A Dream That Has Turned to a Nightmare - Ramat Aviv

My name is Emma,I am 19 years old,from Israel.I am not sure where it all started,I only remember the person who pushed me to this,the person was my mother.She used to comment on how my nose has changed since I was a child.Not in a good way.Then there was a girl at school,who mentioned how horrible my nose is and then,then I started developing inferiority complex.I was 14 when i decided to have a rhinoplasty by the age of 18.Since then,every single day i kept thinking about it,I planed and imagined my life with another nose, seemed to me that it would change everything, people would start loving me, I would start loving myself.Little did I know how stupid I am.That day has arrived,I wasn't reading much about rhinoplasty,I didnt explore the doctors well enough,only had two consiltations and for some reason chose him. He hasnt even done computer modeling,he said he does not believe in.He has promised to make my nose more refined. I trusted him.Should I mention that after the surgery he never came up to me .On the 7 th day, I came by myself to his clinic and had my cast off. After I looked at the mirrow,the first thing I felt,was disbelief. I thought one more moment and i would wake up and the nightmer would end. But it never happend. I looked at the mirrow and i felt hate,no,not to the surgeon,but to myself. I only then realide how miserable i was and how did crazy was the idea of voluntarily going under the knife. As i said,it was all too late.I knew that noses arent perfect after the cast off because of the swelling,but i could see crystal clear that the nose he gave me has spoiled my face.It looked nothing like we discussed it would look.Now,its been 4 month since the surgery and since then my social life came to the end,I barely go outside to buy necessary stuff,I cry every single day while looking at the mirrow,I had thoughts of suicide,however,i dont have courage to attempt it.I suffer and i understand that even psychiatrist wont help me.I look like an alien,the nose doesnt mathces my face,it messed up my features.Ive been told that i can change it,fix the nose after 1 year is of,however,I dont believe it could get better.I decided to share with you.What i hate most is the way he shortened my nose,the view from the front is horrible.One more thing that makes it even more complicated is that here in Israel,surgeons don't know how to perfom good nosejobs.There is an absolute lack of aesthetic element and piece of work.They only can shave off humps and shorten noses.I have lately realised that,however it's a fact.You can see those people on the streets who did nosejobs and its so obvious and all of the noses look just the same.I cant even go to a clinic and consultate with some surgeon, hear his opinion, since there are no good face surgeons at all.Moreover,the country is very small,you don't have much of a choice.I am in a vicious circle.

I added one more photo so you can see how my previous nose looked better.

It's my 5th month,still feel horrible while looking at myself,mostly the front view makes me panic.I am hopeless since I know that the tip is changing as time goes on,but the area between eyes and the bridge,the boney part,heals fast and doesn't change with time.Basically the wide bridge will stay the same,that is the only thing that devastates me.I've been to the psychiatrist appointment,he prescribed me antidepressants and thats it.I bought them,but I am not going to take them,there is no way of me ruining my brain cells with this"mental cure".I feel really horrible,went outside to buy some necessary products,the moment i saw myself at the mirrow,i wished to sink into the ground.Nose looks so reliefless from the front.I don't know how i will manage to live with it.I haven;t been to my surgeon office yet,i don't know whether i should go there at all.I know i'll only start crying,but i don't need his comfort at all.