34 Mother of 1 Just Want to Be Myself Again - Paramus, NJ

Hello ladies of "The Real Self Team"... I am writing this blog to tell my story of my explant (breast implant removal)... I was skeptical at first because I was ashamed and embarrassed that I had actually gotten breast implants only to want them out just as fast.. However, after listening to the empowering tunes of the "wonder women" @therealselfteam who seemed to sing the woes of my heart, I gained the confidence to post my story. Not only did it become my duty, but my honor to bestow the same wisdom and experience of uplifting women that I gained... It was only fair that I continue to give the same kind, loving, nonjudgmental support that I was given.
I got my breast implants June 29, 2015. The funny thing is right before I was given the sedative I wanted to change my mind, get up and walk out... I remember the nurse distinctly saying "You look nervous, let me give you a little something to help you relax." Than it was lights out lol... My postoperative experience was very painful and a constant reminder of the regrettable decision that I made. My medication was intolerable making me extremely nauseous. So while I waited for anti nauseating meds I was in agony. Aside from the pain, My plastic surgeon did an "acceptable job" with my surgery. Although I was left with a scar on my left breast... Not sure how because I have great skin and heal very well... Guess I did too much too soon..?
My reason for getting implants, I have an athletic figure with curves.. However I never had the best self image of my body.. My prepubescent years were not as kind being mistaken for a boy at times and literally being called "Tim" throughout Highschool..!!!! Lol thinking back.. And although I had some breast tissue (size B) I always felt like I had a boy body.... Fast forward to present, due to my current emotional circumstance, I think I suffered from some form of body dysmorphia, because I had enviable proportions.. Something in me just snapped after a failed relationship with the estranged father of my child... Whom I had went through hell and back for mind you... only to desert his responsibility to his family in return.. I had a poor body image particularly after nursing my son who kept me very lean (skinny) because he was nursing. In hindsight psychologically I went through a lot postpartum and post-lactation, those hormones are no joke..
Initially I just wanted a lift, I never wanted to go bigger, because according to the plastic surgeon, even after nursing my sun (son) for 2 + years I had no significant change in my breast or nipple line. However, he said I could achieve same results with implants and not disturb mammary glands if I wanted to breastfeed any future children. After all the emotional hurt and pain, I just wanted to feel and look brand new..!!! I wanted to me mended and not broken...!!! I wanted to ooze beauty and confidence... I wanted to be the "I'm pretty perky perfect" and I know it woman.. Well, silly me to think that, that was something you could buy..!!!
Anyway, according to him I have great results... My breast pre-breast implant size was a B and postop I was a D.. Me personally, I just don't like them.. I don't like the idea of having something foreign in my body if I don't need to. I am thin so whenever I move or flex my arms I can see implants distorting as well as feel the implants moving. Which freaks me out..I loved to dance prior and now I just feel so top heavy...in addition, I already had sizable nipples now if I wear anything that even remotely accentuates my breast, I feel like milk dud city. So me wearing a form fitting leotard you can forget it. Needless to say, I am very uncomfortable in my artificial skin and I just want the implants OUT.....!
On a positive note, what I can say is I did experience the surge of confidence. However, in my case it is not in the way you would think.... It happened just the opposite. The confidence came from knowing that I was more beautiful with what God had blessed me with. And nothing is more perfect than what I was given organically. It came from reflection of all my triumphs despite odds against me and realized the beautiful, proud, superwoman I am and always have been. I love that woman...My breast implants can go, they had nothing to do with that so i don't need them.!!!
My consultation appointment is November 2, with my original plastic surgeon so I'll update with details... But until than lots of love and sprinkles to you all..!!! ????????????

I know it's been a while. .. Thought I'd post a before photo... will post an after one soon....

I removed because I would have panic attacks about foreign objects inside breasts....n muscle deformity creeped me out