Well, I have been lurking for the past week or so...
Well, I have been lurking for the past week or so and figured it was about time to start my journal of this whole deal. I know in reading a lot of your stories that I have been inspired, encouraged, informed and scared to death. But, I do love research and am kind of a nerd, so the more I can learn and prepare, the more successful I think this procedure will be. Women love to share, we can't help ourselves.
I am 40, a single mom to three delightful little people, who love me when I suck, tell me I am beautiful when I'm not, and terrorize me on a regular basis. Ages 11,10, and 5. Their dad has been gone since my baby was a baby and we have had a roller coaster of a ride over the past 5 years. God is good and has blessed me beyond anything I could deserve, with the exception of my torn up, wrinkly belly. I was never a skinny toothpick, but always athletic and curvy, with a great belly. Having babies, losing everything except the babies, caused me to neglect me for a really long time. In the past year, I have lost about 50 lbs and almost 20% of my body fat, but still have a the lap flap. Granted it is much smaller and not as flappy after losing weight, but it still looks like sh*# when I'm nekkid.
I am addicted to my trainers and workouts, but need to go to the next level. I need my body to match my work/effort. The money I spend on my fitness goals has been all I have done for myself in as long as I can remember. My kids will always get 110% of me, but I see this as the gift that will keep on giving. For me, to me, by me ;)) as I said earlier, I'm a researcher and went nuts researching the best PS in my area and finally set up a consultation a week ago. After 2 hours with the PS and her staff, i knew I had found the surgeon to trust and booked my date 24 hours later. Once I am in, I am in. Go big or go home. Bottom line , she is going to fix my split muscles, get rid of the wiggle and jiggle. So, I have a month from this morning and will past pictures when I get a few minutes. I have loved getting to read through your stories and I am so thankful to have found such a supportive network. I look forward to finding my flat side alongside y'all!!
I hate this part, but I know I will be glad afterwards. I also appreciate everyone sharing their before pics, so I guess it's my turn. My work just scheduled an out of town meeting only surgery date and told me I needed to change my date, which totally chafed me. They have no idea how much planning has gone into getting 3 kids cared for and rides arranged.....blah,blah, blah. Fingers crossed I can come up with an alternate date close to the original. I am crunchy this morning.
New date. Meh.
After some passive aggressive maneuvering with my boss, I decided to not go to blows over my original date (even though I really wanted to be a complete baby about the whole thing). I am not going to dwell on why this date is not as great, I am just going to be glad to be getting it done. Period.
I am completely psyched, but to be completely honest, I have panic attacks about dying from anesthesia. I am the only parent for my little people, so it isn't money or recovery that scares me, it's voluntary death. Can you imagine leaving kids without a parent because you don't like your belly? I am going to choose to channel my church when I was 8 that blamed everything on the devil. That is the only explanation for my ridiculous fear. Just so y'all can have a little context, I am wicked sarcastic. I can't help myself. So, if I ruffled your feathers, I truly am sorry.
But it totally is the devil. My belly is gonna rock and I am not gonna die. I will live to terrorize all 3 of those little stinkers and be awesome doing it.
26 days. That's all I have. Loving all your updated and thank you!!
Paid in full! Pre Op Visit done. Countdown is on!
So, it just got real. I had my pre op visit on Thursday and wrote the check. I still can't really believe it is going to happen. And soon. Thank God. I do not know how some of you can wait to a year or more (I know you have to wait for a million different reasons) but I just mean -how hard would that be to WAIT that long? I have been jumping out of my skin for the past month and just want the day to be here. NOW.
My kids know I am having surgery. I really can't pull something like this over on them and I really do tell them pretty much everything. I did smooth over the details, as I didn't want to get into a self esteem discussion today, but made it all about being healthy and strong. When they ask more questions, because they will, I will answer them honestly. I appreciate everyone sharing their pre op preparation lists. I will share more as I work through it all, but right now I am just handling each step as it comes. I am lining up help with the littles and picking up all my rx's that have been called in. How crazy. Like I said, it's getting real. 15 days. I have a workout to get to, but have been reading and not sharing. I really do appreciate all your candid sharing, from the bottom of my soon to be flat belly. xoxo
One week, 6 more sleeps!
I haven't been posting the past couple weeks because I, honestly, cannot believe I am doing this so soon. I wanted it done yesterday, last year, after my last baby, but now I really can't believe it is here. I think I can handle this, but have no. damn. idea. what I am in for, other than reading all your stories. But reading and doing are two entirely different things. I know this will be one of the best things I have ever done, after giving birth to those little belly wreckers, but can I just get it over with so I don't have to think about all the things I do and don't have? I have my meds all lined up in my bathroom like little surgery soldiers just waiting to be deployed. Do I need ugly undies because I think I got rid of most of those last year. (I am completely obsessed with underwear and matching bras...before this pricey makeover, it was my indulgence. I always say I buy in faith. I digress, I just love lingerie.) So, do I go to Target and buy some functional pairs to get me through the first weeks? I have my arnica, the toilet riser and shower seat are coming. I am moving my trusty chaise lounge, aka the most comfortable piece of furniture ever made, into my living room with my tv. I will hit up the library for some books, Netflix is programmed, food is stocked like Armaggedon is upon us, and my kids have plenty of people to get them to and fro.
Practical questions -What am I wearing out of the surgery center? Yoga pants? Does it need to not touch my body? I get the drains, but already dread them. I stay overnight at the surgery center. What do I need there? I hate being a hot mess. Even when I gave birth, I showered same day and was accessorized. Sheesh, I am such a diva. I am going to have to own looking like sh*t for awhile and that is my cranky first world problem.
On the most positive note, I am less than a week away from my new body, my best me. I know it is all worth it. I am praying for peace as it inches near, because I have been in denial and now it is coming at me 187 miles an hour. I hope ignorance is bliss. The Cardinals are going to the World Series (she says confidently), my kids are healthy, and I have the best friends and family in the world. Thanks for reading my ramble. Thanks for your support, as always~
It's go time!
21 Oct 2013
Day of treatment
Well, I am at the surgery center waiting to go in. Pretty calm, just cannot wait to be on the flat side. I will post when I can and appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers! ((hugs))
Day one. Can't wait to the unveiling!
Well, here I am 24 hours later, waiting for my PS to come check my progress. The pain is manageable. But we will see how I am feeling when I head back home. I am beyond excited that I am on your flat side. Really just feels kind of unreal. I was talking to the nurses in the OR and next thing I know, they are saying hello and I am done. I could have sworn it was 5 minutes. My PS just left and is pleased with the results. She did more lipo than I thought- OUCH, but I know I will be glad a few months from now. The removal of that darn belly was 5 lbs!! Incision look low and belly button should be cute.
Draining quite a bit. Washed my face, put on some makeup and got dressed. It just feels good to be a little normal.
My mom should be here soon to take me home, so we will see how I do once I get home and am left to fend for myself ;) the staff at my surgery center has been amazing. Let the healing games begin! Tons of bruising, btw. Any recommendations would be super appreciated!!
Post op - Day 2/3
So, today I am having a hard morning. I am trying to believe that this is going to look amazing one day, but right now it is swollen, bruised to hell and the scar is kind of raised. I like how low the scar is. I think my belly button will be great eventually, but I kind of can't shake my funk. I know I probably need my meds and sleep, but I am having a mini pity party. This sucks doing this alone. The photos aren't great, but will keep at it. I have faith. I have hope. I am not going to mope for another minute. Well, maybe one more.
Follow up with PS yesterday!
Well, I know I don't take great pictures, but oddly everyone at the office and who sees in the changes in person has been really happy. I'm bruised, but flat. Low and perfect incision. Great belly button. Crazy bruising. Apparently, I'm an excessive bruiser. It is getting better every day, but I'll just wait to take pictures. The surgery center told me to keep those pads on under my CG, which caused some blistering and made my surgeon pretty chafed. It feels great not to have them in.
I have switched over to Motrin and am off the Percocet and Valium. Today, I drove to Starbucks and back, just because I needed to try and was craving a coffee. My kids are being really great. My mom has stopped over every day, thank goodness. I have been surprised with who has been helpful and who has dropped off the face of the earth. People who said they would pick my kids up from school didn't. Friends who were going to stay over with me, didn't. But people I didn't expect anything from, have popped in to make my day.
Today, I'm committed to reading magazines, taking a walk outside on this beautiful fall day and appreciating the journey we are all on- wherever we may be. Have a great weekend ????
The good and the bad. Visit #2. One week PO.
Well, good news is I am off my meds, except to help me sleep. I drove my kids to school today and went to the PS for follow up, followed by an emergency stop into work for 2 hours. On the way home, stopped at the grocery store, came home and cleaned the kitchen, made a smoothie and am now finally sitting on my backside. Not super restful, but I am doing it. I am not going to die.
Back to the surgeon.... I think I mentioned and you can see that crazy ass swelling all over, but especially from my new bb to my super low scar line. (Still loving that A LOT). That bruising got lots of blistering from the pads under the binder and it looks like a lot of that skin is going to end up peeling off because of the excessive damage. Good news is that the healing is actually coming along pretty quickly. Bruising is lightening, skin will continue to regrow. It is just going to take me longer than most of you to have the ooooo ahhhhhhh factor. Because it's fugly.
Other good news is the scar and bb are perfect. The lipo she did is apparently going to carve me out really cute and with great definition.... If I can wait for the swelling to resolve. All in all, it's great news. Could be better, but I suppose it is just another lesson in delayed gratification or patience. I go back on Wednesday to hopefully release one of these damn drains into its rightful recycle bin.
Thanks again for all your words of encouragement. Totally appreciate it all! Xoxo