Beginning my Beast Reduction Journey7, 2 Kids, 38 F - Pasco, WA

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Well I started growing breast when I was 5 years...

Well I started growing breast when I was 5 years only. I remember my step sister asking me "Why I didn't wear a bra like her mother did?" At that time I had no idea that I had even started developing. I was 5 years old being raised my a single father. My mom wasn't around as much as she should have been and my 5 older sister's were to their own lives to remeberimg to explain to me what was happening to be at such an early age.
After my step sister made that comment I became very aware of the fact that I was much more developed than the other girls my age. I felt completely out of place and insecure about my body.
Thanks At age 10 I started my period and I started to developers at an even fast pace. I went from a small B to a large D in between my 5th and sixth grade year. And I hated it! While all the other girl got to wear what ever they wanted I had to shop in the larger sizes ever though I was 90 lbs. But that was the only thing I stater to experience... I started getting back pains and migraines.
Through out the years I accepted my faith and learned to live with all the comments made to me about me having huge breasts and all the stigmatiz about my uncomfortable situation. Then at age 19 I had my first child. That is when the pain in my back became unbearable. I began taking meds to hide cover the pain and I started physical therapy but had to quit going because I was a single parent with no babysitter.
So once again I decided to just bare the pain and discomfort and go on with my life. I am now 27 and have 2 children and I am married to an amazing man. I finally found a medical professional who has listen to me and decided to go forward with breast reduction surgery. I began by living a healthier life style. In 4.5 months I've lost 42 lbs. And since my I've she'd all the wieght I've began have unbearable sholder pain. So bad I wake up through out the night cry and applying ice pack, massaging my back sholder and neck, going to physical therapy, and taking pain killers. I hate it! I'm only 27 years old and I feel like I'm worthless.
I'm afraid my insurance won't cover it. I am on state insurance and I'm still 174 lbs. I'm also scarred of actually getting the surgery and not being able to work for a long period of time and not being able to take care of my family and home like I do.
It sucks because all my problemstuff revolve around the money and physical aspects and not the actual surgery like most people. I want this so bad but it's killing not to know how I am going to financially make it through the this. I hate that I can't fully be excited that I'm finally going to get the relief that my body truly needs. I also hate that I will also be looked at as the lazy obese women living off of the state looking for a free bee.
I went to college in the legal field and I work my butt off in a low income job while I await an internship to finish my education. I do what I need to to give my kids a happy stable life, but this just seems like it's to far to reach for and I'm completely drowning in anxiety.

Still feeling very nervous about having a breast reduction

I stay up after i get off work at 1130 wondering what life has in store for me. I always come home and right away i start to ice my sholders, neck and back all at the same time with an ice pack and frozen water bottle. I'm looking forward to Friday (pay day) when I'm going to invest in a new awesome ice pack that covers my entire upper body and some kinesio tape to help with the pain when the tape from my physical therapy appointment needs to come off.

My favorite moment of the day is where I can spend time in an Epson salt bath which feels so soothing until I get out and put on my bra. That is when I have to hurry down stairs to my living room and start the ice packs.

I'll admit that I feel angry that I have so many aches and pain all while I have even hit 30 yo. I feel so venerable. Like I'm just surviving and not living to my full potential. I know I could be so much more but I can't cause I sit in my living room icing my pain rather than running around with my kids.

I have (as of today) now lost 44 lbs and I feel worse than when I was 216 lbs and could run around doing cartwheels and jumping around with my kids. I thought that my "healthier life" mission would benefit my life rather than punish me for it.

I feel excited about getting the breast reduction surgery. But I have my reservation about the entire process.... like if my state insurance will actually cover it? How am I going to financially survive while.I'm out of work so long. What good am I while.I'm post op and can't even lay down. All these burdens surround me while.I sit alone at night alone while my husband and kids are asleep.
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