Puberty Hit Me Like a Ton of Bricks - Pittsburgh, PA

I am 24 years old and about to start a Masters program. I am currently a 34H, after losing 30 pounds. Unfortunately, none of that weight seems to be coming from my breasts! At my heaviest (189.6), I was wearing a 38G, so although my band size has gone down, I really don't think the actual cup size is much smaller.

Its not only the size that I am unhappy with, but also the shape. I feel like they say down so flat and my nipples basically point to the floor. I feel like I'm 24, I should be young and happy! I shouldn't have to worry about my boobs hanging down to touch my waistband.

My surgeon said they usually want patients to be weight stable before having surgery, but I am still losing. I still have about 20 pounds I would like to lose, but I know this surgery is going to help me lose weight. I mean, I am just dreaming of being able to wear a sports bra that doesn't give me a neckache.

I have gone back and forth about this surgery and it has been a really difficult decision. I am scared of the scars and all of the "what ifs" that could go wrong, but I am also scared of being stuck in this body with this weight strapped to my chest...

Surgery was June 15th. I was off work for 4 days, including surgery day. I'm still taking it easy but I'm back to work. I feel pretty good about the size, in terms of the weight literally lifted off my chest, but I am worried about asymmetry in size and nipple shape, puckering in my incision, and the overall shape (i think they look too wide from the front, and unnatural from the side).

My follow up appointment is Friday so I'll bring up those concerns then.

Yesterday was 2 weeks post op,and so far I've been feeling pretty good. I stopped taking my pain meds a few days ago, and the pain has been tolerable. Its not really like pain, it's just like being constantly uncomfortable, it's more annoying than actual pain. Its especially difficult on these hot days, because the swearing makes the incisions hurt. Still, it's better than how my cleavage used to sweat.

One of the hardest things is just getting used to looking at myself. Haha, sometimes I can stand in front of the mirror and it just doesn't register in my brain that that's me. I've always been the girl with big boobs, and now when I look in the mirror, especially with a bra/shirt on, I feel absolutely normal, just average. It can be hard for me to think about, because I don't want to think that I took away something special or unique about myself, but I'm trying to remember that I didn't make this choice to be like everyone else. I made this choice to be a happier, healthier, more comfortable version of myself.

It helps that my incisions are looking less like wounds and more like healing scars. Before I felt like Frankenstein, like I had been all cut up and sewn back together like a monster. That sounds extreme, but that is what it felt like. I still feel like the size is uneven, the nipples don't match, and I'm worried about the scars, but my mom keeps reminding me that I'm only 2 weeks post op, and I still have a lot of healing to do, so they could still change. Its just hard to think that I put my body through all this and I might end up still not liking my breasts. But no one is perfect, and I have to stop expecting that I should be perfect. The weight off my neck and shoulders has been incredible, and I try to remember that when I get too focused on the physical. It doesn't help that my friends and family who know about my surgery tend to stare. Hah, it's okay. I know they're just getting used to it like I'm getting used to it.

I have noticed after the surgery that people are noticing my weight loss more than before, and the surgery does make the weight loss more noticable. My BR surgery has changed my whole shape and silhouette, with my chest lifted you can actually tell I have a waist. Its been interesting looking in my closet and really realizing how many of my shirts were hiding my stomach, but now I want to emphasize my waist so I can show off these new boobs. There's a huge difference in tank tops or low shirts that I would never have worn before because there would be too much hanging out, now they fit and look really nice.

Its been really difficult getting back into my healthy lifestyle after surgery. I'm just so uncomfortable all the time, it makes me grouchy and crabby. I just want to comfort myself with fast food and desserts. I'm doing okay- I'm not really gaining weight, but I'm just maintaining. Plus, I'm still not allowed to exercise, so I've been a lot less active than before. My ultimate goal is to lose another 20 pounds, but my next goal is to get back to my last lowest weight, which is about 5 pounds. I just need to find some motivation...