right now. I had an existing tree on my arm that I just wanted to have some color added to. Went to the same artist who did the original and he went totally off from his original plan. He basically destroyed my tattoo! And truthfully I had anxiety over the original for quite some time. It's beautiful but I am horribly self conscience of it due to placement. So here I sit waiting to talk to a dermatologist with a PicoSure system to hopefully be able to start the ridiculously long and expensive journey back to my arm. I now wear sleeves in south TX heat because I hate what he did and now can't even feel good about my original. I cry daily and my anxiety level is awful. I wish...well no point in wishing. What's done is done. Now I sit and wait and cry.

Appointment set for May 3rd to remove all blue

I am nervous, I am upset to have to pay for this and go through hell to have it removed - pain, blistering, etc. But I hate it so much I cannot see straight. I am waiting to see if I want to keep my tree. We will see how the treatment goes and will decide later.

Anxiety is the worse!

I had a better day yesterday but today the anxiety is back 3-fold. My poor husband has to deal with this sobbing mess. He wants me to consult another tattoo artist to see if they have suggestions for making it less severe. I don't know if I can handle anymore ink on my body. I have my first appointment for removal scheduled but I am nervous as anything about that that will do. I hate this feeling!

Have decided to wait

Hi all. So after a week away and some time to reflect, I am waiting for any removal until October. After seeing all the time needed to heal, I am not willing to spend my summer under wraps. Also have decided to talk to a tattoo artist or two to maybe fix what I hate. Wish me luck and will check back in in a few months.

Wishful thinking

I wish my decision to wait for removal would help my anxiety over this tattoo, but it doesn't. One day I am okay with the choice and the next I feel horrible and just want to scratch the thing off myself. We don't have the money now and with summer already here in Texas, it's not the time. I promised my husband that Inwouldngo to see a few artists to see if they could fix what I hate but Inreally have no faith there. The blunt blue lines are just awful and totally ruin my design. I am embarrassed to walk out in public in a tshirt but it is so blooming hot here already.

This forum has been so helpful. I know you all understand whereas people without this regret don't. It probably seems ridiculous to them but it's a massive regret over a choice I made and now to have it fixed will cost money and pain and may not ever go away. Ugh. I just want to cry today.


So, I had a consult with another tattoo artist last night. He was amazing. He had some great ideas on making what I have work, so it does not look like 3 different tattoos, while not making it any bigger or darker. He said what was done was done well, just not what I wanted, which is true. I made my husband go with me as I am very jaded after all of this. And after an hour discussion, the artist sent me home to think and he would think, and we would get this fixed. He said, you will wear tank tops soon. He was seriously a sweet, kind, compassionate man who had a tattoo done that was SO awful, it has taken him 10 years to get it covered. So he has been here, where I am now. He understood, which made all the difference in the world.

So here I sit deciding what to do. I do not really want to go through laser removal. It honestly scares the crap out of me. I don't really want to lose my tree, but I have a feeling if I just removed the blue, it would look odd due to discoloration and could possibly mess up the tree. And honestly, I am one who scars easily, so I don't know how my skin will react. So, I think, go for it.

But then this nasty thought starts, telling me to get it all off, not to be this person with a huge arm tattoo, that I am ugly because of it, and that others will judge me as a bad person. It is a very ugly thought and it is what has caused me the worst anxiety. I need to breathe and believe in me again. We are our worst critics. It is a sad thing to feel so poorly about myself when all I did was get a tattoo. Funny thing, I have 4 other tattoos and never even think twice about them. Maybe it is because this is SO visible and right now, NOT what I want.

So, for now, I am going to breathe in, shut the voice down, and try to fix this thing. Worse comes to worse, it does not work, and come fall, I get the whole thing removed.

I hate this blue

It just makes me want to be sick. I have removal rescheduled for next week. I don't want to live my life with this thing anymore. I just can't. And I don't think any more work on it will help. I don't want to do the removal, I am sick about it, but I can't stand thing thing anymore. Just feeling angry and sad today.

Finally feeling relief

I have made my appointment with a PicoSure tattoo removal for the blue and clouds on my tattoo. I have decided to go for it and I am finally feeling like I have made the right choice. I feel calmer tonight than I have in the last month since I got the added color and clouds to my tattoo. I know the night before my laser treatment I will be a hot mess, but tonight I feel sure about my choice. I am scared and mad at myself for doing this, but I have to deal with making choices and dealing with the consequences. I am ready to face this. I really appreciate all the encouragement from all of you on this site. It has been so helpful to know I am not alone. It has been a tough month but I am ready to face removal and am hoping for the best. I have decided to get my first treatment which will actually be three passes at one sitting next week and then wait until after the pools close to get the second treatment, probably October. I am trying to stay positive, eat right, take my supplements, and have bio oil and other lotions ready for afterwards. My dermatologist suggested frozen peas for afterwards, so off to the grocery store I go this week. I know my removal is not nearly as severe as others and I want to send out good thoughts to all of you struggling with this. I plan on posting pictures after my first treatment heals, no one needs to see any more blisters. :-) Thank you again for all your kind words. Here is to hope.

First treatment done

Well, I went for it, and had my first Picosure treatment done. I am not going to show any pictures until it is healed up some. I was a nervous wreck. The technician was amazing and really helped calm me down. The plan was to go over the tattoo 3 times using the PFD patch, but after the second pass, the technician was worried about how angry my arm looked so she stopped. And let me tell you, I was really okay with stopping. She used the numbing cream and I was able to put the cold air on while she worked which helped , but it still hurt (the second pass was much more tolerable.) I am wrapped up with a big ice pack on me now, and the pain in tolerable. The tech and dermatologist said vaseline and keep it wrapped until it is healed, and then lotion/bio oil as often as possible to keep it from scabbing.

She did tell me I will have to get some touch ups on my tree/flowers as she may have hit them although she tried really hard not to. I knew that was a possibility and I am okay with it. I knew it was a chance I would take.

I have not looked under the bandages yet, I think I am afraid to look. I will update later when I feel like I can face this.

I am thankful I made this decision, I think, but I am still so upset about the artist messing up my tattoo so much. Ugh.

Lots of fading, but still feel blue (pun intended)

Lots of fading after 1 week post treatment on the blue and clouds. They went over everything twice using Picosure and a PFD patch. A bit of healing still going on, some redness underneath, black lines are still raised. Overall, I am happy with this. It has only been a week and 2 days so I hope for more fading. Been eating well, working out, and taking my vitamins to help boost my immune system. But I am still really down. I want this thing off my body. Now I am in serious doubt of keeping any of the tattoo and may try for full removal, which is a huge step and lots of money and time and patience, which at this point, I have none. I am sick of obsessing about it, I am sick of looking at it, and am I feel down all the time. It is just a tattoo, and my most meanngiful one as it is my family, but for some reason, I just cannot love it. Maybe after more healing. Maybe after some thoughts of a minor touch up to make it flow. I don't know. I just don't know if I want to be that woman with a big tattoo on her arm. I don't know. I was really hoping for a miracle after this, that I would find that I loved my tree tattoo after this, that I would feel good about my tattoo, my arm, myself. But all I do is find ways to cover all of it up and hide it due to embarrassment. I hate this struggle.

A new say

So after months of wearing long sleeves, I have worn shirt sleeves for 2 days and felt great. I am so glad this blues has faded! Yes it's still bigger than I planned and lower on my arm than I had initially wanted, but I am living with it and realize I am okay with it. I am hoping for mate fading by September but right now I am okay with it. Trying to not let a tattoo rule my life. I am healthy and have a great family and friends and am trying to co cent rate in that!

Hope you all are finding peace with your struggle!

3 weeks post treatment

3 weeks post treatment. Seems lighter in this light than it is but I can still see fading. Still deciding on whether or not to keep the whole tree. Still seems SO big to me. We will see after summer.

Curious if anyone has heard of Tattoo Vanish

I am still contemplating full removal but still have anxiety over the ability for all of this to come off and price tag. Has anyone heard of Tattoo Vanish? There are a few offices here in town that do this procedure. Anyone have any information they would care to share? Just curious at this point, I will probably keep going with the PicoSure and PFD patch.

Treatment 2 done, finally!

After taking the summer off, I got my second treatment today on the remaining blue and clouds. Only did one swipe but still used the PFD patch with PicoSure. Also had some spot checks done on some of the flowers to see if the red and yellow will fade without the 532 attachment and also a chest tattoo that is so old and well, let's face it, sad after 25 years and 2 kids, so we will see how it goes.

It hurt as much as it did the first time, using ice and ibuprofen for the pain now. Hoping for quick healing and results.

Have to admit, feel better tonight just by going forward and getting this done. Feel back in control which is good!

Here is for fading for all of us!

6 weeks post 3rd treatment

Hi all. So I had 3 treatments so far. Most of the blue is gone and the black line above the tree has faded a lot. I haven't touched the tree yet but I did have some of the flowers treated just to see if it would work. There was quite a bit of fading. So I believe if I want full removal it will happen after a long time. Still not 100% sure what I want to do.

My niece has drawn up some ideas for me for adding on to what I have. I like a combo of the two. Would love to have other opinions. Not really sure I want to spend the time and money to remove a tattoo that has the most meaning in my life. I am starting to get used to it and maybe once all the blue is gone I think I will like it even better. But part of me still struggles and wants the whole thing off. I just don't know what to do.

Over it, moving forward

After 4 treatments, scarring, hypo-pigmentation, way too much money and pain, I have decided to get my tattoo redone. I could not go through any more removals. My skin is ULTRA sensitive and I realized I was just doing too much damage.

So, now that the blue and sky line are faded enough, I am having more work done to my tattoo. Last night was adding more outlines and making my original tattoo actual look like a tree. Phase 2 will be adding colors to make it really pop. I could not be happier with my decision. I realize I do like having a tattoo on my arm, i just did not like the way my tree looked after I got it and then HATED the blue that was added. Now, I am much happier and am looking forward to the addition of color.

This has been the wildest ride with lots of tears, self loathing, and pain (especially the removal). It has definitely helped me realize a few things about myself and how I can handle stress.

I really hope the best for all of you on this website. I know what you are going through and I wish you all the best with whatever direction you decide to go! I will update once more when I get my color added. Until then, take care all! Good luck!

My finale

So, went for my last touch up on my new tattoo last night. I have to say, I love it! The colors are so bright and pretty and it feels like the tattoo I wanted in the first place. I still struggle some with wishing I had never gotten a tattoo, but I have it now, and I am happy with the results. My skin had too much damage after 4 sessions to continue with laser treatment.

I wish everyone on this site the best of luck with your removals. I know it is a difficult road and can be horribly depressing, but remember you are still you and a tattoo does not define who you are. Take care of yourselves!
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