Country girl ready for Hollywood shape

I'm feeling nervous, excited, anxious, happy, sad, fearful and every other emotion to be expected after booking the date. My biggest fear is the recovery struggle. While waiting for my preop appt today I overheard a girl screaming in pain while getting her post op massage and draining...I was ready to walk out. Thinking "what the f*ck am I about to commit to?...am I this desperate for a better shape? Should I just commit to a trainer and maybe a solid year of exercise?" All these thoughts on why I was doing this ran thru my head, but my answer to myself stayed the same "I want it, no exercise is going to give me what is not in my genetic plan...this spongebob body is hereditary, f*ck it, I'm in!"

Hit my first speed bump, sickle cell trait. The Dr. Is first requiring me to get a full medical clearance to insure I'm not high risk for complications during surgery. Thanks to months of reading real self and researching, i knew to mention my sickle cell trait to the doc. He immediately expressed concern and insisted i get clearance from my personal physician. If they give me the green light then the journey officially begins. For now, my deposit is in, my date is booked, and I am a ball of mixed emotions but so ready for my new body.

Playing around with this app to figure out my desired size...pretty cool.

My appt for bloodwork and physical are next week. My biggest fear is that the slightest warning comes back and I won't be able to have surgery. I want that shape badly but not at the cost of risking my life.

My boyfriend is still on a roller coaster. Supportive but then there are signs that jealously and insecurities will kick in. He's kinda possessive when it comes to low cut tops that show a lot of cleavage, always asking me to pull my tanks up or "cover up" but at the same time makes positive comments about "being bikini ready" for our trip in the fall.

I'm also having baby urges...like wanting to have a baby within a year or two. Unsure if this will be a waste if so. The girl in the dr. Office had a child after lipo and she bounced back beautifully.

I'm really all over the place. But if I get the green light from the lab work and physician I'm still going thru with it.

I guess this emotional roller coaster is normal when approaching any major change in life. *sigh*