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Third Revision Has Arisen an Identity Crisis (And It's All Thanks to my Nostrils- and a Change of Perspective))
I have wanted a third revision rhinoplasty for two years now.
And now that I have it, I am in deep regret as I type this freshly 9 days post-op.
I want to first talk about what has changed and what I have learned.
What I didn't realize until it was too late was that by the time I finally got what I had wanted, I had grown so much and had loved myself so much more than I realized.
And, now, in this era of my life where there was this enhanced self-love that was simply my existence, there is so much more at stake.
I am in love and they love me back (and they don't know I went to an entirely different country and got my nose cut open...), I am studying in school, I have other goals (for example, getting treatment for my ADHD), summer plans.
I didn't realize until it was too late that although I still was insecure about things with my nose... I loved it much more than I hated it. It wasn't the center of my life anymore, there are more important things that I care about and think about in my passing (and this isn't to say I didn't think about it every day... just not as lingering. I hadn't even realized how much I had grown because yes, I was thinking about it from time to time, but I didn't even step backward to see the progress of how little I thought about it truly in my passing).
And now with these lessons learned, and so much at stake, I am back at ground zero.
Let me preface.
After two failed rhinoplasties, I hyper-fixated on getting my third nose job in Turkey.
I made a bit of a ride-or-die mentality around it. It's so easily addictive to see the before/after table sides of the girls brave enough to travel across the world for that tiny sloped nose.
But my family was always really against it.
They were against it for fair, but slightly ignorant reasons. I don't need to run through the list...I know if you're reading this you have heard the cons by your loved ones many times before (and isn't it just so telling that our cons list is predominately highlighted by our loved ones?).
Anyways, I saved the money and because I am studying abroad I took the chance during spring break (I should've gone to Disneyland Paris instead but I figured getting a nose job in Turkey was my own version of the most magical place on earth.)
To be fair to the doctor, my first mistake was not taking the time to realize what I really wanted with this nose job. When he asked he was patient and I showed him pictures of the wrong girls who did not represent me and went in with the wrong idea of the opportunity a nosejob in Turkey was.
If I had a time machine I would've made it much easier, "Make it me, just fix x, y, and z."
I am not going to pretend I went in asking the right thing. I'm really upset with myself for it but I just didn't know then how much I loved myself. I just was so fixated on change and also changing so that the people I loved would have a better version of me. I wasn't even doing it entirely for me anymore. I am so sad to type that.
Anyways, my doctor definitely gave me a new nose.
A review of my doctor, his mannerisms were great, he is skillful, his nurse was extraordinary, and I survived the week (alone) in Turkey.
When he took my cast off I wasn't even entirely upset with my side profile or my front view. They're cute. They're an outstanding Turkish nose job.
But one thing he did to me that, when scrolling through his feed feels oddly personal, was open my nostrils much more than I could've ever imagined.
They're big, rounder, and piggy. They make me look more aggressive.
My old nostrils were greatly deviated (one of my reasons to get a revision- I could breathe though, I wish I took time to just breathe rather than act act act). Now I can really breathe but at a cost that is my own identity.
I cannot recognize myself. I am so so sad. I am currently living a lie. My roommate has only seen me with a mask on. I don't want to wear my nasal retainer because I feel it stretching my nostrils because it does not fit my nose.
Nothing about this fits my nose.
I haven't shown my face to my loved ones. I can't tell them what I did without hurting the dynamics with the people I love. I don't want them to see me. I hate removing the nasal retainer and seeing me. I am scared they will love me less because I look less like..me.
And it's all because of my nostrils...I just could have never expected this.
Anyways, I will put some photos
I am really hoping things change. I want to love my new nose and I want it to fit my face. I feel like I am at level 0 with self-love and that's truly how I realized how much I HAD loved myself in the process of wanting all this.
I would love feedback, information on the nasal retainer and if it actually works, really anything. If anyone reads this and is curious I will be happy to keep an update.
And now that I have it, I am in deep regret as I type this freshly 9 days post-op.
I want to first talk about what has changed and what I have learned.
What I didn't realize until it was too late was that by the time I finally got what I had wanted, I had grown so much and had loved myself so much more than I realized.
And, now, in this era of my life where there was this enhanced self-love that was simply my existence, there is so much more at stake.
I am in love and they love me back (and they don't know I went to an entirely different country and got my nose cut open...), I am studying in school, I have other goals (for example, getting treatment for my ADHD), summer plans.
I didn't realize until it was too late that although I still was insecure about things with my nose... I loved it much more than I hated it. It wasn't the center of my life anymore, there are more important things that I care about and think about in my passing (and this isn't to say I didn't think about it every day... just not as lingering. I hadn't even realized how much I had grown because yes, I was thinking about it from time to time, but I didn't even step backward to see the progress of how little I thought about it truly in my passing).
And now with these lessons learned, and so much at stake, I am back at ground zero.
Let me preface.
After two failed rhinoplasties, I hyper-fixated on getting my third nose job in Turkey.
I made a bit of a ride-or-die mentality around it. It's so easily addictive to see the before/after table sides of the girls brave enough to travel across the world for that tiny sloped nose.
But my family was always really against it.
They were against it for fair, but slightly ignorant reasons. I don't need to run through the list...I know if you're reading this you have heard the cons by your loved ones many times before (and isn't it just so telling that our cons list is predominately highlighted by our loved ones?).
Anyways, I saved the money and because I am studying abroad I took the chance during spring break (I should've gone to Disneyland Paris instead but I figured getting a nose job in Turkey was my own version of the most magical place on earth.)
To be fair to the doctor, my first mistake was not taking the time to realize what I really wanted with this nose job. When he asked he was patient and I showed him pictures of the wrong girls who did not represent me and went in with the wrong idea of the opportunity a nosejob in Turkey was.
If I had a time machine I would've made it much easier, "Make it me, just fix x, y, and z."
I am not going to pretend I went in asking the right thing. I'm really upset with myself for it but I just didn't know then how much I loved myself. I just was so fixated on change and also changing so that the people I loved would have a better version of me. I wasn't even doing it entirely for me anymore. I am so sad to type that.
Anyways, my doctor definitely gave me a new nose.
A review of my doctor, his mannerisms were great, he is skillful, his nurse was extraordinary, and I survived the week (alone) in Turkey.
When he took my cast off I wasn't even entirely upset with my side profile or my front view. They're cute. They're an outstanding Turkish nose job.
But one thing he did to me that, when scrolling through his feed feels oddly personal, was open my nostrils much more than I could've ever imagined.
They're big, rounder, and piggy. They make me look more aggressive.
My old nostrils were greatly deviated (one of my reasons to get a revision- I could breathe though, I wish I took time to just breathe rather than act act act). Now I can really breathe but at a cost that is my own identity.
I cannot recognize myself. I am so so sad. I am currently living a lie. My roommate has only seen me with a mask on. I don't want to wear my nasal retainer because I feel it stretching my nostrils because it does not fit my nose.
Nothing about this fits my nose.
I haven't shown my face to my loved ones. I can't tell them what I did without hurting the dynamics with the people I love. I don't want them to see me. I hate removing the nasal retainer and seeing me. I am scared they will love me less because I look less like..me.
And it's all because of my nostrils...I just could have never expected this.
Anyways, I will put some photos
I am really hoping things change. I want to love my new nose and I want it to fit my face. I feel like I am at level 0 with self-love and that's truly how I realized how much I HAD loved myself in the process of wanting all this.
I would love feedback, information on the nasal retainer and if it actually works, really anything. If anyone reads this and is curious I will be happy to keep an update.