44 Yr Old Mom/lost 85 Lbs/TT/BL/BA - San Diego, CA

Now officially 4 posts today. If you're counting.

I tried on some clothes the other day and the sales woman actually said to me "you have a beautiful figure." It took every ounce of power in my being not to say "for $35 grand, it could be yours, too!"

What is hard for me....or I guess just surprising to me...is that I feel like clothed, I really don't look that different. Breasts look bigger in tops...but not so much that anyone would notice. As for my stomach, after 30+ years of having a marcupial pouch, I've learned to dress to hide it. i'm living a really casual lifestyle these days (taking a sabbatical from lawyering)...and I'm pretty much in yoga pants (mind you -- don't do yoga and haven't exercised in a year)...shorts and flip flops (I live in San Diego)...jeans and an untucked t-shirt. So while I knew what I was smuggling under those clothes, I think I was the master of hiding it. So now I'm like...wait...why did I just do this? So that I can feel good for the 5 minutes a day I stand naked in my bathroom after a shower? Maybe an occasional flash for my husband...but other than that...not so different. I think it's because I kind of expected the same "OMFG" feeling that I would feel when I saw myself walk by a mirror after my gastric bypass. I would literally stand in front of the mirror SOBBING tears of joy and thankfulness for finally being released from the prison I had created. Next to marrying my husband and having my children, it was the single most life-impacting milestone in my life -- beyond my many travels...years of education...and pretty crazy, wild life filled with experiences of 10 life times. So I guess I just had expectations of feeling the same way with this surgery. And maybe I will once things "settle in" and I learn how to dress without hiding my stomach...and I figure out what shirts look good with enormous 34DDD bazookas....who knows. I mean - don't get me wrong - it's friggin awesome to see my nipples without having to fold them upwards in half like a pita....and to not have that hanging apron that shamed me for all of those years...but it's just not the same. So -- I think this one is just going to take a little more work. At 6 weeks, I can start working out -- and maybe after a few months -- now that I will be able to see a difference...I will finally be able to appreciate what I've done...for more than 5 minutes a day after a shower (ok...and maybe a little in bed ;P...like 3 minutes...KIDDING!). Time will tell. Still glad I did it...and once my alien belly button finds it's home, maybe the whole package will come together and I'll be skipping through the streets.

I, personally, am not into the "big boob" look. I never see women and think "nick rack" (I leave that up to my husband). I just think they look good when you just don't even think/see/acknowledge them....like a small C. Before the surgery...I could literally fit into any size bra depending on how I rolled, folded, squished and pushed them. 38B, 34D, 36C...a little on the "larger than average" -- but have never been described as "busty" (just fat). ANYWAY - I told my doctor that I really had no desire to go bigger - I just wanted them up - without the need to wear a painful bra all of the time! He explained that because of the shape of my pendulous (yes, pendulous) breasts, I would need an implant to shape them, or else I would be very unhappy with the results. I did a lot of research, and found that after surgery, the majority of women say their biggest regret is that they didn't go bigger. In my mind, I kept thinking "but I don't want big - I just want what I have now." ANYWAY - I feel like my breasts are HUGE. I am really hoping they are just very, very swollen. While I think the shape is great, I pray that they become more "even" (one has dropped more than the other), and I pray that the shrink. I went to get some new bras and thought I'd pass out when she told me I was a 34DDD. As in TRIPLE. I go home, flip through those catalogs they send me in the mail daily...and all of this thin, lilthe models with their simple, B cup bras just look so much better than me. It's like the clothes get the attention -- not the breasts. I walk around and can't help but kind of shrug my shoulders and keep them down. I don't WANT people seeing them - especially not guys checking them out. I just don't think that that's sexy. Also - I seem to be the only person who cannot STAND wearing a bra!! I thought it was because I had so much weight I had to heave up into those suckers...but they feel just as uncomfortable after the surgery than before! So - in short - I really wish (at this point), I would have gone with like a 250 instead of a 350 -- but doctor said that at 5'10 and 165 -- the 350 fit my body much better (and my husband and best friend agreed). So if you are grappling with size...just notice that breast size ideals change with the times...and we are in a time when less is more (in my opinion, that is).