Dream Coming True...

So its official. For about 7 years I've been unhappy with my breasts. The fitter I get, the worse they look. I've schedule my surgery for just 2 weeks from now. I've decided that I'm going to get implants and some lipo to compliment my look. I'm going to included tons of pics because looking at everyone elses pics has helped me to decide what I want to do. I'll continue to post my emotional and physical roller coaster day by day

My first post was pretty short so I'll expand a bit. I'm 5'1", 125 lbs. I have 2 kids who I nursed extensively. Now that they are much older and I'm done having children I've decided its time to get the girls done. I'm going crazy over size ( as if thats new on this website) Even though I'm short I wouldn't exactly call myself petite. I've always had an athletic or thicker build. Anyway my breasts are, as you can see, deflated skin bags. I'm embarrassed to take off my shirt in front of my bf, and I can't wear a lot of things because of the deflation. I'm a 34 A+/B-, lol. I'd be happy with my little boobies if they didn't look like udders when I bent over or if the didn't look like they were inside out when I raise my arms. I've never wanted big knockers but I also am not ready to come to terms with a lollipop scar. My PS says since I'm borderline lift/pseudotosis, I can get the aug now and decide on the lift later. He said that regardless, later I will need the lift. But, the trade off is a larger implant now. Because of the assymetry he suggested 457 on Rightina and 421 on Leftina (those are their new names btw). I'm currently having a hard time wrapping my head around that size. Like WHOA!!!! He assures me that they will look smaller once they are in (behind the muscle) but also says he wants me to pick whatever size I want. He said that if I opted to go smaller then I must come to terms with sagginess. He says the 457 will give me a lifted look and won't look to large for me. My biggest concern is looking fat and matronly with those. Ugh. I'm getting some lipo too so maybe that will help with the fat thing. I plan on posting a bunch of pre-op and post-op photos to help those of you who have similar boobies to mine. I've found that its really easy to find pretty post op boobies BUT its hard to find before's that match your own. I have a bunch of (embarassing) pics but hopefully it will help others to determine what they want in the long run.

So today was my final pre-op appt and we made the final sizing decision. I opted for 421 cc moderate profile silicone gels, same size in both breasts. Originally we were gonna do two different sizes but one they were in then Rightina became bigger than Leftina and overall my PS said the assymetry would be less noticeable once they were bigger with more volume and if we put 457 in the other then all we would be doing is switching which side was bigger and since I was used to the left being larger thats what we would do. Later on down the road when I lift he would just remove some breast tissue to make them even. Sooooo, now I'm super duper excited and less overwhelmed about finding the perfect size. I'm adding some pics with sizers :) ONLY 14 DAYS!!!!!

Ok so I have 10 tiny little days to go before my surgery. I'm pretty sure I have most of my shopping done. Not sure that I need scar guard and all that right away since I'm sure there will be a waiting period before I can put it on. Contemplating the Arnica Montanna. I've never been keen on supplements. I figure, if you eat well, you'll get what ya need. Hmmm. Anyway, gonna pick up all my RX's today, got my blood work done this morning. I can't believe I had to pay for a pg test, I'm def NOT preggo. I bought some bandini things from Walmart, I got a Medium, the more I read the more I'm thinking they are going to be small. Ugh,

My new panic of the day is SIZE, yes size...AGAIN!!! I'm completely happy with the 421cc's however, I'm stewing over my top view and the asymmetry is astounding. Maybe I should get two different sizes after all. It looks like there's more than a shot glass of volume difference naturally, kwim? What do ya'll think.

I dunno, my brain is running like a pinball machine and for the life of me I just can't seem to get the house clean enough!!! All my waking hours are spent on real self and cleaning, with small bouts of the gym thrown in there. I feel like I should be taking valium now.... Seriously though, I don't know what I'd do without this site. Its been my sounding board, and comfort for my neurosis. :) Happy Tuesday Ladies!!!

So I'm six days away and I'm a bundle of nerves. My daughters having a sleepover bday party this weekend and then six flags the next day. I'm a planner and I feel like I'm behind the eight ball on everything. Very unsettling. Is like to buy my cg ahead of time but I'm worried it won't fit post op. I dunno I'm just overwhelmed. My boyfriend is in another world this week so I'm lacking support. At least I have real self.

Ok, so in just a few short days... I'm going to go to sleep and then wake up with boobies. Sooo freakin strange. Tuesdays are normally my punishment days at the gym but tomorrow I'll be cleaning my house like a madwoman. My daughter had a sleepover bday party the other day and I'm still working on the aftermath. Ugh, another woman on here stated she felt like she was a dog chasing its own tail trying to clean up after kids. That's EXACTLY how i feel. Anyway, I've still got a few things to pick up at the store to be totally prepared. Gonna stock up on spring water since I won't be able to lift the case for a few weeks. I'm closer to excited than nervous at this point. The nervousness that remains has less to do with the procedure and more to do with my mental state. I mean, I'm gonna go to sleep and wake up with these things on my chest?!?!? STRANGE... I've never wanted boobies. Well I've always had them, not huge jugs, just a comfy C, but then babies, nursing, blah blah blah, you know the story, almost all of you have been there. But anyway, I love small breasts. I really do. I love tiny perky boobies, if mine were just little but perk city, I wouldn't be here, BUT since they are not pretty perky lil things, I'll just fill them out to where they were before I had babies.

To help deal with my mental issues, I've been asking myself why I'm doing this. I suppose I never really addressed this question previously other thinking about aesthetics, however, now that I'm really soul searching, I know its because I feel like less of a woman without breasts, or with ugly deformed breasts. I feel less feminine. I want to feel like a beautiful flower again. I want to feel desirable, not by every Tom, Dick, and Harry, but by my own standards. I want to feel whole again. My poor boyfriend has hardly ever seen my breasts. We've been together for 2.5 years, and when we're intimate, I wear a padded bra. Needless to say, he doesn't spend much time with the girls. Squeezing padding doesn't exactly turn a guy on. And even if he makes an effort, it's obvious that I'm not comfortable. Just him touching my breasts makes me so unbelievably aware of how awful they are. I don't think I've thought about it this much EVER, I think I was just ignoring it, but now that its real, now that its just literally hours away its important to know the true why's and not the superficial whys. Just saying that, just being heard, is liberating. Thank you girls, for listening. Thank you ladies for sharing. Oddly, or not so oddly, I feel more at peace.

These are my last pre-op pics before the big day. I wanted to do a full body shot so u could keep track if both boonies and liposuction progress. Gonna have my lower ab, posterior hips and outter thighs done. He better steer clear of my tushy.

Here are the other views

Well I went into work today thinking it would pass the time as I deal with my excited nerves. I work unitl 8, get home at 8:30 or so, then only a couple hours til bed then BAM, BOOOOBIES!!! Um, no. Sounds good in theory, however, I couldn't focus, all I could do was look at boobies all day, and think about surgery tomorrow. So I left early and went to the grocery store and decided to cook. I now have even more food in the fridge than before and everything is cleaned up and put away. I'll prolly run the vacuum one more time. But still its only 8:20 now, my surgery is 15 hours and 40 minutes away. I feel like I want to be sedated until I'm sedated. LOL. I mean really, what am I gonna do with all the food I've cooked. If I vacuum or clean anything else, I'm going to wear out the finish of my furniture or wear out the threads of the carpet. But on a good note, I'm excited. NOT nervous, like I have been for weeks. I'm so stoked about my new boobies. I still don't know how to broach the topic of breast implants with my 9 & 11 yo kids. They know I'm getting a minor surgery tomorrow and thats about it. But I'm sure they are gonna notice my tatas. Any suggestions??? I certainly don't want my daughter to think she's got to have hers done. Oh well. Maybe I'll put myself into a comatose state watching television.

Oh boy, I am going to miss breakfast and coffee tomorrow. I think my dear bf will just want to drop me off early. I'm terrible without my Wawa and oatmeal. Oh goodness. I better start drinking some more water now, so I'm not toooo thirsty. Goodluck to all my boobie sisters. Happy healing!!!! xoxoxo

Thank you ladies for all your support I'm still a bit groggy update tomorrow

I'll check in tomorrow some time. So far so good. I'm happy about my addition. Surgery, recovery, wonderful. Back to dream land ladies

Just had to try the bikini on. Looks like I'll have to get new ones next year

So sorry for not updating sooner. I spent the first few days in a drug induced haze. I don't really remember too much from the first couple of days. I had good days and bad days, but on ALL of those days, I loved my breasts. Both of them are still very high but one of them is still riding a little bit higher. It also contracts much more frequently than the other. It is, no surprise, my dominant side. I called in yesterday and got a muscle relaxer to control that a bit, so far so good. The nerve block is wearing off so part of my breast is numb and part of them have feeling. It seems as though as soon as I get through one tiny hurdle, I have a new one. The new one is the irritation of the incision sites. My steri-strips are still firmly attached but the pressure of the surgi-bra is making the site a little sore. All in all, I haven't had a difficult recovery. I mostly slept through it. My children have been wonderful caretakers. I'm going to post some pics, although the lighting in them is terrible.

As far as the lipo goes, I think in terms of soreness, it hurts more than the BA. I'm still half numb and swollen and again some days are better than others. Somedays I look great and others I look exactly the same as the day I went in. But its my understanding that with lipo it can take a full 3 or more months before you see the end results.

I'm dying to go back to the gym. I'm wondering if theres anything I can do at the gym besides look at other people burn calories. LOL. I suppose I could sit in the steam room and relax but what good is that gonna do. Fortunately I have zero appetite so the weight gain should stay at a minimum. I did however gain 3.5 boobie pounds. I'm okay with that.

I love my boobs. I'm so happy. I think they are perfect and will continue to look even better. I think they will look like naturally large beautiful breasts, which is what my goal was so yaaaay!!!

Holy swollen moly!!! My whole body is swollen and I feel like a whale of a person. Ugh. Fatty McFatterson. Sorry just one of those days.

Quickest way to muscle spasms??? Vacuuming!!! Ugh

So I got the guts to remove steri strips today. Bincisions look great, better than I could have hoped for.

3 weeks

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I LOVE MY BOOBIES,!!! I finally feel sexy naked! I couldn't be happier. I don't know why I waited so dang long. I love my PS. Hes not only a perfectionist but an artist. I won't have my post op appt until the 28th. Only the 2nd boobie appt since op, 3.5 weeks. I wonder what he'll say. At any rate, that's when I'll get my massages and clearance for the gym. My ps recommends different kinds of massages for different peeps, so I can't even cheat and look ahead on you tube (believe me I tried) Oh well, all things in time right?

Zombification!!!! That is :) you know what I love even more than Halloween??? Halloween makeup!!!!

...and WOW, what a difference already. It's called scar fade scar gel. 4 weeks to date.

So its seems as though its been forever since I've written and I have so much to say... I think. Anyway I'll start with my post op appt which was 3.5 weeks after my surgery, so last Monday. It went splendidly. He looked at my boobs and said everything looks great. He said they are still high and look weird, but thats to be expected and its something we talked about prior to surgery. He gave me my massages to do. He waits to see how each patient is coming along before he determines which ones he'll tell ya to do. So for me, I'm basically smushing my breasts in from the outside with my fists and then with my arm over my head, elbow to ceiling, pushing down and in towards the center of my chest. I'm to do that until they look pretty. :)

Next he checked out my lipo sites, and everything is looking good there. They only took out 1500cc's. From what I understand they are only allowed to remove a total of 5000. The 1500 they took out is a combination of fat, and the fluid they inject into you first. But it's approx 3 or less lbs. Its more for stubborn pockets of fat that don't go away with diet and exercise than it is to lose weight. So in addition to the lipo, I lost some weight and I'm now down to 118. Yaaay! The super duper downside to lipo is that the swelling is ridiculous. If I work out or have a long day with no compression garment then I look just as fluffy as I did before the procedure. No Lie, JUST AS FLUFFY!!!! Ugh! You can only imagine how emotionally disturbing it is to spend $4k on something and feel chubby all over again. However, lipo can take just as long as the augmentation for final results. Its harder to hide a swollen body than weird looking boobs. But alas, my eye is on the prize. At the end of the appt. I got the order to wear an underwire bra, and the clearance to go to the gym...

So upon getting my gym clearance, I was all set to kill it at the gym the next day. My only restrictions are no direct chest exercises. No push ups, no flies, no bench, etc. I may do exercises that engage the pecs, but as assisters. I asked specifically about Body Combat, as thats one of my favorites. He said absolutely green light. He said, as with anything ease into it and go at the pace my body sets for me. So the next day I was off to the gym and ready to kick some fat cell butt. I started the day after clearance, with all legs. Did some squats, step ups, press, ham curl, ad/abductor, you name it I did it, and then followed it up on the elliptical for 30. It felt GREAT!!!! Then came Wednesday! Of course Wednesday hurt like heck!!! I couldn't walk. Shoo, I couldn't walk Thursday either for that matter. NOTE to self: If you take a month off from the gym do not, I REPEAT DO NOT, load your weights to your pre-op amount. I was one day away from going to the doctor and I NEVER go to the doctor. I was soaking in epsom salt baths, heat, ice, Bengay, everything, then came Friday and it seemed just like normal sore. So I woke up first thing and went to the gym before school, did 45 on the elliptical, then went to work and took Body Step after work. It felt good to be doing something. I only used one riser but I still got a good work out. I had to be creative at push up time, I tried to do a couple but it just felt too weird/ uncomfortable to continue. So I didn't. I'm sure it will get better in time. Since body step was such a success, I decided to do it again on Sunday, and follow it up with body combat. I was in all my glory... I cannot even begin to explain the endorphine rush I got doing combat. Oh it was AMAZING!!!! I had ZERO issues with range of motion or inability to do the any of the moves. My breasts felt fine the whole time. Now keep in mind I normally wear 2lb weighted gloves which I did not wear. The next time I go to class those bad boys are going on. I lost so much muscle tone in my arms. They look scrawny. I've always taken pride in the way my arms look. My bff used to say I have man arms. I'm ok with that. I like them like that. (Side note, she now has man arms too, she's since opened up a Mmaxxout) So anyway, next time the weights will be back on. I think the only thing I'll have trouble with is speed bag. I'm working my way up to Mmaxxout, which is ridiculous. Its only 45 min, but its brutal. I'm not allowed to do push ups or anything till Jan, so Mmaxxout will have to wait until then. If any of y'all like intense workouts, you should check to see if there's one in your area. Good stuff. I'll post some pics tomorrow. But the girls are looking better everyday and they feel better everyday. I listen to my body and it tells me what I should or should not be doing. It does NOT like my 6 mth old puppy pulling on the leash when we run. Other than that, I feel more like myself now that I'm mobile. I know it won't take me long to get up to full speed. I want to get back into body pump again, but I had concerns about the chest track, and tricep track. I spoke to my instructor about it yesterday and she said just to put the teeny ones on the end and stop if I needed too. LOL. I'd feel so silly with the teeny ones. I'm gonna try it next week. I'll start small. I'm gonna have to, I can't imagine lifting my squat weight over my head with my boobies being tender. Goodness, all this writing has left me sleepy. Goodnight my beloved boobie gals. Good luck at the gym for any of you getting ready to kick it into high gear.