I wish that I had researched a doctor that better aligned with my aesthetic goals

I got a rhinoplasty with Dr. Starkman a year ago. After hastily researching rhinoplasty surgeons in my area, I settled on Starkman thinking that although I did not like the aesthetic of his noses, the few really great results he posted are good enough for me to undergo surgery with him. In the long run, I blame myself for continuing to move forward with a surgeon whose aesthetics did not align with my own except in a few of his cases. Before I get into specifics, I will state that I am not happy with the aesthetic outcome of my nose. I have an accentuated hanging columella, my nose is too upturned, and my nostrils are very visible from the front and sides. I have suffered from mild identity loss and depression as a result of my surgery. Some of these issues I was not anticipating based on my morph and Dr.Starkman even saying "it will be so subtle that most people won't even be able to tell you had a nose job." My nose came out very different from my birth nose, and even the features I liked were not kept. While I am disappointed in my outcome, I do not feel botched and I genuinely think Dr.Starkman did an acceptable job with my nose. Functionally it works good, and he is very skilled as an ENT in assuring you can breath well after—however a columellar strut graft is causing a clicking noise whenever I touch it, which doesn't really mess with functionality other than makes you feel strange. Aesthetic wise, I no longer have a large dorsal hump and I get a lot of compliments on my appearance now, something that did not happen often before. I thank Dr.Starkman for giving me a new found beauty that others can finally see, even if the results are not the best. I am proceeding with a revision with a different surgeon. I do not suffer from Body Dysmorphia, and genuinely there are some apparent aesthetic issues with my nose.

My experience started with a consultation with Starkman in person. Dr.Starkman is kind, attentive and willing to make changes to the morphs to best suit your taste. I did find Starkman would be quick to go through concerns in a way that could come off as a little bit unconcerned, but I didn't consider this to be an abnormality with an ENT. My entire life has been spent in the offices of ENT's due to sinus/ear issues, and Dr.Starkman was the nicest ENT I've met in my entire life. That's partly the reason I also decided to proceed.

I suffer from pretty intense generalized anxiety, so having a kind doctor is important to me. I like to know that I am in a kind humans hands in the event something goes wrong.

The aesthetic we agreed on was relatively similar to my old nose, except with no dorsal hump, less bulbosity to the tip (a mistake that I regret asking for), and a very subtle upturn to the tip. I asked if the upturning would cause my nostrils to appear bigger and Starkman said "ehh not really". This was reassuring but would not hold up. Before surgery day I believe a month prior to surgery, I emailed Dr Starkman asking for a detailed list of what he would do to my nose and i never got a response. I didn't make this a big deal, but I should have. On surgery day, he came to me and talked to me before we headed in the OR, I was extremely anxious (something i told them I have) and Starkman asked if I'd like to reconsider. I said no and that I'd like to do it I was just extremely scared. And then I asked if he could please not upturn the tip too much. He said yes and then we proceeded with the surgery.

The day of my surgery the nurse coordinator, i do not remember her name, was kind until I started to get anxious. She was unpleasant and rude and I genuinely think that her behavior was unacceptable. The anesthesiologist was incredibly personable, and made me feel at ease as I went under anesthesia for the first surgery of my life. I had some sort of crazy panic episode before I was put out due to the anesthesia, and then I woke up with a cast on my face. I did not see Dr.Starkman at all after and didn't get the "surgery went well" talk, which was kind of unexpected.

The healing process was insane, typical of a rhinoplasty -- but something that dr starkman nor the pamphlet adequately warns patients about. My nose was extremely swollen and alien-like for a good 10 months until it finally started to settle. I was originally led to believe I'd be okay by 2 week, this is typical of many rhinoplasty surgeons in order to not turn people off from committing. With my swelling, Dr Starkman would frequently reassure me, and I appreciate his patience in this area. Though I think he relies too much on the "its swollen" thing more than actually taking time to address valid patient concerns over aesthetics. I may be painted as someone who wants perfection, but I don't. I want my nose downturned and that's not widely considered apart of the ideal nose. I just want to feel like myself again without the bump.

I am now getting a revision and I wish that I had researched a doctor that better aligned with my aesthetic goals. I also wish that Dr.Starkman adequately warned patients during the consult of the intense year of healing you will have a head of you. I wish that he would have said "no!" to me asking for a thinner tip because it was thin to begin with, but then again I'm the one that asked for it, so. I wish that a different technique could have been used with the tip and it was less upturned and less piggy. Some people really like this look, but ethnicity wise and my facial character does not suit this look so nicely, even if it is prettier than my old nose objectively speaking.

I wish I could give a 2 1/2 star review, realself doesnt allow the 1/2 -- but I now have to spend 20k on a fix for this with another surgeon. I am a hard working person, I am not rich, and this is what is keeping my review at 2 rather than 3.