Almost 40 Petite and Athletic with No Kids Wanting Smaller Implants

Hi all. I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe I actually just scheduled a surgery date. I've been between a 32A-B with assymetrical breasts (due to one chest wall that is bigger) and shallow breasts (zero cleavage) and very little breast tissue. It's been the bane of my existence and intimate life for a long time ever since I can remember. In my 20s I dabbled in getting it done but chickened out. The first consult ever was with an unprofessional doc who told me I was clearly deformed. I went home crying. The second was nicer but I chickened out regardless. My B.F. at that time kept saying how unnecessary the procedure was blah blah.. Fast forward 20 years and I'm doin' it!
Yes, I know that many of the nice men say "it doesn't matter". It did matter, to me. What I'd give to have normal breasts that actually feel soft. I like every other part of my body except breasts you can't just improve by exercise. I detested all the padded bras I had to wear to balance my asymmetry or lack of breasts and lack of confidence in intimate situations and even changing rooms. Push ups never helped. It only pushed up the breast tissue I had on my left side but left a gap on my right side. After divorce and another relationship that ended, I'm ready for a "remake" and the timing for this procedure seems right. So I'm doing it! Hello 40! Time to feel attractive! For myself!
I have considered fat transfer but the doc said I have very little fat and the size results won't be as predictable as they are with implants.
Stats: I'm 5'6" and approximately 112-113 lbs and very petite/active. I want something small-ish that suits my body frame and size that won't look super obvious (I'm not telling anyone) and would still allow me to be active. Ideally I'd like to be at a full B cup or small C. Something I can dress up for size or keep humble.
At home I made implant sizers and 250s still felt gigantic on my frame. At my consultation, we looked at Allegran silicone gel: right breast 235ccs moderate profile and 210s for my left side. The right side will have a shaped implant to fix the chest wall asymmetry. We did the 3D imaging thing and I liked what the doc chose for me. However I'm now thinking... when you try on the implant sizers they look big and will shrink a bit since the implants will go under the muscle. So I'm dabbling with the thought of going 5ccs bigger. Remember folks I'm petite so those 5 ccs will make a difference in the final result and I don't want to be huge.

I decided to go slightly bigger. 225 left and 250 right. My doctor advised me against going any bigger if I wanted convincing results. Because on petite and willowy gals it will show more! I trust his opinion.

Paid for surgery and surgical center fees. Will pay anaesthesiologist fees Monday.

This is about to happen. Now it feels very real and the what ifs are driving me crazy. All those stories about breast implant illness and complications. I’m about to live next week (week before surgery) as if I may never have the same life again should things go bad. I know it sounds silly but I can’t help it!

I’m keeping this secret from everyone. My family has always been anti plastic surgery. I’m divorced. Friends don’t know.

In process of looking for care. The office couldn’t help locate care. They had a nurse in the past who did post op care but she couldn’t be reached. So I’m between care.com or Visiting Angels. Ha, and I wonder how they’d react to “boob job” .

I’ve already purchased a post surgery bra, a wedge pillow, and body/face wipes. Anything else I need?

It's ever so timely that my boob job will be tomorrow, the day after Valentine's Day. This is a gift to myself. Again, I still can't believe I'm doing this. A part of me is excited. I mean, I will finally have breasts. I will not have to hide in changing rooms or hide my shrunken right side which only has a nipple. I can throw away all my padding in my underwear drawer (yes, I had a part of my drawer dedicated to padding). I can tell all those men "screw it" . The ones who told me I was flat chested and men want women with boobs. Or the post divorce date who asked me to keep my bra on. Or all those folks who teased me throughout my teens and even into college. Or my Godmother who made a comment about my chest. Or another relative who told me I looked like a boy since I was so muscular and without breasts. Or the more subtle things that hurt. Like knowing that the guy I used to date after divorce was once dating a much younger and super busty girl. You know what I mean. Stuff that therapy itself isn't going to fix. It's also nice to know that the next time I ever get intimate with someone, I can do so with confidence. Not hunch to hide things. I can wear swim suits in confidence and not have to hide my uneven breasts.
I ate a super nutritious V Day dinner at home: fillet mignon, scallops, kale salad, roasted mushrooms, and a baked sweet potato. Drank a green juice with lunch. Then had lots of chocolate. Lots of water too.
I've loosened the tops on my meds and divided up snacks and kept them by my bed. Got my wedge pillow set up. Bottles of coconut water and water by my bed loosened up.
Made a batch of chicken bone broth soup. Went grocery shopping. Since I don't drive, it was via bike. Went to my therapy session. My therapist knows I'm getting this done. She fully supports my decision. I had a therapist once in my 20s who was a mega feminist (nothing against them) but she believed women should never have to do such things to their bodies and we should just flaunt our flat or disfigured breasts proudly nor have to wear makeup. Nope. No thanks.
I've been trying to find a caregiver. Care.com was hit and miss. Many people have profiles up but are not in the area/ working and not available/ on vacay. I think I found someone. Fingers crossed. She will drop me off at home and help me get situated. Then come back later in the evening to make sure I have eaten dinner/taken meds.
Got a call from the anaesthesiologist this evening. His voice put me at ease and he sounded very nice and helpful. Not trying to rush me with my questions and concerns which I appreciated. My appointment is for 6:30 a.m. I will be out of there recovering around noon.
The next time I post, I will have breasts. I pray (I'm not even religious) that I will not have capsular contracture or complications or breast implant illness. For every bad story I read, there's a good story. Or so I tell myself.