I Want my Life Back -Plainfield, IL

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All my life I have not been able to do things that...

All my life I have not been able to do things that other people have been able to do becuse of my large breasts. IN school they had to take me out of gym becasue of them. At the age of 14 my right was twice as big as the left which caused concern. I was often called Doly parton. Over the years I have struggled with self esteam problems so bad that when i was younger i restorted to eatiing disorders and self injury. Now over the last ten years this burden has given me constiant pain. bulging discs in my neck and back. Pain all the time. Unable to horseback ride anymore wear certian clothing live a normal life. I have been wanting a reduction for over ten years but am so scared that i have not had it done. I finally got private health insurance. went to a few doctors over the last few months. All told me it medically needed to be done. Even after loosing 30 pounds. I was at 250 i am now at 218 after three months. I got all my dr notes together in a week and a half and it was submited and the insurance company accepted it right away. The doctors office called to tell me that it was the fastest they ever saw it go through and they were shocked that i had it approved first time around. Of course I had my Chiros lettter my massage therapist my pain specilast and my original doctors note. This all helped alot. What scared me even more is that they said they may have to skin graft the nipples. Totally remove them. They have not had to do that in along time. Which makes me more nervous. At my apt on Friday she said she is going to try to avoid that which helps. Then on top of that they said that i can not get a pain pump. Since I have been on Norcos narcotics for so long my body is use to them so they do not work the way they should. They said if i went to the other hospital i would get the pain pump and a free bra i said ok but that apt was taken as we spoke. I could not wait till Jan because then my new policy went into affect and I have already met my deductible. They told me I can pay for the pain pump it will be 250 but i do not have 250 I barley had the 6 dollars for the medication they are giving me for the surgery. I was so thankful thats all it was for the five prescriptions. Since this whole new obama thing my scrips have gone from 20 dollars to 40 cents each. To top everything off they said I needed clearence from my dr. To be put under which scares me. So i said ok. So I went in. They said nothing about blood work. So they did blood work. They did a cbc which i just had done six months ago and it was fine and a bmb. then they wanted to do a ekg and I said no it was just done two months ago when we started the diet pills. They wanted me to hang around a hour till the other drs office opend to ask them if i nedded it. I told them it was not on the script i doubted i needed one. If I did i would come back and get 0ne. Tured out the nurse did not come in till 12 and they saw no reason for me to need one. Then they said that they were worried because my fasting glucose level was high.. I told them that i did not FAST because i was not told do. I was told to do anything so had a starbucks coffee on the way in and a brownie as comfort food because i got my period early becasue they made me stop taking my birth control. SO they want me to do a lab test that will cost me 150 to check my sugar count . My insurance does not cover blood work and will not this next go around. so I said no. In six months we can do another full cbc and see where we are and I will fast for that one. so All tests came back normal so I am cleared for surgery the day afte Christmas. talk about nerve racking. I am working all the way up to the morning of. I have no money saved up i am basicaly self employed and if my boss finds out what is really going on i know she will replace me. So I asked for a week off when I think i will need to. See I am a pet sitter /trainer and a nanny on the side. Since i was not planning this for months... i had nothign saved up. I also have not been really able to work due to my injuries. I also have a torn labrum in my right shoulder from a petsmart accident. they ended up settling and I basically got nothing when i should have gotten 50 thousand. My case went on for three years and I just got tired of the pain and closed it. I have had surgery in the past .I was seven first day of first grade and my finger got slammed in the bathroom door i almost lost it. I rember waking up during surgery and then being very sick and throwing up after. my sisters been the same way to... So I dont know if its normal to be this nervous and scared... and not to know what to expect after.. so I really could use some help and support. I already have high anxiety and its already now higher with everything else going on. Im sorry for my ramble... Melissa

The day before

I am starting to get nervous. Who am i kidding. I have been nervous from the start. I have been wanting this for years yet this is happening all very fast. I went from thinking it would be a few months to less than a week and we are going. The good thing is i did stop taking my phentermine two weeks before. I also have been allowing myself comfort food. I went off my diet. I cleaned my whole room the other day which with my back injury was not the best idea but i wanted to make sure everything was ready. I want to make things as easy as possible. I already picked up my medications and found out that I will be able to get a pain pump. No idea how i pulled that one off. Put the manager agreed to bill my insurance and if its denied we will have my pain spec send in a letter. Worst comes to worst i have to pay 250 out of pocket. Im still worried about taking time off of work but i need to worry about getting better. I got many herbs to boost my immune system and have arnica. I have been using herbal supplements for about a year now. They have helped me out alot. I also got my therapy massage and will some how be getting it the week after as well. My back injury and neck injury will still take a few weeks to heal and since my body will be on guard we need to be careful. Tom I have to be there at 9:45 my surgery is at 11:15. I will be working all the way up to 9:15 I have three petsits to do. Good to stay busy but not being able to eat drink will be hard. They are also going to give me a patch so i dont get sick. Main concern still is going under but as i have herd they make you feel very very safe. I have already stocked up on jello and instant carnation drinks and oatmeal to make sure i eat. I will not have my one day care dog since she jumps on me and my family will watch the husky. I know I will feel better but im still scared. Im not sure if i should add a before pic of what my breasts look like or not? So yup its Christmas day and this is i think going to be the best present.

Day of surgery 12-26

Everyone was great at the center. it did take time to get me back because there were so many people there. then they wanted a urine sample. Not eating or drinking for over 12 hours ect it was kinda hard to do so.. lol. then they put me on fluids. The dr came in and marked me along with the anist which was very nice. Before i knew it was being taken to the room for surgery. They talked me through everything witch really helped out alot. Ms sullivan the anisti was so nice. I was looking for her when i got in the room. Being put on the table was hard and them starting to strap me down because im claustrophobic and then them putting the mask on my face. I remember looking at ms sullivan as she told me she was putting the sleeping stuff in my iv. That was the last thing i rememberd was looking at her. Then I woke up to them telling me to to relax i guess i was freaking out and to put my arms over my chest. I was in so much pain they gave me something through the iv. Then right away i had to go the bathroom. Unfourtunally i had already wet myself a bit embarrasing... I had to use a bed pan at first. Then they took me to recovery and carl my fiancee was able to come in right away. I did not see the dr after surgery but he did tell me no skin graft was needed which explained why my nipples hurt so bad. I was also under alot less then they expected maybe a hour and a half instead of four. So then they gave me something to drink and eat so i could take a pain pill. Then they showed us how to drain the pups very easy. I was still in a bit of pain. So glad they gave me the pain pump. I got up to go to the bathroom a few times. the ride home was the worst all the bumps everything hurt. I only got two hours of sleep could not sleep well. You also can not sleep all th way on your back. I do notice a diffrence already but cant wait till my post opt visit. was supposed to be tom but since i have the pain pump it will be monday. I now have my mind set on letting people help me. Drinking lot of fluids and watching all 7 seasons of burn notice if i stay awake

before pic

Right side been like this 15years pulling on my damaged shoulder

Pictures from 12-29

So for me when i got home The first thing I did was I hit the coutch. I made sure ahead of time that I had gatorade ect. I knew how important it would be for me to be pushing fluids. I also made sure that I was propped up as they said. I would suggest to anyone if you have the option to get a pain pump to get one. I also have been taking herbal remidies, milk thistle,astragalus ,echinacea and sinecch super strength arnica montana. Ever since my first injury i went herbal. I make my own oils ect and my dog even takes alot of the same herbal things that i do. we have noticed a big diffrence. One main one would be white willow bark that has helped us both out alot along with the traummel and coconut oil. Now one many complaint i had the day after surgery. It was horrible. I slept downstairs the first night and family members looked after me i slept on and off and i was still dizzy but the next day friday it hit me. All my muscles hurt. So bad to the point where i could not even lift my legs to get up to go to the bathroom. My abs felt like they were on fire. Now you are supposed to walk like every hour for ten min or something like that. I could not even lift my foot enough to make it up the stairs. I had to have help to get my feet back on to the coutch it was god awful. I herd that this is normal. This happend all day sat as well. Finally around 5 pm it started to get better and I did not need as much help. Worst pain I have ever felt though and I use to work out alot and hike all the time and I never had pain like this! My post op is tom monday and I can not wait. I want to make sure everything is ok. The only other problem i have had is my fiancee has been sleeping of course in the same room with me. We have lived in the same house same bed for seven years and every time he goes to roll over the whole bed shakes which puts sharp shooting pains on me. Again like i said to these compression socks need to come off. I already have big ankles and legs. My highest weight was 250 after my injury i got down to 220 but i still have big ankles legs and mainly on the left side it is digging in and driving me nuts. Im scared about having the trains removed. Everyone said that is going to be the worst. I sure hope not.

herbal remidies

that ive been using

first post opt visit

this is how i look and im shocked i thought they would be bigger! i feel so much better with out the drains! it only hurt a bit with the one being taken out.

16 days later

I am feeling alot better than i thought i would. I was ready to go back to work this week as a nanny part time. I did tire a bit more faster than i thought i would. I have to move in diffrent ways. What I was not expecting was the stitches even though they disolve to be coming out. It scared me the first time and i started bleeding everywhere. I have been using gauze to put under certian sections since i am still oozing in some spots. I will upload pics later. We were concerned about the one nipple because of the peeling and the way it was looking it is looking so much better now. My pain level is for sure much better. The past week it has gone down alot. My neck and back have felt so much better. I really wish i would have just done this years ago. It was so worth it. I am not yet ready to be walking the dogs yet of course since I am a pet sitter. I go back to work next week. I was to go back on monday but we just had a death in the family so i am taking a few more days. that of course is taking a toll on my body. I have found for bruising ect that the Traumeel im taking of course is working wonders along with the arnica monica its a lower dose of the SINECCH they gave me. I have been taking arinca monica for years. I love that stuff. I also believe my body is healing fater than usual because of the other herbal supplements as well. What I also do not like though is the puffyness on the side by my arm pit that is driving me nuts. Also driving the first time. Well that just plain sucked i am not going to lie. I am still getting use to driving. Wed was the first time that i drove. So over all I am doing well. especially now that the nipple area is doing better. you will see the pics later of how they were why i was worried. My next apt is on the 24th. the last time i saw them they gave me a body wash that i had to pay 32 dollars for and next time they are talking about scar treatment. I do not plan on doing this since it is not coverd by insurance and i can not afford this. I plan on taking a diffent route a herbal route and over the counter route i believe. Of course at the moment my mental and health is my most of concern. Not scaring.

From a week ago 3rd

These are from a week ago. My dr was worried because the right nipple was peeling and was possibly getting infected and was not looking good at all. It was hurting so bad that I was not able to to touch that side at all. I had to put bactrim spelling ointment on it not triple like Neosporin . I also started having bleeding as well. You can for sure see the diffrence in both sides.

Today 1-11

Everything is looking so much better. Still my main complaint is the bulge on my side ... that is bothering me .... it still feels weird posting pics... of my boobs... and i still feel ugly... with the scars and all my fiancee of seven years will not look at me because he gets sick just seeing a small wound ..... I think im just over emotional...

diffrence of nipples

always beware of changes.

so very sore

I went back to work part time wed as a pet sitter after the loss of my uncle. I have only had two a dau but woke up after only sleeping a few hours to being very sore and in pain. The next few days I have six pet sits. I also just had slot of stress at home.
A family member living with is decided it was time to yell at me for not cleaning the house.... wiping the Dogs feet ect when it was understood I couldn't for awhile....they are home all day and this attack came out of no where and I'm not one to cry but put me in hysterics. Improvocked came to my to my room said not to talk to her or her daughter
. Remember they live with us my finances aunt she was supportive at first. . So this really upset me. Then I got my period so I'm wondering if the first menstrual cycle is making me more sore..so took a pain pill sitting with a ice pack did not sleep till one have to work at seven sigh Thanks for listening

weight loss

A good thing when I went in for surgery I was 227 I am now 215 so swelling is going down I was upset because I Gained ten pSounds when went in but I also just got over my period and was eating comfort food

Trying to heal but not to easy.

So Its been a few days since i slipped on ice. Well I fell on monday 1/20 I bruised a rib and then went to my dr on wed not friday due to the fall 1/22 she was very fast with me and did not seem worried at all about the sore and swelling and chills. She said everything looks good. She put me on four more weeks of restrictions. I thought it may be only 2 . She said i am healing slow. I am thining and she is thinking it is due to stress at home and then with the loss of the family member. Its amazing what stress can do to your body. So I had the hard talk with my boss about reducing our pet walks. It was very hard because on wed the 22 i was supposed to have off totally to rest and get back on my feet. Someone taking over my walks went to a clients house the dogs are crated in the garage the lock was not locked on the top of the crate and the dog got out so when she opend the garage door she bolted. I spent two hours there trying to get her back. She always comes back to me. The owners are just watching her temp. the other walker left. I stayed until the owner got back. I am sure that stress did not help at all. As of now the dog is still missing. They have seen her in several places but can not catch her. This of course makes me feel horrible. Back to my dr though she looked at me said she does not think i have an infection just thinks i need more time to heal.. So I am a bit upset i was hoping ot start loosing weight again and working out and havng a normal work out schedual and being able to sleep on my side ect. at least the massages are helping. I have also wanted a bath soooooo bad.... so my fiancee suggested me wearing my body glove that i use to use for body surfing and for swimming with the dogs... well wont be soaking the surgical area and it may help the ribs... so I think I am going to try it today. I have not had bruised ribs since i use to do martial arts man do they smart. I felt like my boss did not understand that I neeed to take it easy so i sent her a letter of my restrictions. She said she understood and it was not neccesary then put me on for petsits for the weekend. easy dog though and another for monday... which is ok i think i can handle it... the thing is though i should be getting less not more for the next four weeks then we can go from there... like she said i need to be 100 percent. Now some of these pics are icky... but you need to see the diffrence.. .. the right side remember was puffy before the fall. Now these pics were taken friday 1/24

Sore update 1-28

I wanted to show the pics of the sore that has not been healing

Finally doing better but emotionally feeling like a wreck

I will update more pics later this week since there is a big change. Since I have taken time off of work. Which was very hard since financially i can not afford this. I really need to start the scar cream asap. I know this. I am hoping to be able to afford it in the next week or two. After my fall and the sore not healing i knew i had to take time off work. If I had a normal job I would have been able to file for workmans comp and it would not have been a problem. Unfourtunally my family has not been able to help me and i have been put in a position were i have no help but I knew and know that my health has to come first. I cant afford to be out longer and another surgery and if i kept up with what i was doing that is what was going to happen. They would have had to re open me up because i would have damaged myself. Since taking the time off my sore is finally starting to heal so its looking like i wont have to go to wound care. I am feeling better. No more chills sleeping better ect. Still having problems emotionally though. I know part of that is from loosing my uncle on jan 10th from cancer. Then also from getting my first period which went away and just came back which i know is from stress. Then on top of that i am having a hard time with my fiancee not looking at me. I know its not me... when he had his surgery he could not look at his wounds eaither... but it really is hurting my self esteem and the scars are killing me which is why I want to start the cream right away because i want him to be able to look at me and see the change. We just had our anniversary jan 30th we have been together for 7 years and our relationship has been affected big time by my big boobs... they have gotten in the way... and in a way almost destroyed it.. because of my pain level and me being self concience. SO now i have new ones that i am kind of proud of that i want to show off... and i cant get him to look at me... so i am trying not to take it personally. but its still hard.. i did not realise what a emotional rollercoaster this would be.. I just knew its going to get better and that I know that I am going to be able to do so much more. SO I have no regrets still. I am happy that I did this and I know that this will all pass and I will figure this all out. I did put a add on free cycle for scar cream until i am able to get some. I know that will boost and help me even more :-)

amazing how time goes by

The side views are from last night other pics from a week ago I will update the other pics next week. I am healing and my rib is healing. I have been suck and on antibiotics so it does not settle in my chest. Cougoing does hurt. I however do use the Wii game system and it notices a improvement on my posture and balance. So do I. I also have started stretching and light working out and have more range of motion. My pain meds are also lasting longer. I te s these small changes that are giving me slot of hope. I am so happy with my decision and I have come so far! It still feels like a dream when I take my bra off lol I wait for the weight of a bowling ball to be released

New sores sigh :-(

So Even though it was hard i took off work for three weeks no pay... which has been very stressful so that i could heal. Which I have! All my sores have healed and I felt like I was finally back on the right track! I see my PS on March Sixth and I am 9 weeks post opt as of Thurs 2-27 . I descoverd that I Have one small sore under the left brest and one that just opend up again today on the right breast. This is so Fustrating. It may not look big but it was bleeding and hurts and i can feel into it again. The indent... so this sore that was healed for three weeks is open again and the one that was on my nipple is still flaking... and peeling again... I am uploading pics as well. I was so happy when i was told that my ribs are healing and i have about three more weeks before they are totally healed. This really put me in the dumps i need to get back to work and I need to make money and I so bad want to be able to heal and move on with my life. ON top of that now the insurance is trying to say this is a pre exisiting condition after they said all was good. IF the drs office does not fill out the info right then I will end up having to pay for my surgery.... Even though I have been paying 300 a month for insurance ... Just felt like the hope i had was just sucked out...


This is the small hole I have

split stitches and blisters?

I am at ten weeks post opt and all the sudden getting holes under my breast. I finally saw my surgeon and she said it was a split stitch. She would see me In three months. That was on Fri. Then I had another sore bigger open up today and what looked to be a blood blister.it did pop and bled on and off for 3 hours. It is so pain full I am tempted to go to the er. The Dr lifted all restrictions and wants me to do pt..I can't even move with out pain. I may return to the Dr tommorow


Four months later

I have not updated in awhile. I have had so much going on. My broken ribs have finally healed and we are hoping that i finally am. I do not regret my choice at all. If anything i still wish that i would have gotten it done sooner. Even with the set back with the sores and the infections. About a month ago i had another infection from surgery. I was working to much and had the chills and fever along with a bad sore. I ended up passing out hitting my head. I drove myself to the er and found out that i for sure had another breast infection. Fought with my dr for wound care. By the time I went to wound care the sore was basically healed. SO now we are playing the waiting game. I have two more opening up but they are doing much better. We think that maybe the third round of antibiotics worked. I have started jogging running. Which is amazing something i could NEVER ever do before and its amazing not to get a black eye. I have been working more with less pain. I am still seeing a pain specilast because we have had to keep putting off physical therapy with everything going on. The other thing it looks like my torn labrum in my shoulder may be healing itsself. SO these are all positive things. I have started working out again and have decided i am going to finally get my diving cert and start that. I also am now able to take my first aid cpr classes. I also finished my sever weather spotter training so i can help people in emergencys. all things i could NOT do becasue of my large breasts. I am able to move faster with the kids and enjoy my life so much more. No matter what I will never regret this decision. It looks like i still have a few months ahead of me but i am hoping to loose another 50 pounds which will really help me out alot. Its just amazing that i can fit into clothes and how i feel more confident when people look at me like im a normal person. Having my pain reduced and migraines reduced has been two of the best things. I hope soon to be off all my meds and start following my dreams :-) good luck to everyone!
trippi, burt

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