Suffice it to say I no longer look human in...
Suffice it to say I no longer look human in certain lighting. My cheeks were pumped sideways across my face with too much Perlane, exposing old Perlane that was formerly in my NLF. product does not seem to resorb in me. I have read about hyaurolondaise- not doing it. I am posting this to let anyone who is in similar situation that I am going to try testing jump starting my lymphatic system to push/drag this stuff out if my face. I bought a rebounder/trampoline (great for lymphatic system movement), going to hot stones sauna at gym, eating mostly vegetables, will be starting microcurrent and Lymphstar Pro treatments as soon as I can book the appointments.
I literally have piles of flesh on each side of my mouth now (did not prior to treatment) with crap inside that freezes up in the cold, thaws at room temp, and actually becomes soft in the sauna. The board certified dermatologist made injections around each side of my mouth for some reason. The end result is kind if beyond description, other than does not occur in nature. The lines of crap are clearly visible in the mirror. There is no question to anyone looking at me that something is in there. To make things even more fun, I was not injected evenly, so I'm completely asymmetrical now. Loved my symmetry before. My smile is destroyed.
Hopefully I'll be able to add photos to this later.
My dermatologist referred me to another derm who has used hyaurolondaise before. Both recommended I not do it. Also, I'd emailed a highly reputable cosmetic surgeon, with pictures. His response was that he recommends no further procedures at this time. (Which I took to mean that I am such a mess that any attempt to fix will only make it worse.) I have a photo of one portion of the problem that I will add to this update. The photo is coming off an iPad, and may not be viewable on laptops. People can comment and let me know if that's the case.
I've done two days of sauna now and daily rebounding (jumping) for about a week. It's hard to jump for long because after only a couple of minutes, my stomach starts glugging up and down. Probably from being so empty. It's hard to eat anything when I'm this anxious about my face. To that end, my doctor (not my dermatologist) recommended I take Gama Calm, which I started tonight. Still anxious. Will update on that too as modality to get through waiting out the time it takes for Perlane to resorb. When I went back to the injecting dermatologist the second time to show her my face, she told me not to be anxious lest I crease my forehead, and to go to my family doctor for anti-depressants. My family doctor is a naturopath, hence the Gama Calm.
It is so hard waiting.
Update #3 (I accidentally put Update #2 in the comments)
Still first half of December
Had one LymphStar Pro session to get my lymph flowing to drag this stuff out. The woman rested the wand against each cheek for a while to encourage drainage from those areas.
Also had first accupuncture treatment to ensure no energy blockages preventing this stuff from leaving my body.
Went to a doctor that me dermatologist found for me who was ready to out me on Prozac or Zoloft at my dermatologist's suggestion. I said no, that's not me. I was the happiest I've ever been in my life until two months ago (the time of injection). She prescribed me Xanax instead. I plan not to take them. Benadryl is getting me through the really rough patches. I normally don't even take Advil. I considered wine, but then put the bottle back on the shelf when I saw the alcohol content. Alcohol just isn't me.
Not looking in mirrors or taking photos helps, but it's so hard not to for any stretch of time.
10 Dec 2013
2 months post
Still beginning of December.
Read online of two people who said that stevia masks removed their filler! Want to try (as ridiculous as it sounds) but afraid of the taut skin tightening effect everyone seems to have during/from it. Being overfilled has me PLENTY taut enough. I don't know if I've mentioned it on here before, but my face is downright uncomfortable with all this crap in it. I'd had filler before, but had never been overfilled before or had big heavy implants gloving my skin together alongside each side of my mouth. And they ARE implants. I've been reading medical papers on what this stuff really is. I will refrain from saying more about this right now. Back on the topic at hand...my skin is stretched enough by all this overfill that I fear any more tightening of it with a stevia mask, but where there's hope, I gotta try. Maybe this weekend.
13 Dec 2013
2 months post
I found that there are certain search words that pull up actual scientific papers on the HA fillers rather than all the marketing and cosmetic procedure websites. I found a paper that says excess amounts of riboflavin (vitamin B-2) metabolizes the processes that break down hyaurolonic acid. I'm on it. Taking three B-complex vitamins per day. Also, stopping taking vitamin C, as it fuels collageneses.
18 Dec 2013
2 months post
For the second time, saw the dermatologist that the injector referred me to after things went wrong. She said even if I wanted the hyaurolondaise, she wouldn't use it on me. She said it would wipe everything out, leading to more shots to rebuild, over a long course of time, and for a lot of money. She told me to use an electric toothbrush to try to break this stuff up. She said just wait six months. She said it's not permanent scar tissue because she can clearly feel the implants in there. She gave me revived spirit to keep going.
18 Jan 2014
3 months post
Only did two times in the hot stones sauna, back in November time frame, because now I'm too self conscious to go to the gym. I only go to work and one grocery store. There is another grocery store that I'd prefer to go to, but there is one part of the grocery store I do go to where the lighting has me looking normal (ish) so I hang out in that one section and talk to the woman who works there. She said she is an artist. And asked me what my doctor was trying to do when she did this...fill in all the lines?? I said I didn't know (I don't). Beyond the three lines I asked to be filled, I have no idea what the rest of the mess was even for. My favorite part of my face...my cheeks and natural smile...were destroyed. It's an interesting thing to find out afterward that your doctor never cared about your face, your cheeks, or your smile. I had no idea those things could be wrecked by light line correction, and I assumed anyone putting something in my face...particularly a doctor...particularly a dermatologist...would care about me and my skin. A dermatologist can rearrange a face??? Apparently so. I can tell you for sure...YES. Now I know. Has anyone else been told of this risk??
Anyway, my update is I think I've researched dermal filler more than my doctor has at this point, so apparently I care more about what went wrong than she does.
This is the hardest way to wreck your whole life in thirty minutes that I can think of. Please, anyone reading this, stay away from dermal filler if you care about your face, physical comfort, or life.
Early February, 2014. The horrible filler, if anything, has gained volume rather than reduced. There are studies online to support this, one in particular actually. (Google "36 months persistance Restylane") In the conclusion, the authors guess at why the "correction" is increasing rather than reducing, and conclude that further study is needed. Anyway, that's what seems to be going on. I have a bolt that looks like something on Frankenstein's neck sticking out on the left side of my face where The Most Ungifted, Unartistic dermatologist in the world apparently crossed squirts of dermal filler lines. I honestly think she must be blind to have done such a horrible job. I looked GREAT when I went in. All she had to do was...almost nothing!! At least follow my God given lines rather than create a bunch of scar-looking formations running perpendicular to the ground. It's like she TRIED to age me by 15-20 years. And then to be so dumbfounded afterward as to why I don't like having my face wrecked? I think she's insane because nothing else could explain it. She tried to convince me I only THINK I had cheeks before. I showed her a picture taken shortly before the injections. She zoomed on it, stared hard for a long time, then declared, "You were wearing makeup!" Yes, I was wearing LIPSTICK, which to my knowledge does not create big apple cheeks. She is insane. Anyway, my follow up is I can't wait to rid my face of all this crap so I can have my authentic face back. She stole me cheeks, then tried to tell me it looked good, probably with the intent of making me a needle junkie, but it did the exact opposite. I'm out of the filler game. I view my face as a wound now (particularly due to the nerve pain, irritation, and drooling her handiwork caused) and I will heal. This wound will heal. And it'll heal even faster and better than it would have if I'd taken the Prozac she kept trying to shove down my throat. That woman might have a "doctor" title, but she is no healer, and in fact promotes and causes unwell being. She is a dangerous zombie in a white lab coat.
Six months in...no improvement
20 Apr 2014
6 months post
Why a doctor thought I wanted V's next to my mouth I have no idea. I guess it was to announce that I'm from the planet Voltron, as I now look to be. I definitely don't look human anymore. No human has giant V's protruding on her face. I looked so good before all this. I wish my doctor had told me she was a moron ahead of time, instead of letting me find out too late. Shouldn't a board certified dermatologist make it her business to remove unwanted growths from her patients rather than implant them?
I've tried everything, including a departure from veganism, thinking the enzymes in animal meats will help break down this ridiculous insano-glue. So far, no luck, but I have gained ten pounds.
I don't know of too many other women who are dying to be old. I'm thinking by then, this will all be over, and I will have a normal face again. Please, God, let this be over. It's Easter. Do me a solid. Melt this crap like you melted the lakes just this past week.
When you're begging God for facial combustion, you know you're not at the top of the queue. He probably has other stuff going on, like wars.
What else is there to do?? I've got way too many allergies to consider hyaluronidase. My (ex) dermatologist keeps offering me injected steroids to address her overfill. (She doesn't do hyaluronidase.)
I just want to leave it all alone in the belief that nature will run its course in my face as it does in the woods, which, not coincidentally, is where I now spend most of my time when not huddled up at home afraid to go anywhere because of my face. I keep hoping the woods will heal my face, and bring it back to nature.
Garbage in the woods eventually disappears. Maybe this garbage in my face can also be tumbled out by nature.
April 22, 2013
22 Apr 2014
6 months post
Six calendar months and two weeks ago today, I woke up with a normal, pretty face. I had no idea my entire life was going to be derailed by a dermatologist before nightfall.
I used to constantly get compliments on my beautiful skin and my youthful looks. People were always looking at me and smiling as I walked downtown. Now people look away when I smile at them.
Today I learned that where I belong now is a run down Dollar General next door to the Salvation Army. Nobody smiled at me, but I felt more on par with these people than I do with the well groomed people with anatomically correct faces that I see downtown.
I used to not understand how anyone could be self-conscious/ have social anxiety, etc. now I literally feel unfit to go to Meijer. The lighting there is hell on my horribly filled face.
Nobody should have to live like this. And by live, I mean "live". God, let this end.
April 23, 2014
23 Apr 2014
6 months post
I wrote the year wrong on yesterday's entry.
Woke up to birds singing. I love that. Went in the bathroom and saw my face. Had to look away to try to cut off all the negative emotions. I used to love my face, up to October 8, 2013. A doctor who told me there was no risk to this substance completely wrecked my face with it.
I'm just waiting for the big wound that is my face to heal. This just has to go away. I don't even know how I keep going to work. I love my job and my coworkers, but I have thought about quitting every single day since this happened. The stress of going anywhere with this face is overwhelming. I'm a very strong person, but this is just about more than I can take.
May 17, 2014 New Dermatologist
17 May 2014
7 months post
So I tried to establish a relationship with a new dermatologist. She swears that this mess will be gone at twelve months, which is in less than five months. She kept sating, "It HAS to go away." If only I could believe that. This nightmare feels like forever. Being confident enough to leave my house- which was only seven months, one week, and five days ago- feels like another lifetime. Living life as an outlier of society is horrible. It's so hard to believe this will really end. A lawyer contacted me a couple of weeks ago. Just getting from one minute to the next is hard enough. Will this really ever go away? It's so hard and heavy in my face, and seems to be growing rather than shrinking, particularly on the left side. I didn't want protruding growths added to my face. I can't believe I've managed to keep working through this, but I have. It's so hard to go back on Mondays, even though I love my job. It's the gruesome surreality of having growths all over my face that make it so hard to live now. I'd give everything I have just to have my face back.
June 12, 2014 - Every day is hell
12 Jun 2014
8 months post
If anyone is reading this who hasn't already let someone bludgeon their face with filler injections, don't do it. Or, if you do it, be very, very careful. My advice is do NOT let someone just "have at it" on your face. Make sure they explain, prior to each injection, why they are putting it there, and what the effect will be. Make sure it makes sense to you!!!
I have nonsensical pillars of goo that were installed on what used to be flat, unlined skin, and now, as a result, I have skin that pops out, and folds around the pillar. What else was my skin to do? It was fine to begin with, and stuff was put into it, creating bulk in areas where human faces are supposed to be flat (as mine was). It is ridiculous that a doctor would do something so completely unnecessary ("First, do no harm"???) but she did it, and now it is my sentence to live out.
Every day is utter hell. The filler is the first and only thing I think about from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep each night. I let someone wreck my face because I trusted her. Learn from me. Don't let this happen to you. Trust nobody. It is your face for you to live with, and whatever happens, you'll be in it alone. It's horrifying. Save yourself. Stay away from filler, OR, if you feel you must do it, supervise every single injection prior to it being placed in your face, injection by injection. Don't worry about being That Patient. I was worried about being That Patient, so I kept my mouth shut when things didn't feel right...what she was doing didn't make sense. And now the doctor has zero remorse, and I'm the one who has to figure out how to get through each day with a face that looks deformed, more so in certain lighting than others, fearing my own reflection and ending my social life as a result.
Also, don't believe the "it's only a few months" hype/ lie. I've had this in my face for eight months, and at my most recent ultrasound, learned that there has been no change since baseline. There are no signs of it breaking down whatsoever.
Don't Believe the "12 months" Lie
This garbage does not go away by 12 months. Mine hasn't even begin to break down, and I passed the 12 month mark this week. Don't let anybody tell you this is temporary as a way of telling you you have nothing to lose. So far I've lost my pretty face, my happiness, and a year of my life. The side effects include letting myself get treated disrespectfully by people in a way I would not have tolerated over a year ago. I never thought a dermatologist could zap away self-esteem in a single appointment, with no consent form. Actually, I never even knew dermatologists used consent forms for anything, since mine didn't. I wonder what hers would have said if she'd bothered to have one.
Filler Wrecks Lives
It's been 13 months and 3 days. No change. Having my face deformed by an idiot dermatologist who apparently never read the "how to" brochure for Perlane or any other filler has caused me to become a person I never was before, and never thought I would be. Because it has lowered my self esteem so dramatically, I'm hanging out with guys with whom I would never have considered before, and doing things i would not have done. Having a face like this does not leave me many options. I have given up on things that were important to me because nothing matters when I can't even stand to look in a mirror. I feel dead inside. I know others who have been similarly destroyed by filler. Don't do it.
Going on 15 months
No change. Have come to North Carolina where I just hang out in the woods. No mirrors, almost no people. Just killing the time until (hopefully) I am un-deformed again. How much of my life do I have to give up for a doctor's ineptitude??
Over 16 Months
I've found that very bright red lipstick somewhat detracts the eye from the God-awful mess she made of my face. I've gone through four NARS concealers since this happened, and now need to order the fifth. I tried several other brands, but NARS fills in the depressions between the raised goo-line speed bumps the best without becoming shiny. I am still living like a hermit, waiting for my life to be able to start again. I can't believe I ever let her touch my face. I've come to realize "board certified dermatologist" is not a God qualification. She never understood my face. Nor did she care about it. $600, baby. I'd have paid her that a hundred fold to keep her hands off my face if I'd known this outcome were possible. She's not contacted me. She probably hopes that I'm dead so I can't sue her. I've been hiding behind religion lately as a coping mechanism. I never wanted to be deformed and I wasn't prepared for it. There's no way to prepare for this, I don't think. I wish she'd told me to say goodbye to my face before she destroyed it. My last memory of it was at work the day she did this. I smiled in the mirror at myself like I always did, because I loved my smile. I'd give anything to have that smile back. Anything.
Almost 20 months
It will be 20 months on June 8. No change. No consent form. She did this with no discussion or consent form. My whole life as I knew it is destroyed. The only thing that remains is my job. Thank God I managed to keep going to work. As a fellow filler victim recently remarked, filler forces family and friends editing. You find out who's real after your face is f'ed, and edit out the rest. Life is a lot easier when your face moves freely. Don't let this happen to you.
23 months - no progress
For anyone who thinks they "want their money's worth", now-defunct Perlane is definitely the filler for you. No wonder they're taking it off the market. This has been the biggest nightmare of my life. My face sucks now, and I loved it right up to the first second I saw it after the dermatologist shot this crap into my face, at which point I thought I had crossed directly into hell. And I did. And I've been there 23 months now. It's not the fault of the material's longevity, though, it's the fault of the idiot who shot it into my face in the pattern of upside goal posts on a football field. Looking at my face used to make me happy. Now words can't describe what it feels like. I can't say this enough to anyone who still has a face they love or at least can live with...don't let a doctor mess with it!!! Doctors are not God. They don't know what they're doing. They don't own any knowledge you don't possess when it come to facial aesthetics. In fact, they know even less about your face than you do. If you like Russian Roullette, do filler. Otherwise, run.
2.5 Years Tomorrow
My life as I knew it s now gone. I thought I could wait out this misplaced junk to dissolve and get back to my life, but the rest of the world keeps spinning after a board certified dermatologist wrecks your face. People you avoid with your destroyed face move on, and sometimes literally move (to Texas). Family members die while you're waiting this out in solitude. The rat hole you make for yourself to hide out becomes your new life. That old life with the pretty face just isn't there anymore, even if your face were to suddenly revert to its state the minute before these disfiguring injections. All the athletic exuberance you had when you were happy dissipates, causing resultant body changes. Two years ultrasound showed no change in hyaluronic implants, and my fear is three years Ultrasound will be no better. Don't do it, people. Don't let anyone come at you with a syringe unless it's treating something specific. Don't let your face become a failed art project by someone passing themselves off as a board certified doctor. Getting through med school doesn't make anyone a sculptor.
2.5 Years Today
Went to grocery store after work. Older gentleman was walking by me, then suddenly looked me in the face and said. "God bless you," in a serious tone, and continued walking. When this first happened to my face, it took away what I thought was my unshakable belief in God. After 2.5 years, I've finally somewhat sort of started believing in God again. Today's message I believe came from God, through this stranger, to let me know God sees my daily struggle after what this doctor has done, and wanted to show me he recognizes the strength it takes to keep going. I want my face back so bad it hurts. My face that I had 2.5 years ago today, up through 4 or 4:30 p.m. that day. Why. WHY???
This is filler
This is what filler does when injected in what my friend and I refer to as The Pattern. We both received this pattern, which aged us as it ages celebs who get same filler pattern. I hate it and so does my friend. WE WERE NOT WARNED that our faces would be aged or that we'd have huge lumps next to our mouths. Here is Mary Kate Olsen and Katie Holmes with The Pattern. Mine has still not gone down. It will be 3 years on October 8.