51 - Having Explant April 12 !!!

I am writing this review to receive support and give support to us deserving, strong women who have been through hell with our plastic surgery choices.

My story is somewhat long and complicated but to shorten it up, I am 51 yrs old. At 50 I had my first BA with 500 cc Saline under the muscle. The reason why I did this is due to having two children and droopy breasts and I "thought" that having the implants would give me a lift of sorts. Well it did not, just the opposite.....more about that later. I feel like I did not have a say in the size of my implants...my husband was very vocal and insisted that if I was going to go through the trouble, I should go as big as I can because "he" did a lot of research and said that most women regret not going bigger. Well, I gave in to the pressure....self confidence issue and other things at work...a lot of stress in my life at the time (and still)... My Dr. had terrible bedside manner, hardly spoke didn't really explain that implants will not give you a lift which I was hoping for. I just felt like I was annoying him when I asked a question so I didn't ask too many, which was stupid on my part. I did bring a lot of pictures in that were approved by my husband sad to say.

This was a reputable surgeon and not cheap.. 7500$ to have the saline unders put in. It went bad right from the beginning. I had so much pain it was almost unbearable. I had two rounds of antibiotics, I had swelling on the left side which appeared to be a seroma. After suffering and taking pain meds and letting the surgeons office know how much pain I was in, they suggested removing the implants only 2.5 months later.

Once the implants were removed the recovery was pretty easy....then time passed and of course my breasts were even more saggy than before and I felt even more self conscious.....especially since my husband would only go on vacation to resorts that had nude sunbathing! That was a big part of my wanting to look better was to try to keep up with the beautiful people at these places. So that led to my second BA...I felt the pressure to look better. 8 months later I had my second surgery but this time I did not want saline, I hated the sloshing sound, had so many ripples and I did not want to go under the muscle again because I had so much pectoral muscle displacement it looked and felt awful!! This time I was determined to get smaller implants and silicone. I went with 345 silicone over the muscle (again, against my personal choice!!....I know right...., how can someone make the same mistake again) stupid! I wanted something small and sporty because I liked lifting weights and working out. I asked him about repairing the pec muscle and he brushed it off saying that it would be fine with the over's in place. WRONG, I still have jumping pec muscles.

The surgery was easier than the first but they looked huge again! All of a sudden, I felt way more self conscious than I ever did before and tried to wear loose clothing because I was embarassed in the drastic change in my body. I liked the shape at first, but as time passed the left one has dropped so much it is very uneven. I had problems again with my left breast being numb from the nipple down and hoped it would go away. It hasn't. I started having little pains in both breasts and it slowly increased to daily stabbing pains and throbbing pain in my breasts along with unbelievable joint pain, headaches, easy bruising, muscle fatigue, exhaustion, shortness of breath etc. etc.

There is so much more to my story but it would be too long if I wrote everything. Before my breasts got really painful, at my husbands prompting, I had liposuction and fat transfer to my buttocks. I had an area of love handles (not too big) that I couldn't seem to get rid of and he said that it would never go away with exercise so I could just have it removed. It didn't go well and now I absolutely HATE the way my waist looks....he carved me out like a statue trying to get enough fat for my buttocks and left me with a huge indented shape. If someone wants to know more about that you can ask....it was a brutal recovery and now I can't stand my body at all.

Fast forward to me realizing that I was in an abusive relationship and a month ago decided that these implants have to come out no matter what I look like after. I cannot live in this hell anymore. I had the implants for all the wrong reasons, I just wish I could have realized that earlier. I am now trying to separate from my husband and his control and it's difficult. I have not told him yet that I am removing the implants because I am scared of what he will say and that it will make the separation more difficult so I am waiting.

Finally, after looking through this site, I have found such good caring advice and found a great Dr. I will be seeing Dr. Schiller on March 31 for a consult and I will hopefully get a quick surgery date so I can start my life over.

I have written a book here...so if it helps anyone in anyway at all, that's what I intended. I will try to upload photos of before and after..

Sending out compassion and understanding to all of us who have suffered with the decisions and struggles we have endured.

Stay as strong as you can and put yourself and your health first...

I just found out from my family Dr. that I have a small amount of fluid around the pericardium. I had an echo-cardiogram because I have been feeling short of breath lately. It's nothing that needs to be treated but the Dr. asked me if I've been sick. Of course I immediately thought of the symptoms related to silicone toxicity. Once I started researching this fluid build up ( I also have some fluid under the left valve as well), it says that this fluid build up is related to autoimmune disorder which is linked to silicone. Has anyone ever had the same thing happen?? I'm trying not to panic about having these toxic balloons in me... I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders right now. How do you wait for explant when you just want them out immediately. It's really consuming most of my thoughts right now. My consult isn't until March 31. I don't know how long it will take for surgery, I think they said 2-3 weeks after. How can I possibly wait 2 more months living like this.... I'm so anxious to have them out!! How do you pass the time without worrying every minute?
Why Why Why didn't I do research on this stuff before I had any surgery? Stupid me or at least not a very cautious person. I'm usually very informed about health matters because I google everything but with the pressure from my husband to have the surgery, maybe I didn't want to know anything negative about these ----ing implants. Very upset right now... :(
Any input would be helpful.