Quantity, not quality - can’t look at myself in the mirror

As lovely as Dr Nizar and his secretaries are as a person, my professional experience start to finish has been painful. I kick myself for not going with my gut whenever I saw the signs, and convincing myself that everything will be fine….
My reason for rhino:
1. Deviated septum - main reason
2. Uneven nostril/either sides
3. Bulbous tip
After the consultation meeting, the doctor did not want to see me till the day of the surgery…I found that very bizarre, as from all the reading and other consultations I had been to, they mentioned about follow up appointments to take photos etc. but when calling and speaking with the assistant - Kayleigh (no longer works there), I was informed the doctor only takes pictures on the day of surgery….
On the day of surgery, I was promised I’d not need to bring Valium to calm my nerves (my doctor gives me these), and that the anaesthetist would give me one.
No pictures of me were taken on the day of surgery.
No Valium was given to me on the day of surgery even though I had asked every single person that walked into my room.
Around 6-8 other patients were waiting on the day for surgery - felt like a meat factory, there was no feeling of quality but more quantity.
I was WALKED into the operating room (never experienced that).
Was shouted at by the anaesthetist when I started crying from fear, he aggressively shoved the cannula in my wrist.
Nurses made me leave the hospital before being properly seen by the doctor after the surgery.
Even with the cast on, I contacted the Dr’s assistant in regards to how bad my deviated septum looked.
During each of my consultations, I kept highlighting how badly deviated my nose was (even more than before the surgery), painful cartilage sticking out and extreme breathing issues. None was given importance, kept being told “its swelling its fine, we will see during the next consultation”. On my 18th month, doctor states “lets wait for 24 month then we’ll decide whether or not to do another surgery”.
I didn’t feel important before, during or after my operation.. and the operation was a major fail- yes I am aware there’s no guarantee, but myself and other doctors can tell there was no attention to detail… and I’m not surprised, especially when there’s at least 6 others waiting - you’re tight with time. I foolishly convinced myself all the red flags was just due to my lack of knowledge of how cosmetic surgeries are handled, ‘they’re “experts” trust them’ was how I was trying to stay positive. It was as if, once payment was made i was no longer a problem of theirs.
I feel ugly, I can’t look at myself in the mirror.. I hide my face as much as I can ..my nose has an extreme deviation, I am unable to breathe, I sleep with a tape on my nose. I wake up crying every other night, frustrated. My mental health has been severely affected. I’ve been to 5 doctors, 4 have refused to do a revision surgery due to the extent my internal and external nasal valve has collapsed, the deviation has now become so extreme that it’s now touching the inferior turbinate. One doctor had finally agreed to do the surgery after much begging, however due to the extent of the mess, the price is more than double the amount I had paid for Dr Nizar- I now need to somehow fork out £13.5K. Most of my savings had already gone paying Dr Nizar, I’m now scrambling to borrow and get money for this amount, for me to at least be able to breathe…
The same patient photos and videos are used repeatedly on instagram, that itself should have been an indication that only “successful” surgeries would be shortlisted and showcased… and I definitely wasn’t one of them.
Advice to all- some surgeons may not show you before and afters, but trust their reviews and go see them. Instagram/social media can be manipulated and not show the true possibilities and results.
I wish you all the happiness and best in your nose journey.