51 - Having Explant April 12 !!!

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I am writing this review to receive support and...

I am writing this review to receive support and give support to us deserving, strong women who have been through hell with our plastic surgery choices.

My story is somewhat long and complicated but to shorten it up, I am 51 yrs old. At 50 I had my first BA with 500 cc Saline under the muscle. The reason why I did this is due to having two children and droopy breasts and I "thought" that having the implants would give me a lift of sorts. Well it did not, just the opposite.....more about that later. I feel like I did not have a say in the size of my implants...my husband was very vocal and insisted that if I was going to go through the trouble, I should go as big as I can because "he" did a lot of research and said that most women regret not going bigger. Well, I gave in to the pressure....self confidence issue and other things at work...a lot of stress in my life at the time (and still)... My Dr. had terrible bedside manner, hardly spoke didn't really explain that implants will not give you a lift which I was hoping for. I just felt like I was annoying him when I asked a question so I didn't ask too many, which was stupid on my part. I did bring a lot of pictures in that were approved by my husband sad to say.

This was a reputable surgeon and not cheap.. 7500$ to have the saline unders put in. It went bad right from the beginning. I had so much pain it was almost unbearable. I had two rounds of antibiotics, I had swelling on the left side which appeared to be a seroma. After suffering and taking pain meds and letting the surgeons office know how much pain I was in, they suggested removing the implants only 2.5 months later.

Once the implants were removed the recovery was pretty easy....then time passed and of course my breasts were even more saggy than before and I felt even more self conscious.....especially since my husband would only go on vacation to resorts that had nude sunbathing! That was a big part of my wanting to look better was to try to keep up with the beautiful people at these places. So that led to my second BA...I felt the pressure to look better. 8 months later I had my second surgery but this time I did not want saline, I hated the sloshing sound, had so many ripples and I did not want to go under the muscle again because I had so much pectoral muscle displacement it looked and felt awful!! This time I was determined to get smaller implants and silicone. I went with 345 silicone over the muscle (again, against my personal choice!!....I know right...., how can someone make the same mistake again) stupid! I wanted something small and sporty because I liked lifting weights and working out. I asked him about repairing the pec muscle and he brushed it off saying that it would be fine with the over's in place. WRONG, I still have jumping pec muscles.

The surgery was easier than the first but they looked huge again! All of a sudden, I felt way more self conscious than I ever did before and tried to wear loose clothing because I was embarassed in the drastic change in my body. I liked the shape at first, but as time passed the left one has dropped so much it is very uneven. I had problems again with my left breast being numb from the nipple down and hoped it would go away. It hasn't. I started having little pains in both breasts and it slowly increased to daily stabbing pains and throbbing pain in my breasts along with unbelievable joint pain, headaches, easy bruising, muscle fatigue, exhaustion, shortness of breath etc. etc.

There is so much more to my story but it would be too long if I wrote everything. Before my breasts got really painful, at my husbands prompting, I had liposuction and fat transfer to my buttocks. I had an area of love handles (not too big) that I couldn't seem to get rid of and he said that it would never go away with exercise so I could just have it removed. It didn't go well and now I absolutely HATE the way my waist looks....he carved me out like a statue trying to get enough fat for my buttocks and left me with a huge indented shape. If someone wants to know more about that you can ask....it was a brutal recovery and now I can't stand my body at all.

Fast forward to me realizing that I was in an abusive relationship and a month ago decided that these implants have to come out no matter what I look like after. I cannot live in this hell anymore. I had the implants for all the wrong reasons, I just wish I could have realized that earlier. I am now trying to separate from my husband and his control and it's difficult. I have not told him yet that I am removing the implants because I am scared of what he will say and that it will make the separation more difficult so I am waiting.

Finally, after looking through this site, I have found such good caring advice and found a great Dr. I will be seeing Dr. Schiller on March 31 for a consult and I will hopefully get a quick surgery date so I can start my life over.

I have written a book here...so if it helps anyone in anyway at all, that's what I intended. I will try to upload photos of before and after..

Sending out compassion and understanding to all of us who have suffered with the decisions and struggles we have endured.

Stay as strong as you can and put yourself and your health first...

More photos...

Fluid around heart!!...possibly from silicone toxicity..?!?

I just found out from my family Dr. that I have a small amount of fluid around the pericardium. I had an echo-cardiogram because I have been feeling short of breath lately. It's nothing that needs to be treated but the Dr. asked me if I've been sick. Of course I immediately thought of the symptoms related to silicone toxicity. Once I started researching this fluid build up ( I also have some fluid under the left valve as well), it says that this fluid build up is related to autoimmune disorder which is linked to silicone. Has anyone ever had the same thing happen?? I'm trying not to panic about having these toxic balloons in me... I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders right now. How do you wait for explant when you just want them out immediately. It's really consuming most of my thoughts right now. My consult isn't until March 31. I don't know how long it will take for surgery, I think they said 2-3 weeks after. How can I possibly wait 2 more months living like this.... I'm so anxious to have them out!! How do you pass the time without worrying every minute?
Why Why Why didn't I do research on this stuff before I had any surgery? Stupid me or at least not a very cautious person. I'm usually very informed about health matters because I google everything but with the pressure from my husband to have the surgery, maybe I didn't want to know anything negative about these ----ing implants. Very upset right now... :(
Any input would be helpful.

Still waiting for Consult....No Cancellations yet.

Ladies, I am feeling really down and pretty hopeless right now....waiting for my consult is just taking forever and it's all I can think about. I just want to try to get on with my life but I feel so stuck. I can't stop obsessing about everything and just feeling desperate to have these out. I had to stop myself from bothering the nice lady at the Dr's office with my impatience. I wanted to call and ask if she can give me a surgery date even though I haven't seen the Dr. yet. That would give me more hope I feel. I am in a very difficult home situation and everything is just wrong right now.

I bought a zip front sports bra yesterday for after the surgery to cheer me up but it didn't. I posted a picture of the only type of thing i can wear that doesn't hurt me and cause pain under my breasts. I can't wear any underwire. I am so worried that wearing these bras which have no support at all is making me even saggier so it's an impossible situation.

Thanks for reading and letting me vent.
20 more days until my consult, it can't come fast enough. I am so very tired of fighting this battle.

Excuses or legitimate thoughts...not sure...

It seems as though we are victims of a society that pressures women to look like models. Also, this may be totally against common sense and logic but I feel like it's very unfortunate that the Plastic Surgeons don't have any responsibility or ETHICAL duties to find out more details about the women that are coming to them for all these procedures. I'm talking simply about conversations during the first consultation. Maybe a little more probing would have go a long way to finding out why the woman sitting in front of him is in his office. I understand if they were to turn someone down who is for example, being pressured by someone to have the surgery or someone who is on anti-depressant meds and anxiety meds and sleeping pills and off work on disability due to health issues ( unfortunately I am talking about myself), that they will lose $$$$ and the person MAY end up going to someone else for the procedures. BUT, is there not any onus on the Dr. whatsoever to make some attempt to find out if the person is in the right frame of mind or just to inquire as to their reasons for the surgery? At least it would open up a dialogue to talk about why she is there asking for surgery. Am I crazy? Am I making excuses for my own mistakes and very bad decisions? I am really not trying to blame the Dr. that is not my intent. I know they are not Psychiatrists. I'm only asking if they are completely 100% absolved of all responsibility having to do with the underlying reason for the surgeries. Is this the world we live in where money is held above all else in society? This is sad and wrong to me. I wish I had had a Dr. who even brought one single question as to why I was there. To try to at least inquire if the woman was asking for surgery for the wrong reason..... But....is there any right reason?? That is the question, is there any right reason to have breast enhancement surgery? Really, to me this surgery feels just wrong on every level. How can having this surgery be a smart and healthy (physically and mentally) thing for a woman to do. Maybe I am totally off base and there are strong and confident and healthy women who really do not have any self image issues other than............well that's where I get to a roadblock. How can ANY woman having this surgery not have issues of self image.... Wouldn't that be impossible? If you are confident and healthy and stable and have what's really important in life prioritized, why would anyone want or need breast augmentation. I dunno, now I'm back full circle and my husband's words are ringing in my ears--- he has said so many times that " your'e always blaming everyone for your own mistakes".....
Unfortunately for me, I maybe he is right and I should blame myself for my mistake of marrying him.

Sometimes I just think....what a life.

In Toronto... Nervously waiting for Consult!!

I thought I would post because I have nothing to do but sit here in the hotel anxiously waiting to go to my appointment. I haven't really slept for 3 days. My stomach is churning. I'm so worried that either the Dr won't do the explant or that she will give me a date 3 months in the future. I was trying not to focus on all the negatives and problems I have during my 4.5 hour drive but it didn't work. I was crying and driving... I wish this day was over and I had my answers. I came alone because I didn't want to bother my sister or daughter.. They are both very busy. I did get lost already (small town girl in the big city) and drove an extra half hour just because I wasn't in the right lane :-/... That maxed my nerves out even more. Oh well 2.5 hours to go until my appointment.
I'll update later when I get back to the hotel.
I hope everyone is able to deal with all the struggles we ladies face! Women are so tough!!!! Never ceases to amaze me.. Thanks to all of you for all the encouraging words, I really appreciate it! I don't have any friends at all, so I am grateful for this site to get my feelings out!
Thanks for reading . :)


Oh, what a long day as I lay here thinking about everything alone in my hotel room. I have so many thoughts and feelings going through my head right now. This day has been really tough from crying on the way down to getting lost twice to my very short appointment then my unsuccessful shopping outing. I planned to buy some new natural makeup and some clothes or some things for my new apartment if my house ever sells so I can separate from my husband...... Who by the way left me a note in a snack container I packed. He wrote " hope you're ok, love you xoxo". Sure, why not add that to all the hurt and pain and now confusion and regret and disappointment I feel because of him. Just when I'm trying to figure out a life on my own, he keeps getting more lovey and emotional.

Omg as I write, I can smell skunk in my hotel room, I'm on the 10th floor!! How is that possible! It stinks real bad and I have a lousy headache!

Sorry if I'm all over the map in my update. So I left the mall with just some pj's for my sister and I. I couldn't decide on anything and felt gross with my big matronly boobs being dragged around. I grabbed a salad then back to the hotel. Then I was just about to book 3 nights stay for my surgery when I left the hotel website and when I went back to it a minute later, the price had gone up $30.00 per night :(. No breaks today for anything except a surgery date! Which is the only real important thing anyway.

The Appointment: I got lost on the way then was stuck in gridlock, I was freaking out thinking that I won't even make it yet I've been in the city for over 3 hrs :(. I did make it with 5 minutes to spare. The office had 3 other women plus me. I spoke with the admin lady, very nice... I talked to her at length on the phone so I knew she was great. I was wondering how I was going to ask all my questions I had... I showed violets the list and she said it would be best if I only ask a few and to narrow the list down .. :(. Which I did.
Finally it was my turn. The dr took me in said hi then started asking me technical questions about the implant size etc while recording it in the computer. She was nice and professional but obviously so busy. I guess I expected her to be surrounded in white light with angel wings and welcome me with a big hug or something !! It didn't happen... She had no time to waste, I can't blame her but I had hoped to sit and talk a bit first to break the ice but that's ok. I undressed and she examined me and said the implants are very large for me, she said she could not repair the pec muscle from the first surgery because it's too late. She also said she can't tell how thick my capsule is so she doesn't know if she can remove it all or some of it. She told me that because I had the saline implants through my armpit the first go around that I would have more scar tissue higher up and over to my armpit. She said she does not remove the old scar and will make new scars to remove them. She doesn't use drains so I'll have to stay tightly wrapped for two months!! OMG .. I had about 5 more questions but didn't ask because she had so many women waiting. So..

Surgery date is APRIL 12... That is good but I have a lot more worry now than I did before my appointment... I'm worried about the scar capsule being left in, I'm worried about my pec muscles not being fixed, I have a bit of worry over the new scar :(. I was sure she would remove the old one and just widen it to take them out. I wanted to ask more but didn't. Story of my life... I never speak up for myself and always put myself last, that's why I've had a very unhappy difficult life.

I thought today was a jump forward which it is in some ways but I'm feeling really sad and depressed and worried and stupid and confused.

Please don't get me wrong... I am grateful and thankful for Dr. Schiller... I'm just not feeling good about things right now.. I'm sorry, I don't want to be Debbie downer. This is all too much sometimes.

Thanks for reading this book if you got through it..... Life is hard

Which cream is best for breasts post explant???

Hi everyone. I'm a little last minute with trying to figure out what I need for after my explant....SO Excited and scared!!.....I have read something about Mederma and also Vitamin E oil and Coconut oil and lots more. Is there ANYTHING that will help make the skin firmer and tighter and help with stretchmarks? After I had the 500 CC of saline put in, I could literally feel my breasts ripping new pink stretch marks to accommodate the stupid implant. It was a searing burning pain so I will be left with tons of stretch marks or battlefield marks is a better term unfortunately. Aren't most creams just a gimmick? AND I don't want more toxic chemicals absorbed by my skin so I think I need something all natural.
I'm going to try to do a little nesting this coming week to prepare for the surgery but so far all I have is some bras that I THINK might fit, that's it! What else do I need? I was going to buy a 6" compression wrap but it's 77$$$ too much I think.
I have a photo of my new bras thanks to someone who mentioned the Bali Bra!!
Thank you whoever mentioned this! :-O ;)

Last photos of these ridiculous things!! :)

Well, I will never take another picture of these things... This is it. On Tuesday I will be on my journey back to myself and I can't wait. I will not ever do anything like this ever again but of course it has been a negative and positive at the same time. I have come to see my husbands malicious manipulation of me as a result of these surgeries. He has been my biggest downfall in the last 20 years but it's never too late to start again! My new small boobies are the start of a new life for me!... Hoping our house deal goes through then I will be able to have my own apartment in May!!

Thanks to all you sweet ladies for your support. It means so much to have people understand what I'm going through.. Especially those of you that have been through mentally abusive relationships, I always appreciate any comments that will keep me focused on leaving.

After all his manipulation trying to turn me into his perfect Barbie doll, I still have some days when I question if I am doing the right thing but once I recall the terrible things that have happened then I feel more sure!

So, my journey continues... My battle with these boobs will be over Tuesday. I just hope she can get the capsules out. Since I had the first implants through the armpit, my scar tissue will run all the way up my chest! Yikes! Little worried about if she can get it all out. I'll have to live with whatever she can do and try not to worry if there is some toxic tissue left in there :-/
So grateful for this site!!

Who else is explant I g soon? Maybe we can be explant buddies :)

Photos didn't upload correctly... I'll try again! :D

A couple of questions about explant

I have a question about the location of the explant scar..... My surgeon said she has to make new incisions under the breast but I didn't ask her where... :-/
I can't figure out how removing the implant affects the scar location! I've seen ladies with incisions both above and below their old incisions..

I thought they could remove the old scar and then use that site to make the larger incision..???

Another question... Have any ladies had any sensation return to the breast and nipple? My left side is totally numb :(

I'm sooooooo HAPPY! :) :)

Aim on the other side my dear friends!!! I feel unbelievable!!! The surgery took just over an hour ... Not sure how much of the scar tissue Ashe got out she said the scar capsule from the over the muscle was easy to remove but the old scar tissue from the first surgery was very high up and more difficult she said. I had a lot of stabbing sharp pain on the left side so they gave me some pain mess... Flying high like a kite right now! I am so so so relieved -and just joyous!!!
Love all you super special ladies... This is such a fantastic place for all of us!
Getting really sleepy so I'll sign off for now!!
Hugs to all!! Xo

Girls... I made it back home... A lot lighter!

Wow, I did it, it's over and it seemed to go by as if I was dreaming! My experience with Dr Schiller was amazing. She's such a real person, caring and funny. We were actually laughing a mong the all girl team in the OR. I have never been so comfortable in a OR before!! There is almost no pain today... Only when driving home, over bumpy roads. I'm so glad to be free and I feel so much happier already! I had my sister take some pictures this morning. I feel like I have a lot of. Swelling and was wondering how tight I should keep this bandage?? Any ideas on what you guys have done?
And she did remove the old scar and use the same spot so that was just great. When she said she can't use the old ones she thought I was talking about the trans Aux or admit incisions I have!!!
Well here is the first reveal, I think there's a lot of swelling...

Ladies I need your help

Girls I'm worried that I am really swelling up badly! My breasts have never been this full on their own! I'm afraid of a seroma again. I was very groggy when the dr talked to me but I'm pretty sure she said keep this wrap for two days then I can shower and then wear a tight sports bra.
Are any of you wrapped up tight? They didn't wrap me tightly do it was falling off so I wrapped it much tighter then started getting more pains.

I know what you see in the pictures isn't me... It's swelling! My breasts feel hot!??? Help...

Really tight sports bra

This bra is super tight, kinda pushing on my scars. My follow up is April 25th. Still getting a few sharp pains here and there but nothing like before!

Day 4 post explant

Hi all, I thought I would update my photos to see if anyone notices the swelling has gone down? I'm a bit worried because they have never been this full naturally. Maybe I'm not using enough compression but when I use the ace wrap with my sports bra I get pains. I'm getting stabbing pains right in the middle and on each side.
Today I had a sharp pain in my nipple... And... I have no sensation in either nipple but with the implants I had sensation in the right one only. Has this happened to anyone? I know some say that the sensation returned but when did you ladies notice it??
Wouldn't that be crappy if no sensation came back on either side :(.
Did anyone have little stabbing pains after surgery past day 4? Now I'm making myself worried that something is wrong.
Also, after my shower when I don't have a bra on, I have a lot of jiggling and it looks like water balloons there's so much movement in there :-/
I have 8 more days until my follow up appointment!
Hope nothing is wrong..
Thanks for all the support I've received.. You women are fantastic!! Love ya's!! :) :) XxOO

I'm losing it

Ladies have any of you explanted then your breasts got firm and sore? They don't seem to be watery anymore the have a hard ridge in the cleavage area and feel firm inside . They are also tender and sore but numb. I don't know what in the heck is going on I'm just having tons if flashes of pain and if I lean on anything, pain! I d.ont want to call and complain to the Dr if this is normal but I'm really worried something my family has questioned Why I am so big but I don't know :-/. Help

Rough road for me

Hi to all you great ladies with your loving support! I miss coming on here and reading and offering my support but I just haven't been able to. I am struggling each day trying to stay above water with my life situation. The pictures don't really show how I'm feeling. I have a constant nagging numb burning pain mostly on my right breast but my chest muscles are not agreeing with much movement these days so I keep saying to myself to try to rest and it will get better but I haven't seen a change in a week. When I poke myself it looks like water rippling so I don't know if I still have swelling. Other than trying to heal I'm trying to manage the move I have to make very soon, emotionally and physically. There are lawyers and bankers and movers and utilities and address changes... On and on and I don't feel well or strong. On top of that my mom who is 78 and has cancer is getting kicked to the curb by the older man she has been taking care of for 15 years. He's been a mean SOB to her but she always stayed to do his banking, phone calls cleaning cooking shopping.. Basically a slave. Lately she has been going downhill physically tired and memory problems and I guess she's not that useful anymore to him so he called me to say he wants to live alone. Just when she needed him for something, he is wanting his freedom... So on top of trying to figure out my life after being married for 20 years, I also have to figure out what to do with my mom. She doesn't have much money so this will be hard... She smokes and has always since age 14 and will not or cannot stop so I can't have her live with me. On top of that my narcissistic husband is being true to his nature and not being fair about the split.. Financial stuff and comments. I'm really unable to see a happy future. I am so over feeling like I need to be everything to everyone. I feel guilty to think that I'm thinking of my own needs before my moms... I keep saying, " why does she have to be needing a new place to live just when I am trying to take my life back". Then I feel guilty because I don't know if she will even be here next year at this time. Then my sons girlfriend who is very sickly finds out her stomach muscle does not work anymore which means food cannot get out of her stomach. There is no cure and e mess are not working. She will have to live with a feeding tube in her which makes her not able to work because she is an X-Ray Technician and she is not allowed to work in the hospital with a feeding tube :(. On top of that she has always had female issues with cysts etc and was told she will never have children. I'm so sad for my son. Nee is such a good young man and he's going through all of this at age 24 :( I'm sad to say my daughters husband started drinking again... He had stopped for awhile but now is worse than before my darter says... My poor little granddaughter she's 4.5 yrs old and must know what's going on.. Well thank you if anyone is still reading.. I just had to get this out and I think it worked because worrying about how my breasts look and the fact that I have 0 sensitivity in them doesn't seem that serious... Thank god the implants are out. Even if I can't pack my things like I planned whatever, it's still better than having them in and being able to pack. So sorry I got carried away but I don't really have any outlets except my sister who is away gambling and losing more money as usual. I hope once I move on May 31, I'll have more time to come on here to encourage others who need support. I would love if anything I say can help anyone even a little bit!! Love and hugs to you ladies :) xxxxoooo
Dr. Petra Schiller

Dr. Schiller will be my explant surgeon. She is one of very few doctors that will explant and remove the toxic scar capsule. I first contacted my PS that did my surgeries and he said that he would not remove the scar capsule because it will dissolve and be absorbed by the body! That is totally false, it's just because he won't make any money from it and he probably doesn't even know how to to perform the enbloc.

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