A Dream That Has Turned to a Nightmare - Ramat Aviv

My name is Emma,I am 19 years old,from Israel.I am not sure where it all started,I only remember the person who pushed me to this,the person was my mother.She used to comment on how my nose has changed since I was a child.Not in a good way.Then there was a girl at school,who mentioned how horrible my nose is and then,then I started developing inferiority complex.I was 14 when i decided to have a rhinoplasty by the age of 18.Since then,every single day i kept thinking about it,I planed and imagined my life with another nose, seemed to me that it would change everything, people would start loving me, I would start loving myself.Little did I know how stupid I am.That day has arrived,I wasn't reading much about rhinoplasty,I didnt explore the doctors well enough,only had two consiltations and for some reason chose him. He hasnt even done computer modeling,he said he does not believe in.He has promised to make my nose more refined. I trusted him.Should I mention that after the surgery he never came up to me .On the 7 th day, I came by myself to his clinic and had my cast off. After I looked at the mirrow,the first thing I felt,was disbelief. I thought one more moment and i would wake up and the nightmer would end. But it never happend. I looked at the mirrow and i felt hate,no,not to the surgeon,but to myself.

I only then realide how miserable i was and how did crazy was the idea of voluntarily going under the knife. As i said,it was all too late.I knew that noses arent perfect after the cast off because of the swelling,but i could see crystal clear that the nose he gave me has spoiled my face.It looked nothing like we discussed it would look.Now,its been 4 month since the surgery and since then my social life came to the end,I barely go outside to buy necessary stuff,I cry every single day while looking at the mirrow,I had thoughts of suicide,however,i dont have courage to attempt it.I suffer and i understand that even psychiatrist wont help me.I look like an alien,the nose doesnt mathces my face,it messed up my features.Ive been told that i can change it,fix the nose after 1 year is of,however,I dont believe it could get better.I decided to share with you.What i hate most is the way he shortened my nose,the view from the front is horrible.One more thing that makes it even more complicated is that here in Israel,surgeons don't know how to perfom good nosejobs.There is an absolute lack of aesthetic element and piece of work.They only can shave off humps and shorten noses.I have lately realised that,however it's a fact.You can see those people on the streets who did nosejobs and its so obvious and all of the noses look just the same.I cant even go to a clinic and consultate with some surgeon, hear his opinion, since there are no good face surgeons at all.Moreover,the country is very small,you don't have much of a choice.I am in a vicious circle.

I added one more photo so you can see how my previous nose looked better.

It's my 5th month,still feel horrible while looking at myself,mostly the front view makes me panic.I am hopeless since I know that the tip is changing as time goes on,but the area between eyes and the bridge,the boney part,heals fast and doesn't change with time.Basically the wide bridge will stay the same,that is the only thing that devastates me.I've been to the psychiatrist appointment,he prescribed me antidepressants and thats it.I bought them,but I am not going to take them,there is no way of me ruining my brain cells with this"mental cure".I feel really horrible,went outside to buy some necessary products,the moment i saw myself at the mirrow,i wished to sink into the ground.Nose looks so reliefless from the front.I don't know how i will manage to live with it.I haven;t been to my surgeon office yet,i don't know whether i should go there at all.I know i'll only start crying,but i don't need his comfort at all.

Yesterday couldn't fall asleep,i felt temperature rising throughout my body,this horrible feeling of anxiety.The most horrible is that i got nobody to share with.I know this is not just a matter of my appearance change,my nervous system is crushed,which only makes it worst.Tomorrow is importent day.There is a huge problem that i have got to solve,i don't know how i'll cope with it while being in this condition.I hope everything is going to work out for me.

From now on,every month,I'll be posting photo of my nose.That would be the best way to see if there is any progress going on.

I never mentioned in my post that I also had braces on half year ago.My teeth weren't that messy,one tooth was out of the line so I decided to have braces on because of him.Now,when it's been six months after I had them,I started noticing changes in my face.It became longer,skinnier,the lip's shape has changed a bit,my cheeks have faded away.I had no teeth pulled out,why would braces have such an effect on your face?Does anybody had something familiar?I want to pull braces off and stop the treatment,I don't know whether I would have my face back.The orthodontist claims there are no changes like this possible,but you can see even on the first picture I posted that not only my nose has changed,but the face at all,including the shape,the cheeks and the lips

I added a photo to actually show that I am not some paranoic person and prove that there is a reason why i am depressed that much.On the photo you can see that the nose looks crooked due to the broken left side of the bridge

Today,I have finally visited my surgeon.I shoul have stayed and not show up in front of his office again.On my complaint about the fact that my nose became wider,especially at the area of hump reduction,he said that my nose from the beginning was too thin!Can you believe it,he said my nose was too thin!I was shocked,i could not respond to him.It comes that he decided to wider my niose because he assumes wider noses are beautiful.He also said that there is no dent and the assymetry is a normal thing.When i showed him the picture of my dent being noticable very well,he responded by saying that its a sun light that makes one side look crooked and its me who made it look like this.Seriously,I feel worst than ever,i realized that he is going to fool me up.I am so angry on him,he treated me with no respect,on every single question,he replied with an anger as if i am teaching him and actually came to argue.I am devastated.My surgeon turned out to be an enemy for me.

I had my rhinoplasty done at 26-th of february 2012.Yesterday is been exactly 1 year since i did it.Whether anything has changed since my last post regarding the appearance of the nose?The answer will be no.Neither has my frustration.Sometimes I would feel more or less happy?I would even forget for a moment about the nightmare I am going through.I would even feel that it was a dream,unreal,my imagination.This only proves how quickly we forget the bad things while experiencing happiness.But than,next day I wake up and everything comes back.I dont know whether its the way my nose can change its shape so radically sometimes,that I would like it more or less,or may be its about my whole face.You know,we all have those days when we wake up and we look good,the skin is glowy,and face overall looks like it had exactly the right amount of sleep.So at those days,which are rare,I feel okay.I even feel like a normal,happy person.Suddenly i feel confident like never before.
However,the overall result,which is definitely the final one,is unacceptable by me.Today i made some pictures and it seems that the nose hasnt changed at all in comparison to a 3 month period.
I am despearte,depressed,the surgery affected all aspects of my life.I cant start studying,since i hate the way i look,it brings me down,it takes away any motivation to live.And when you dont want to live,studying is the last thing that bothers you.I am not giving up though,haven't found the potencial revision surgeon,but Ive been looking.I mostly looked on russian forums,since it seems eathier for me to fly there for a revision.However,Russia is not that developed in plastic surgery field.It doesnt mean however,that there are no professionals over there.In conclusion,I am still empty-handed and devaststed.

January* not February

I am looking for real patients of Dr.Cochran from Dellas.If anybody seen one or is one of them,please let me know.