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*Treatment results may vary
A Winding Road Through a Bittersweet Forest
This will be a long review as it's also an opportunity for me to think through the journey I've been through over the past year. I hope some people find it helpful, but if not, I hope the treatment photos will at least be of use :)
Ever since I was a teenager I always loved seeing tattoos and admired those who got them. I thought someday it would be amazing to get one, but as I am a bit of a perfectionist, I thought I'd never be able to settle on a design that was just perfect enough to get me to go under the needle.
Fast forward to around 2 years ago, when I was 33, and I get a surprise text message from my little sister. She and my older sister both got matching tattoos, of 5 Douglas Fir trees, on their inner forearms, and I was immediately smitten. There are five of us siblings and we come from the Pacific Northwest which is covered in beautiful Douglas Firs. So right away I knew exactly what the tattoos meant, and thought "Now THAT is a tattoo I would get!"
Over the next years, I would frequently text my sisters asking them to send me a photo of their tattoos (I had been living abroad in Switzerland for a few years by that time). Seeing their trees always made me smile and feel connected with them.
Fast forward 2 years, and I'm still living abroad, feeling homesick, and have just switched careers from one I've known all my life to one I know nothing about. I'm feeling lost and extremely depressed. I have a trip back home (after a business trip) coming up and I make a decision -- while I'm back home with my family, I'm going to get the tattoo. To remind me of home and my family, especially at times when I am depressed.
On my last day at home, I go to the tattoo parlour with my youngest sister. I am so nervous. Do I really want this? How will people react? I feed off the nervousness and tell myself -- "Feel the fear and do it anyway". 1 hour later, I'm walking out of the tattoo shop with 5 huge trees (with the same design but about 3 times the size of the ones my sisters got) on my arm. I'm on a high. My sister and I have a couple of beers and I'm just giddy with excitement.
Fast forward to that evening while I'm in bed, and my excitement is gone -- now I'm terrified. I panic that I have made a horrible mistake. Why did I do this to my body? How will people treat me now? I realise that I went way too big with the tattoos and they feel like dark slashes on my arm rather than beautiful images. I immediately google tattoo removal options. It's a pretty awful night.
Over the next few months, I am thinking about my tattoos constantly. When someone notices them, I immediately tell them that they represent my family, to 'prevent' them from saying anything negative. When I see other people with super fancy tattoos, I feel like mine, and myself by extension, are cheap. Even when friends give me compliments, I assume that when I leave, they immediately talk about what a stupid decision I made and wonder why I would do such a thing.
Well, it's now about 4 months since I got the tattoos, and I've finally decided that, despite their personal meaning, they don't feel right to me and it's time to go through the process of having them removed. I found a highly rated PicoSure clinic close by, and after 1 consultation, and two cancelled appointments (I got cold feet), today I finally went through with my first treatment.
The treatment took no more than 5-10 minutes, and was surprisingly not too painful. Like repeatedly getting stung by a small bee. I'm nervous, but also excited. I even take a selfie halfway through :)
It's about 2 hours later now and after the initial frosting, the tattoos look virtually the same (with the exception of some redness). Thanks to all of my late night searches on realself.com, I know not to expect much at this stage. I hope I won't have too much blistering...
So I know this will be just the start of my removal journey. I'm mentally planning for 10 treatments so anything less that will be a nice surprise. At 6 weeks apart, that's just over a year. So I'm sure I'll be back here with more updates.
I have to admit, now I'm less worried about the removal process (I'm pretty confident that with enough time they'll be fully removed) and more about explaining to people, especially those who just recently saw my tattoos, why I'm having them removed. I wonder how many other people who have their tattoos removed also worry about this...
Thanks for reading, happy to hear comments and supportive feedback :)
Ever since I was a teenager I always loved seeing tattoos and admired those who got them. I thought someday it would be amazing to get one, but as I am a bit of a perfectionist, I thought I'd never be able to settle on a design that was just perfect enough to get me to go under the needle.
Fast forward to around 2 years ago, when I was 33, and I get a surprise text message from my little sister. She and my older sister both got matching tattoos, of 5 Douglas Fir trees, on their inner forearms, and I was immediately smitten. There are five of us siblings and we come from the Pacific Northwest which is covered in beautiful Douglas Firs. So right away I knew exactly what the tattoos meant, and thought "Now THAT is a tattoo I would get!"
Over the next years, I would frequently text my sisters asking them to send me a photo of their tattoos (I had been living abroad in Switzerland for a few years by that time). Seeing their trees always made me smile and feel connected with them.
Fast forward 2 years, and I'm still living abroad, feeling homesick, and have just switched careers from one I've known all my life to one I know nothing about. I'm feeling lost and extremely depressed. I have a trip back home (after a business trip) coming up and I make a decision -- while I'm back home with my family, I'm going to get the tattoo. To remind me of home and my family, especially at times when I am depressed.
On my last day at home, I go to the tattoo parlour with my youngest sister. I am so nervous. Do I really want this? How will people react? I feed off the nervousness and tell myself -- "Feel the fear and do it anyway". 1 hour later, I'm walking out of the tattoo shop with 5 huge trees (with the same design but about 3 times the size of the ones my sisters got) on my arm. I'm on a high. My sister and I have a couple of beers and I'm just giddy with excitement.
Fast forward to that evening while I'm in bed, and my excitement is gone -- now I'm terrified. I panic that I have made a horrible mistake. Why did I do this to my body? How will people treat me now? I realise that I went way too big with the tattoos and they feel like dark slashes on my arm rather than beautiful images. I immediately google tattoo removal options. It's a pretty awful night.
Over the next few months, I am thinking about my tattoos constantly. When someone notices them, I immediately tell them that they represent my family, to 'prevent' them from saying anything negative. When I see other people with super fancy tattoos, I feel like mine, and myself by extension, are cheap. Even when friends give me compliments, I assume that when I leave, they immediately talk about what a stupid decision I made and wonder why I would do such a thing.
Well, it's now about 4 months since I got the tattoos, and I've finally decided that, despite their personal meaning, they don't feel right to me and it's time to go through the process of having them removed. I found a highly rated PicoSure clinic close by, and after 1 consultation, and two cancelled appointments (I got cold feet), today I finally went through with my first treatment.
The treatment took no more than 5-10 minutes, and was surprisingly not too painful. Like repeatedly getting stung by a small bee. I'm nervous, but also excited. I even take a selfie halfway through :)
It's about 2 hours later now and after the initial frosting, the tattoos look virtually the same (with the exception of some redness). Thanks to all of my late night searches on realself.com, I know not to expect much at this stage. I hope I won't have too much blistering...
So I know this will be just the start of my removal journey. I'm mentally planning for 10 treatments so anything less that will be a nice surprise. At 6 weeks apart, that's just over a year. So I'm sure I'll be back here with more updates.
I have to admit, now I'm less worried about the removal process (I'm pretty confident that with enough time they'll be fully removed) and more about explaining to people, especially those who just recently saw my tattoos, why I'm having them removed. I wonder how many other people who have their tattoos removed also worry about this...
Thanks for reading, happy to hear comments and supportive feedback :)