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In september of 2009 I got a breast augmentation....
In september of 2009 I got a breast augmentation. 240cc in my left breast, 270cc in my right. I thought these implants would be small and I would be a small C, but I ended up a very full D. I did the augmentation because I felt very self conscious about my uneven, A breasts and was looking forward to being fuller and even. However what I got was, large breasts, one of them has very little feeling, they are still uneven and the fullness is more like hardness. I thought I looked great, but the more I tried to have personal relationships, I just felt embarrassed and I constantly worry about "rupturing" my boobs every time I rock climb, snowboard or other activities.
My surgeon was aware of my hesitation to get them, but he pushed me into it saying that I was taking up his time. His bed side manner was awful and after my implants every visit with him ended in tears. When I asked to get them removed he replied "I do not put implants in to take them out." So the last five years I felt like I'm stuck with them permanently. The loss of sensation hurts me the most as well as the lack of a Doctor who actually cares about his patients.
My surgeon was aware of my hesitation to get them, but he pushed me into it saying that I was taking up his time. His bed side manner was awful and after my implants every visit with him ended in tears. When I asked to get them removed he replied "I do not put implants in to take them out." So the last five years I felt like I'm stuck with them permanently. The loss of sensation hurts me the most as well as the lack of a Doctor who actually cares about his patients.
Decisions Decisions
Now that I can afford to have my implants taken out I start to wonder about things:
How will I look afterwards?
Will my anxiety, health issues and sensation go back to pre-implant?
What are my chances for complications?
So far the Surgeons I've talked to have stated that my implants should be able to come out with little to no complications. They've stated that my loss of sensation is most likely permanent and that my nipples maybe a little lower and my tissue will sag a little, however they believe that I have enough breast tissue to look relatively normal.
I can't afford and don't want a lift. I think I've cut into these poor gals enough. I just keep looking at photos of natural breasts and post removal pics and think, wow people were really beautiful they way they were. I probably was too, despite my insecurities.
One of the insecurities I'm having now is: I know I want these bags out, but I'm afraid that explant will make me that insecure 21 year old again, who couldn't stop obsessing about her wacky breasts. I want to be free, confident, natural, and not ashamed of my imperfections. I love how my breasts look with implants, but I'm ashamed to get intimate with others and I feel like I would be judged as a "fake" person. I've realized looking through my closet that I have oversized shirts that hide my implants, I wear sports bras all the time to make them look smaller and I don't hug people the way I used to before implants. I feel like I'm hiding from the world just to enjoy a secret I don't want to share with anyone. So in short breast implants have isolated me in my opinion.
I'd like to think that I've grown into myself more as a person these last five years with implants and no longer feel the need to mutilate myself in order to look a certain way. In the end its not what we look like, its how we feel about ourselves. Right now I just wish I could "feel" my right breast in its entirety again. To choose freedom and health over insecurity would be such a relief, I hope I'm strong enough to do it!
How will I look afterwards?
Will my anxiety, health issues and sensation go back to pre-implant?
What are my chances for complications?
So far the Surgeons I've talked to have stated that my implants should be able to come out with little to no complications. They've stated that my loss of sensation is most likely permanent and that my nipples maybe a little lower and my tissue will sag a little, however they believe that I have enough breast tissue to look relatively normal.
I can't afford and don't want a lift. I think I've cut into these poor gals enough. I just keep looking at photos of natural breasts and post removal pics and think, wow people were really beautiful they way they were. I probably was too, despite my insecurities.
One of the insecurities I'm having now is: I know I want these bags out, but I'm afraid that explant will make me that insecure 21 year old again, who couldn't stop obsessing about her wacky breasts. I want to be free, confident, natural, and not ashamed of my imperfections. I love how my breasts look with implants, but I'm ashamed to get intimate with others and I feel like I would be judged as a "fake" person. I've realized looking through my closet that I have oversized shirts that hide my implants, I wear sports bras all the time to make them look smaller and I don't hug people the way I used to before implants. I feel like I'm hiding from the world just to enjoy a secret I don't want to share with anyone. So in short breast implants have isolated me in my opinion.
I'd like to think that I've grown into myself more as a person these last five years with implants and no longer feel the need to mutilate myself in order to look a certain way. In the end its not what we look like, its how we feel about ourselves. Right now I just wish I could "feel" my right breast in its entirety again. To choose freedom and health over insecurity would be such a relief, I hope I'm strong enough to do it!
Adding on (I don't know how to edit previous reviews)
In my first review I talked about my implant experience. I just wanted to say that the surgeon I had was recommended to me by my family practice doctor and at the time I thought that surgeon was my only option. If I had known what I know now, I would have never let him operate on me. Unfortunately I learned the hard way. I won't be making those mistakes again and feel very happy with the surgeons I've talked to about implant removal. I feel like I'm in good hands.
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