I've always wanted boobs. When I was younger, I...
I've always wanted boobs. When I was younger, I thought they would eventually grow, but that never happened. In my early twenties I was a bit heavier, and that was the only time
I could ever fill an A cup. I was not happy with my body then, and even at my highest body fat I was only ever a 34A.
Now that I'm active with running and CrossFit, my boobs are as small as ever. The rest of my body (arms, butt, legs) are pretty muscular, so the lack of boobs I feel makes me look masculine. Not a look I want to go for. It's frustrating not being able to fill the smallest sized bras, wearing padded bras with extra inserts to try to give some kind of cleavage, and still just not looking or feeling right.
One huge thing (other than the cost) that has been holding me back is the recovery time and how much strength I'll have lost when I get back into things. I have made a lot of progress in the gym over the past two years, and I hate thinking that I won't be able to lift as heavy right away, and also worry about trying to get back to doing push-ups and pull-ups. I just need to remember all the past the summers when I put on my swimsuit and couldn't fill out the bikini top.... that is why I want to do this! I figure the sooner I have it done, the sooner I can bounce back and get back into the gym. Plus, I'm 27, so I need to fully enjoy the last few years of my twenties!
I'm thinking between 265cc to 286cc moderate plus (midrange) silicone. Kind of leaning towards the 286cc. A little worried that it will be too big on my short frame, but I don't want to regret not going big enough either. I'm extremely indecisive, so this is hard!
Here are my stats:
120 lbs (fluctuates up or down about 5 lbs depending on my diet)
27 years old
I appreciate any input from others, especially fellow CrossFitters/lifters/runners/etc. Thanks for reading!
I had a consultation on February 1st. I was originally looking at having the surgery the in first week in June, but now I'm trying to get the time off work at the end of this month so I can get it over with! I've waited long enough... I want boobs now! I did a lot of research on doctors before scheduling the consultation, and after sitting down with him, he recommended everything that I had already pretty much decided I wanted. Under the muscle, silicone, mod plus profile, and incision under the breast fold. It was nice knowing that what I wanted is what he typically does.
I keep obsessing over pictures and reviews on here trying to decide on a size! I don't want to be obnoxiously huge.
Here's what I'm working with right now...
Pre-op was yesterday!
I had my pre-op appointment yesterday and I am scheduled for February 22nd! Less than two weeks away. This has moved so quickly. Three weeks from my first consultation and I'm going in for surgery. Lol. When I set my mind on something, I do it. I'm super excited but also nervous I'm going to pick the wrong size! I don't want too huge where it's obvious, but I also feel like if I'm spending this much money and going to be doing it, I might as well go pretty big. I'm torn.
Surgery is in 9 days!
I can't believe how soon it is! I'm picking up my prescriptions tomorrow. Also need to make a list of stuff to buy and have ready at home before!
I'm having the surgery on a Monday and go back to work that Friday through Monday. So just three full days off after the surgery. I'm a little worried I haven't taken enough time off to recover, but I want to save some vacation days for the rest of the year too, so I gotta tough it out!
I told my CrossFit coach earlier this week that I needed to freeze my membership for six weeks, and I don't think he was very happy when he found out what it was for. I have made so much progress in the past few months, and I feel like I'm throwing it away for this surgery. I'm really stressed about my strength and endurance when I get back in to it. Six weeks off is a LONG time! I also worry about what the other people at my gym will think/say when I leave for so long and come back with boobs. LOL. I just have to remind myself that it's my life and my body. I need to stop worrying so much about other people's opinions. I'm doing this for me and no one else.
4 days away! Almost 3!!
Can it just be here already?! This whole waiting thing is driving me crazy!
I'm still anxious about the size! I think either 265 or 286cc will look the best, but I'm worried since I'm so short (5'1") that it will be HUGE and make me look/feel bulky. Right now I'm wearing a Victoria's Secret Add 2-Cups bra, and wearing clothes over this large of boobs makes me look boxy! I feel frumpy. Haha. I wouldn't want my boobs to be this big all the time without wearing a padded bra. But I also feel like if I'm spending this much money and going through the downtime, I should have a pretty significant size increase.
I liked the look of the 234cc during the pre-op appointment, and my doctor said to go up to 265 if I want them to look like the 234, since going under the muscle will make them appear smaller. So I decided 265 was what I wanted. But the night of my pre-op, I looked up tons of pictures, and liked the way people's results with 286 looked the most. The next morning I emailed him and said I changed my mind to 286. Now I'm thinking of going back to 265, lol.
Ideally I would like to have a C cup. A D cup would be too big on my frame. It sucks that these sizes all look so different on everyone and there are so many different outcomes with the same size of implant! AHHH!!
Is it weird that he never asked to see pictures of "wish boobs" during either of our appointments? All he did was look at my chest, measure it, recommend a profile (mod plus), then had me try on sizes and say what I liked based off of that!
Some sad before pictures!
Here's some more current pictures. Can't wait for these to be a part of my past!
It posted the update without the pictures. Let's try this again...
I tried on some rice sizers this morning... I thought they looked and felt HUGE in real life, but don't look big at all in the pictures I took! Probably because I have nothing right now and I'm used to that. Haha. I filled with rice to make equivalent of 286cc since that's the size I'm leaning towards.
This time tomorrow!
I can't believe it's tomorrow! I woke up this morning with high anxiety!!! I'm no longer stressing so much about size (I'll get to that later) but now it's actually feeling REAL.
I did my last workout before the surgery this morning, which made me sad. Doing pull-ups, push ups, burpees, cleans... All these movements I have worked hard to be able to do, and now I'm possibly sacrificing my last two years of dedication to the gym, just so I can fill out a bra! Well, if that is my biggest concern, I'm really blessed. I need to remember that when I'm feeling like a lazy slob in a week because I haven't worked out! LOL.
I've never had surgery before. I don't know what to expect. I'm grateful to be able to read everyone's recovery stories to give myself an idea of what's to come. It seems like the second and third days are the worst. I'm prepared for being uncomfortable, but I don't know what to expect as far as the pain level goes. I think I have a pretty decent tolerance for pain, but this will be something totally different from anything else I've ever done or experienced before!
The constipation thing concerns me! I HATE being bloated. I bought so many different things (stool softeners, stimulant laxatives, magnesium citrate, and Smooth Move tea) and plan to eat a lot of fruit, so hopefully it won't be too bad!
Now onto the size thing! I think I have had so many second guesses about the size (too big??? too small????) because I am CONSTANTLY looking at everyone else's boobs and results! I have looked at WAY too many boobs lately!! I've seen girls around my size with 234cc that looked good, but I've also seen girls around my size with 340cc that look good! 234-340 is a fairly significant difference, but all of them (and every size in between) turned out great. That's why I think 286cc is a good size for me. It's exactly in the middle of the smallest I'd go and the largest I'd go. It's also one size larger than what I said I wanted during my pre-op, so I feel pretty confident about this choice. It's hard to not get wrapped up in what sizes other people are having put in. Seeing girls with DD or DDD results and I'm like HOLY BOOBS I WANT MINE THAT BIG!!! Haha... no no no, I don't need all that for me!! I'll just admire theirs! LOL.
I'm writing this last part so if I feel disappointed after the surgery for whatever reason, I can read this and hopefully be comforted by the mindset of pre-BA me: I don't need to have the biggest boobs ever. I'm doing this because I want a natural size for my body. I need to not worry so much about the sizes other girls are getting... this is for ME, so there's no need to feel jealous if someone else has bigger boobs. It's not a competition. I need to not compare myself to others... everyone gets this done for different reasons and want different results, and whatever my own personal outcome is, it will be way better than what I have right now. And that's all I ever wanted!
My next update will be post-surgery, so good luck to everyone else having their surgery tomorrow!!! :)
Out of surgery and at home!!
22 Feb 2016
Day of treatment
OMG!!! Feeling tight in my arms, back, and chest. About to take some pills and eat. Feeling goooooood!
Hurts more than yesterday but it's not unbearable
Woke up at 2:25 am with the most pain I've had yet (not unbearable but definitely worse than Day 1 of surgery). I last took one Oxy and one Cephalexin at like 10:30 last night before I went to bed, so it's time for another round.
I made the most comfy pillow and blanket station on my bed, but it is a bitch trying to get in and out. I had to use arm muscles to get out, which flexed my chest muscles, which I know I shouldn't be using. It is so uncomfortable, feels super weird, and causes my boobs to make weird noises! (I also imagine it's not great for the implants and recovery and I don't want to screw anything up!) Unfortunately, I did not think it through when I set up the pillows on the bed like that.
Managed to get out of bed and went to the living room to take a dose of pills because it had been 4 hours since my last dose. I couldn't get the lid off the Oxy bottle!! I could on the Tylenol and Cephalexin so I took those, but not any Oxy. I feel so helpless and uncomfortable. I live with my sister and she's taking care of me, but she's asleep now and no way am I waking her... I did text her a few minutes ago after I failed opening the Oxy bottle asking if she can take the lids off of everything before she leaves for work, in case I'm still asleep or something when she leaves. She has to work at 10 in the morning! I'm going to be home alone until like 7:30-8! Crap!! I do have a couple other friends who could take care of me, but I didn't think I'd need them. Now I'm second guessing my thoughts of not needing extra help! Not being able to get the lid off and having trouble getting in and out of bed is so frustrating and I can only imagine with other obstacles I'll face today!
I'll probably post more pictures later. I got the okay to remove the bandage today (Tuesday), but can't shower until tomorrow (Wednesday). I might wait until the shower to remove the bandage and look. I'm undecided!
Apparently this took me almost an hour to write! It's already 3:30. Wtf. Okay, I'm going back to sleep - the pain has subsided a bit already, so that's good!
I'm so swollen and bloated! It's kind of embarrassing. My stomach is sticking out and it's just a solid mess. I look pregnant and can't even suck my gut in lol. And I am swollen from my nipples up to my armpits! I took a peek at my boobs under the wraps but they look pretty bad right now since everything is riding high right now. I also feel more secure with the wrap on, so it's staying on until I shower tomorrow. :P
I have no energy! Already taken two naps today and I think I'm about to fall asleep again... Tomorrow I plan to go on a walk so I don't feel totally lazy. Aside from being bloated, the swelling, and the lack of energy, I feel pretty good! The pain is a lot lower than I expected it to be. Maybe because I'm constantly taking pills!! The worst pain was when I woke up in the middle of the night last night and couldn't get the medicine bottles open LOL. Happy recovery to everyone else going through this!!
3 days post op
Every day everything gets a little bit easier! Finally I'm going to the bathroom (I used every kind of laxative I had but I think eating prunes were what ultimately helped with that) and getting out of bed doesn't hurt! I've been using my arms, reaching sideways for stuff like water bottle, phone, remote, and there is minimal pain all around. Honestly I felt like I could have gone back to work today without any problems. The only reason I didn't is because my boobs still look weird, and I think it would be hard to hide these square boulders under a sweater! LOL.
Yesterday I took off the bandages to take a shower and they were swollen sideways into my armpits and almost up to my neck! I had a giant swollen bruise on my sternum as well. And the boobs themselves just looked gross.
They look much better today (still up way too high and kinda into my armpit fat still lol but that was expected), so I'll post some pictures with this update.
As far as sizing goes, I think the 286 was perfect. Yesterday I was worried I went too small, but I remembered they do have to drop still, and that will change the shape. Today they look so much better and I think they are exactly the size I wanted, if not maybe just a tad too big. It's obviously still way too early to tell for sure, but so far I am happy! :)
5 days post
It feels like way longer than just five days in! I went back to work yesterday. Driving felt weird at first, but today it was pretty much like normal. I went on walks on both Wednesday and Thursday, but didn't have the energy to wake up and go on any before work yesterday or today. I slept really poorly on Thursday night because of lower back pain. I think it was due to the way I was sleeping propped upright the first few nights. Fortunately that pain is behind me, and I haven't taken anything more than ibuprofen since Thursday night.
Physically I feel good, but I really don't feel great about how I look right now. I'm having some serious regrets about doing this and my size choice. I hate not being able to work out. It's bringing me down (which I knew would happen). I also hate feeling engorged! My boobs are up really high, feel swollen and huge, and are squished up and out into my armpits! I feel ridiculous and nothing looks good on me. I just want them to not be so hard and not so high up. I know I shouldn't be so negative about this, and it's still only a couple of days in, but I'm wondering if I went too big. They are a lot bigger than I am comfortable with or used to, and having them up in my face reminding me they're there all the time isn't helping!
Sorry for the rant!! I don't want to tell anyone in real life I'm feeling this way because I know a couple of them disapproved of this, and I don't want them to know how down I am right now or to know I'm regretting any of it. Especially because I think this feeling is fleeting. It's just a lot to get used to, and once my boobs start dropping and I'm cleared to work out, I'm sure I'll feel a lot better.
8 days post!
I had a post-op appointment today... He showed me massages to start doing, took the surgical tape off my incisions, and gave me some scar cream. My boobs are so much softer than they were even two days ago. I'm a lot more comfortable with them now, though I still think they are huge and wonder if I went too big. I think I'm not used to having anything down there still, so it's just shocking even having boobs lol. Friday-Sunday were the worst because they were so firm and swollen, but yesterday things felt like they turned around and I think it will only get better from here.
Two weeks until I can start exercising!! No upper body stuff for five more weeks, but I'll be able run and start doing lower body stuff soon. I can't wait!
15 days post op
I haven't been on here in a while, but things are going great with my boobs! I'm really happy with them, and am definitely no longer worried about them being too big like I was at first! Several friends have said they're smaller than they expected, and I guess one friend told my sister they think I'm going to get bigger implants within the next year. Umm... no. Lol I am pretty darn happy with what I have now! I guess no one believed me when I told them I wasn't getting a giant size. I didn't get implants to have the biggest boobs on the block. I got implants to HAVE boobs. And they're big in my book! Lol.
They've softened up some in the past week, but are still firm up top. There's also still a pretty big gap between them, but I can push them all the way together with my hands now at least!
Are anyone else's incision scars raised quite a bit? They've gone down some since last week, but I'm kind of worried about how they're going to heal. They gave me Biocorneum to put on the scars, so hopefully that's helping! The scars don't look too terrible, but they feel really raised and tough.
I can't wait until I'm back at the gym! It's like torture not being able to go, especially because I feel like I could be back already. I have been walking a lot and went on a hike today at least.
Other than the minor things mentioned, I couldn't be happier and am so glad I did this! Each day is exciting to wake up and have boobs. Haha. I don't know if anyone else feels that way or if it's just me... :P
I've been kinda busy recently, but I'll try to take and upload some pictures tomorrow.
Here are some pictures of how they look right now... I don't think they look very different from the pictures I post last week, but they're getting a lot softer each day!
I see them in real life and they look big, but in pictures they really don't look big at all. I feel like my pictures are kind of misleading in that sense lol.
Also, I think the incision pictures look more red and bloodier than they actually are haha!! And less raised than they feel. I don't know..... Anyway, here they are!
Three weeks! Went on a run today... finally!
Not much to write about! All is going well. :)
Today I am officially allowed to work out, minus anything with weights/no upper body stuff. I just did some air squats (which were surprisingly difficult after 3 weeks off!) and planked. Also went on a run - my first run with boobs! I made it 3.7 miles and didn't have any problems whatsoever. My boobs are still pretty firm and not very big, so there wasn't any flopping around and therefore no pain or anything. I could wore one of my old sports bras from before the surgery because size small still fits me. I will probably invest in some with better support soon, because once my boobs soften up, I think I'll need it.
That's all that's really new on my end, but here are some pictures!
Tomorrow will be 6 weeks
So I've been slacking so much on this site, but wanted to give a little update! I seriously love my boobs. This is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I couldn't be happier!
I had the okay from my doctor to resume lifting and upper body stuff at 6 weeks. It's a day early, but I couldn't wait any longer. Lol. I went to CrossFit this morning. I know a few people were wondering how getting back to that stuff is, so figured it would be a good time to update. :)
During the warm up, we're supposed to do 10 pull-ups and 10 push-ups. I only did two pull-ups because I didn't want to hurt myself. Honestly, after all this time off, even doing two felt good. I was worried I wouldn't be able to do any without a band! I'll attempt more tomorrow night. I definitely want to take it easy at first. I think I only did six or seven push-ups because we were doing them in the workout.
Onto the WOD... It was pretty easy, so a good one to come back to after all this time off. We did a 15 minute AMRAP of six 25# weighted overhead step-ups, 10 hand release push-ups, 20 hollow rocks, and 30 mountain climbers. The weighted overhead step-ups were hard! I used 25# and wished I had used 15# after two rounds, but didn't drop in weight. I just went slower. I started doing the push-ups from my knees after two rounds because I'm just not comfortable doing lots of those yet. I think I will be doing all the body weight stuff pretty much like normal soon. Tomorrow will hopefully have some lifting, so I'll see how that goes and update about that.
Overall, they're healing great, I love how they look, and I am so happy that I can start doing CrossFit again! I'll try to post a little bit more often. I'll also try to get some pictures up at some point this week!