--Awake Breast Augmentation and skin only TT. My journey to myself.

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I guessed on the cost, bc I don't know what it is...

I guessed on the cost, bc I don't know what it is yet. I am 35 year old mother of 5, ages 13, 11, 8, 6, and 3. I'm 5'8 and weight 130 lbs. 5 babies have left stretched lower tummy and my barely A boobs are pretty sad. They would stretch to a large C when breast-feeding, then shrivel up after!

I've gotten my body as far as I can back to where it needs to be on my own, but I need help with the rest. I have a consultation scheduled on Oct 24th with one of the best PS here in the Kansas City area. I want a mini TT, cause some if the scars on here are scary, and the recovery looks brutal, but we will see. I have so many questions.

I'm struggling with the whole is this healthy for my body vs do I want to look like this for the rest of my life thing, you know? The guilt of the $ and recovery time. I do not know anyone personally who has done this, and my friends and family will prob not be too supportive. They think I look good, but they don't see me naked and wearing padded bras and tucking my skin under my pants!

My hubby is supportive, but I can tell he would love for me to look better. He said whatever makes me feel better about myself. I hope I can feel closer to making a decision after my consult. Any supportive word by those who went through this??

Consultation in one week!

The PS office called,I think it was one of their customer care specialists, but she was so sweet! Everyone so far whom I have spoken to are so nice and have great positive energy, which I need! She answered some of my questions, any said that anyone pretty much who have had children are going to need a full TT vs a mini because the muscles have separated and a mini does not stitch together the muscles. She explained a bit about saline vs silicone, and I am leaning towards the silicone, bc I want soft and natural looking breasts! Not hard porn star boobies!

She gave me a price quote of $11,000, and said the surgery would last 4 hours and I would go home the same day. I'm feeling more excited now that this seems more of a reality. I'm actually feeling less terrified and guilty and more empowered, like, yes, I CAN do this for myself, and it is ok!

Next week will answer many more questions and Dr Quinn can tell by my body what would work best. I asked if the scar would be high or low, but she said everyone is different, and he could answer that for me. I'm hoping my long torso will help me out! Any ideas why some have high visible scars while others are more in the bikini area?

I'm so grateful for this site, it has helped me make this a reality and not a crazy dream. I'm posting my dream boobs pic bc I'm getting ideas! I don't want too big, just fill up what I have and it would be so nice for my husband to get more than a handful (barely) for once!

Dream boobies!

So, everytime I'm about to tell my mom, I chicken out

How do you tell someone that you know loves you but will strongly disagree with what you are going to do? Most people I could care less what they think, but my mom and dad are amazing and will always support me; but I know that they are going to be disappointed. I suppose most parents would be concerned if their daughter was going to be cut open and alter herself on purpose.

I'm confident I want this, and my husband and I feel good about it and are excited. However, my parents will think I'm being rash, silly, and wasteful. I would hate for them to think this of me. It's been something I've wanted for the last 3 years.

I keep wanting to tell my mom so that she knows it's on my mind and it won't be such a shock when I have a date set, (esp since I'm going to need her help with the kids!) I keep putting it off and now I'm going to try to tell her after my consultation and I have a more clear idea of what it's going to entail.

How do you tell someone you love that you are going to do this without them thinking less of you? They will love me always, but they aren't going to like this.

Went for consultation!

It went so well! I took a girlfriend with me (please take one, it makes it so much more fun!). Dr. Quinn was so nice and explained everything to me and just wants to do what makes me happy and give me good results. First they had me try on some silicone inserts with a special tight bra they had. They didn't tell me the sizes until I liked a particular set. I liked the 400 cc's the best. Once I put it on with the shirt I wore to the appt, it was such an amazing difference I how I looked. It made the rest of me look better, and my proportions looked more normal! I felt like a woman, and not an adolescent girl!

Dr Quinn did say that I might have a vertical scar with my TT, as I might not have enough elasticity on my upper abdomen to pull down far enough. He had me lay down and then do a crunch and felt my muscles. He said what you look like when you lay down flat it how we can get you to look all the time. I love how I look laying flat! It would be amazing not to have this extra little "beast" hanging around. He also suggested lipo of my little love handles I guess you could call them to finish out the whole look nicely. He said I might wish I had once we are all done. But it is up to me. Well, I say do it while you are in there! Those things are hard to get rid if anyways!

I'm stoked about the boobs, nervous about the TT and not knowing if there will be a vertical scar or not until it's over. The surgery will be 4 hours, and I can go home the same day.

I told my mom today, and she was actually amazingly cool about it. She understood the boob job but didn't understand how I needed a TT. I showed her my tummy hanging over and she never realized I had that. She ended up telling me she supports me and that I should go for it. So shocked, but it makes me feel so much better to have her supportive. She also agreed that we shouldn't tell anyone.

So after I give it a few days to think about it, I think we will make the deposit and set the date! I'm thinking early January after my kids are back to school from Christmas break. I can't believe I'm about to do this!!!

Getting another consult

I decided I'd better be smart and get a second opinion even though I really liked Dr Quinn. I've heard good things about Dr. Hall, so I'm going to get in to see him hopefully this week or next. I'm mostly concerned about my TT, since I don't have quite as much skin as a typical TT patient.

Dr Quinn is the boob guy for sure; his before and afters are amazing...but I figure I want the most skill to go to my TT, since I really don't want a jacked up scar that is too high or crooked. I mean, boob jobs are pretty simple, right? He sounded confident about the TT, so if Dr Hall says the same thing, I'll just have to decide who I feel more at ease with. You want to be totally comfortable with whomever is going to be changing your body, right?

Anyone else wake up every single morning thinking about their MM? I mean, without fail! Is it going to be like this till Jan??

More pics and another consult scheduled

I have a consult scheduled next week for Dr Hall, and my husband wants to come with me to this one. Should be fun :).

I keep looking in the mirror and grabbing my extra skin and imagining what it will look like gone. I want it to look like does now with some definition and not like a closed shade like some tts end up looking like. And the boobs. Can I just say, let's get this moving cause I want actual boobies so bad. Now when My husband comes up and squeezes my boobs (you know yours does it too) I say, soon you will actually get something to grab! He smiles and I know he would love it.

Here's some more pics...I can't stop pretending!

Last pics were cut off...cropped these better

So lipo or no??

Decided on just the BA for now....Jan 7th!

So I decided that a tummy tuck is a bit of a stretch, and I would be trading a little skin for a huge scar and possible vertical scar. I decided to just go for the BA, and I had my "try on" appt last week which was fun! I tried on the 425's, which I thought were a bit too big, then the 400's which I loved! I went down to 375, but still went back to the 400's. I have my preop on Dec 19th, then its all set for Jan 7th at 7:30 am. (So glad it's early!) I think getting breasts will really help my body image and help me feel like a sexy woman and a little loose skin won't bother me so much (maybe?).

Few more sizing pics

Anyone know how accurate sizers are? I mean, pretty close? Or would it be smaller under the muscle?

Changed Dr and am going to do the Awake Breast Augmentation in CA June 4th!

So I kept having very dark feelings about going to a surgery center and all the drugs I was going to be given, as well as my extreme fear of being put under. I decided to cancel; as much as I want breast augmentation, this wasn't the way to feel about it.

After lots and lots of research on the Awake breast augmentation, there was only one surgeon who does it completely awake. Most that I called and spoke to have you on twilight sedation along with heavy narcotics (so you might as well be asleep). I found Dr. Walter Tom in Santa Rosa, CA and began speaking with him. His staff is amazing and helpful to the gal calling all the way from Kansas City, and Dr. Tom called me on a Saturday morning on his cell and spoke to me in detail for about 45 min. He was so warm and compassionate and explained everything. He is an absolute expert on tumescent anesthesia, and he says you have to be a patient surgeon to do the Awake procedure correctly without heavy sedation. He gives his patients a valium, benadryl, and tylenol mix he calls the "Zen Pill" (I love it!). I don't like being drugged out, so a nice light soft relaxing buzz sounds heavenly compared to being completely obliterated by heavy drugs. Oh, and he is an amazing surgeon --he is actually a neurosurgeon (always check their stats....be careful when looking for awake surgeons, many are just Obgyn's who take a course and are allowed to practice if not using general anesthesia. That is where the horror stories come in. Or people don't remember the horror because they had twilight sedation where you don't remember!)

It is worth the fly out to CA, and they are setting me up with a discount at a very nice Hotel and Spa in Santa Rosa. So 8 days away from the kids in sunny CA with my husband and a boob job I can feel comfortable with?? Priceless. I am excited to share my experience on here as there are not too many on the awake procedure. He says the recovery is so much quicker as well.

I'll update closer after my Skype appt with him in May.

Less than 4 weeks to go!

Dr. Tom called me (on his cell while driving home from a conference in Napa; whoa) a few weeks ago and suggested that we could possibly do a skin only TT during my awake BA. I was thrilled. I want that little apron gone! He said we could as long as we don't have to use too much tumescent during my BA. Its based on your height and weight and some people are more tolerant. So, if we have enough left over to use safely, he can remove the skin and sort of do a mini skin only tt. I have great abs under that skin, so I don't think I need the muscle repair. So here's hoping it goes well so I can get that done too!

He's adding it in for $3000 since we will already be doing the BA. It is $7000 by itself.

Our Skype consult is Thursday, and we will make a final decision on the size. Yikes! I am stuck on 400 or 425's. I want what he thinks too! He's got my pics, measurements, and dream boobie pics.

I am so looking forward to getting away from the kids and getting to relax! 3 weeks of homework, baths, dinners, housework, then ME time!

Skyped with Dr. Tom...

My husband and I skyped with Dr. Tom, and can I just say, he is the nicest, most down to earth person. His smile is genuine, and he just wants women to have more confidence and self-esteem and loves to help them to do this. I've already spoken to him several times, but in person he is just as warm and soothing as on the phone. I feel complete trust towards him. Which is necessity with an Awake procedure!

He showed me before and afters of women similar to my measurements and we decided that I would look amazing with 400 cc's...we discussed 425's, but since I am small framed (shoulders, rib cage), the 400's will give me the dream boobs that I posted earlier. I still want to look like a fit, athletic woman with soft beautiful breasts. He says he can do that. :)

We are doing the naturelle High profile 400 ccs. He kept joking that I was the little VIP for them because they have never had someone from the Midwest travel so far to have him do this! They all know I'm Casey from KC! Nerdy, but oh well, lol.

I even spoke to him about my small concern about Benadryl (they give you Ativan (valium), Benadryl, and Tylenol before the procedure to help you relax); I am a lightweight and too much benadryl makes me jittery and crazy. So he said he would give me half. Just one of those things that make you feel better when you are thinking of how everything is going to go. I said I would take as much Valium as he wanted, lol!

We spoke about the skin removal, and we will go ahead and try for that if the surgery allows. I really, really hope we can. :)

Last thing we need to do is book a hotel in the area and we are all set! Airline tickets are bought, my Mom will watch the kids, and it's off to my new body!

I have to share my wonderful PS

2 and 1/2 weeks till we leave!

I'm telling you, this trip and procedure is what is keeping me going lately. I have 5 kids of my own, and I have been taking care of 2 other kids till the end of the school year. Add to that the neighbor girl who I watch before and after school and there are sometimes 8 kids in this house! Loud, crazy....fun, but still. Thank goodness the weather has been nice, I shew them outside quite frequently! At least during the day I'm home with just my preschooler...she's my cute little caboose on this crazy train.

I ordered my special "gma" bra, bought a pair of spanx for the skin-only tt, and have a comfy button up shirt all ready. I went to Target and bought some cute lounge pj clothes to wear when recovering. Don't want to look like a complete slob when I see the Dr, now do we?

My friend just got her boobs done last week, and she was crying they hurt so bad and had quite the booby-blues for a while. She's feeling better though, and I think they look great. Sure makes me excited!

End of the school year can't get here fast enough!

Ok changing size!

I was out to lunch with my girlfriend today, and she just had her boobs done last week. She got 575s, and I was expecting them to be ginormous, but they actually looked really good on her. Now, that size would make me fall over, but I asked how they compared to when she tried them on and she said they are smaller once they were in. I was thinking about it the rest of the day and how when I tried on the 375s they were too small, and my husband really liked the 425s but I was being bashful and thought they were too much.

So, I called my ps, and he called me back on his cell on his way to a conference and talked to me and listened to my concerns. He was so incredible. He said I know you have one part of you that wants to be the conservative soccer mom, and the other part of you wants to let loose and go big. He said I would look incredible in 450s, and that some of it would be lost under the muscle and look more like 425s. He said think on it, and before we order them, we will check back in with you and see how you are feeling. Like I said, he's incredible.

I called my husband and he didn't hesitate. He said, do it honey, I can tell you really want to. So, as of now, 450st is!!!

4 more days till we leave for Sunny CA!

Its so close! It's like you wait, and wait, and wait, then its coming too fast, huh? My kids are out of school tomorrow, so I took advantage of the fact that our neighborhood pool is now open and took me and my 4 year old there today to enjoy one last day without all the kids being home. We had the whole thing to ourselves (which is nice because during the summer it is uber crowded). I just wore a tank top without a bra and running shorts so I could just lay out and maybe get my legs wet. I am so anti-breasts right now; I didn't want to try to look good in my bathing suit top. I kept daydreaming that this was most likely the last time I will be at a pool and not be rocking some awesome breasts! I will probably be feeling like hiding them! I've never had cleavage or anything; it will be strange the first time I get back out to the pool. I'm sure I can get used to it. :)

We are having a last day of school celebration with friends tomorrow, then its get everything ready for being gone for 8 days. It's been a bit crazy; my mom, (who we lined up to watch the kids months ago), developed shingles this week and can't be around kids for 3 weeks. So I frantically begged my sister who lives an hour away to come and stay with the kids while we are gone. She is going through a messy divorce, so I hated to ask her, but she stays at home and said it would be a nice distraction. She has to bring her 3 kids with her part of the time, but it should all work out fine. Not what I planned, but at least I have someone I trust to watch the kids.

Anyone else getting there's done next week? I'd love to compare notes while we recover!


So we made it to California! We flew in on Sunday and boy was that a long day. I hate flying, so thank goodness for xanax. We landed in San Francisco, then rented a car and drove to Santa Rosa, where we will be having the procedure and staying for the remainder of the trip. We met with Dr. Tom on Monday, and he gave me a big hug right off, and everyone there knew who I was. I don't suppose they get many gals from the Midwest over here! He showed me around, and I was fine till I saw the surgery room, which looks scarily like a real surgery room, yikes! I was hoping for a more normal room looking area. I know this is a good thing, but my anxiety is telling me it's a scary room. I know my valium will come in pretty handy tomorrow.

We spent the day in San Fran today, and walked everywhere; Fisherman's Warf, China Town, Little Italy, and I am beat! We are now relaxing in the hotel room, and I get to take my lovely valium tonight to help me sleep, then tomorrow at noon, I get boobies!! Besides a little bit of nerves (sometimes a lot!) I am very excited!

Home and 2 week update!

I wanted to update every few days after my surgery, but it was a bit rough; and with all the traveling home, and then taking care of the 5 kiddos, I've been pretty wiped out!

So, back to the day of surgery. I actually had a panic attack the night before, which I wasn't expecting, and was pacing the hotel room crying and so scared I was going to be like this during the awake procedure. My lovely husband called Dr. Tom and he said to go ahead and take my xanax so I could relax and sleep. That did wonders. I was smiling and giggling soon and off to dreamland. The next day we ate a nice breakfast and our appt was at noon. I took a valium before (it is not xanax, let me tell you. It didn't do squat!), and was still pretty nervous when we got there. They were amazing however, and said this is what they do, and not to worry. They realize awake is a bit nerve-wracking and it is their job to make sure I get through nice and relaxed. Another valium, get my surgery scrubs on, and we walk to the surgery suite.

The surgery itself was a breeze, they played my favorite station on Pandora, and I only felt a few twinges now and again and he would numb me again and I felt no pain. I could tell everything he was doing, such as blowing up my breasts to size the implants, then he would go back in and make a few changes until he liked what he saw and was ready to put the implants in. They felt tight! The only time I felt anything was when he was doing the skin removal, and he said I had a sensitive facia? I don't know, I was half out of it.

The worst part was my anxiousness, because the valium didn't last long and didn't really block out my anxious feelings. The numbing solution when injected makes your heart race a bit they said, which didn't help, so I couldn't tell if it was me or the solution. They kept placing more valium under my tongue throughout, and it did help some, I think it was up to 2 1/2 mg or 3 by the time I was done and I was still totally aware of most things. It does make you talk though! No filter! I was sharing all sorts of things. Too funny. At least none of them were embarrassing. I'm sure they've heard it all.

After he said if I do another local procedure to take the xanax initially, then use the valium as needed throughout. He was so sweet though, and we had such a nice time really, and he even kissed my forehead during the middle of the surgery as we were chatting. I cannot express how amazingly happy I am that I went to Dr. Tom.

The first 3 days were very rough. I was very sore, and my husband had to push me up out of bed to get me to sit up and go to the bathroom. The drugs they gave me made me super jittery (not good for an anxious-prone person) and I only took half, so I was in a bit of pain for a while. We had horrible cable in the room, so my husband bought the first 3 seasons of Game of Thrones and we had a marathon! We've never seen them yet; really good!

We had a check up the next day, and then on the 5th day before we went home. Traveling home that day took all day and we had layovers and didn't get home until after 1 am. I was so sore and tired. It took me a few days to get over that.

Its been 2 weeks today and I am finally feeling human. I can do most things now and except for some bruising and swelling left under my boobs, I can tell they are going to look amazing once they drop and fluff! I was very scared at first that I went way to big, but as the swelling goes down, I think I will be very glad I picked that size.

Sorry my photos are out of order, it didn't put them how I uploaded them all at once. I labeled them however.

Swimming suit?

Kids wanted to go swimming today, so I tried on my old suit. It looks so different! My dr is having me keep the strap and medical bra on for another week since I have a small pocket of fluid and swelling still going on under my left boob. You can tell in the pic where I am bending over how much bigger my left boob is still. The heal at different rates, so it's just going to take a little more time. I'm at the pool in my compression bra with a bag of peas over my boob right now! At least we are the only ones here!


3 weeks post

Boy I think 3 weeks is the magic number! I feel so much better. Soreness is gone, and I have most of my energy back! My PS called me last night to check in on my 3 week progress because he was going to be in surgery all day. Thoughtful! I took off my steri-strips and everything looks great. Got a look at my tummy scar and it's smaller than I expected. So were the boob scars. The tummy has some gathering on the edges of the scar and he said those will smooth out in time.

I still have a hematoma on my left breast, I think you can see the bruising...he said that will heal. I got on Advil pretty quick, and with the traveling and anxiousness, he wasn't surprised. But it's fine he said and they look great. I am so ready for them to soften. They are still pretty straight out still and no fun yet (hubby can't even touch them). Nipples are very sensitive.

Ps said give it 3 months.

5 weeks

Feeling great! Besides gaining 3 lbs. :(. Been lazy while recovering and kids home for the summer. I'm hoping 1 lb is all boobies. Lol. Left boob (my left in the pics) is much better and they are dropping and softening a bit every day!

Quick updat while on vaca

Went on a road trip to visit my twin sis for a few weeks with the kids and sent hubby a pic. Lefty still stiffer than the other, but feeling better. Back to hardcore workout routine as soon as the kids are back in school!

Soft boobies at the pool finally!

I was hoping I would get softer and dropped boobies to show off at the pool by the end of summer vacation and I think I have! I still have a small little bump of fluid on my left booby cleavage side but they are super soft and dropped!

I was getting really scared earlier this week that my lefty that has had so much trauma was developing capsular contracture. It was not moving much and still pretty firm. I googled stuff Nd started laying on my hardwood floor with my arms out for 20 min at a time and really squeezing the top of the breast with one hand to open up the underneath breast pocket more. Within 2 days my lefty really softened up and is much more moveable. Made me very happy. They finally feel part of me now and I am much more comfortable.

I have a ripple! And a definate revision needed on the left breast.

So its three months now and I think that darn left breast is going to need a revision. Dr. Tom is awesome of course and is willing to do it for free if I come down there again, so it is definitely in the cards! I LOVE the right breast. It turned out so pretty, and love everything about it. I still love the size I picked, just need that left breast to look more like the right!

Revision scheduled!

I emailed my concerns and updated pics to Dr. Tom and get this; he called me on his cell within the hour! He said we are a team and we want as close to perfection as possible. He said of course he would be willing to fix the ripple for free but wants us to wait 6 months for the capsule to finish forming and see how that left breast is going to drop out more. He actually said he likes the way the left is turning out (minus the ripple) better than the right! funny. We tentatively scheduled a "getaway" to California in Jan/Feb. If I can get tickets early and stay just a few days, it shouldn't cost too much. I'll take another vaca! Just wanted to update that my PS, again, is amazing. :)
Kahului General Surgeon

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