Well, my surgery is tomorrow. I feel like all I've...
Well, my surgery is tomorrow. I feel like all I've done over the past few weeks is read and think about implants. I'm nervous and a little scared for tomorrow, but also relieved this period of waiting and obsessing over boobs is ending. Now, before I shower and go to bed, I'm posting my own review on this site as it's been such an invaluable trove of information. Thanks to everyone who posted here and took the time to respond to my comments. I hope that I can be as informative and helpful as you have been to me.
A little about myself and why I decided on a BA. I have always been flat-chested, a barely-32a. Then I had a baby, grew to a small C, then promptly after weaning shrank to a 32aa. I've walked into lingerie stores and had salespeople tell me "there is no size that small." I buy bras from an online boutique for flat women. I struggle to find clothes that work for my body and never go out without a padded bra. I once got a pixie cut, and a woman mistook me for her son when I was at the gym. I never considered a BA because I considered it "fake" or "unnatural." I had a negative stereotypes in my head about the kind of woman who gets implants, and didn't want others to see me that way. And anyway, I should accept myself just the way I am, no conforming to society's beauty standards! But then, I realized I didn't care anymore. It's my body and I get to decide what to do with it, whether it's being flat chested forever or getting implants. Having boobs will make me more comfortable in my own skin.and look better in clothes. I'm not unhappy with anything else about myself or insecure, and having breast implants won't change how I feel about myself as a person--I just want to fill out a sports bra enough to not be mistaken for a dude at the gym, is that too much to ask?! And as far as my whole issue with fakeness or beauty standards goes, I already use padded bras and makeup and have tattoos... So why not boobs? My husband pointed out that it was similar to when he got braces and orthodontic surgery as a kid. Completely aesthetic procedures to fix a non life or health threatening condition--an underbite--and there was no shame in it. Why should a BA be any different?
Anyways, sorry to ramble on. Just thought it might be helpful for anyone else struggling with the same feelings and thoughts I was. In the end, it's your body and your choice. Do what makes you happy :)
So tomorrow, I go in to the operating room at 11am. I'm currently living in Europe so the implant choices are a little different. I was supposed to get 240cc low profile round textured Silimed (same company as Sientra, just different name) implants, which are closest in stats to the 235cc mod+ textured rounds that they offer in the US. Due to some possible contamination concerns that surfaced after an annual inspection of Sientra/Silimed's facilities, many or maybe all of the EU immediately halted the sales and use of the implants. So Friday morning, my PS calls to say that I need to switch to Allergan. Allergan apparently costs more, but she isn't charging me extra. I spent the entire weekend researching the new brand, and have a sheet of notes and questions to go over with my PS tomorrow morning. I am planning to ask for the Natrelle 410 anatomicals in whatever size she thinks will help achieve the look I want. I initially asked for the Silimeds because they have an exceptionally low rupture rate. According to the studies I've read, Allergan's implants have a higher rate of rupture, and they have a wider variety of silicone implants with varying levels of cohesiveness. Among them, the TruForm3 has the lowest rupture rate, and as far as I can tell, you can only get it in the Natrelle410's.
Whew. I went on longer than expected. Now I have to take a shower with this Cyteal soap my PS prescribed, once tonight and again tomorrow morning. Posting before pics so you can see what I'm working with currently. Next update will be from what one of my favorite reviewers called "Breasticle Island"! Ate breve, queridas!
28 Sep 2015
Day of treatment
Made it to the other side and in the recovery room. Took a lot longer to wake up than I expected, 4 hrs! Feeling a bit drained and uncomfortable, but happy. Just had some tea and biscuits (oh Europeans, so classy ;) Now just need to get dressed and go home! Will post pics soon.
I am much less mobile than expected, and breathing feels a bit constricted. My stomach is fine, surprisingly, since anesthesia usually makes me nauseous. I had chicken soup with rice when I got home, courtesy of my adorable DH. Then took my meds, and noticed that there was a growing bloodstain on my bra. They had sent me home with a drain still attached to my left breast bc it needed a little more draining, and I'm guessing it shifted out of place somehow, leaving blood to leak all over the place. I was mildly worried, still high on drugs and anesthesia. DH, on the other hand, was pacing along the edge of a panic attack. We called my PS, she told us to keep an eye out for more heavy bleeding or swelling on one side.
I woke up this morning to find my left breast is significantly more swollen than the right. According to google, this could either be normal or a hematoma. Google really has a way of simultaneously reassuring you and freaking you the heck out.
Aside from a possible hematoma, I'm feeling pretty good. No pain as long as I don't get up or move, and the bleeding seems to have stopped. I'm propped up on some pillows and a neckpillow which is really a rolled towel. Posting a selfie from this unflattering position. Please disregard the double chin.
Allergan Natrelle Inspira TRM 240cc
Forgot to add what implants I ended up with. I was a little upset when I found out I got the least cohesive of the Inspira implants--the Responsive gels. From what I undersrand, the Responsive have TruForm 1 gel, which is not as cohesive as the Silimeds, and I was pretty dead set on getting HIGHLY cohesive silicone. My main fear is a silent rupture with silicone leaking into my body. So seeing post-op that this is what I ended up getting was disappointing to say the least. But I tried to stay positive and did more research into the implants I got. I saw that all Inspira implants have a special outer shell that makes them less prone to rupturing, which made me feel better. Also, everyone who's gotten the Natrelle Responsive gels seems to love them. They're the softest of the Inspira line, and so they feel very squishy and natural, as if you didn't have an implant in there at all. And in any case, its not like I would have been any less vigilant about checking on my implants or slower to replace them in case of a rupture if they were highly cohesive.
So trying to stay positive and all that. If anyone reading this has the Natrelle Inspira Responsive gels, let me know how you like them!
I'm feeling much better today, still taking it easy. Took off the whole week, and so I've just been sitting on the sofa and watching movies. I'm much more mobile today, and even gathered up the courage to take off the compression band and take a photo. Really hate the compression band. I had my first post-op consult the day after surgery, and my second is tomorrow. The nurse tells me I can take a shower Saturday, very excited for that. I'm loving my boobs so far, not too big or too small. The left is much bigger than the right so far. There was more swelling there to begin with, and it seems to be taking a little more time to settle down.
Went in for my first massage session at the clinic. A little painful, but definitely helped a lot with the swelling. My husband took me out for some pasta afterward, which probably didn't help the bloating but it was worth it. I managed to get some photos at the clinic with the bra open. They're not very pretty, really bruised, but I'm so happy with them. I was worried about ending up too big, and I think these will be perfect. Petite and subtle, but with enough there to work a push up bra when I want to. I'll keep updating on their progress. Hopefully the tightness and swelling go away soon.
This morning I looked at my boobs and wondered if I went too small. But then I realized that they were just being overshadowed by my ENORMOUS belly. I looked at old pregnancy photos to compare, and I would say that I'm about 5 months along.
Then I ate some ice cream and looked at photos of kiera knightley and felt better. To anyone who has boobie greed, I highly recommend this.
1 week post-op
I finished up the antibiotics yesterday, and still have some pain pills left. The pain isn't so bad anymore so I probably won't finish them. Over the weekend I met with some coworkers for dinner and a movie, and they didn't notice a thing :)
My boobs are still pretty tight so deep breaths are uncomfortable, especially with the surgical bra and band on. The left one is still much more swollen (the one that had the drain), but I can feel it going doen little by little. I have to go into my PS office for another lymphatic drainage massage today, which should help. I love my right boob already. Hopefully the left will catch up soon.
Took a shower as well, and it was amazing. My husband had to help me with my hair since I can't lift my arms much. Redressed the incisions, which stung slightly. I guess that's a good sign that sensation is coming back.
Lymphatic drainage massage...magic!
Went in for second lymphatic drainage massage, and the swelling has gone down considerably. I was nervous about massages since I have textured implants, but she focused mostly on the area above the breast where there was a lot of swelling, and on the lymph nodes. It was painful at times, but afterwards I felt so much less pressure in my chest. So I came home, took a shower, and looked at myself in the mirror. My boobs don't look so Frankensteinish anymore, and are starting to look more at home on my body. Can't wait for them to keep settling down. I take back anything I may have said or thought regarding their small size. I'm exactly the size I've always wanted to be. Happy!!
Are they getting closer together?!
My surgical bra and compression band are giving me horrible pain in the cleavage side of my right boob, right near the breastbone. It builds up, especially if I'm moving around, and eventually gets so bad I have to take off the band and the bra to give myself a breather. The pain gets better as soon as I take off the band, even better without the bra, and then it slowly disappears completely. So I was just sitting without the bra, pressing the point where I feel pain, and suddenly I wondered if the gap between my boobs was narrower than before. I might be imagining things, but from the photos the gap looks narrower from day 4 to now. Maybe it's just the lighting. Maybe its the angle. Or maybe this is all very normal. Whatever it is, I'm feeling paranoid and freaking out that my boobs are migrating towards each other and will eventually merge into a uniboob. Please god don't let me end up with a uniboob.
I feel like the last two weeks have just been a roller coaster of emotions and intermittent moments of intense panic and paranoia over everything from hematomas to uniboobs to the fear of my implants falling out of the incisions and plopping onto my feet. Please boobs, just heal! Heal!! Also, when this is all over, I'm burning the bloody bra and band.
2 weeks (+a day but who's counting)
I have calmed down since my last post. Hubby says I should stare a bit less at my boobs and quit reading about breast implant complications in the middle of the night. I have to agree.
Boobs aren't in pain anymore, except when I have the surgical bra on and I've been moving around a lot. They do feel weird though, with occasional tingles and zings. My skin is extremely sensitive in some patches and completely numb in others. But I've read enough to know that's all normal.
My goal for this week is to stop eating so much ice cream. Ice cream combined with not moving much is making my belly squishier than my boobs.
Congratulations to the ladies who just got their BAs! Happy healing :)
No more band!!!!
Saw my PS yesterday and she said everything looked great! My boobs won't be getting any closer together, and there is still a lot more settling for them to do and swelling to lose. She also told me I didn't need to wear the band anymore and I started cheering on the exam table. Topless woman dancing on a table!! I was so happy leaving the office I seriously considered slingshotting the band across the park.
Anyways, I got the tapes taken off my incisions and I got a first real look at my scars. Anyone have scar advice? I got the prosil stick and my PS also recommended using silicone sheets after a few weeks. If anyone else has a recommendation, I'm all ears!
Excuse the shininess, I just slathered myself up with coconut oil to ward off stretch marks. I applied some on the scars too following some good advice. Hoping they don't scar badly, though my skin has a tendency to do that.
Boobs are still somewhat numb, but yesterday they were also incredibly sensitive and sore. I was also experiencing some serious mood swings, like really bad anxiety. I knew there was no real reason for it, so I chalked it up to the boobs. I'm still wearing the surgical bra for another week, and after that it's bra frenzy!! My left is still slightly more swollen than the right, and firmer (and a bit sore) to the touch. Hoping it evens out in a week or two so I can buy a bra or two or ten.
So happy with my new tatas! I love how natural they look and how they sit on my frame. I feel and look almost the same, just a little more comfortable and confident in my clothes, and no longer in need of padded bras. I can't wait to go to the gym in a sports bra and not look totally flattened out! I'm surprises at how quickly I've adjusted, though the conservative size probably has a lot to do with that. I can't even remember what I used to look like before. Feliz!
Went to Paris for the weekend, and was comfortable carrying luggage and doing lots of walking. I passed a lot of lovely lingerie shops. Lingered, sighed, gazed longingly but made no purchases. I'm holding off on (pretty) bra shopping for 2 more weeks. I did buy myself a new sports bra from adidas, which is ruched in the middle and has lining so I feel like my boobs are supported and still separated. It also keeps my nipples covered so they don't look like they're boring through my shirts.
I took some photos of myself with the BACK CAM (oooh). I hung a small mirror from the towel rack so I could see the screen and focus the shot. I am one tech-saavy pro. Scars are healing nicely, and I just got my Prosil stick from Amazon. I'll post regular scar updates to see if it has any effect.
This morning my husband suddenly grabs my boobs, says, "they're so big!" then giggled like a teenager. I was so flattered. It's the little things.
Week 6 - 34B!
I bought my first nice bra, y'all! Lacy, underwire, all that! This is a 34B and what I believe is called a "demi-cup." Do you guys know how many different kinds of bras there are?! I feel like I've missed so much over all these years in the flatties club. I'll have to look around for some of my old copies of Seventeen magazine to see if they have any helpful information. Maybe I'll call my mom and ask for the "talk." Just kidding.
Everything is hunkydory with the girls. Getting softer by the day and I luckily haven't seen any implant edges emerge visibly. I can feel them if I really like around, but that doesn't bother me. Hope all of you lovely ladies have a great week!
10 Nov 2015
2 months post
Ran a mile on the treadmill today, then did squats and some ab work. I felt fine, but now my boobs are feeling a little sore. Hoping it doesn't get worse by tomorrow. I really tried to take it easy, but maybe I wasn't ready. Poo :( I'll update tomorrow about the soreness or any other after effects.
10 Nov 2015
2 months post
Just saw this ad on a bus stop. How badly do I need this bra?! Badly. Very badly indeed.
Long overdue update
27 Jan 2016
4 months post
It's been a very long while since my last post. Moving to a new place, work, holidays, straight up laziness... I kept meaning to take new photos and write something or respond to some comments, but I would put it off and then get caught up in something or just forget. And then I felt like since it had been so long I should write a really good long post, which only made me more procrastinat-y. But finally I decided I should just post something, even if it isn't very interesting.
How my boobs are doing: they are very squishy. I love it. There are still some patches of numbness, but just a few days ago I feel like the feeling is coming back at an accelerated pace. Like just right now as i was typing I poked one of the numb areas and voila! Feeling! This also means that I get some moments of intense itchiness. It takes a lot of self control not to stick my hands down the neckhole of my shirt and scratch in public.
Scars: They're still around. I lost my prosil stick at some point so I haven't been using it. I'm considering silicone tape, but I'll probably just continue on doing nothing for them because I am a lazy bum. For being completely neglected, they've healed up nicely. They lay down pretty flat, but the coloration is noticeable and they get pretty itchy sometimes. Obviously I was hoping for the scars to heal perfectly and disappear completely, but I don't mind them much. The undersides of my boobs generally stay out of sight of anyone except my husband. Even my now too small bikini top covers the scars.
Bras: I haven't bought any more. It turns out that my favorite thing about boobs is that I can wear just a soft, comfortable sports bra under my clothes, and I will not be mistaken for a boy. Even without underwire or any sort of pushup, my boobs maintain their shape and stay perky. I guess that's one of the "perks" of implants vs real boobs.
Speaking of which: I read a girlfriend's Facebook post about how to tell fake boobs from real ones. I honestly don't know why anyone would care enough about this to make a list, but in any case, it included "fake boobs stay pointy when the person lays down," and "the nipples are ALWAYS erect." How many hours of nipple-staring research she had to do in order to make this assertion, I don't know. What I do know is that my nipples aren't erect all the time, and when I lay down, my boobs seem to lay down as well. They don't completely flatten and disappear. Do real boobs do that? I was so flat before I have nothing to compare with. Also, on the same note, I was wondering if real boobs move with chest muscle flexion. I noticed that when I flex my chest muscles, like if I do a push up, my boobs shift outward so the gap in-between widens. It's not like they fling themselves into my armpits or anything, they just spread apart a little bit. Do real boobs just hang out and not move at all when doing pushups or bench presses? Unsolved mysteries. If anyone out there had boobs before and just sized up, I'd love to know.
How I feel about my boobs 4 months in: I love them. I feel like it wasn't a dramatic change, but I have loads more confidence and feel a lot more comfortable in my body. I don't feel like a whole new person, but more like I found my missing piece. I always had boobs... in my SOUL. *dramatic music* I'm very happy with the size and my surgeon's work. My only regret is that I didn't get them sooner.
I'll post more photos soon. For now, I'm posting one of a strange sports bra. I feel like it makes my boobs look gigantic. But then when I reviewed the photo I took, they looked normal. I swear though, in the mirror they look ginormous. Maybe I'm crazy. Or maybe the bra is magic. Who knows.
Scars at almost 5 months
I've started paying a bit more attention to them since my last post. I'm considering silicone sheets, but have read mixed reviews. Not sure if its worth the money. The scara are slightly raised but I think they'll go down with time. For now I've been massaging them with oils I use for my face--argan oil, vitamin e oil, rosehip oil, coconut oil-- really whatever is closest to me at the moment. Maybe they'll work some magic! My surgeon made such small incisions that I'm not terribly worried about it. I'm just thankful!
If anyone has scar remedies that worked for them, please share!
Almost 6 months
14 Mar 2016
6 months post
In a way, I can't believe it's only been 6ish months since my BA because I feel like I've had my boobs forever. I'm guessing if I went bigger it would have taken a little more time to adjust, but at this size I would still be considered petite, just not... Completely flat. It still feels like a big change, though, just kind of a secret change since it's not as obvious to anyone else. There's a big difference between shopping at Gap Kids and shopping at Victoria Secret, you know? Or feeling womanly and comfortable in a v-neck T-shirt, with no worries that every time you bend over your empty bra cups will gape open and expose your nipples to the world. But only I know that things are different, and it makes me so happy every time I'm reminded.
I haven't had any pain, but the skin just around the nipples (and more so on the right side) is still numb. The numb areas are definitely smaller though, so that is encouraging. I haven't had any noticeable rippling yet, except when I lay a certain way on my side and lift up my arm. It's not visible, but I can feel it under the skin.
I'm also still really weirded out by the boob flexing movement. I did some research and it seems that it's pretty common for implants under the muscle. The movement is only when I flex and it isn't nearly as severe as examples of true deformity that I've seen. Weirds me out, but having boobs is worth it.
I bought some lingerie! I never would have even considered anything like this before, but I LOVE IT. It's nothing fancy, just a little negligee to wear to bed but hubby's eyes just about popped out of his head ;)
If you have any questions, just let me know and I'll try my best to be helpful. Hope all my RS homies have a great week!