Was scheduled for this surgery back in July -- but...
Was scheduled for this surgery back in July -- but found out during pre-op appt that I was severely anemic! Have been taking Blood Builder iron supplements religiously (the best, btw!), and have finally been cleared. Am scheduled for Oct. 30th. Imagine how much I can scare the kids when they come trick o' treating on Halloween!!
Anyway - filled with so much anxiety that I literally get sick to my stomach thinking about it. I've had plenty of successful surgeries (5 knee operations, gastric bypass...hell...even tonsils out!) - but this one is scaring the crap out of me. I think it's the fact that I'm scared of the pain -- especially if it FEELS any where CLOSE to what it looks like!! I'm also racked with guilt -- as I have two beautiful, healthy children and a supportive husband who loves me just the way I am, and I can't believe I'm putting my life in danger (and potentially ruining theirs) because I'm uncomfortable. I would take a bullet to the head for either of them...and the fact that I'm CHOOSING to put my life in jeopardy is simply rocking my world (in fact, I'm crying as I write this). I've just been so uncomfortable for so many years (I had the stomach apron by age 12 -- even though I wasn't obese at that time) and have dreamed about this my entire life. My breasts literally grew in like long sausages...so I'm not "dreaming of getting my old figure back" -- I'm dreaming about for once in my life, not being humiliated in my body. Being able to answer the door without a bra on...being able to wear a summer dress in 90 degree weather without full body spanx...being able not to be the only one at the beach in a strapless beach cover-up who "just doesn't feel like swimming today," as I sweat my ass off. I know I won't look perfect -- but the thought of not having an inch deep indentation on my shoulders from my ("thick and supportive") bra straps is liberating to me. Also - in high school - I was told that I look like I swallowed a tire. I don't really care what people say or think about me (especially some high school jackass!) -- but what sucked is that I totally agreed with them...and there was nothing (non-surgical) I could do about it (even when I was in shape). I'm now 5'10 and 165...and still only feel truly comfortable around the house in a modern day version of a muumuu...with no one home (even my family). My bra hurts (and yes - fitted at Nordstroms many times), my underwear hurts (from huge granny panties to g-string -- I've tried them all!)...and I'm constantly pulling at my clothes -- either trying to loosen them where they are too tight (around tummy, sleeves, etc.) -- or untucking baggy ones from my unfortunate "creases" (tummy roll, thigh climb, etc.).
I had my friggin guts cut up and moved around...and didn't feel 1/4 of the fear I feel with this one. I have everything lined up....flying my mom in for 2 weeks...getting my kids out of the house for the first week (staying with friends) so they don't get scared (son is 10 and daughter is 6)...hiring a nurse for the first night in hotel across from surgical center...have a comfy adjustable bed...no problems at ALL with pain meds...just fear.
Anyway - appreciate everyone's candor and openness SO much on this site -- especially the pictures....so thank you for sharing something so utterly private with us randoms :).
The Dreaded Pictures
Here goes...exactly 30 days til surgery....if I had any doubts...posting these removed them!
Now I understand what my 6 year old daughter meant when she said my ass looked "crumbley."
this website keeps crashing on when i try to update -- anyone else having issues? Anyway - my mom was going to fly down for two weeks to take me to surgery (my husband won't be home from a business trip until day 3 post-op) and take care of me (and 6 yr old and 10 yr old...and hubby!)...but informed me a few days ago that she may not be able to make it because she's flat on her back with a bad neck. So - I was kind of freaking out there...
I had already planned on hiring a nurse for the first 24 hours after surgery. My surgery is at an out-patient clinic about an hour from my house -- and I have a post-op appt with my plastic surgeon the day after my surgery - so decided to get a hotel room across from his office -- and have the nurse stay with me in the room. The nurse was $550/night! Anyway - since my mom wasn't 100% committed -- and even if she CAN make it down, I don't want her helping my 165 lb self in and out of bed, etc. So I had planned on extending the nurse for 2 more nights -- which turned into not only and extra $1,100 - $1,650 total (ouch) - but a logistical night mare -- as I'd have to drive myself to surgery - leave my car up there (again, an hour away) - wouldn't have a chance to meet her before surgery, etc. Not the best situation. I would have a friend help -- but my friends all have elementary school kids, too, and the day after my surgery is Halloween...which is a pretty major holiday for kids -- so I didn't want to ask them.
I texted a friend of mine who is a nurse (not a close friend) a few hours from me and asked her if she thought $550 was crazy...and if she knew anyone down where I live so I didn't have such a logistical problem (would I have to pay ANOTHER $550 to have them spend the night with me Wednesday before my surgery and drive me up?). Started stressing! Anyway, my friend wrote back and told me that she is taking 2 days off of work - taking the train down to me -- taking me to surgery, spending the night in the hotel with me -- driving me back home -- and staying with me for two additional nights!!! Oh -- and she absolutely refused to take a dime. Can you believe it??? She told me that I was the first person she ever talked to about getting possible gastric bypass surgery (I had had it a year before I met her -- she was one of my husband's business clients) -- and I walked her through the whole ordeal (via text!) -- describing my experience, walking her through all the tests as she went through them, and just sending supportive texts as she went through it all. She has now lost 135 lbs and apparently says that meeting me changed her life...and she feels like this is an opportunity for her to "pay me back." I feel so lucky and honored and I'm just so touched...not only having a RN with me for 4 days...but someone I know!
So - today my mom told me she's feeling better and plans on coming...but still happy that my nurse friend will be there. My mom can help with things like making meals, taking kids to school, errands, etc. I'm hoping that by the time my nurse friend leaves (Sunday -- and my surgery is Thursday morning), I'll be able to walk to the bathroom by myself, change my own drains, etc. -- and my mom can just bring me meals, change my bed and more "light duty" type of things. Do you think this is realistic? I am a little nervous about her coming, as she has a "big personality" and really stresses my husband out...but he's SO not a caretaker...and hasn't been overly excited about this whole thing (though he supports any decision I make). I just don't want the stress of feeling like I'm in the middle....but really do need the help! If she can't come, I'll have to put together some complex chart (hoping a chart for 2 weeks is long enough?) for friends to help. I have 6 girlfriends who know and are SO supportive. They just set up a website for me to coordinate who will bring my family meals on what days for the first two weeks. They said they could pick my kids up and take them to school, pick them up after school, etc. -- but I'm more concerned about getting them up, dressed, teeth brushed, etc. -- because it's always so crazy around here in the morning (if you have kids -- you get it!). Just hope my husband steps up and doesn't guilt trip me. I asked him if he could take the week off of work following my surgery -- and he was like "an entire week? How long are you going to be like that?" I told him to expect me to be completely out of the picture for 2 weeks at least -- and then only super light tasks for at least a few weeks after that (need to set expectations upfront!). Maybe I should hire someone to at least help after school - driving them home, taking them to sports, helping with homework, baths, etc. Not sure yet...my husband says he can do it...just hate for his work schedule to change or something and then I'm left frantically calling friends to do this or that (and they would be fine with it -- just want to avoid if possible!). I just need to not feel guilty about being unavailable...
I told my 10 year old about the surgery. He was so mature and supportive. He said he would help with everything - and would even be nice to his little sister (enough to make me want to have surgery on a consistent basis!). He understood why I wanted to have it -- because I'm constantly telling him how my bra is killing me (and I've tried like 100 bras!) and always take it off as soon as I get home -- and there is no hiding the fact that I'm not wearing a bra -- so he's quite aware of the "situation." Poor guy! I tried to explain that I was doing this because I was uncomfortable with the extra skin I had from losing weight and gaining weight and not making healthy choices, blah blah blah (he doesn't know I had gastric bypass). I told him that i wasn't doing this to try to have a perfect body -- that my body WAS perfect -- and that my body is beautiful exactly the way it is (in my head I'm thinking "bullshit, bullshit, bullshit"). I just don't want him to judge women by their bodies, etc. Anyway -- I'll have him with friends for the first 3 nights after the surgery -- so hopefully he won't have to see me at my "worst." I just don't want him to be scared (though I AM tempted to answer the door on Halloween - the day after my surgery - and scare the shit out of those little trick o treaters!). I told him not to say anything to my 6 year old daughter - because she is too young to understand -- he needs to be a protective older brother, etc. I trust that he won't. Now I just need to figure out a way to explain to her what's happening -- without lying completely -- and without freaking her out. Would love suggestions! She's very, very bright and intuitive -- so I really don't want to lie -- but also don't want her running around the school yard telling kids that mommy is getting new boobs....
Wow -- this is a novel! Hope I don't hit "post" and have the whole thing disappear on me with my computer issues and this site! Thanks for reading!! xoxo
My plastic surgeon told me to stop taking all my vitamins except iron and b-12...and I feel like crap! Not sure if that is the reason, or if I'm sick or what -- but a headache and SOOO lethargic and unmotivated. Maybe it's just psychosymatic (sp?) -- or from not eating healthy enough recently. Will upgrade the nutrition these next two weeks (less than two weeks - yikes!!!). Anyone else out there with gastric bypass who was told to stop vitamins?
My Pre-Op List of Things I need
Anyone have a great list to share? I remember reading one that was great -- as the person created it AFTER the surgery and compared it to what she thought she needed BEFORE the surgery. Here's what I'm thinking so far:
-Arnica pills (take for 3 days before the surgery)
-Bromeliad pills (start taking now)
-Hospital bed (luckily we already have one of those types of beds!)
-Prescribed drugs (percocet and an anti-nausea)
-PIll organizer (so I get them right when all drugged up!)
-Lots of pillows
-One of those reacher/grabber things
-trash can for puking (nice)
-comfy zip up robe thing with pockets to hold my drains (gross)
-disposable liners to put underneath me to keep bed clean so sheets don't have to be changed 3x/day
-wipes to clean body
-dry shampoo so i don't feel like a grease ball
-computer/cell phone with chargers
Do I need a walker? A toilet riser? One of those female urinal things?
My plastic surgeon didn't give me any instructions on post-surgical bandages, creams, etc....but figure my mom or friend can go pick those up for me after surgery.
Am I missing anything??
Major countdown begins
Coming down to the wire....today's Monday...surgery on Thursday. My mom decided to that her neck is well enough to come down (she insists)...but she promised me she wouldn't try to lift me or help me to the bathroom or anything! My nurse friend can do that for me (considering she can still come! Her best friend is in the hospital for some crazy pnemonia virus - intubated, unconscious, on breathing machines, etc!). Always a possibility she will have to be with her friend at the last minute - which I understand - but a little bit nervous about a last minute change in plans! Figure I can always call a Home Healthcare Agency...just kinda weird to have a stranger spend the night with me. Fingers crossed that everything goes as planned and no last minute scramble. The fact that my mom will be here is HUGE regarding planning for kids. I had started an elaborate schedule that I was going to try to coordinate with 5 friends (nightmare!).
Last minute concerns/fears:
1. I haven't told my 6 year old daughter yet. Still not sure what to say...and if I should wait until the night before or what!
2. Hope my nurse friend can make it and that her friend continues to improve in the hospital.
3. Worried that my breasts will be too big and too wide and I'll look like a school marm
4. Praying for the beautiful results I see so many woman have, and pray pray pray that I have no complications or regrets.
5. As always, scared of excrutiating pain...a little is okay...but body-cut-in-half-Frankenstein pain scares me!
6. Incredibly anxious that my kids will be nervous and/or scared.
7. Hate that I'm an hour away from my surgeons office and that my first four days of recovery will be Halloween and then the weekend....
I'm totally prepared with every last detail...from arnica to a walker to a toiler riser/p-style...back scratcher, lotion, colace, fiber...you name it...I have it!
One questions: how do you walk around with your drains hanging out? Do you have to hold them in your hand the whole time? I saw a lanyard someone had around their neck that secured the drains with a hiker clip type thing....do people use these?
Here we go!
30 Oct 2014
Day of treatment
Getting up at 4:30 am tomorrow -- driving an hour to surgery center - and checking in at 6:30. Supposed to begin at 8...and supposed to be 4 hours of surgery. My mom and my nurse friend are here and driving me in the am. After surgery, driving to hotel, spending the night, then seeing doc in the morning. Kids at friends house, husband on work conference, dogs being fed by neighbor, house clean and organized...just ready to go. Facial last week, massage yesterday, hair highlighted today, gel mani/pedi tonight...so this is about as good as it's going to get! Nervous as hell...but this xanax is helping. About 12 hours left of this body...very strange/intense realization. Will check in after surgery if I can function. Just want to be DONE with it and start healing. Thank you all for your well wishes!!!
On the flat side!
Yay! Everything went well during my surgery. He said it couldn't have gone better. Ended up with a regular hip bone to hip bone incision instead of an extended TT. Had he extended it (about 7 inches on each side), he could lift my outer thighs slightly...but I decided to go with regular TT, as my outer thighs aren't an issue for me -- but my inner thighs are -- so when I do my inner thighs, my outer thighs will be lifted, too.
I had been struggling so much on deciding what size implants to get. I did so much research - and basically came to the conclusion that implant size looks totally different on everyone! I was looking for tall women (I'm 5'10) who weigh around 165...and a 350 cc looked totally different on all of them. I had to kind of "surrender" and let my doctor decide which size looked best on me on the operation table. At my pre-op, I told him that 375cc was as big as I wanted to go...anyway...ended up with 336 cc on one side and 350 on the other. Am hoping they aren't too small on my frame...but better than being too big! I did not want to look fat and matronly...
Today is Day 3 post op (I think? My surgery was Thursday morning....do you count that as Day 1, or does it start on the following day? Can't believe how much better I get every day. I'm doing absolutely nothing except going to bathroom and doing a few laps around my bedroom. Luckily, I'm super lazy (though my life doesn't allow me to indulge in my sloth-like behavior)...so it's nice to have an "excuse" to sleep all day and stay in bed :).
My dad and my step-mom are coming over today to visit. They were very upset that I was even considering cosmetic surgery. I can't think of the word to describe how I feel about them coming. Nervous? Embarrassed? Defiant? Not sure. It is what it is -- it was my decision -- and don't really care what they think...except for that little voice in the back of my head. However, saw my body the day after surgery at my post op and it looks soooooo different -- it's crazy! I couldn't believe it was me! Tried posting pics but they show up sideways and there is no edit feature - anyone know how to fix this?
Lastly, I've been taking my percocet and antibiotics as described. Don't understand why someone would choose not to take them. Maybe I'll get sick and tired of being loopy...but I'd rather that than pain! Speaking of pain -- it's about what I expected. It HURTS...but once I figured out how much pain meds I needed, I've been fine. The itchies are starting to set in...anyway -- signing off as I'm getting sleepy!
Day 1 post op pics!
I feel like my head is photoshopped on to someone else's body. This pic was day 1...I'm now day 3. Soooo weird to see! My doctor said the implants will drop so my breasts will eventually be a teardrop shape (no idea how long that will take). I sit and bed and stare at these pictures (or zone out on them with all the Percocet!) Hope I continue to heal like this!! Thank you all so much for your kind words and support during this transformation!! Xoxo
Side by Side - Day 1
I always like to see pics this way...doesn't look like much of a lift yet - but again, he assured me that the implants would "sink" and they'll look perky.
I came into this surgery very aware of the fact that there was going to be pain...and I was ready for it. I had read a tummy tuck is one of the most painful surgeries you can have. As for breast lift/aug - I have a ton of friends who have implants -- and they all said it wasn't that painful. So I was braced for a painful TT recovery, and easy Breast recovery...but it's the exact opposite!
I have no pain from my actual incisions - which was shocking to me because they are so...gnarly looking. My stomach muscles hurt for the first 2 days...and now they are just weak and sore. Not painful. BTW - I wouldn't have made it without my $19,99 toilet riser from Amazon. Best $20 I ever spent. Only needed it for 3 days...but still worth it!
The implants are killing me! My breasts are all swollen and itchy and black & blue and tight...which I wasn't expecting at all! The implants haven't "fallen" into place yet - so it feels like they are under my armpits. Ice doesn't help...the only relief is taking the pain meds...otherwise, I can't handle it! I'm going on Day 6...wonder how long most people stay on pain meds. Seems like so many people only take them for a few days and then are fine with Tylenol. Apparently I'm not one of those people!
Today was the first day I got out of bed and "puttered" around the house. Cleaned up for about 1/2 hour...and I was completely spent! Then had 3 friends visit throughout the day...so tonight I'm extra tired, sore, swollen, etc. I'm not going to leave this bed for another 5 days (at least!). I don't want one wrong twist of the waist to ruin it all! Good reminder that there is a reason they want you to just rest after surgery!
Hope everyone is doing well!
Pain and Percocet
I can honestly say that I haven't been in pain since day 3...that is...the type of pain you associate with getting a mommy makeover (incision/muscle repair pain). However -- there is a pain that everyone seems refer to as "uncomfortable" -- and that is Swell Hell. The problem is -- I am not simply "uncomfortable" with my swelling. My swelling is an "oh my God, I can't focus on anything else, I am so friggin' uncomfortable, this has to stop, what can I do to make this stop" kind of discomfort...which from here on out, I'm referring to as PAIN. I have a super high pain tolerance - and would rather have that biting "cough/laugh after a tummy tuck" pain than the sensation swelling gives me.
My cg feels so tight that I feel like I can break out of it like the Incredible Hulk. My breasts feel like I've been nursing triplets for 6 months and then just one day decided to stop cold turkey. Massive engorgement. And while my stomach swells, too --- it is nothing in comparison to my breasts. The epicenter of the pain is my "side boob" area -- which I suppose is where my implant is hiding out...waiting for the great descent into the breast pocket.
ANYWAY - the reason I write about this is that the only way I can deal with this unbearable constriction/discomfort is to take pain medicine. Luckily, I don't have any side effects from it (unless, in some sick and twisted joke, the swelling is a result of the pain meds). So I lay in bed, day after day, pill after pill, staring at the calendar -- waiting for the post op number of days to increase...7....8...9....10....I have my next post-op appt on Day 17.
Today I begin wearing my compression garment 12 hours on/12 hours off (versus 24/7). I keep trying to stretch the time between Percocet from every 3 hours...to 3 1/2...to 4....and slowly reducing dosage from 10 to 5....but part of me thinks forget it...just take the damn pain meds - same dosage - every 4 hours until I run out and then I'll just have to deal with it -- or call the doctor and tell him what's up...or MAYBE...JUST MAYBE...the swelling pain will become bearable at the exact moment my Percocet medication is depleted.
Oh -- and I'm up 10 lbs since before surgery...and can't even THINK of wearing my pre-surgery clothes. Tried getting out and running an errand or two -- and feel like a bull in a china shop...or like the the Kool-aide guy smashing through the walls of the store....
Am I in my own private hell over here....or are others dealing with and I'm just a big whiny baby??
2 weeks post op
Well - here it is. Never thought I'd be the one of say "2 weeks post." As u can see from the pic - pretty major transformation in just 2 weeks! My left breast implant still hasn't fallen down onto the pocket -- so a little lopsided -- but see doctor on Monday and he's going to show me the breast massages I (my husband) need to start doing. That should being the implant down. They are both still swollen. Larger than I want them - but should get smaller over time - and of not - I don't really care - they are AWESOME, right??? I know I'm not supposed to talk like that about my own body...but don't really think of them as ME yet (god forbid I love my body!). Anyway - when I wear a tshirt or tank - the nipples points out! Not down (and slightly back under!). think tape comes off at Monday's appt. as for belly button...doc says it will fall in eventually. I'm supposed to put slight pressure on it (like with an ear plug) to help coax it back in there. Pretty ugly right now and scared it will remain and look like an outie...but he assures me it's just swelling. Horizontal line is nice and low - seems thin - but surgical tape still on it - so we'll see soon enough! I'm up and around and running errands, etc. I get tired easily - and try to lie down and rest as much as possible. Still kind of in shock and still walking around in a hazy fog from surgery, meds, sleeping, etc.
Is it worth it? Look at my before pictures. Look at my after picture...I don't care if it was two weeks of excruciating, mind-blowing pain - it was worth it!! I say that cautiously, though, as I'm only 2 weeks out and comics rooms can arise at any time! Will be confident after 6 weeks...but for now...I'll just sit and stare at my flat stomach and breasts that look like normal breasts and smile.
3 1/2 weeks post op - Physical update (excuse lubed up photos - ps told me to do this everyday to help skin stretch nicely! I lo
I've had such mixed emotions this week - and every time I felt like updating - I was in a crappy mood and didn't want it to be a major bitch session...so I've been dealing with the moods until I could get a better grasp as to what's going on - and why I feel the way I'm feeling!
First - the physical: I'm feeling SOOOO much better this week than I was week 1 and 2. Literally night and day. I remember reading during my first week post op that a women "almost forgets" that she even had surgery...and it was so absolutely foreign to me and I thought there was no way in hell that could every be me. Every fiber on my body was screaming "you just had your boobs and stomach ripped apart! You're sore! You're swelling!" However, looking back, it was really only the first week where I had any actual pain (those first few days using the restroom, trying to adjust yourself...you know...breathing!). I had a few days after that that shocked me -- as I was wiped out - but in no pain whatsoever - then low and behold - week 2 hit me like a ton of bricks with what I call "unbearable uncomfortablness." I wrote about (bitched about) this while it was happening. SO happy those days are over -- would like the pain of the first few days over that any day. I was also shocked that my tummy tuck didn't bother me at it! It was my breast lift/implants! Now - at week 3 - I'm only mildly uncomfortable -- and really only for a couple of hours a day. At night and in the morning. My breasts get super porn star swollen...my belly gets tight and feels "heavy" and I just get grumpy. I've learned that if I'm uncomfortable or in pain -- I just can't deal. I can't ignore it - I can't pretend that I'm fine -- I friggin lose it and all I can do is bitch and moan about how much this hurts or that bothers me. My poor husband! He thought I was bad BEFORE the surgery! Ha ha. He has been AWESOME, btw. Definitely not a "care taker" type of guy -- until now. It literally brings me to tears when I think of how much he did for me over the past few weeks. Beyond taking over as mom (which he did) -- but for ME, personally....bringing me water...asking if I need anything...shutting the door when the kids got home so I could rest....just little things that I never thought he would do. Guess I'll have to take care of the ol' guy if he ever needs it (lol).
ANYWAY (why are my updates always so long? Jeesh!) I had my 2nd follow up a few days ago. He took off all of my surgical tape, removed all of the adhesive gunk (btw - nail polish works perfectly for this). I was surprised that my scars were so thin. I couldnt even see the scar around my nipples and all of the others seem so thin. I guess I was just expecting big huge bumpy red frankenstein scars that would eventually flatten and fade...but they are already flat...very thin...and just need to fade...except the ends of my tummy tuck....which look how I expected the entire thing to look. I'm sure with time they will go down/even out.
My issue now (has to be something, right? Jeesh!) is my belly button. It's totally crazy looking.
1. It's not some cute little feminine belly button - it's like this massive gaping cavern
2. Inside said cavern it looks like...like...I just don't even know how to describe it. I posted a question to ask the "ask a doctor" section on this site asking about it -- and they all just said it was swollen (just like my ps said)....
3. I thought I had necrosis because I had (and still have) this 3 inch long/1 inch wide "scrape" from the bottom of my belly button down towards the tummy tuck incision.
So while I was happy with everything else - the belly button really bummed me out. At my post-op, my ps wasn't concerned. He said he wanted to clear up the "scrap" thing - and prescribed this cream that people use for burns to help loosen up the "scab" (though it wasn't really a scab...just strange. He said that he didn't think it would scar (my vet friend says it will totally scar)....but he said that if it DOES scar, he can laser the scar away (had no idea they could do that).
Now the fun part. Apparently my belly button isn't "sinking in." He says that it will over time, but he wants it to sink in faster. He took his thumb and literally buried it into my belly button about 2 inches (fun). He was very gentle (love him!) -- but definitely not a sensation I'd seek out. He said he wants me to keep the belly button pushed in like that for the next two weeks by packing the "hole" itself with gauze soaked in ointment - pushed hard in there -- with about 2 inches thick of gauze on top of it to help push it in. Then, I have to take an ace bandage and wrap it as tight as I possibly can around my waist to help push the soaked gauze down into the whole. So mid evil, right? So of course I had to bitch to him "I have to wear this AND my stage one compression garment?? (insert whine here). He said if I promised to wear the ace bandage all the time, I could move onto regular cg (like Spanx). Well, let me tell you -- you want to be grumpy? Try walking around 24/7 with a wad of gauze slamming into your belly button whole. Who knew this would be ancient Chinese torture! After 3 days - I've decided that I just can't do it. So -- I still do the gauze in the whole -- but am back to my stage 1 compression garment. He said that if this doesn't work, that he can do a small revision surgery under local in his office. I want to throw the whole gauze in whole idea and just get the revision! Oh -- and here's a gross one for you (and if you're reading this - this is the stuff you'll love) -- after 3 days, it was working! I could see that it was sinking! I was so excited....that was....until I randomly sneezed while reading a book and I friggin HEARD it pop back out (and definitely felt it!) All that work - ruined by a lousy sneeze! I thought my husband was going to hurl...he didn't believe me when I told him that was my belly button!! Anyway - wow. Not sure if I have ever written this much about my belly button in my whole life.
I, personally, am not into the "big boob" look. I never see women and think "nick rack" (I leave that up to my husband). I just think they look good when you just don't even think/see/acknowledge them....like a small C. Before the surgery...I could literally fit into any size bra depending on how I rolled, folded, squished and pushed them. 38B, 34D, 36C...a little on the "larger than average" -- but have never been described as "busty" (just fat). ANYWAY - I told my doctor that I really had no desire to go bigger - I just wanted them up - without the need to wear a painful bra all of the time! He explained that because of the shape of my pendulous (yes, pendulous) breasts, I would need an implant to shape them, or else I would be very unhappy with the results. I did a lot of research, and found that after surgery, the majority of women say their biggest regret is that they didn't go bigger. In my mind, I kept thinking "but I don't want big - I just want what I have now." ANYWAY - I feel like my breasts are HUGE. I am really hoping they are just very, very swollen. While I think the shape is great, I pray that they become more "even" (one has dropped more than the other), and I pray that the shrink. I went to get some new bras and thought I'd pass out when she told me I was a 34DDD. As in TRIPLE. I go home, flip through those catalogs they send me in the mail daily...and all of this thin, lilthe models with their simple, B cup bras just look so much better than me. It's like the clothes get the attention -- not the breasts. I walk around and can't help but kind of shrug my shoulders and keep them down. I don't WANT people seeing them - especially not guys checking them out. I just don't think that that's sexy. Also - I seem to be the only person who cannot STAND wearing a bra!! I thought it was because I had so much weight I had to heave up into those suckers...but they feel just as uncomfortable after the surgery than before! So - in short - I really wish (at this point), I would have gone with like a 250 instead of a 350 -- but doctor said that at 5'10 and 165 -- the 350 fit my body much better (and my husband and best friend agreed). So if you are grappling with size...just notice that breast size ideals change with the times...and we are in a time when less is more (in my opinion, that is).
1 of 3 updates today!! Shut me up already!!
I tried on some clothes the other day and the sales woman actually said to me "you have a beautiful figure." It took every ounce of power in my being not to say "for $35 grand, it could be yours, too!"
What is hard for me....or I guess just surprising to me...is that I feel like clothed, I really don't look that different. Breasts look bigger in tops...but not so much that anyone would notice. As for my stomach, after 30+ years of having a marcupial pouch, I've learned to dress to hide it. i'm living a really casual lifestyle these days (taking a sabbatical from lawyering)...and I'm pretty much in yoga pants (mind you -- don't do yoga and haven't exercised in a year)...shorts and flip flops (I live in San Diego)...jeans and an untucked t-shirt. So while I knew what I was smuggling under those clothes, I think I was the master of hiding it. So now I'm like...wait...why did I just do this? So that I can feel good for the 5 minutes a day I stand naked in my bathroom after a shower? Maybe an occasional flash for my husband...but other than that...not so different. I think it's because I kind of expected the same "OMFG" feeling that I would feel when I saw myself walk by a mirror after my gastric bypass. I would literally stand in front of the mirror SOBBING tears of joy and thankfulness for finally being released from the prison I had created. Next to marrying my husband and having my children, it was the single most life-impacting milestone in my life -- beyond my many travels...years of education...and pretty crazy, wild life filled with experiences of 10 life times. So I guess I just had expectations of feeling the same way with this surgery. And maybe I will once things "settle in" and I learn how to dress without hiding my stomach...and I figure out what shirts look good with enormous 34DDD bazookas....who knows. I mean - don't get me wrong - it's friggin awesome to see my nipples without having to fold them upwards in half like a pita....and to not have that hanging apron that shamed me for all of those years...but it's just not the same. So -- I think this one is just going to take a little more work. At 6 weeks, I can start working out -- and maybe after a few months -- now that I will be able to see a difference...I will finally be able to appreciate what I've done...for more than 5 minutes a day after a shower (ok...and maybe a little in bed ;P...like 3 minutes...KIDDING!). Time will tell. Still glad I did it...and once my alien belly button finds it's home, maybe the whole package will come together and I'll be skipping through the streets.
HEY REAL SELF! LET ME EDIT MY REVIEWS! WTF! The typos are killing me!
Now officially 4 posts today. If you're counting.